Chapter 15
Alice
W ednesday morning is a blur. We spend it in bed, eating more cupcakes and inventing creative ways to burn them off. When we’ve both had our fill of the cupcakes and each other, we lie in a tangled mess of limbs and fabric. Jake’s hand trails lazily down my back, but then it slows and stills.
“Can I ask you something?”
I’m not used to hearing him sound nervous. It’s kind of adorable. “Sure.”
“You know how I told you all that stuff I like about you?”
As if I will ever forget. I nod to encourage him to go on.
“Well, is there anything…you know, never mind. It’s dumb.” He almost sounds shy.
“Aw. Are you trying to ask me what I like about you, Gibson?”
“I mean, if I had to say all that stuff out loud, it only seems fair.”
I laugh. Then I close my eyes and take a breath before I speak again, because after all the time we spent fighting and trying to push down our feelings for each other, it still feels strange to give them a voice. “Fine. You’re funny.” I pause and run a finger over his abs, making him wait before I go on. “You’re creative, you’re fun to be around, and you’re really loyal to the people you love. You make me feel safe. It’s easy to let go and lose control around you because I know you can handle every version of me. And you’re not half-bad to look at. Happy?”
“Very.”
“Any more questions?”
He moves his head from side to side as if he’s weighing whether he should say what else is on his mind. When he does, I wish I hadn’t asked. “Just the big one. What happens when the bridge opens? Is the plan still not to tell anyone about this?”
My heart clenches. “Jake. You know we can’t. Your mom practically had a coronary at the idea of you being stuck here with me. Plus, Danielle and Mike are getting married this weekend. We can’t pull the focus away from their big day with news about us. Especially when there isn’t even an ‘us.’”
He nods, but he doesn’t look at me. “Yeah. That’s what I figured.”
I snuggle closer into him. “We don’t have to think about it yet. We’re still here. And I, for one, plan to enjoy the break from real life now that we’re no longer in mortal danger. No school. No work. No family drama. We can sleep as much as we want. Or do…other stuff.” I wiggle my eyebrows. “If we only had some actual food, this would be a perfect day.”
Jake kisses my forehead and gestures at the room. “Technically, I am at work right now.”
“Don’t worry, I know the property manager. I’m sure he’s okay with it.”
He chuckles as his hand finds mine. “Oh, he definitely is. Tell me about your job. Danielle said you’re writing now?”
I shift my body and look at the ceiling. “Yeah. It’s going okay, I guess. I’ve made a decent number of sales. But I’m taking a writing class with a professor who doesn’t like my work at all, and it’s messing with my head a little.”
He squeezes my hand. “I’m sure your stuff is great.”
I shrug and nuzzle into his chest. “Your turn. Tell me something I don’t know about you.”
“I think I want to open an art studio,” he tells the top of my head.
“Really? Wow. That’s big.”
“Yeah, well. My dad’s been on my case about not having a real job, but I can’t see myself spending the next forty years in corporate America wearing a tie and saying things like, ‘Let’s circle back to where we dropped the ball in quarter two.’”
I can’t picture that for Jake either. It would make him miserable.
“I was thinking a community studio would be cool. I could show other artists’ work. Or just have a creative space to host classes or something. If I can find a building. In the meantime, I’m going to teach some free art classes at the library.”
“Really? That sounds awesome.”
“Your turn to tell me something.”
“I miss real food. I had a dream about pizza last night.”
He laughs and squeezes me tighter. “And here I thought all that moaning you were doing might have something to do with me.”
“Nope. Sorry. It was the pizza.”
We chat about nothing and everything until I drift off to sleep in Jake’s arms.
In the morning, I wake up to find him sitting at the foot of the mattress, looking at his phone. He turns to me, the expression on his face unreadable.
“My mom called. The bridge is open.”
“Oh. Um, wow. Then back to reality, I guess?”
After a beat, he nods.
We’re quiet as we haul the mattress back up the stairs and into the bedroom. Then we clean ourselves up with some of the baby wipes and gather the rest of our things. As we leave the house, Jake stands at the garage entrance with his hand on the doorknob. He hesitates briefly, but then he opens the door for me, and we climb into the car.
He’s the first one to speak. “Is it weird to say I don’t know if I’m ready to go back yet?”
“Maybe, but I know what you mean.” I give him a soft smile.
“Pizza?”
My stomach rumbles on cue. “Yes, please! But then home so I can finally brush my teeth with actual toothpaste.”
He drives to an Italian restaurant in Marnock. After living on cupcakes, the smell of savory garlic and tomato perfection that hits my nose when we walk in might be actual nirvana. The sign by the door says to seat ourselves, so I find a table and plop myself down. I expect Jake to sit across from me, but he takes the chair next to mine. We each order a medium pizza for ourselves and dig in as soon as they arrive. I even convince Jake to try a bite of my cheese-free slice loaded with veggies and pineapple. He won’t admit it’s good, but he doesn’t spit it out either, so I’m calling it a win.
“Will you judge me if I order another pizza?” I ask as I start my fourth slice. After three days without a solid meal, I’m famished.
“Only if that one also has pineapple on it.”
