Chapter 14
Alice
I can now confirm that Jake Gibson is very good with his hands. And his mouth. And other things. I’m a little tired and sweaty, but in the best way, like after a great Pilates workout. Best of all, the noise in my head is quiet for the first time in ages. Jake lies next to me with both hands behind his head, and I snuggle into the crook of his arm. The drop cloth, now stained with streaks of blue food coloring, has become our makeshift blanket for the evening. I hardly notice the scratchy fabric as I run my fingers over his tattoos.
At first, the ink on his right arm seems to be an intricate landscape, but looking closer I can see it’s Hogwarts. The Castle is there, although it’s not the main focus. The animals done in white ink seem to be flying. It’s like a hidden picture book, trying to spot them all.
“I’ve never seen your tattoo up close. It’s pretty sweet,” I tell him, tracing the pictures on his arm.
“It’s from Harry Potter.”
“I know. I like the way you added the Patronuses. Patroni? What’s the plural of Patronus?”
He chuckles. “Couldn’t tell you. The white ink is going to fade pretty quickly, but I kind of like it that way because that’s how a Patronus works in the story. It’s not there forever.”
“True. What’s this one?” I motion to his left arm.
“The Battle of Isengard from The Lord of the Rings . The one where the Ents fight. Do you remember Treebeard, the old talking tree?”
Can’t say that I do.
“Oh, I see. So, you’re like a real nerd’s nerd?” I tease.
“Says the lady who knows about Patronuses. I guess I just like the idea of good and evil or right and wrong being so black and white. Things are more complicated in real life.”
Don’t I know it. “Fair. What’s your Patronus?”
“I want to say something cool like a lion or a fox, but in reality, it’s probably a beaver or something.”
“Ah, nature’s engineer.”
Jake chuckles. “How about you?”
“I don’t know, honestly.”
He looks up at the ceiling. “Maybe a lightning bug?” After a beat, he nods. “Yeah, I think that’s it.”
“Why, because I’m such a pest?” I smile.
“Nah, I wouldn’t say they’re pests. No one’s calling an exterminator for lightning bugs. They’re the one bug people actually look forward to seeing. When I was a kid, chasing lightning bugs was one of my favorite parts of the summer. Tiny, bright, ethereal. Sounds like someone else I know.” He looks down at me and my stupid heart flutters as if it doesn’t know better.
“That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Gibson.”
“Don’t get used to it,” he teases.
“Don’t worry, I won’t. I know this is a one-time thing.”
I need to remind myself this bubble is temporary. When we get home everything will go right back to the way it was.
“It can be. If that’s what you want.”
The way he phrases that sentence sets my teeth on edge. It sounds like a cop-out on his part, like he’s absolving himself of all responsibility and putting all the decisions on me. If that’s the way he wants to play it, fine.
“We both know what this is, Jake.”
“Do we?”
“Yes. One night of great sex. One. Night.”
“Of great sex.” He chuckles again while he repeats my own words back to me. “Can I get that in writing? You planning to leave a five-star review?”
“Sure. And I guess I should send out a few dozen thank you cards to your exes while I’m writing things. Turns out all of that practice was a good thing after all.”
Okay, that might have crossed a line.
“Excuse me?” He cocks a brow at me.
I definitely crossed a line.
The logical voice in my head is screaming at me to stop, but the fighter who needs to protect my heart is doing all the talking. She wants to stop this before I go and do something stupid. Like fall for Jake Gibson.
“Oh, come on, Jake. Who do you think had to talk Danielle off the ledge every time you were parading through The Blue Crab with some skanky townie? Or getting tagged in a photo with a random sorority girl hanging all over you?” Ew. This isn’t me. I don’t call other women skanky.
“Right. Okay. So, you think having a meal or being in a picture with someone automatically means I slept with them?” He shakes his head and turns to grab his clothes from the floor. Then he stands to pull his shorts over his hips.
“I said it was good. It’s a compliment.”
“Is it? Actually, you said it was great . So break out the thank you cards. And I’ll write some to the scores of men you must’ve been with to make what we did that great.”
“Hey. That’s not fair. Don’t slut shame me.”
He raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms over his bare chest, waiting for me to acknowledge the double standard in what I just said. He’s going to be waiting for a long time because I’m not going to do it, and also a big part of me would be perfectly content to sit here all night and stare up at those pecs.
