Chapter 11
Jake
W e’re both tired and ready to try to get some sleep, which is going to be hard to do with the wind still wailing outside. It’s raining again, but with much less intensity. I wrestle the only mattress in the house over the railing, and it crashes to the floor below while Alice stands at the bottom of the steps, her hands on her hips.
“I still don’t understand why we’re doing this. Isn’t it safer to sleep upstairs?” she calls up to me. “Higher ground and all that.”
“If we expected to get ten feet of water in the house, that would make sense. But it’s more likely we’ll need to get to the car quickly if something happens, which is down here. And if there’s another tornado tonight we should be as low to the ground as possible.” Plus, there is safety in numbers. I know she won’t share the bed. That’s fine, I’ll sleep on the sofa. But I don’t want to leave her by herself on a separate floor of the house, and it’s easier to move a mattress down a flight of stairs than it is to move a couch up.
“You take the bed. I can sleep on the couch,” I tell her as I jog down the stairs and drag the mattress the rest of the way to the living room. I push the coffee table next to the couch to make space for it.
“No. That’s dumb. You’re like twice my size. It makes more sense for me to be the one to sleep on the sofa.” She spreads out on the couch before I can argue.
“You know what? Fine. Just pick wherever you want, and I’ll take the other option. How’s that?” I’m not fighting with her about this. I know I won’t be sleeping much anyway. I want to keep an eye on the weather.
Thunder cracks again and she practically jumps out of her skin. Then she clears her throat and smooths her shirt, pretending like nothing happened. But it’s not hard to read her, especially with the way she won’t stop chewing on her bottom lip. She’s terrified, but I know if I say anything about her fear I’ll only piss her off. The last thing she would want is to seem weak.
But when the next flash of lightning illuminates the entire room, Alice’s wide eyes find mine.
“It’s going to be fine,” I tell her for what feels like the hundredth time. “The worst of it’s over. We just need to figure out something to do to pass the time. Do you want to play cards again?”
She shakes her head, yawning.
As long as the weather doesn’t take a turn, the worst part of being trapped here will be the boredom. I can handle a few days of cupcakes and Alice’s attitude, but there’s nothing productive we can do to occupy our time, and I’m already getting antsy.
We retreat to our designated sleep zones, and it isn’t long before she’s softly snoring on the couch, curled into a ball with her head on the armrest. I sit and stare, tracing the lines of her face with my eyes.
I still can’t figure out what she meant about the other stuff that happened when we were in school, and I also can’t believe I let her go years thinking I was trying to bully her with that stupid nickname. I would never try to hurt her on purpose. Not really. The insults and pranks just kind of evolved over time and became our thing. Besides, it’s the only way she speaks to me these days, and I like how feisty she gets when we fight. I never meant to take it too far.
A tiny, contended sigh passes through her lips, and she smiles in her sleep. She looks so peaceful, but I don’t want her to be cold, so I shake out a drop cloth and drape it over her. She shifts and inhales an adorable little snort, followed by a series of low, rumbling grunts. I chuckle to myself and take my phone off airplane mode just long enough to collect evidence.
Alice opens her eyes. “Do you always hover over sleeping women and film them without permission?” She sneers.
“I knew you wouldn’t believe me otherwise. This proves how loud you were snoring. But don’t worry. You’re not even on camera.”
I kept her face out of it on purpose. It’s dark in the video, and I made sure to hold the phone so the shot is angled toward the ceiling.
She sits up and I take a seat on the couch to show her. She is not impressed.
“I do not snore. An eight-second video is hardly proof. And since I’m not in the frame, no one would know it was me. Full deniability.”
“Oh, you most assuredly do.” I laugh.
She folds her arms and taps one foot. “You’re going to delete that video.”
“As you wish, Princess Snores-a-Lot.” I smirk and press the trash can icon on the bottom of the video, then I turn the screen so she can see it’s been wiped from my phone.
“Delete it from the trash, too.”
“Fine.”
She watches while I clear it from my trash folder.
“Thank you.” She swallows hard, and I bet she hopes I don’t notice the way her voice waivers, but I do.
“Why are you so mad about this?” I try to soften my tone. I’m not sure why it’s a big deal, but judging from her reaction, it definitely is. “I honestly didn’t think it was that serious. Everybody snores sometimes. I thought you’d think it was funny, but you’re right. I can see now it was out of pocket. My bad. I wasn’t trying to embarrass you.” Okay, maybe I was. Old habits die hard.
“I’m fine.”
She won’t look at me. She clearly isn’t fine, and I can admit filming a woman while she was asleep was maybe not my brightest idea.
“Alice. Please look at me.” I wait until those ice-blue eyes make their way up to mine before telling her, “I’m sorry.”
“I said it’s fine, Jake. Just drop it.”
“I’m not going to drop it because I obviously upset you. If it makes you feel any better, I thought it was pretty cute.”
She rolls her eyes. “You don’t have to say that stuff to me.”
