Chapter 23
twenty-three
JULIAN
I must’ve lain awake for hours after Mila fell asleep, just watching her calm breathing I waited six years to hear again. I replayed our conversation before she passed out and agonized over everything I didn’t say—like how she belonged in Willow’s Cove with me instead of in New York, or I was stupid for letting her go all those years ago, that I’ve mourned the life we could’ve had every day since.
While she stayed sleeping, I slipped out of her room to start a pot of coffee I knew she’d need to cure her inevitable hangover. I started writing out my itinerary for the day and grunted at Sofia’s handwritten note plastered on my fridge.
WEDDING REHEARSAL @ 7. DON’T YOU DARE BE LATE.
In any other circumstance, I would’ve been happy my little sister was getting married in a day, but it meant Mila was closer to leaving, and there was still so much I hadn’t said.
I smiled to myself when I heard footsteps dragging slowly down the hallway to the kitchen. “Good morning, Sunshine.” I prepared her coffee the way I memorized it and slid her mug across the counter. “I figured you’d need this.”
She sighed with contentment. “Oh my God, thank you. I feel like shit.”
“Do you remember last night?” I asked.
Her brows rose as she took a sip from her mug. “Honestly, everything is a little blurry after I passed out at the bar. How bad was it?”
I was sort of relieved she didn’t remember rejecting me. “You woke up looking for a trash can and asked me to stay with you for the night.”
I chuckled when her face blanched. “So you slept…” She stopped mid-sentence as if she didn’t dare to finish.
“Right next to you.”
She groaned and buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I swear. I’m not touching a drop of alcohol the rest of the time I’m here.”
“I didn’t mind.” It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her if she asked me to stay with her again, I wouldn’t hesitate. Her eyes went wide when she saw Sofia’s note on the fridge. “Shit, I forgot about the rehearsal.”
“That’s not the worst of it. Sofia will barge through the door any minute to drag us to help set up.” I knew my sister, so I knew she’d milk the excuse of being the bride to get me to do her dirty work as much as she could.
“I can’t believe she’s getting married tomorrow. It seems like yesterday we were all just hanging out at the cove together.”
“Tell me about it. She was just a kid who had just finished high school when I left for the Air Force, and when I came back, she was dating the mayor’s son. It’s still hard to wrap my head around.” It was just like Sofia to do the most unpredictable thing while I was away.
“I’ve never been a part of a wedding party before. I’m kind of nervous,” she said.
“You just have to stand there and look beautiful, which won’t be hard.” I knew I couldn’t say things like that, but it was like word vomit.
Speaking of the devil, Sofia barged in with a wide split grin. “I’m getting married tomorrow!” I tried to push her off when she rushed up and hugged me tightly. “Can you believe it, Julian?”
“I can’t believe he’s still going through with it after your bridezilla phase these past few months.” There was no doubt Levi loved her after seeing her spiral over the smallest details during their wedding planning.
When she tried to shove my shoulder, it only made her angrier when I didn’t budge. “Screw you. I just like things done a certain way. You would too if you were getting married.”Suddenly, I was back in turmoil, and Mila seemed to have the same reaction when my eyes darted over to her. One thing I knew for sure was, I had to pull it the hell together if I was going to survive the day.
“Where is the infamous Levi?” I would never tell her I didn’t hate talking with him at the bar. Underneath his wealth and family scandals, he seemed…normal.
“Waiting at the venue. Breakfast is on us for anyone willing to help set up before the florists get there, so chop-chop.” She pulled her luxury sunglasses over her eyes.
“If I make my own breakfast here, can I opt out of going?” Even through her dark lenses, I saw her eyes narrow with anger. “No. You have five minutes to get dressed and be in my car before I pull you out myself.” She turned and walked out.
“See what I mean? Bridezilla,” I said. Somehow, she’d gotten even scarier under the pressure of a wedding.
Mila laughed under her breath. “You ready?”
“Absolutely not.”
* * *
I expected nothing less from a wedding thrown by the founding family than to have it in the town’s most renowned building. The white carpet that led a path inside was lined with flowers, and every tree was wrapped with lights, but inside, it seemed as if it were a royal wedding. Crystal chandeliers hung from the high ceilings, creating the illusion we’d stepped into a cathedral church, and there were flowers in every corner that made my nose scrunch.
