Chapter 12
I dodged the uneven cobblestones at a slower pace than usual today, eyes darting ahead, taking in the familiar arches of the Apothecary in the distance. I had finally worked up the courage to leave the apartment and head into work for the day, but only after stalling as much as possible.
Wandering through the city, I chose to take the longer route, justifying my apprehension by convincing myself that Ma's well-being was my main concern. That it wasn’t just my anxiety getting in the way.
A part of me was disappointed in myself.
I wasn't sure how Ma would react to my new extracurricular activity, but keeping it a secret felt pointless.
If General Ashford was right, I'd be joining the Guard at some point and leaving the job I'd loved for six years–a place that felt more like a second home than work. I had to tell Ma, and it had to be now.
A knot formed in my stomach. I yearned for a reaction like Osta's–a sigh of relief,a newfound freedom to express her anxieties about me and the danger that lived within. But my hope was dwindling. We were too much alike for me to entertain such unlikely outcomes.
To Ma, the Guard was the ultimate evil. She rarely spoke of her family, estranged for reasons I never fully grasped. But through snippets over time, I'd pieced a few things together.
Ma had a twin named Miguel. The two were inseparable until the Guard snatched him away at seventeen. She watched the light fade from his eyes as he became a shell of his former self, consumed by ambition.
While their parents reveled in his success, Ma grieved the loss of her brother long before he died in combat. Unlike the rest of Sídhe, she didn't blame Riftdremar. Her hatred festered for the Guard itself, a constant reminder of what it had taken from her.
Ma’s questions had probably tripled since the last time she saw me. I couldn’t divulge the entire truth... just enough for her to understand.
I buried the pang of guilt that threatened to turn me around. With a deep breath and a simple prayer, I pushed open the door and walked inside.
Ma was restocking our herbal teas near the front desk. The chime of the bell gave me away as the door closed. Ma's eyes shot up in attention, softening once she realized it was me.
“Fia! I’m so relieved. I feel like I haven’t seen you in three days,” Ma teased with feigned exasperation.
“Well, that would make sense, considering it’s been exactly three days since I last saw you.” A smile broke across my face as I approached the desk, pushing myself up to sit on it. “So, how was your trip to the Scarlet Coast?”
Ma put down her crate, dusting off her hands before leaning against the shelf.
“The travel itself was excruciating. Base Guards had set up checkpoints on nearly every main road out of Luminaria. Such a pain to get through.” She shook her head.
Sídhe hadn’t experienced a serious threat for twenty years, since the end of the Rebellion that rendered Riftdremar a wasteland.
Although the actual fighting hadn’t gone on for long, it was devastating to the small country East of Sídhe.
When powerful focuses go to war against one another, there’s not many outcomes other than total and overwhelming destruction.
Sídhe burned Riftdremar into oblivion.
Though I hadn’t heard of Sídhe facing anything new, the Guard’s proximity to the city did make me wonder. And there was the matter of the General’s scar. I had never seen a wound like that. One would think healers could cure it. Or perhaps the alterationists that could change appearances.
Then again, I could imagine him drawing it on every morning for attention.
“Fia, did you hear me?” Ma questioned, raising an eyebrow.
“Ah–yes, sorry. I was just wondering about the checkpoints. Any idea what they’re doing?” I asked with a bit too much enthusiasm. Her eyebrow raised further.
“No idea. Inciting fear like they always do?” She sighed, pointing towards the rear of the shop.
“But once I finally arrived at the coast, I was able to collect a good bit of that Red Algae. It’s in the back, ready to be unloaded.
The fish around it behaved so strangely, like they were moving slower than normal, and the water seemed eerily still.
I can’t wait to study it.” Ma rubbed her palms together as eagerness flickered in her eyes.
“Well, I’m glad to hear it. I’ll just head on back and start unloading it,” I chirped, pushing myself off the desk in a hurry.
“Ah, Fia. Not so fast.” Ma narrowed her eyes at me. “Don’t think you’re getting off that easily. We still need to discuss what happened last week.” She crossed her arms.
“Right–about that,” I mumbled, crawling back onto the desk.
“I know that Osta is a brave little thing, but neither one of you should be getting anywhere near a party like that,” she scolded. “Now tell me why there was a Sídhe General in my shop the other night.” She pursed her lips and leaned against the counter.
“I met General Ashford at the Grove, during the party…” I tried to figure out exactly what I should say.
“You casually met a Sídhe General at an enormous social event crawling with all the people you typically avoid and struck up a conversation? Really, Fia. You?” She shook her head and let out a laugh that showed me she wasn’t buying it. Great.
“Not exactly…” I gulped, racking my brain. Ideas of what to say to her had been racing through my mind. All. Damn. Morning. But upon arriving, my thoughts were absolutely scrambled.
