Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
Blair
I hadn’t left the house since I left Cara’s office two weeks ago. I had tried every way possible to reach out. Phone calls, video calls, texts, emails—hell, I even tried to send her a Facebook message. None of them were even opened.
I wasn’t stupid enough to show up at her office, and it would have been embarrassing for me to take a car to her house just so they could see the door getting slammed in my face.
I’d been trying to forget about everything and everyone, so I spent my days sleeping in and writing as much as I could.
I reached for my phone more often than I cared to admit, tapping on Drea’s contact information, only to start crying again as I threw my phone on the bed.
I was getting cabin fever, though, and I needed to get out of the house. I called a car and put my stuff in a bag while I waited.
I didn’t have many places to go, but I had an idea in mind. My first stop was to the shelter where I took Milo for a walk and got him a cup of whipped cream from Brewed Awakening.
My heart stopped when I went in, worried I would see Drea, but I was able to go in and out without a sighting.
After a few hours of spending time with Marcus and Milo, I called for another car, which arrived in three minutes. I took the car twenty minutes away until it stopped in front of an apartment building.
I had only been there once, and I really hoped she was home. I hadn’t thought to call before I showed up, but it was Sunday, so I knew she wasn’t at the bookstore.
I knocked on the door and was thankful when I heard footsteps a minute later.
“Blair? What are you doing here? What’s wrong?”
“Hey, Kaia. Nothing’s wrong. I’m sorry to bother you. Are you busy?”
She shook her head. “No, of course not. You aren’t bothering me at all. Please come in.”
“I’m sorry to just drop in without calling. I was out walking Milo and wanted to come see how things were going, you know, after everything.” I hadn’t talked to Kaia since that night she took me home. “You know, how’s Daisy? How’s… work?”
She smiled. “Daisy’s good. She’s becoming a really good friend.” After the mention of Daisy, her smile fell, and it had me worried. “Work on the other hand, I… uh… quit the night you left.”
My eyes shot up to hers. “Wait, what? Kaia, you can’t quit. You love working there.”
She sighed. “I did, but I couldn’t take it anymore.
She didn’t appreciate everything I did for her.
After I took you home, I tried to be nice and be there for her, like I always do, and we got into a big fight, and I finally snapped.
I’ve never yelled at anyone before, Blair.
I still feel guilty about it, but she needed to hear it.
She ruined her relationship with Skylar because of her commitment issues, and now she ruined her relationship with you—”
“Woah, Kaia. I don’t think we had a relationship. I mean, yeah, I was in love with her, but I don’t know how she felt. We never talked about it aside from our initial conversation and our conversations about not telling Cara.”
She scoffed. “It’s not my place to say—you two need to have that conversation if that's what you want to do—but your feelings were not one-sided. Everyone could see it.”
I didn’t respond to that. I didn’t have it in me to ask more. “I’m sorry things got this messy, Kaia, and I’m sorry we brought you into it.”
She frowned. “It’s not your fault. I should have stood up for myself a long time ago. She’s not a bad person, though. She just needed some tough love, and she needed to know I was serious.”
I knew she wasn’t a bad person. The total opposite, actually. Things would have been a lot easier if she were a piece of shit.
“Oh, before I forget, I brought you something.”
She looked at me, puzzled, and I smiled.
“I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done.
Taking me home that night and helping with all the signings in the past. I know working with the two of us hasn’t been the most pleasant experience.
I made you some snickerdoodle cookies. Drea told me once that you liked them. ” I shrugged.
“All signs point to love,” she said, reading the cover of a sapphic romance novel I picked out at the store.
“Well, I always see you signing with Daisy, so I picked this book up a while ago. It’s a romance novel, and the main character is deaf. I’m sorry if you don’t like it. I can take it back.”
She shook her head, a slight glossiness in her eyes. “No, no, it’s amazing, all of this. I… thank you, Blair.” She came over and gave me a hug and I leaned into the warmth.
“I’m sorry things got shitty,” I whispered. My eyes burned as she squeezed me tighter.
“Me too.” She pulled away and wiped at her own tears. “I’m sorry things turned out the way they did. I hope everything with Cara works out. She should come around eventually.”
I really hoped so…
I was heading for the door when she stopped me. “Oh, Blair?”
“Yeah?” I turned back around.
“She really cares about you. I’ve never seen her like that with anyone else. I just wanted you to know.”
My smile disappeared at the mention of Drea. I cleared my throat. “Goodbye, Kaia.” I turned and walked out the door.
As I was stepping into the elevator, a familiar young woman was getting off and startled when she saw me. I had only seen her a few times, and I smiled before waving to her as she passed me. She returned the gesture and headed down the hall.
I didn’t have a specific direction in mind once I left, so I just mindlessly strolled down the street. I had missed seeing Kaia so often, and it was good to see her again, even if the circumstances weren’t ideal.
My thoughts, of course, took me back to Drea, as they always did. I hated to admit that I missed her. I had to wipe away the tears that were threatening to wash me away right there on the sidewalk. I had to stop giving her the power to break me with just a memory.
I finally pulled myself together long enough to take a look at my surroundings, and I had to chuckle at myself. Even in my mindless wandering, I still ended up in front of Cara’s office.
