25. Ryder
25
RYDER
I followed my opening number with picking up my guitar and singing the title track from the new album, New Horizon. There were always nerves when I sang a new song live for the first time. Especially one I had written myself. And yeah, I thrived on stage. I might’ve been forced and manipulated into singing, but I genuinely loved performing. Being on stage gave me a high I wouldn’t trade.
The song was an anthem I wrote myself. It spoke of moving into the next phase of my life. At the time I wrote it, I didn’t understand how prophetic it would become. Especially the section about my relationship with my mother. Of course, no one else knew it was about her. It was only as I reached the part about the damage she did to me as a kid, that I realized I would not allow her to do anymore damage to me as an adult. It is not often I have an epiphany on stage, but I knew I needed to talk to Shiloh about it.
I did two more songs from the new album, including an upbeat dance number. My back up dancers and I did well considering it was the first show.
We were dancing to the first chorus when my head set slid off. I bent over to pick it up and missed singing half the chorus. One of my backup dancers struggled not to laugh. It really was a comedy of errors. Then I looked over at Shi once more. Her smile settled me and I could continue without a hitch. The Poets baseball cap she wore bothered me though, I would need to fix that.
After another two songs from the album, I slid off the head mic and handed it to the stagehand who placed a mic stand in the middle of the stage. Another one handed me back my guitar.
“The following song was my first number one as a solo artist.” I smiled as the crowd either knew what song I was talking about, or recognized the chords. “That is my way of saying, if you haven't heard it before, you’re probably at the wrong concert.”
I sang the first line and the crowd sang with me. Each lyric was word-perfect, even if it was out of tune.
Every chance I could, I snuck a gaze at Shi. The look of awe and lust on her face did things to me. It appeared my woman found my performance a turn on. It was a mistake to try and imagine what was going on in her mind and I struggled to keep myself from getting hard. There were kids in the audience. My own kid was with a sitter backstage.
Once those initial songs were done, my nerves settled.
I smiled at the audience. “One of the benefits of playing in California is that from time to time I get to book special guests who are in the area.”
The crowd cheered as they anticipated what was about to happen. My voice rose I spoke over the roaring of the crowd.
“She is one of my closest friends, and someone I love collaborating with. Everyone, please welcome on stage Ms. Layla Dean.”
It appeared as though a hole in the floor opened up as Layla rose to the stage. She waved at the crowd, and when she saw Shiloh and the girls, she gave an extra wave. Knowing the crowd would never die down on their own, I nodded to my band to start. By the time I sang the first line the crowd had hushed. When Layla sang her lines there were a few whoops and hollers but mostly the crowd was enthralled by her. By the time the song was done, I had the crowd eating out of my hand. For fun, Layla and I did another song together. A cover of Celine Dion and Ne-Yo’s Incredible .
When I thanked her, the crowd went wild once more. She disappeared the same way she came. The stagehand removed her mic stand and took my guitar. “Get me a New Horizon baseball cap, please.”
The guy rushed away. While I waited for him, I spoke to the crowd. “When I started writing the album, I had no idea the turns my life would take. But I knew things needed to change.” The guy came back and handed me the cap. I placed it in my back pocket. “This next song was not one I wrote, but it was written for me. It’s all about finding that one person. A song I dedicate to the love of my life.”
The band played the introduction and I prepared for the part of the show I was looking forward to the most. Not that I wasn’t looking forward to singing with my son. But we’d rehearsed and recorded together. And while that would never lose its shine, it didn’t compare to the idea of making a statement.
Just like I loved seeing her in the audience. Or how I’d made sure that the collar of my shirt was opened just wide enough that the bite mark she’d left the day before was partially visible. She needed to know she was mine. And more importantly, I wanted the world to know I was taken. I pushed the headset back onto my head.
“I know you all expect a good ballad from me.” I smiled as the crowd cheered again. “But sometimes a good dance number is what the doctor ordered.”
My scantily clad back up dancers appeared behind me as I started the dance song about all the things my woman is to me. I looked directly at Shiloh as much as I could. The choreography was high intensity and Jason really put me through my paces for it, but still, I was able to sing through most of it. Once or twice, I lost my breath but I let my voice fade, making it obvious I was not lip syncing.
I made my way to the front of the stage during the second verse. I had four guards flanking me as I hopped to the ground and walked over to where Shiloh stood dancing with Maggie and Tiffany.
I raised my arms in the air and smiled at her, as I sang and walked her way. The chorus started and I stood in front of her. I cupped the sides of her face with both hands. Our noses were less than an inch apart as I sang the chorus about us being close up. I took The Poets cap off and handed it to Maggie, the rightful owner.
As planned, my drummer went into a solo just as the chorus ended. I pulled her lips to mine, and there, in front of fifty thousand people, I staked my claim. Her hands came up, her fingers dug into my shoulders and pulled me close. Yeah, she was staking her claim too. Our tongues danced as the world disappeared around us.
The kiss wasn’t long but it was by no means chaste. I stepped away from her and winked, reveling in the stunned look on her face. Shiloh Bauman was mine. And I was hers, and every tabloid in the country was bound to report on it.
I smiled at her and took the cap out of my pocket. I placed it on her head and just took a moment to look at her. Something feral surged through me at the sight of her wearing my merch. I turned my mic off for a moment. “Have another drink. Enjoy yourself. Ethan is fine with the sitter backstage.”