Instead I offer, “You wouldn’t have many cards to write. I’ve only ever gone that far with two people. And one of them is you.”
“I’m not having this conversation.” He turns and walks toward the bathroom.
He’s not getting away from me that easily. I wrap myself in the makeshift drop cloth blanket and follow him down the dark hall. Once I’m standing in the doorway, I realize I don’t have a plan. I stand there watching him, my whole body tense and ready to fight. His cell phone sits on the small counter giving off a blue glow that lights the room. He scrubs a hand down his face and mumbles something that sounds like fine, have it your way before he turns to the toilet and drops trou while simultaneously tossing the condom in the trash.
“Ew, what are you doing?” I turn to face away from him and cover my ears with my hands to block out the splash while he pees.
“What am I doing? What does it look like?”
“Well, stop.”
He huffs out a sardonic laugh. “I’m not the one following people into the bathroom. I’m not sure what you thought was going to happen, but this is what people do in here.” I uncover my ears, because it wasn’t helping anyway, as he flushes and refills the toilet tank with the bucket of rainwater he brought in earlier. Then he tries to turn on the faucet to wash his hands, but nothing comes out. He grunts, and I hear him pull a baby wipe from the package he left sitting by the sink.
I spin back around as he calmly wipes his hands, eying me in the mirror. Even though I can’t see my reflection, it strikes me how ridiculous I must look. I don’t know what kind of hurricane-force idiocy brought us to this moment. I can’t keep a lid on my emotions around Jake under normal circumstances, but after everything that’s happened tonight, the cocktail of nerves and lust has turned me into a version of myself I don’t recognize.
He turns to face me.
“Never mind. I don’t even care,” I say, trying to save a small shred of my dignity.
“Obviously, you do.” He leans back onto the counter, arms crossed again. “Why do you care, Alice?”
My voice is a tiny whisper when I tell him, “I don’t know. I just do.” I look at the dingy tile floor because I can’t make eye contact.
He sighs. “What do you want to know?”
“Wait, really?”
I look back up at him, feeling even more naked than before.
“You shared some really personal stuff with me earlier, so I guess this is fair. You get three questions. I’m only giving one-word answers. Then we’re dropping this for good. Go.”
I swallow. “How many others?”
“Five.”
“Do I know them?”
“Maybe.” He shrugs.
“Who? Wait, no. I don’t actually think I want to know. I shouldn’t have asked. It wasn’t cool of me. Sorry. That’s not my last question.”
He smirks with an irritating patience and shrugs again as I ramble. He’s still not wearing a shirt, and his muscles are distracting, making me fumble through my thoughts. I only have one question left. I might as well ask the thing I really want to know.
“How do you feel about me right now?” I try to stand up straight. I refuse to be embarrassed for having emotions or being human. But why is it so much harder to ask this question than it was to literally invite him inside of me?
He uncrosses his arms and rubs his jaw. I force myself to hold his stare, willing my body not to hunch over in defeat while he takes his sweet time finding an answer.
Finally, he scratches his chin and settles on, “Favorably.”
“Favorably?” I repeat, slowly.
On one hand, I should hope he feels favorably. He spent an inordinate amount of time tonight face-to-face with places of my body that not even I have seen up close and personal. It would be a real dick move to say anything negative after all of that. On the other hand, I did follow him into this bathroom to interrogate him like a psychopath, so who could blame him if he has a different answer now?
He smirks again. “That’s the best I can do with one word.”
I guess I’ll take favorably.
I scoot to the side, making space for him to walk out of the room. Instead, he closes the space between us with two easy strides and rests his hands on the wall on either side of me, caging me in. He’s so much taller than I am, and his body completely eclipses mine while he makes a show of looking up and down my body.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper at the floor. “I don’t know why I’m acting this way.”
“Look, the turn things took tonight came as a surprise to me too, Ace. But I have no regrets. And if tonight is all we’re getting, I recommend you lose the sheet because we are far from finished.”
I channel every ounce of confidence I can to look up into his eyes. “Is that so?”
Jake holds my gaze as I let the icing-stained fabric fall from my hands and pool around my feet. Then I duck under his arm, and I feel his eyes on me as I walk down the hall wearing nothing at all.