Chapter 25
Grace
Kai held me as I cried and, thankfully, didn’t probe any further once I told him I wasn’t ready to talk about it. But I promised him I wasn’t sick or dying, so I think that helped.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around it.
Pregnant.
I was pregnant. It wasn’t supposed to be possible. I still couldn’t grasp how. After over four years, my IUD just stopped working, malfunctioned? Would a pregnancy with an IUD even be viable? Did I want it to be? There must have been a mistake.
What was I going to do?
My thoughts raced as I tried to focus on anything else, but to no avail. Kai offered to drive me home, and after a little back and forth, he relented and reluctantly agreed to take me back to Kath’s. He said he’d get the guys to drop my car off for me so I wouldn’t be without it.
How could this be happening, and why now?
I’d escaped. I was free, and now I was pregnant.
As he drove, I looked at Kai from the corner of my eye and worried my bottom lip between my teeth.
What would he think? Would it freak him out?
He’d never talked about kids before, and he seemed worried about pregnancy when we first got together.
Nausea of a different sort swirled in my gut at the thought I’d been trying my hardest not to think about.
This baby was not Kai’s.
The thing I’d dreaded for my whole marriage had come true. I was pregnant with Cain’s child. I blinked back tears as Kai parked in front of Kath’s apartment complex.
“Let’s get you inside and into bed.” Kai rushed around the truck to open my door. He offered me a hand as I climbed out and kept his hand in mine as he walked me upstairs to my door.
Hesitating on the threshold, I fumbled for my keys. Did I want to be alone?
Kath said she was having a late one tonight with her brother again, and they didn’t turn up at The Dusted Bull, so she must have taken him into the city or somewhere else.
I hadn’t realized I’d frozen, not sure of what to do as Kai carefully took my keys from my hand and unlocked the door, before guiding me inside.
He gently peeled off my coat, scarf, and beanie and placed them by the door before dropping to his knees and undoing the laces of my shoes.
He helped me out of them and placed them neatly on the rack by the door.
So many emotions warred inside me. Why did he have to be so sweet?
He took off his own coat and shoes before turning back to me. “Do you want to go straight to bed, or would you like to watch a movie and distract yourself for a bit?” He kissed my temple. “I can tell your mind is going a hundred miles a minute.”
He knew me so well. He’d been my best friend. It would hurt so much when he walked away. I wanted to prolong the inevitable for as long as possible.
“Bed, please,” I said into the silence.
“Which one’s yours?” he asked. I’d forgotten he’d never been here before.
“Mine’s on the left.”
We made our way to my room, and he took a moment to glance around the space.
I had done little to it. Kath had already had the guest room outfitted as Kaydence occasionally crashed, but since I moved in, I’d added a few more feminine touches with flowers, pillows, and the few trinkets I’d taken when I escaped.
“How about we take a shower?” he asked.
All I could do was nod, as a numbness settled over me, digging deep into my bones. Everything was about to change, and I was not sure I could handle it.
Kai led me through my bedroom to the attached Jack-and-Jill style bathroom. He set me down on top of the toilet and turned the water on to let it heat.
“Can I undress you?” He asked as he crouched down in front of me, trying to catch my eye. My gaze caught his cobalt blue ones as concern clouded his features.
After pulling myself together with a resilience I never realized I had, I stood. “Let’s undress each other.” I was going for playful, but I think it fell flat as he pulled me to his chest and squeezed me in a hug.
“I’m not going to ask again, but I want you to know, you can always talk to me.
About anything.” His words cut me to the core.
I wanted so much to open up to him, to share this burden with someone.
Anything to get this off my chest and figure out what the hell I was going to do, but my throat tightened, not letting me voice my fears and troubles out loud.
“I’m okay. I promise. Can you just give me some…time?” I murmured into his chest as he held me, and the room filled with steam.
“All the time in the world. As long as I am by your side, we can face anything.” He planted a kiss on my forehead and pulled back to gaze down at me.
God, how I wished his words were true.
We undressed each other slowly, caressing as we went. Once we were both naked, Kai offered me his hand to step over the edge of the tub and into the shower. “I just need to remove my sock and prosthetic.”
Worry filled me as I watched Kai remove his prosthetic. My bathroom was not suitable for him. “Will you be okay? There are no rails or a bench seat in here. I don’t want you getting hurt.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat, hating that this place was not overly safe for him.
Laugh lines creased the corners of his mesmerizing blue eyes.
“I’ll be fine, sweetheart. I can always sit on the edge of the bathtub, if need be, but trust me, my balance on one leg is excellent.
” As if to prove his point, he hopped over to the bath’s edge, placing both hands on the lip and hurtled over the edge, his foot landing with a slap before he stood behind me, looking smug.
It all happened so fast; my mouth gaped at him, my eyes ready to fall out of my head. “That was dangerous,” I said through clenched teeth as I lightly slapped his chest.
Chuckling, he closed the shower curtain and placed one hand on the wall behind me, leaning in to kiss my cheek.
“I’m very adaptable.” His nose nuzzled over my cheek and down my neck to kiss my pulse. “You’d be surprised at all I can do.” His breath tickled over my heated skin before pulling back and making me shiver. “Let’s get you clean and into bed.”
All I could do was blink up at him stupidly as my shock turned to desire and then confusion as he pulled back and grabbed my loofah. He squirted my body wash onto the ball, inhaling the scent before creating a lather with both hands.
“I could drown in your scent. I’m thoroughly addicted.
” He teasingly roamed the loofah over my shoulder and down my arm, before running it back up and over my right breast. He gripped my other breast, teasing over the nipple, pinching and flicking.
The loofah switched hands as he gave each breast the same attention.
My core heated, and my mind blanked. All I could focus on were the teasing touches and the slow heat building in my groin.
“Kai.” My voice was breathless as I groaned his name.
“Am I turning you on, sweetheart?” he purred, his voice right next to my ear.
Goosebumps pebbled my skin as he continued to wash me, ensuring no part of me was untouched.
I shut out the outside world, as I was determined to focus on the here and now.
On the man I’d always loved as he lowered himself on one leg in front of me.
Water droplets scattered across his face as I pushed his wet hair off his forehead.
Every touch, every caress showed me just how much he cared.
He kissed over my thigh before bringing the loofah to trail in his wake.
In a feat of strength that was so much hotter than I’d expected, he rose from his single leg squat with ease as he teased the back of his hand over my center and up to my belly button before stopping at the valley between my breasts.
“You are so beautiful,” he purred, desire lacing his voice, his hands moving to my shoulders and up the back of my neck. “Can I wash your hair?”
“You want to wash my hair?” I spluttered, caught between arousal and surprise.
“If you’ll let me, yes. I want to cherish and take care of you.
” He kissed my shoulder before turning me around.
He reached around me to grab the shampoo, and got to work massaging my scalp.
His fingers kneaded and rubbed all over my head and down to my neck before carefully turning me back to rinse the suds away.
I’d never known such tenderness before. That something as simple as washing my hair had so many emotions welling inside me.
He touched me as if I was a treasure, and my heart let go of those last fortified walls.
I didn’t know what would happen next, but maybe Kai was right; if we were together, we could face anything. I hoped like hell it was true.
Kai spent the night in my small twin, wrapped around me like he couldn’t get close enough. It had been nice to forget my worries for a moment, but as I opened my eyes the next morning, the moment had passed.
I woke alone, Kai’s side of the bed cold.
A handwritten note lay on the pillow that now smelled like him.