“I nearly collapsed when Eron told me you went by yourself. You know I don’t condone violence, but a part of me wanted to slap him right then and there. It’s his job to make the deliveries. He can get out of a dangerous situation quickly if he needs to.”
“Jaquelina went into labor. What was I supposed to do? It’s not like I went to socialize.
I only went to drop off the crate of tonics, truly.
But of course, Osta noticed me there, and begged me to stay.
” I ran my hand through my hair and rolled my eyes.
“I didn’t want to, but she insisted. So, I promised her I would have a single drink with her after she got a closer look at the King and Queen.
” I winced. So far, it was the truth, but it all felt like lies leaving my lips.
“She made a loop around the party, and I decided to wander up the hill to cool off a bit. I guess I had gotten a bit… overstimulated.” I bit my lip.
Ma's eyes widened.
“Overstimulated?” she asked, cheeks flushing.
I took a deep breath, “Not like that, Ma. It had been such a long day. I was more than exhausted. And you know how I get nervous around crowds…” I glanced up, gauging her reaction. Her face remained calm, but I could see sparks of concern in her eyes.
“Anyway… I guess I started to… well, channel a bit. General Ashford happened to see me when it occurred. He was curious about my abilities. Well, I mean, he called it my focus, which is hila rious,” I rambled on, praying that I could distract her with erroneous details.
Maybe then she wouldn’t ask me specifics. So far, I hadn’t exactly lied, but the most important parts of the story had certainly been redacted. I shifted on the desk.
Ma stared at me, open-mouthed. “You... You used your… erm, powers… in front of the General?”
This was a subject we never dared broach. I stole a glance at her, expecting to see the beginnings of terror forming in her eyes, but she just looked concerned.
“Not exactly. I just felt like I might. Like I was slipping a bit. He saw me in a state of… well, it wasn’t my best moment. I’m sure I looked like a basket case, but he made me an offer…” I trailed off, nerves getting the best of me.
“He what?” she shot back, a little too forcefully. I didn’t know where her mind was going, but I needed to divert it.
“He offered to train me. To control my… whatever this is.”
Ma sat in silent contemplation.
“He wants to help you control it? Out of the kindness of his heart? That sounds a bit preposterous.” Ma's expression was drenched with skepticism.
“Not exactly. He offered to train me so that I could become a part of his faction. I guess he thinks I could be an asset to the Guard.”
Ma's eyes went up in flames, literally. Fire seethed through her. Oh Esprithe, here we go…
“The nerve. These fucking bastards think they can just control everything around them. It makes me sick.” She shook her head, “Is that why he showed up the other night?”
I paused.
“Well, he showed up to offer me the proposition. The night at the party… Well, I mean. We didn’t have much of an actual conversion. After it happened, I was pretty on edge. I really just wanted to get out of there. ”
Ma studied me.
“So how did he react when you told him no?” She softened her tone, chuckling a bit. “I would have paid good money to see the look on his face when you humbled him. Did he–”
“I told him yes…” I blurted. The blood drained from my face.
Ma looked at me in horror. I couldn’t blame her. This reaction was to be expected. Her hatred for the Guard was unwavering.
“You did what?” she asked, her voice breaking slightly. My heart sank.
“Ma… I know it sounds crazy. I know it’s hard to understand…
I mean, I would have never thought I could agree to something like this.
It doesn’t even sound like me, but we both know…
” I gave her a knowing look, “We both know how dangerous it can be when I lose control. If there is a way to stop it from happening, I have to try. I have to. I can’t risk hurting anyone else. ” Mist formed in my eyes.
“But you’ve made such progress on your own, Fia. You haven’t had an incident since… you know.”
I winced. There was so much I had held back from her.
“It hasn’t been easy, Ma. I hope you can find a way to understand.”
Ma opened her mouth like she was going to respond, but ultimately closed it, wandering off to the stool on the opposite side of the desk. She sank down, letting her face fall into her hands. We sat in silence.
“I understand what you’re saying Fia but there has to be another way. You don’t have to sign your life away. Not to them ,” she stated.
“Ma, I already live life like I’ve signed it away,” I whispered, feeling the weight of those words for the first time.
Ma just looked at me. I knew she was trying to think of something to say, an argument that would change my mind.
Eventually, she took a deep breath and stood .
“You can place the algae specimens in the jars near the sink. I already sterilized them. Don’t forget the labels,” she said quietly.
Leaving the desk behind, I crossed the room to her side, offering a comforting squeeze to her shoulder. I considered saying something else but found myself at a loss for words. I managed a faint smile before heading toward the back of the shop.
I had finally told her a version of the truth, and that brought a sense of relief, but my heart still felt heavy, empty. The conflict wasn’t over.
But if that woman was anything, she was relentless. She would be racking her brain for a way out of this. Ma wasn’t going to surrender that easily.