“Thank you.” She nodded at me, as Tiffany handed her some pink drink.
After that I had a short intermission. A quick bathroom break, before I drank another bottle of water. I changed from my black shirt to a white one and faded blue jeans were changed for black ones.
Another ballad followed before I introduced the rest of The Poets on the stage. Like me they wore black jeans and white tops. Though, not all button downs. We did two old numbers, the song that catapulted us to household names. And then our biggest selling single. We followed that with the reunion song before I did another ballad on my own. I took a deep breath and swallowed. Ethan was nervous, and I was nervous for him, as well. “For those of you who have already downloaded the album, you would’ve noticed that my son made his debut on it. Everyone, please welcome Ethan Hawkins to the stage.”
The name change filled me with pride and was something I had discussed with both of them. Shi was perfectly fine that I introduced him with my last name. As it was, that was the name he used on the album.
As if he was born to do it, Ethan walked onto stage singing the first lines of Bob Dylan’s Make me feel your love .
My heart swelled with pride as I listened to him. I looked over at Shiloh. Unlike me, she wasn’t holding back her tears. But I had at least another half hour on stage, so I needed to hold myself together. Ethan smiled up at me during my lines and together we sang the chorus. As the song came to an end the audience was louder than I heard them the entire evening.
My son looked over at his mother and walked to the middle of the stage. “Mom, this one's for you.” Then he turned to the band and nodded.
I couldn’t help but smile as the first lines of the Jackson Five song started. Yeah, my kid was a true performer. When he sang the part about finding someone knew, he pointed his thumb at me. Once again, I joined him as he sang to his mother about being there when she needed him. He ended with a flourish and took his bow during the loudest roar from the crowd. I watched as he walked off stage and as one the security guards escorted him away.
The rest of the show went by in a blur and ended with a ten-minute ovation from the audience. By the time I left the stage, it was to find Ethan asleep on the couch in my dressing room and the sitter looked like she was about to nod off as well. I paid her and got security to ensure she got home safely.
By the time Shiloh came backstage with Maggie and Tiffany, I was dressed once more in sweats and a hoodie. Their giggling and chatting was louder than normal and their voices woke Ethan.
I tapped him on his shoulder. “Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you?”
“I can walk.” The crabby answer was as expected as the glare he lobbed my way. Like me, the kid was crabby when tired. But it didn’t take us long to be on our way to the hotel.
By the time we made it back to the hotel, everyone wanted to find their beds and get some rest. Both women and Tiffany’s sister were quick to say good night and make it up to their rooms. As much as he tried, Ethan did not last until the hotel before he fell asleep again.
He had been with me since the night before so I knew where all his things were. I turned to Shiloh. “Why don’t you go get comfortable while I tuck him in.”
She nodded and yawned as she headed for the master bedroom.
I placed my son into his bed, leaving him in the sweats he had changed into after he’d come off stage. I pulled off his shoes and tucked him into bed. Before I left his bedroom, I kissed his forehead. Gratitude could never cover what I felt to have him in my life. He made me see I could be a better man. I wanted to be a better man. And mostly, I wanted to teach him to be the best man he could.
I closed the door. Yeah, I loved him. But I wanted to show his mother how much I loved her. And that may get a bit loud.
That was my plan, at least. His mother, however, was not having any of it. When I walked into the room, she had stripped completely. Obviously, she had plans that were close to mine. Unfortunately, she was also fast asleep.
I smiled, stripping out of my clothes. Since I had showered at the venue, I was able to slip into bed alongside Shiloh as naked as what she was.
Her eyes opened as the mattress moved. “You were great out there. It was like you were born to be on stage.”
“For the longest time I believed it was the only thing I was born to do.” I let out a long breath. “Like maybe my talent was the only thing I had to offer.”
Tension rolled off Shiloh. She turned to me with a frown. “What? What makes you think that?”
I loved how outraged she was on my behalf. It told me she felt the same way about me as I felt about her.
“You know my mother didn’t have the best maternal instincts, right?’
“What did she say to you?”
“It wasn’t what she said.” I leaned on my elbow and faced her. “I mean she always made sure I knew that my looks and my talent was where my value was. But it was more than that.”
“What happened?”
“I was seventeen when I auditioned and got the spot in The Poets. She was forcing me to go to so many auditions, I threatened to quit.” I looked away, not able to face her. “She said if I wasn’t going to use my voice to earn my keep, she would use my, and I quote, ‘All American good looks’.”
“She did what?” Shiloh sat up, her breasts nearly level with my eyes. “Did she make you?—?”
“No. I got the spot in The Poets before that could happen.”
Her body eased back down as she nodded. “Ry, do you still have contact with her?”
“I was thinking while I was on stage, I am going to let my lawyer deal with her in the future.”
“Good.” She twisted into me, rubbing herself up against my erection. “I can rally, if you want.”
I suppressed a chuckle. Yeah, that would not work for me. “Sleep, babe. We have our whole lives to fuck each other’s brains out.”
She nuzzled into my chest, her hair somehow making its way into my mouth. I was content. I had my career. With plans for the next phase in it. My child was asleep in the next room, the results of the DNA test were in my suitcase. The woman I loved was in my arms. And naked. Life was good. I had everything I wanted, and no one could take that away from me.