I laugh through another bite.
“Are you missing any classes today?” he asks.
“Nah. When they saw how bad the storms were, they canceled for the rest of the week.” I chew slowly, curious about his own education. Once I swallow, I say, “Can you clear something up for me? How does Jacob Gibson fail out of school? Aren’t you supposed to be some kind of genius?”
“Of all people, you should know better than to believe that.” He chuckles, but then he shifts in his chair.
“Jake.” I pin him with a look. “Come on. I know something happened.”
“Nothing happened. Drop it, Alice.”
My name sounds cold and distant coming from him now, like he’s building back up the wall that was between us for years. I don’t want to let that happen again.
“What did you say to me when I told you to drop your probing questions about how I felt about my body? Fat chance? We’re supposed to be friends now. Tell me what happened.”
He groans. “I knew that one would come back to bite me.”
“Give me something true,” I say, still trying to hold onto our time at the cottage.
“Look, I don’t have some salacious, juicy story for you. It feels dumb to even talk about it. But the whole college scene just wasn’t for me. The school was fine, the people were fine. But the pressure to continue to be someone I’m not was too much. I felt like if I didn’t get out, I was going to self-destruct. It was just…really bad for my mental health. End of story. Leave it alone.” His bossy tone is back.
“Yes, daddy,” I mock. I roll my eyes at him, which is just automatic at this point. As much fun as we’ve had over the past couple of days, he’s still ridiculous and exhausting.
His gaze snaps back to my face, and I swear he bores a hole right through my center of gravity with those deep brown eyes. “You’re playing with fire talking to me like that, baby girl.”
Well, damn. R.I.P. my self-respect because I’m pretty sure my nether regions have spontaneously incinerated. The way he’s looking at me makes me want to do something insane, like climb over there and jump him in public. But I’m not going to do it, obviously. We agreed we are never doing that again. Plus, I’m like ninety percent sure he would reject me and then never let me hear the end of it. Although, the way he’s still looking at me makes me think maybe that number is lower. Seventy-five percent chance of rejection?
He tightens his jaw, eyes still locked on mine. Fifty percent chance? I can’t believe I’m actually considering if it might be worth the risk. When he subtly licks his bottom lip my shudder is involuntary. He smirks. He knows exactly what he’s doing. God, I hate his stupid face, but I also can’t stop looking at it. He knows it, too.
This might be the worst thing about living in a small town. There’s no such thing as a casual no-strings-attached hookup. Jake Gibson in particular comes with all of the strings, and it’s just not worth it. No matter how much my body is protesting this decision.
I swallow, resisting all my other urges. “Just so you know, there’s no shame in quitting something that isn’t working for you. And there’s definitely no shame in wanting to take care of your mental health.”
The heat in his eyes fades away. “Thanks, but try being the one to tell Ward and Shelia Gibson their only son is a drop-out.”
“Yeah, I can imagine that didn’t go over very well.”
“You can say that again.”
“That sucks. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all good. I’m figuring things out.” He gathers our scrunched-up napkins off the table. “Come on, you ready?”
I nod and follow him back to the car.
Once we’re over the bridge, I turn to him. “Seriously, Jake. That was a lot of fun. But we can’t do it anymore, and we can’t tell anyone what happened this weekend.” That little panty-melting glitch at the restaurant was confusing.
“I heard you the first twenty times. The message has been received. I already told you, I’m not going to say anything. I’m not in the habit of discussing my sex life with anyone. Besides maybe when someone gets a little needy.” He widens his eyes at me, mocking.
I probably deserve that.
When we pull up to my house, Jake puts a hand on my shoulder. “Goodbye, Ace.” He squeezes lightly, just once.
My skin still tingles from his touch as he drives away.
Inside, my dad is holding a beer and grumbling at the TV. When he sees me, he lowers the aluminum can in his hand.
“Where the hell have you been?” Dad directs his grumbles toward me.
“Didn’t you get my message? We were doing some errands for the wedding and got trapped in Marnock because the bridge was out.”
“That’s a damn lie. Your little friend came by yesterday to ask if I needed anything.”
“I never said Danielle was there. We were doing her a favor and picking up the cupcakes from the bakery when the storm rolled in.”
“ We. ” He takes a slow sip. “Funny how you never mentioned who that meant. That fancy car you just climbed out of belongs to the Gibsons’ boy.”
I don’t say anything.
“You’ve been shacked up with him all week, leaving me here to do everything alone,” he scoffs.
My eyes flash to the dirty paper plates at his feet and the used tissues on the tray next to him. The rest of the house looks the same as it did when I left on Tuesday.
He grunts. “Should have known. You always did take after your mother. She was a pretty thing, and damn that woman could cook, but she couldn’t keep her legs closed either. That’s what started all of this.”
I flinch at his accusation, and he crumples the now-empty can and tosses it to the floor with the discarded plates. I know better than to engage with my dad when he’s like this.
I close my eyes and try to imagine his words rolling off my back like water droplets. But it doesn’t work. Because, unlike what happened with Shelia and Ward, this time his assumption I slept with Jake is true.
This is exactly why I didn’t want anyone to know, and why we can never let it happen again.