The staff of people setting up chairs nearly knocked me over as they filled the room to the point where there was hardly anywhere to stand. “Did they invite the whole goddamn town?” I whispered to myself.
“Just about.” The voice came from Levi, who had been standing next to me longer than I’d noticed. “Let me guess: my sister?” I watched people dressed in uniforms roam chaotically around the room.
“Actually, Sofia and I wanted something more intimate, but unfortunately, when you’re a Willow, you have to keep up appearances.” His grim expression changed the instant an elderly woman walked up and greeted him as if he were a celebrity.
“I should’ve asked this a long time ago, but how does my sister fit into all of this once she marries you?” I knew Sofia could handle herself, but it was second nature to look after her.
He adjusted his tie before he spoke. “She knew before we got engaged my family expects a certain image. The whole damn town does.” He forced a smile as people walked by. I could barely handle being put under a microscope by my dad when I was younger, I couldn’t imagine having a whole town of people watching my every move.
“That’s a lot of pressure to put on people,” I said.
He scoffed with no trace of humor. “You have no idea.” I’d be honest—I’d spent most of their engagement judging him for his last name and over analyzing anything he did. I never made an effort to actually get to know the guy Sofia was marrying.
“By the way, as Sofia’s big brother, I’m obligated to threaten you not to break her heart, but I kind of like you, so I’ll just ask you nicely.”
He erupted into laughter. “I appreciate that. She was the first person who made me feel normal despite who my family was, so I promise I’ll take care of her.”
Sofia and I used to always say it was us against the world. I protected her and she protected me for our entire lives, so while it was hard to let go and let someone else take over, it was then I knew she was in good hands. “I’ll hold you to that.”
“Julian! Levi!” I flinched when a high-pitched voice echoed from across the room. “What are you guys doing just standing here? We’re rehearsing our walks down the aisle.”
“I was giving him relationship advice. Don’t worry, Sof, he’s good to go.” I placed a quick peck on her forehead, but she wasn’t amused.
“Please, you’re the last person who should be giving advice. You couldn’t even ask Cami to be your date to the wedding. A dance partner, Julian? Really?”
I shrugged. “She was put off by the idea of it being a date, so I pivoted.”
“I love you, but you’re an idiot.” She pulled both me and Levi to the group already waiting by the altar still being built. I tried not to look at Mila, but she was like a magnet pulling my attention to her.
“Okay, since we’re all here, Taylor and Elijah will walk together first, then Jasmine and Trevor, Chloe and Josh, and finally, Cami and Julian.” Our eyes shot up at the same time with a hint of panic.
“I thought I was walking with Taylor?” I tried to mask the shakiness in my voice.
Sofia’s smile wasn’t friendly in the slightest. “I changed it. Do you want to ask any more questions less than twenty-four hours before my wedding?”
I shuddered from her shrill voice. “Nope.”
“Good choice.”
I was trembling when I joined Mila behind the other pairs. I always imagined the first time I walked down an aisle with her would be under different circumstances, like her in a white dress, me in a tux, and after we’d just said our vows. Staring at the altar was just another reminder of how much I’d fucked everything up. “Are you okay? Your hands are shaking,” she whispered.
I couldn’t speak once the music started up, and each couple walked down together one by one. When it was finally our turn, she gripped my hand. “Usually, it’s the groom who gets cold feet, Perez.”
Only shallow breaths escaped me as we walked further down, with everyone at the altar staring at us with watchful eyes. “I’m just nervous about all of the eyes that’ll be on us,” I lied.
“It’s just a quick walk to the end, then everyone will be looking at Sofia. We’ll do it together.” When I looked over at her, her beautiful blue eyes had a familiar sparkle in them. She was my Mila, who could make everything else disappear.
* * *
After four run-throughs of walking down the aisle, practicing Sofia and Levi’s vow exchanges, speeches, and finally, the rehearsal dinner, I was exhausted. I was ready to sleep until we had to come back and do it all again, but I still had a speech to write.
