Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
Drea
Blair had walked out of the bookstore over two weeks ago, and I hadn’t left since. I rarely went home, except to shower and sleep, which I didn’t get much of these days.
Most nights I slept at the store so I didn’t have to be in my big house alone. It didn’t matter, though. Everywhere I went I was alone.
I was handling this breakup in a different way from my last one. Fucking and drinking my way out of it wasn’t an option this time.
For one, I didn’t think I could just get over someone like Blair, and for two, I could not even fathom looking at someone else, let alone sleeping with them. She was the only one I wanted and the only thing on my mind.
That was why I kept busy at the bookstore. I knew if I stopped long enough, I would think about her and break down, and I couldn’t do that.
Luckily, on top of running the store, I had the book signing to get ready for, so staying busy wasn’t a problem. Cara sent her assistant, Eloise, over a few times to make sure everything was finalized and ready for next week. One more week until I saw Blair again.
I tried to ask about Cara, but she refused to give me any details. It was strictly business anytime she came into the store or sent an email.
I’d also tried to reach out to Kaia, but all communication methods went unanswered; even the Instagram DM I sent was never seen.
I noticed a shift in Daisy as well. I knew they were friends, so I assumed she’d told her what happened. Daisy didn’t come in as often, and when she did, she hardly smiled at me anymore. I still tried, though, but I hadn’t tried to talk to her until today.
I waved at her when she came in. She gave me a small nod and went to sit down. I rounded the counter and followed after her.
Hey, Daisy, I signed when she looked up at me.
After her and Kaia started talking a lot more, I thought it would be a good idea to start learning sign language. Before I drove her away, Kaia was even helping me. I was still learning, but I knew a few phrases.
She sighed before giving me the most uninterested wave back.
Did I do something to upset you?
No, I just… Kaia told me what happened and it was a pretty crappy thing to do, but it’s not my business.
She was right, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. She was too sweet and I had already ruined things with Kaia, but add being rude to Daisy on top of that…
I know I messed up. I’m trying to make things right. I don’t want to put you in the middle of it.
Thank you for that. I just want to enjoy my book, if that’s okay?
I nodded. Of course, sorry to bother you.
Every time the bell above the door rang, my eyes shot up with hope it was either Cara or Kaia. I wasn't stupid enough to think it could have been… anyone else. My chest ached at even the thought of her. It hurt too much to say her name out loud.
I wanted to call her every day, but after she ignored my calls for a week straight, I took the hint and decided to give her some space. I wanted to go to her house and talk to her directly, but I knew that would make things worse.
I wanted more than anything to make things right between us, but I respected the hell out of her, and she deserved her space. Hopefully we could talk at the book signing and I could make things right.
This time, my smile didn’t fall when I saw who came in.
“Hey, love, what are you doing here?” Penelope walked in holding a bag of takeout by the looks of it. I frowned when she locked the door and turned over the closed sign.
When she came up to the counter she looked warily at me. “I brought lunch. Let’s sit, babe.”
The store had emptied by this point, and I was nervous. “Why did you lock the door?” I said cautiously.
“You look like you haven’t eaten or slept in about a week. Sit down and eat!”
“You’re really taking this parenting thing seriously, and you’re not even pregnant… unless—”
“No. I’m not pregnant. I’m just worried about you. You’ve been working nonstop since Blair—”
“Don’t. Talk about her. I’m fine, Pen. I have a store to run. I can’t put that on hold because… because she…” I couldn’t say the words.
“Because she left? You say you’re fine, but you can’t even say her name. Drea, I know it hurts, but working yourself to death won’t bring her back. You need to rest and take time for yourself.” Her tone was soft and not judgmental, but that didn’t stop the pain in my chest.
“I fucked up, Pen. I don’t deserve time for myself.”
“Drea, yes you do. If you love her—”
“Love? Who said anything about love?”
She glared at me. “Really? You’re wallowing and working yourself sick, not eating and barely sleeping, because you aren’t in love with her?
Stop lying to yourself, Drea. Not every relationship is going to be like your parents.
You are not them, and neither is she. You can deny your feelings all you want.
I don’t care. But if you want her back, then get up, close the store, get some sleep, maybe take a shower, and come up with a game plan to do so. But step one, get some damn rest!”
“Jesus, Pen, did Fallon plan that speech?” I laughed when she swatted my arm.
“You can afford to close the store for a few hours. Go home and get some sleep.”
I groaned, knowing she was right. “If it gets you to leave and stop talking about her, then fine, I’ll go.”
I reluctantly closed early and headed home. I walked into my empty house, checked my empty phone before I put it on the nightstand, and climbed into my empty bed.
As soon as my head hit the pillow, all the feelings I’d kept in for the past several weeks came rushing out. One tear for every fucked-up word I said, until I ran out of words and tears and fell asleep.