“Why not? Are you tired of everyone telling you how pretty you are? I can get a little more creative if necessary.”
She scoffs. “Jake, if we’re really going to have this conversation, we should at least be honest with each other.”
“I’m not following.” I’m really not. I am being honest. It was freaking adorable.
She’s wigging out about something that, in my eyes, seems pretty insignificant on the scale of the other pranks we’ve played. She’s all over the place tonight, but one thing I know for sure is she’s having an extra-hard time accepting a compliment. I know I’m not the only guy in this town who thinks Alice Caulfield is fine as hell. Most of them are just a little too scared to tell her that, for fear that she’ll rip them a new one. It’s a valid concern because she probably would, but that doesn’t make her any less hot. If anything, it only adds fuel to the fire.
“You don’t need to lie to me. I know how I look. I’ve seen mirrors. Nothing special is happening here.” She points to herself. “So the flattery is falling pretty flat. No pun intended,” she mumbles, looking down at her chest.
This isn’t that thing some people do where they deny what you said, then encourage you to go on telling them more nice things about themselves. She really seems to believe this bullshit.
“Uh, were you looking in the distorted, fun house kind of mirrors? Because here in reality where the rest of us live, that sounds completely whack.”
“Just…never mind. Can we drop it now?”
“Fat chance.” It’s beyond comprehension that Alice would say this stuff about herself. “Tell me why you think that.”
“Because it’s the truth? Like I said, I have eyeballs. And it’s what people have been telling me my entire life.” She sighs and sinks back into the couch.
“I’m going to need names.” Who would tell her something like that?
Alice rolls her eyes again and hugs her arms around her stomach, but at least she’s talking. We have nothing better to do tonight than get to the bottom of this, and I might have a few beefs to settle before this is over.
“I don’t know. There are lots of examples. The girls in school, for one.” She rubs the back of her neck.
“The Tinker Bell thing?” I always thought it was supposed to be a compliment when people called her that. As far as cartoon characters go, Tinker Bell is pretty sexy.
“Yes, there was that. Your mom has also made some comments. And my dad is always saying the reason I don’t have a boyfriend is because nobody wants a woman with no curves. Women are supposed to be all tits and ass and I’m…not that.”
“They actually said those words? That’s really messed up. You know that, right?”
The soft light from the candles is casting shadows that flicker across her face. She sighs. “No, not those words exactly, but the sentiment was the same. I know they’re not alone in those thoughts about me.” Alice blinks quickly as tears pool in her eyes.
“The hell they aren’t.”
“That…is not my…experience.” She fans her face with her hands and keeps blinking. It’s not helping. She starts to sniffle despite her efforts.
My hand clenches at my side. Alice doesn’t deserve this. I want to run out of here and beat the living hell out of everyone who made her feel this way about herself, but I stay still and quiet, trying to show her I’ll listen when she’s ready to talk.
One tear manages to fall, and finally, she whispers, “There was also that stuff that happened with your friends senior year.”
“What stuff?” I try to dig through the recesses of my brain, but I honestly can’t remember hearing any rumors about Alice.
Her eyes meet mine again. “Don’t make me say it, Jake,” she begs. “You know exactly what stuff.”
“Louse—dammit. Sorry.” My stomach drops. “Alice, I swear on Hazel’s life, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She closes her eyes, inhaling a long breath. Then she lets it out slowly. “Do you remember when I went out with your friend Owen for a little while?”
“Vaguely.”
Owen Myers was on the basketball team with me, but I wouldn’t call him a friend. The guy was kind of a douchebag.
“Well, I did. I thought we really liked each other. After a month or so, when things started getting more serious, he asked for pictures.” She pulls her legs up to her chest and wraps her arms around them, resting her chin on her knees. “I should have known better.”
I don’t like where this story is going at all.
“After a few more weeks, he was pressuring me to do more than I was ready to do, so I broke up with him. That’s when he sent back screenshots of the photos. He said it was no big loss because he wasn’t interested in flat, scrawny bodies like mine anyway. He told me hooking up with me would make him feel like a pervert because I was the size of a little girl.”
“That’s harsh.”
“Yeah, that would have been bad enough on its own. But then he shared the pictures in a group text with his friends from the basketball team."
“What a dick!”
“And he sent me more screenshots. This time of all the nasty things they said, like every comment was new evidence proving him right.”
“ What? ” I roar, flying to my feet. I pace in front of the couch, not knowing what else to do with the anger. I was the captain of that team and this shit was happening to my friend right under my nose?
She unfurls and covers her eyes with her hands. “I know. I should never have sent those kinds of shots. I don’t know what I was thinking. My face wasn’t in them. They were all from the neck down. But it wouldn’t have been hard for the entire team to figure out who I was, even if Owen hadn’t told them. I mean, I’m sure you saw them. Maybe it just wasn’t very memorable.” She looks down at her body again.
“I didn’t see those pictures. And I sure as hell didn’t know anything about any of this.” We need to clear that up right now. I’m sure the team kept me out of the chat on purpose because there is no way I would have let that happen. Right now, I wish I had a time machine so I could go back to break every one of their phones and their noses.
