Chapter 42
Chapter Forty-Two
Drea
The day of the book signing had finally arrived, and I was on edge, per usual. Usually when it came to book signings with Blair, I was stressed because I wanted to get them over with so I wouldn’t have to see her again. This time was different.
I was anxious to see her, I was nervous, and I was dreading the end. I didn’t know what was going to happen. Would she want to talk to me? Would she leave without a word? If I was being honest with myself, I was terrified she would walk out the door for the last time.
Normally I had Fallon and Kaia with me to help calm the nerves. Fallon was coming later, and Kaia…
I wasn’t na?ve to think she would show up. She didn’t owe me anything. I hadn’t given too much detail when I’d texted Fallon weeks ago asking if she would help like she normally did. She’d been on her honeymoon, and I hadn’t wanted to upset her.
She’d spent three weeks in Bali, and I’d wanted her to enjoy every minute of it. I planned to tell her about Blair and me when she got to the bookstore, or after the event. Maybe I didn’t have to tell her at all. That seemed like a way better option.
I still had another hour before the store even opened, and I was setting up the table when the door opened.
“Hey, babe. Thanks for—”
“Andrea Elise Voss! What the fuck is going on? I leave to go be blissfully married and in love, and I come back to complete chaos?!”
“Whoa, Fallon! No need for government names. Relax, will you?”
She scoffed. “Relax?! How am I supposed to relax when my whole life got turned upside down without me even being here?!”
“Okay, Fresh Prince. Let me guess, Kaia told you?” I asked. “I should have known.”
“Actually, no, you ass hat! She wouldn’t tell me anything other than that she quit.
Rylee just told me all about your fight at the bar when I got my coffee.
What possessed you to insult Blair like that?
I thought you liked her? It sure seemed that way at my wedding, but maybe I read it wrong.
Maybe she really was just another name in your book. ”
I glared at her, giving her a pass for just coming back from her honeymoon, and also not in the mood to piss off someone else I loved. “Don’t do that, Fallon. You know damn well she wasn’t.”
“Well, then what the fuck happened?!” I had never seen Fallon so angry at me before. Mackenzie was right, though, it wasn’t a pretty sight.
“I was drunk! And Cara kept pressuring me to go out on dates, but I couldn't tell her why I wouldn’t, and I just couldn't take it anymore!” I yelled.
“Seriously, Drea, what is wrong with you? You could have gone about it so differently without tarnishing her name and essentially ruining everything between you two.”
“I know, Fallon. I fucked everything up. I was really drunk and upset. It just slipped out. I wish I could take it back.”
“I get that, but you can’t. And what about Kaia quitting? She is the sweetest, most loyal person I know, and you made her quit?!” She rubbed her fingers between the bridge of her nose, and I felt like I was a disappointing child being scolded.
“I am gone for three fucking weeks and come back to a shitshow. God, I really need my wife right now,” she muttered under her breath.
“Oh, and thank you oh so very much for ratting us out to Cara! We were finally at a good place, and you had to throw me under the bus? Now she refuses to talk to any of us, even Rylee!”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to lie to her anymore. And you agreed not to say anything, remember?” I wasn’t trying to place blame, but I was tired of everyone yelling at me, even though I knew I deserved it.
“We agreed because you promised to tell her yourself. I told you from day one that you were putting Cara in a shitty situation. And I convinced myself that it was okay to lie for you because I was tired of seeing you miserable after Skylar, but now you put us all in a fucked-up position, Dre!”
“I know! I did tell her… just not in the way I wanted to. I fucked up, okay? Kaia was right.” I couldn’t help but yell. I wasn’t yelling at her; I was yelling at myself for being so fucking stupid and making a huge mess of things.
“Yeah, you did! And back to Kaia, what the hell?!”
I groaned. “She said she’d had enough. I was still drunk and dealing with the breakup and I was upset and yelled at her.
She shouldn’t have brought Blair with her, but I know it’s not really her fault.
She told me that I deserved everything that happened, and she was right.
I drove Blair away, and now I have to live with it.
I should have told her how I felt and figured out a way to tell Cara, before things got ugly, but I didn’t. ” I rubbed my face in my hands.
“And how do you feel, Dre?”
I sighed. “I can’t explain it, but she was different.
I didn’t even have to try with her. I know it hadn’t been that long, and we didn’t start off on the greatest terms, but I think something has always been there between us, at least for me.
Maybe that’s why I kept agreeing to work with her.
I think a part of me wanted her in my life, no matter the circumstances. ”
She sighed. “It sounds to me like you have feelings for her, strong ones, if I had to guess. Do you love her, Dre?”
She spoke so softly and sweetly I wanted to cry. My best friend knew me too well, and there wasn’t a trace of anger or judgment in her tone.
I glared at her. “Fallon, seriously? You’re asking if I love her? Of course I love her! I wouldn't be feeling this way if I didn’t. My world doesn’t exist without her in it. It feels like a piece of my heart disintegrates bit by bit with every day she’s not here.”
