Wildflower
Sorry, sweetheart, I had to get to work.
Take it easy today and call me when you wake, so I can hear your voice.
I’ll come by this afternoon.
Miss you,
<3 Kai
Checking the time, I panicked. It was almost nine o’clock. I was going to be late for my appointment with Doc. The proof was something I needed to see with my own eyes. After I had all the facts and options, I could face this and make a decision.
I hurried through getting dressed, brushing my hair and teeth before bolting out the door.
Kath was at work or still asleep as I left the silent apartment without seeing her.
As I was already late and couldn’t stomach running, I was so relieved the boys made good on their promise to drop off my car.
I climbed in and made the brief drive to Doc’s practice.
Exiting and locking my car, I took a moment to center myself before pushing open the door at ten past nine. Doc was sitting at the reception counter, talking to Misty.
“Morning, Grace.” He stood, his eyes apprehensive as he looked me up and down. “I was about to call you, worried you weren’t going to make it. Let’s head back.” He motioned for me to follow him past the counter and through the back hallway to the exam rooms.
“We’re in this room today,” he said as he made his way to the large room at the end of the hall. As I entered, I took in the additional equipment, including an ultrasound machine. My stomach squirmed with unease as I slowly lowered myself into the seat next to Doc’s desk.
He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.
“I’m so sorry about yesterday, Grace.” He shifted, pulling his silver-framed glasses off and using the edge of his sweater to clean them.
“I should have thought it through more, and I’m so sorry for the shock I caused you.
” His worried eyes held mine as he placed his glasses back on his head.
“It’s okay. You didn’t know how I’d react.
I’m sorry I scared you. It was just not something I thought was possible.
” My voice shook as my palms began to sweat.
Doc knew most of my history, from me and my transfer of care from Dr. Calstrad.
“How is it possible? I have an IUD. Did it just stop working?”
Doc’s kind eyes met mine again. “An IUD is never one hundred percent effective, but I called Ophelia this morning. We both think that after your last…encounter with your husband and the damage he did, he might have also dislodged your IUD. We need to check this and check the viability of your pregnancy.”
“Viability?” I didn’t like the sound of that word as my pulse picked up and a lump formed in my throat.
Doc’s face softened. Kindness and empathy radiated from him as he patted the back of my hand. “We need to see where your pregnancy has implanted. There is a higher likelihood of an ectopic pregnancy because of your IUD.”
This was all becoming too much. I felt the weight of everything sitting on my chest, suffocating me, as breathing became difficult. My vision swam, darkening at the edges, and I felt Doc’s arms guide me to place my head between my legs.
“Breathe, Grace. It will be okay.” He rubbed gentle circles on my back as I focused on my breathing.
Once I got my breathing under control, I carefully sat up, meeting Doc’s troubled gaze. Taking a deep breath and bracing myself for what was coming I asked. “What do I need to do?”
“We can do an ultrasound right now and check everything.” He paused for a beat, his pale eyes holding my gaze. “Then we can discuss options. You have options, Grace.”
“Okay.” My voice wavered as I tried my best to detach from what had to happen next. All my conflicting emotions threatened to pull me under as I focused on my breath in and out. “Okay, let’s do it.”
Doc helped me get into position on the bed, checking in with me at every point of the process and called in the nurse for the exam. He explained everything before he started and was gentle and kind which went a long way to calm my very frayed nerves.
“Okay, Grace, this is a transvaginal ultrasound. I always start by finding the baby and heartbeat and then we will slow down and do all the necessary measurements and take some pictures, okay? I’m going to insert the probe now.
You are in control so if at any point you want me to stop, I will.
Okay, you’ll feel the gel and some pressure,” he spoke as he prepped the wand and began insertion.
I gritted my teeth and breathed through the insertion as tears welled in my eyes.
But I didn’t let them fall. I could do this.
I needed to do this and plan my next steps.
The screen flickered and whooshed as my world tunneled to the point of the ultrasound monitor and nothing else.