I wasn’t foolish enough to go in, but I stood there for a few seconds, letting the memories of our friendship and partnership wash over me.
I would have reacted the same way had the roles been reversed. I held our friendship so close to my heart, but all I did was prove the opposite. I showed her that all those years meant nothing to me, which couldn’t have been further from the truth.
I didn’t know how I was going to make it up to her, but I knew I had to try. I had to get her to talk to me one way or another, but I would wait until after the signing. I would give her some time and space to think. Maybe when I got back from spending time with my brother, then we could talk.
I had done everything I could think of to forget about the signing. It would have been a lot easier if it wasn’t part of my job and livelihood.
Eloise and I had been in constant communication, making sure everything was finalized. Anytime I asked about Cara, she would immediately change the subject, and I stopped asking after a while.
We were days out now, and I was dreading it but also looking forward to it.
I loved my job, and although the current state of it was still hanging in the balance, this was one of my favorite parts and I had worked so hard on this book.
I loved connecting with readers and hearing their thoughts.
I always loved when someone felt the same obsession with the characters as I did.
I hoped things were cooled down enough by now that Cara would show up. I wasn’t keeping my fingers crossed or anything, but I desperately wanted her to be there.
I doubted I would see Kaia. She had made it pretty clear she was moving on and had no intention of going. Although she did wish me luck, I hoped Daisy talked some sense into her and convinced her not to leave things the way they had.
Every time I thought of seeing Drea, I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. I had missed her so much since I’d left, but I was still so fucking angry. I knew I shouldn’t be. I was stupid. So unbelievably stupid.
Going in, I knew how things were. I had heard the stories of her ex and their rocky relationship. I had also heard how she handled that breakup before me. I was so stupid to believe I could be the one to change things. I should have known that people like Drea weren’t the settling-down type.
I had been so blinded by the sudden and fiercely strong attraction to her that I hadn’t cared. I’d wanted any part of her I could have, and I’d forgotten all about my feelings and what my brain had been telling me I knew all along.
I finally pulled myself away and continued on my walk until I ended up inside the warm and inviting doors of Brewed Awakening. I had to stop and take a deep, calming breath. I almost wished I had brought my laptop to get some writing done.
“Hey, Blair! It’s so good to see you.” Rylee, the barista, was always so sweet anytime I came in.
I walked up to the counter to greet her, cautiously looking around for any sign of smooth skin and devastating brown eyes.
Her bright smile instantly turned sad as I turned back to her. “She’s not here. She actually hasn’t been in here for a while.” She let the meaning of her words hang between us like a dark cloud.
I sagged in relief and planted on the most genuine smile I could manage. “How are you, Rylee? How did the wedding pictures turn out? I cannot wait to see them!”
Her warm smile returned and I was thankful to see someone not looking at me like a sad sick puppy. “Oh my God! They are stunning, if I do say so myself. I am dying to see everyone’s reactions, but…”
“But?” I supplied, hoping she would continue.
She let out a sigh and went on. “But there are some… Well, I don’t know exactly what is going on with all of you, but what I’ve heard is…” She shook her head and started again. “Sorry, I just hate bringing up past issues, but I took some pictures of you and Drea.”
My eyes grew wide. “Oh.”
“Not that it matters anymore, but I was going to make sure you guys saw them first before I sent them to Fallon and Mackenzie. I just… You guys looked truly captivating. I couldn’t help myself.”
I could feel my eyes burning, and I had to clench my jaw to prevent the tears from falling. “No, it’s all right. Thank you for telling me. Has she…?” It hurt way too much to say her name out loud but I knew Rylee picked up on what I was asking. Has she seen them?
“I offered to show her the last time I talked to her. She refused.” She paused before her voice grew softer.
“She wanted you to see them first and decide what you wanted to do with them. Please feel free to tell me to delete them if you wish. I had to… The two of you looked so happy and in love that it would have been a shame to miss out on the opportunity to capture it, but I understand whatever your decision.”
This time, clenching my jaw wasn’t nearly enough, and a few tears escaped anyway. I quickly wiped them away, but it didn’t matter. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t hide all the pain and anger I felt.
I cleared my throat and tried to gain control of myself again. “Thank you, Rylee. Looks can be deceiving, I suppose, but I appreciate the gesture, nonetheless. I would love to take a look, but I’m not sure I can right now. I’m sorry. Would you mind emailing them to me?”
She nodded. “Of course, Blair. Whatever you need. I’m sorry I brought it up. I just thought you would want to know. Can I get you anything while you’re here? A chai, maybe?”
I smiled and agreed. “That would be lovely, thank you.”
After I got my drink, I settled myself in a chair in the back corner. Luckily the coffee shop was just about dead this time of day, but it felt nice to sit somewhere that wasn’t in my office and have a change of scenery.
I watched the hundreds of people walking outside, living their own lives. I made up stories about men on their phones having important business calls on the other end, or their mothers asking when they were going to settle down.
Eventually Rylee went on break, and I invited her to sit with me. We chatted until a customer came in and she had to get back. It was nice to socialize and not think about what a mess my life had become, if only for a little while.