“Blair!” I woke up from a nightmare screaming Blair’s name and panting. It was the night we broke up, but instead of being in the bookstore, we were outside in a storm. I was yelling for her as she walked away, and she was about to walk off a cliff when I woke up.
I instinctively reached over to her side of the bed to reassure myself she was safe, only to realize my sleeping nightmare was similar to my waking one… She was gone.
Penelope was right, though. After thirteen hours of sleep, I felt a little better and ready for what I had planned that day. I wanted to make things right, and my first stop was Cara.
I knew if I went to her office, her assistant would most likely not let me in the door, so I did the next best thing and went to her house. I might regret it, but I needed to try.
“You have got to be kidding me!” Cara groaned as she opened the door to my timid smiling face.
“Hi,” I said nervously.
“What on earth do you want? Haven’t you done enough?”
I expected her to slam the door in my face, and there was still time for that, but so far, all she did was cross her arms over her chest and lean against the doorframe with an angry expression.
“Can we talk? Please?”
“I don’t think we have anything else to talk about. You fucked my client, lied to me, and ruined our friendship in the process. Did I leave anything out?”
I groaned. “No, just, please let me in so we can talk, Cara.”
She sighed but reluctantly opened the door for me to step inside. “Five minutes, Drea!”
She walked me to the kitchen, and I sat down at the table. “Water?” she asked. She might hate me, but she was still a good host.
I shook my head. “No, thank you. Look—”
“Don’t waste your breath. I already know what you’re going to say. You’re sorry for keeping it from me, you’re sorry for lying about it, and you wish you could take it back, right?”
“I really am sorry, Cara. It was not my intention to fall—”
She scoffed. “What? Fall in love? Don’t tell me you actually love her. You aren’t capable of that emotion. Just ask Skylar. Oh, wait, you can’t because she left you.”
I sighed. “That was a low blow, Cara, but I deserved it, I know.”
I didn’t want to tell anyone before telling Blair how I felt, but I needed Cara to know I was serious.
“She wasn’t just another lay to me, Cara.
I did; I fell in love with her. I know I can’t take any of it back, but I am sorry for everything I said.
I was drunk, and you wouldn’t stop pressuring me to go out with someone, and I was tired of hiding it from you.
I never got the chance to tell her how I felt because I was scared, but I’m sorry.
I know none of that is an excuse for hiding it from you.
You deserved a lot better, and I wish I could change things. ”
“You really think you can come here with a sob story about love and I’ll forgive you?
You lied to me, Drea. You were dating my best friend, or whatever the fuck it was you two were doing, and you both felt the need to pretend nothing was going on, and you even had a discussion about hiding it from me.
That is the part that hurts the most. If you would have told me from the start, I wouldn’t have been so upset.
Shocked, hell yes, but I would have understood. ”
“I know. We wanted to tell you. She was heartbroken that she couldn’t share it with you, but we both thought it would be for the best. Maybe that wasn’t for us to decide, I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t have asked Kaia to—”
“Wait, Kaia knew beforehand?!”
Shit! “She kind of caught us kissing at the store, but I made her promise not to say anything.”
“Wow, you guys are so fucking classy! Who else knows?”
“Cara, Please don’t ask me—”
“Who else knows, Drea?! Can you spare me the truth for once? Don’t I at least deserve that?”
“Of course you do, Cara. That’s why I am here. I’m so sorry we—”
“Who else knows about you two, Drea?!”
I winced. “Everyone else.”
She was quiet for a moment, and I wondered what she was going to say next.
“This is un-fucking-believable! You all must think so little of me to have hidden this. The fact that literally everyone knew—”
“Cara, we don’t think little of you at all.
It was my fault. I asked them not to say anything.
If I’m being honest, at the beginning, I didn’t know what we were doing or if it would last, and I didn’t want to complicate things for something that might have been short term, but I quickly realized that what I felt for her, what I still feel for her, wasn’t going anywhere.
At that point, it was too late and it would have made things too messy, which I guess it still did in the end.
I don’t expect you to forgive me, but please don’t cut Blair out of your life.
She really cares about your friendship, and no part of this was her fault. ”
“I honestly don’t care what your excuses are. The point is, everyone thought it was okay to hide something from me like we were never really friends to begin with. You are wasting your breath and my time. I think it’s time for you to go and take your half-assed apology with you. We are done here.”
She left no room for discussion as she opened her door, waiting for me to pass by. I hated everything about this situation, and I sighed in defeat. I didn’t think I could have said anything else to change her mind.
As I walked out the door, I turned around and gave her one last pleading look. I hadn’t noticed how red her eyes were until now. She was trying to look away so I couldn’t see them. “Cara, I am so sorry.”
She looked at me, and all I could see was hurt and sadness in her gaze. “Me too, Dre.” And with that, she shut the door and I was left on her front porch, alone.