She tilts her head, chewing her bottom lip again. This woman spent four years thinking I knew about this? Jesus. No wonder she started hating me. I’m surprised she still talks to me at all.
“You honestly thought I would do that to you?”
“Well, no. Not exactly,” she admits. “None of the texts I saw were from you. It’s just, those guys were your friends. So even if you weren’t participating, you were hanging out with the people who did, and acting like it was no big deal.”
“I swear I had no idea that was going on. This is the first I’m hearing about it. I’m so sorry that happened to you.” I’m trying to take deep breaths and stay calm for her sake, but I want to put my fist through a wall.
I want to argue that if I had known I would’ve stopped it, but the disgusting truth is I don’t know if that’s true. I know there were times when I was younger when I was around guys doing inappropriate shit and I didn’t speak up. Hell, I know I did some of it, too. Nothing of this magnitude, but still. It does not feel good to have to admit to myself. The back of my neck burns with the memory of all the stupid things I said about girls. But never about my own friends. Never about Alice.
“Listen, I don’t care what kind of pictures you sent him. There is absolutely nothing you could have done to deserve that. It doesn’t even sound legal.”
“It’s not. I looked it up.” She sighs and her shoulders slump. “I even called a lawyer for a free consultation, but they said it’s only a misdemeanor in Virginia. Even if I had the money or the energy to fight him, which I don’t, taking it to court would mean having to share the photos with law enforcement and lawyers.”
She blows out a long breath as she pulls her legs back up to her chest. “I was eighteen, so I was a legal adult when I sent them, and I gave them to him on purpose. The whole thing would drag on for months, or maybe even years. And even then, the maximum fine they could give him for distributing revenge porn is still less than I would have to pay my lawyer. Besides, we’re past the statute of limitations now. I need to put it behind me. But it’s hard.”
Of course it’s hard. God, she looks so defeated. I don’t know where Owen is now, but if I ever find out, he’s going to pay. But I don’t think that’s what she wants to hear.
I sit next to her. “Owen Myers once ate an entire unlit cigarette because someone offered him a dollar. He’s a moron and a dickhead. I wouldn’t trust his judgment about anything. Definitely not your body.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she mumbles into her knees.
“Hey. Look at me.” I move close to her and use my index finger to lift her chin. “Have I ever been the kind of guy to blow smoke up your ass?”
She laughs, despite the tears falling from the corners of her eyes. “No. You never hold back just to spare my feelings. It’s one of your more annoying qualities.”
Ouch, but fair. I need to work on that.
“Okay. That’s how you know I’m telling you the truth. I don’t lie to you. I mean, I guess I did deny putting the tuna in your car. That was me. But I never lie to you about important stuff. So, yeah. When I tell you that I think you’re hot, it means I think you’re hot. I don’t give two flying shits what any other assholes said.”
She wipes her nose on the back of her hand and rolls her eyes again, but this time she offers a weak smile. “Behold the beautiful words every little girl grows up wanting to hear. Look, you don’t have to try to comfort me, Jake. To be honest, you kind of suck at it. Besides, you’ve never even liked me.”
I hate how long I let her believe that.
“That’s not true. Dammit, Alice. Of course I like you.”
“Right. Sure you do.” The sarcasm in her voice is heavy as she nods.
“Sometimes you drive me out of my mind, but it never meant I didn’t like you. I like tons of stuff about you.”
“You’re so full of it.”
“Fine. You want honest? I like that I never know what color your hair is going to be the next time I see you. I like the way you smell like fruit, and I like how you always call me on my own shit. And yes, I also think you’re hot, okay?” My voice lowers to almost a whisper as I tell her, “But right now, when you’re sitting there staring at me with those big blue eyes, you make me want to make the whole world softer so you can’t get hurt like this again. I wish I could make everyone else understand that, yeah, you’re strong as hell, but you also need a safe place to land when you go flying off the handle. Which is, like, all the time, by the way. And I… I kind of like the idea that today I could be the one to do that for you.”
She turns her head to face me and rests her cheek on her knees for a second before shifting to tuck her legs under her body. “Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“Tell me something else,” she whispers. “Something true.”
I don’t even have to think about it. “The way you’re looking at me right now makes me want to kiss you.”
“Jake.” Her voice is soft and her skin is flushed from crying.
“Yeah?” I cringe and brace for the rejection I know is coming. Maybe I went a little too far with that last one. She’s vulnerable right now, and I don’t want her to think I’m trying to take advantage.
“I think I want that, too.”
She doesn’t have to tell me twice. I lean toward her and wrap one hand around the back of her head. She nods her confirmation just before our mouths meet. It starts slow and soft because I don’t want to rush her, but when she fists her hand in my shirt and takes control, I’m not about to stop her. When she opens her mouth, I can taste the sweetness from the cupcake icing lingering on her tongue. I move closer and pull her body to mine.