I was just as anxious to leave as everyone else trickling out, but unfortunately, Sofia was our ride, and she was taking forever to finish up with her wedding coordinator.
“I have an idea that might change the mood you’ve been in all day.” Mila sank into the chair next to me.
“I haven’t been in a mood.” I tried to sound convincing, but I could never fool her.
“You remember I dated you for two years? I know when something is bothering you.” She managed to pull me up. “Come on, let’s go.”
“Sofia was our ride, remember?”
“Levi’s waiting for her while we take her car for a little spin.” The exhaustion I felt just minutes before was the furthest on my mind as I followed her without a second thought. I was surprised Sofia had let Mila get her hands on the keys to her brand-new Ford Bronco. Then again, I let her drive my Mustang, which was my most prized possession, so I guess I wasn’t the only one who could never tell her no.
We peeled out of the parking lot and drove down the dark, open road in the opposite direction of my house. “Where are we going?” I asked over the wind whistling outside.
My heart skipped a beat when she looked over with a wide smile. The thought of having nothing but the memory of it for the next years of my life made me uneasy. “You’ll see.”
When I looked out the window again, woods surrounding us became familiar, and I knew exactly where we were headed. It had been six years since I’d gone to my spot; I couldn’t bear the memories of all the times I’d been there with Mila. “You remembered,” I said.
“Of course. It’s the second best view in town,” she teased, the way she used to when we’d debate on whose view was better. When she brought the car to a stop, I climbed out first and rushed to her side to guide her out. “What are we doing here?”“You always said The Bluffs were the place that got you out of your head. It looked like you needed it.” I didn’t know whether to be glad or curse that she still could read me so well. We walked through the same tall grass we did years ago, which led to The Bluffs, and I basked in her closeness as she stayed glued to me like Velcro. “I still hate this walk. It’s eerie as hell.” I chuckled under my breath as we found our way through the woods lit only by the moon.
All I could do was stand in frozen awe when we finally reached the view that was my escape as a kid. The green acres still spread for miles and surrounded the beautiful lake I’d always admired. The only thing that had changed was the number of lights coming from the houses in the town over; it seemed to have doubled over the years.
Mila brought me there to cheer me up, but all it did was remind me of the first time I ever took her there, and how hooked I was the second I saw a glimpse of the girl she was scared to show everyone else at Willow High. I sat on the ledge so only my legs hung over, and I took a sharp breath when she joined me. Her warmth traveled into every crevice of my body. “Can I tell you something, Mila?”
“Shoot.”
“You were right. I pulled some strings with my coach for that A on our presentation.” I tucked my lips to contain the laughter on the verge of erupting.
“I knew it!” Her laughter echoed into the open space ahead of us.
“I saw my one shot and took it.” I wasn’t even a little sorry.
She nudged me as a soft smile pulling at her lips. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you did.” Silence fell between us as we admired the view, until she spoke again. “You know you can talk to me about what’s bothering you, right?”
I soaked in her perfect face. “I know.” I was tempted to spill out everything I’d kept hidden and hope for the best outcome, but the night before only proved she was in love with someone else. I couldn’t ignore the voice in the back of mind saying, maybe it overpowered the love she once felt for me.
“I came here after you left.”
A soft gasp escaped her before she swallowed hard. “I’ve tried to forget that day, if I’m being honest.”
“You’re lucky. I can’t seem to forget it.” No matter how many times I replayed that day in my head and wished for a different outcome, it ended the same, like reading the same book and hoping for a different ending.
“I wanted to be mad at you, but after a few years, I understood. We were just kids who were hit with the reality of the real world too fast. Maybe it’s as simple as us not being meant to be.”
She didn’t see the moment I flinched. “Do you really believe that?”
She folded her hands in her lap. “I mean, I kind of have to, right? I never would have fallen in love with Greyson if things didn’t play out the way they did.”
I kept a straight face while my heart shattered into a million pieces. “Maybe you’re right.”
“I loved you, though, Julian. I didn’t want to say it before, but I am now.” Loved. Past tense.
First loves were supposed to be beautiful, but no one warned me how shitty it would feel the moment it died.