Black and white static turned into a pyramid shape as Doc moved slowly and methodically, talking through everything as he went and then paused as a rapid thump, thump, thump, rang in the air around us.
“There’s your baby and that’s the heartbeat. ”
My tears overflowed as the image on the screen transfixed me.
A baby.
My baby.
He paused as he checked in with me and my heartbeat began to race, mimicking the beat of my baby’s.
I didn’t have long to dwell on the sounds and realizations crashing in on me as Doc continued.
“And this bright line here is your IUD. It’s in the uterus.
We will discuss that after I get some additional measurements.
” He went on to click and make notes, pausing as he measured, all the while explaining each step and what was on the screen.
It wasn’t until he said “baby” again that I realized I’d zoned out, my mind swirling with my new reality as an actual babylike shape solidified on the screen once again.
“…last but not least this is the baby. We will measure from the top of the baby’s head to their bottom to see how far along you are.
Perfect. Your baby is measuring nine weeks and two days, right on track. ”
Nine weeks and two days. My baby had been growing inside me for nine weeks.
“Everything else looks great, Grace. The baby is in a great place in the uterus and there isn’t any bleeding.
So, from my call with Ophelia and her history in Obstetrics she agrees that removing the IUD would be best, as it’s still early in your pregnancy.
I know this is a lot to process but I do think removing it today would be the safest option.
Removing it isn’t risk free. There is a small chance it could disrupt the pregnancy and cause a miscarriage.
But keeping it in would be much riskier long term. What would you like to do?”
My heart pitched at the risks, but I trusted Ophelia and Doc to know what’s best. “Okay,” I said as I nodded, my voice was hoarse as emotions swirled inside me.
Doc explained what he was doing as he worked, and other than some cramping, he finished without issue and was cleaning me up and helping me move back to the chair by his desk.
He passed me a printed picture of the ultrasound and explained the aftercare instructions as I just stared, completely mesmerized by the image I held.
How could something so small mean so much?
Become an irrevocable part of me in such a short amount of time?
I stroked the edges of the paper, completely tuning out Doc’s words.
His weathered hands covered mine, and the picture as I lifted my tear-filled gaze to meet his. “Can I assume you’re thinking about going ahead with the pregnancy?”
“I…I think so.” My voice wavered, but my resolve strengthened. “But I want to know all my options. This has been such a shock, and I’m not sure I’ve had enough time to think about it and everything it means, you know.”
“I understand, and your situation is unique.” Doc paused, his gaze full of emotion.
“Ophelia wanted me to remind you she has all the evidence you need to keep Cain away from you. She has everything documented and ready to go for a court order, and considering this recent development, we both wanted you to know we’ll help, however we can to keep you and this baby safe.
“We would recommend filing a protective order sooner rather than later because your pregnancy will affect your options, especially if you want to file for divorce as well, but ultimately it’s up to you.
You also have some time if you decide not to go ahead.
Our laws have you covered until fetal viability is established, which can be around twenty-two weeks, but Ophelia and I want you to know we will help you throughout this process as best we can with whatever you decide, at each stage of this pregnancy.
Please know we’re here to help and we have connections across states if you need them.
” He paused for a beat to let his words sink in.
“I understand I’m new to you and with your history.
Ophelia would like you to call her soon.
She’s very insistent that you file and wants to talk you through the process and your options. ”
More tears overflowed, as emotions good, bad and ugly overwhelmed me. My mind raced at all my options; all I needed to do and decide on and these two medical professionals who were going above and beyond their duties to help me.
“Thank you,” I croaked out as I met his gaze again. “I will.”
He smiled at me, kindness and care radiating off him as he went through all my options, my aftercare again, and how they could help me file a restraining order. We covered everything, and by the end, I was exhausted and overwhelmed.
As I stepped out of Doc’s practice, I carefully slipped the ultrasound picture into my coat pocket.
Looking up at the sky, I paused, took a deep breath, and let the cool, crisp air open my lungs.
My life was about to change—again—but as I placed my hand over my stomach, this might be a change I could embrace with my whole heart.