Chapter 27
twenty-seven
JULIAN
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and the memory of Mila’s tear-filled face as her words echoed in my head.
I followed everyone’s advice and asked her to stay, and we ended up in a screaming match. All hope she wasn’t getting on her plane that morning was lost, but at least I had the memory of her lips. Kissing her was stupid, especially after she’d just screamed at me, but I couldn’t let her leave without her lips pressing an imprint on mine one last time. If that made me selfish, then so be it.
I couldn’t ignore she was leaving as much as I couldn’t shut off my feelings for her. It was quiet when I walked out to the kitchen, with no sign she’d made coffee or was even awake, until I noticed the door to her room cracked open. I lightly knocked as I pushed it open. “Mila? You in here?”
Her half-packed suitcases were laid on her bed. Clothes were scattered, books were shoved inside the pockets of her suitcase, and the only thing lying on her nightstand was the silver-studded C necklace I’d gotten for her at the farmer’s market. I’d seen it around her neck at the wedding, which meant she’d taken it off after our heated argument, and I only had myself to blame.
Suddenly, I heard the front door close, and I hurried out to catch her rummaging through the fridge. She tensed the moment we met eyes, and I felt as if I wanted to vomit. “Good morning. Where were you?”
“Taylor’s. I told her I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.” The thought of us saying goodbye made me nauseous. “I should go finish packing.”
She started down the hall, but I reached out to stop her. I didn’t have any more room for regret, so I ripped off the band-aid and swallowed my pride. “Mila, I know things got out of hand last night, but I want you to know, I’m sorry. I also shouldn’t have kissed you.” I kept the thought to myself, how I couldn’t forget how soft her lips were as they wrapped around mine, or how for a split second, I felt when she wanted to give in.
She walked back and eased into the chair closest to me. “I thought hard about whether I should be mad at you this morning, but I decided I don’t want us to leave on bad terms again. We both said things I’d rather just forget altogether.”
Was I a coward for finally accepting the truth that I was once again letting her slip through my fingers? “What if I can’t forget?” I rushed out before I could psych myself out.
“Julian, I don’t want to fight—” I cut her off before she could say anything that would leave my heart in pieces again. “Then we won’t. I can’t let you leave without knowing the answer to the question you asked me last night.”
Her blue eyes softened.
After I’d threatened my dad to leave town and never contact me or Sofia again, or else I’d tell everyone what he’d done to us, we swore it would stay our secret. It wasn’t only to save us from the pity, but once she got involved with the Willows, we knew we’d be a story in the local paper if it ever got out.
“I lied, Mila. Of course I wanted to go with you to New York, but I couldn’t because…” I forced the secret that had been ruining my life for years from the depths of my throat. “I needed to stay back with Sofia to protect her.”
Her eyes roamed over my face with concern. “Protect her from what?”
“Our dad.” My mouth was sour after speaking about him after all those years, but if there was any chance of getting her back, I had to take it.
“What do you mean?”
My leg shook as I imagined myself as a kid in that hellhole I grew up in. “He was a drunk who took his anger out on the people around him, and it was usually me, but it happened once to Sofia the night of our graduation. I had to make sure he was gone from our lives forever before I felt comfortable leaving Sofia in Willow’s Cove.”
Her face drained of color. “Wait, why didn’t you…I could’ve…If I’d known that, I would’ve?—”
I saved her from finding the words. “You would’ve stayed.”
She nodded because that was Mila—selfless, brave, and headstrong when she set her mind to something. Who was I to keep her hidden away from the world just because I couldn’t stomach the thought of being without her?
“I’m sorry you both went through that. You didn’t deserve it,” she spoke gently. “So, everything you said that day…” She could barely form any sentences through her jagged breaths.
“It was to get you to leave me behind. I wanted the life we talked about. I still want it. Why do you think I’m living in this house?”
She shot out of the chair and tried to gather herself as she paced around the living room. “You didn’t think to tell me this the whole time I was here instead of springing it on me an hour before my flight?”
I seared my eyes into hers. “Would it have made a difference?” I knew the answer when she didn’t respond, and I’m glad she didn’t say it out loud, because I wouldn’t have recovered.
She shook her head and wiped her eyes as they started to water. “For four years, I held onto hope you’d show up or call. I would’ve followed you anywhere, Julian, but that was then. Now, there’s Greyson. Even though you didn’t do it intentionally, he mended the heart you broke, and I can’t just throw that away.”
There was suddenly a hollow hole where my heart once was. Some things, you just can’t take back, no matter how hard you try. That dreadful moment was one of mine.
“I just want you to be happy, Mila.” It’s all I’ve ever wanted, even if it meant living without her. She wiped a tear that streamed down her face, but before she could speak again, a knock on the door interrupted us. Sofia was on a plane to Paris for her honeymoon, and I was sure Elijah was passed out in his hotel room, so I hesitated to answer. All the blood in my body rushed to the surface when I saw a man in a perfectly tailored suit and dark sunglasses hovering in my doorway.
He scanned me up and down and offered me his hand. “You must be Julian. I’m Greyson.”