I hadn’t realized I was crying until Fallon came up to me and wiped a tear with the pad of her thumb. “Babe?” she whispered softly, and I leaned into her touch.
“I know, I’m a mess. What am I supposed to do? I need her, Fal. She’s like a telescope, and without her, I can’t see the stars shining in the night sky.”
“First of all, wow, that is some poetic sappy shit that I did not expect from you, like at all.”
I nudged her arm. “I’m serious, babe.”
I hated feeling like this, and I needed my best friend to cut the bullshit and tell me the truth like I had done with her so many times before. I couldn’t imagine a life where I didn’t have Blair, so I needed to come up with a plan, and fast.
She let out a loud, dramatic sigh. “Okay, well, first things first, clean your face off. She’ll be here soon, and you have a business to run. You need to clean up and get your shit together. Handle the signing like you do every other one and be professional.”
I nodded, words failing me as I tried to calm my nerves. I knew she was right. I couldn't let Blair see me like this. I couldn’t let her see how miserable I was without her, but I wasn’t going to lie to her and make her think I’d already moved on without her.
“Get through the signing. Then when it’s all over and everyone is gone, try to talk to her, but don’t make her think she has no choice but to listen, but also make her listen. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah… kind of?” It didn’t make sense to me at all, but maybe that was because my brain had no space for anything that wasn’t daily basic functions, and Blair.
She rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Dre, do I have to spell out everything for you? Just finish the signing and then talk to her. Don’t put pressure on anything but be honest and say what needs to be said. Then let her decide what happens next and go from there.”
That sounded doable, I supposed. My nerves were running rampant, but I would have to put them aside for now because the door opened and every organ in my body stopped altogether.
Blair walked through the doors, the picture of perfection.
She wore a long and flowy army-green short-sleeved summer dress.
It crisscrossed in the front, over her abdomen, showing just a little bit of skin, and she looked radiant in it.
She wore brown gladiator sandals with it, and it made my chest ache.
She was so fucking beautiful, and she used to be mine.
Seeing her again for the first time since our breakup was like time stood still. Like I was looking at a photograph of her and not the real thing. I wanted to wrap the moment in bubble wrap and keep it safe and out of harm’s way. I never wanted anything to taint the moment.
Unfortunately I wasn’t looking at a photograph, and time resumed when Fallon started heading over to Blair.
She turned her head when she noticed Fallon, and our eyes met.
She took in a breath as her lips parted.
Neither of us said a word as we silently stared at each other.
I had to grip the counter so I didn’t get tempted to get too close.
Thankfully I could hear their conversation from where I stood. “Hey, Blair, you look amazing!” Fallon went in for a hug, and Blair looked happy for the first time since she’d walked in.
“Thank you, Fallon. Marriage looks good on you. How’s Mackenzie? How was Bali?”
Her eyes never left Fallon the entire time she gushed about her honeymoon and her life as a newlywed.
“Drea’s over there if you want to…” She trailed off as she hitched her thumb and saw me staring at them.
I hated the distance between us. I hated that I couldn’t just go over there and say something or hold her and kiss her. To tell her how proud I was of her and how amazing I thought she was.
Blair cleared her throat and still didn’t make eye contact with me. “Oh… uh, actually, I was just going to get set up at my table, if that’s okay? It’s probably best if I just stay over here and do my job.”
I turned away to grab some things from the back, giving them privacy and giving myself a chance to pull it together.
I only had to get through a few hours of looking at Blair, and I could move on.
I didn’t even have to interact with her.
She had already been paid, and so had I. There was nothing left to say or do.
That was a fucking lie. There was a lot to say, but now wasn’t the time. I was going to give her space, and as Fallon said, I was going to get through the signing before I could even think about talking to her.
I should have known better. I was never going to make it through the signing!
Why did I ever think this was a good idea?
I should have just broken the contract and paid the crazy fees or done whatever I had to do. Anything would have been better than staring at Blair in her element without being able to be there for her like I wanted.
I couldn’t help but stare at her and watch as she sat at the table with a genuine smile on her face that never wavered, even after talking with fans one after another. Not being able to receive that same expression made my heart ache.
She barely looked at me all day, and when she did, I was desperate to run up and hug her. To comfort her and let her know I loved her. She never smiled when she looked at me, and it broke my heart all over again every single time.
Fallon was working her ass off today, and I made a mental note to pay her accordingly.
She always refused anytime I tried to pay her for helping, but somehow, I would force her to take it this time.
She was running interference between me and Blair and helping with any issues that came up.
Mackenzie showed up for two hours to help before she had to get to work, but luckily they actually worked the entire time and never looked freshly fucked.
The book signing was finally finishing up, and I told Fallon I was heading to my office to finish up a few things. I didn’t have the courage to say goodbye or to stick around to watch Blair leave.
Fallon gave me a look that screamed, You’re pathetic, but I didn’t have it in me to care. It hurt too much. Of course, she didn’t say anything about it and promised to give my thanks to Blair and finish up out front.
I was replying to some emails when there was a knock on my office door. “Babe, I’m not sure why you’re knocking when you can just—”
“Hi.”