Chapter 30
thirty
JULIAN
6 YEARS AGO
I knew it was selfish. I’d spent the entire drive convincing myself to turn back around, but I couldn’t let Mila leave with our last moment together being a bad memory. She had to know that, one day, when I felt worthy of her, I’d find her again.
I decided to use her front door instead of scaling her roof, but I froze when Mrs. Vega appeared on the other side of the door with puffy eyes as if she’d just finished crying. “Hi, Mrs. Vega. Can I see Cami, please?” She didn’t have to say anything for me to know she was gone. My heart suddenly felt the absence.
“You just missed her. I’m really sorry, Julian.” The look on her face when I saw her last flashed through my mind. That couldn’t be the last time I ever saw her. I refused to believe it.
I kept my voice from breaking in front of her. “Could you just give her a message for me the next time you talk to her? I doubt she’d pick up any of my calls.”
She smiled tightly. “Come inside. You look like you’ve had a rough couple of days.” Was it that obvious there weren’t enough words to describe what was scrambling in my mind?
I sat on the couch and stared at the framed picture of Mila on the table beside me. I knew it was from kindergarten because I remembered what she was wearing the first time I saw her.
Mrs. Vega sat across from me on the chair with her hands in her lap. “Is everything okay, Julian?”
I nodded. “I’m fine.” She had the same look Mila did when she knew I was lying. I never noticed how much they resembled each other until her blue eyes bore into mine.
“Really? One minute, you’re going to New York with Cami, then you’re not. Before she left, she said she had this feeling it was because something else was going on, and you needed her. Was she right?”
My head snapped. “She said that?” I should have known. She was always too smart for her own good.
“As a mom, I sort of have these instincts that tell me when someone is spiraling. You don’t have to tell me what you’re going through, Julian, but I have to ask why you felt like you couldn’t tell Cami.”
I ran my hands through my hair as I tried to find the right words without giving too much away. No one could find out about my dad—not for his sake, but for mine and Sofia’s. “I couldn’t be the one to hold her back from her dreams.”
Her entire face lit up as she held a hand over her chest. “I can’t tell you how much that means. I’ve always wanted what’s best for her, and now I know you do too.”
“Of course I do. I love her, Mrs. Vega,” I choked out.
“I know, and it’s because you love her that I’m asking you to do something for her sake.”
I agreed with no hesitation. “Anything.”
“I made her promise not to come back to Willow’s Cove, but I know you’re the only person who could get her to break it, so I need you to promise me you won’t contact her for a while.”
My entire body tensed. “How long is a while?”
“At least until she finishes college. She has a chance most people in this town don’t get, Julian. Neither of us can jeopardize that.” I was spiraling after being without her for a day; the thought of living without her for four years made me nauseous, but if staying away until it was the right time for both of us meant she’d have a chance to make something of herself, then I’d make the sacrifice a hundred times over. “Okay. I promise.”
She smiled. “Now promise me in the meantime, you’ll take care of yourself. That way you’ll be the best version you could be when she comes back to you, because she will. That’s my promise.” It was funny how my own parents couldn’t give a damn about me, but she did.
“I’ll hold you to that. Thank you, Mrs. Vega. I guess I’ll be seeing you around.” I got up out of the chair and offered her a smile before walking to the door.
“One more thing.” She called out. “Make sure she knows where to find you.” I looked back at her one last time, only thinking of Mila’s face.
I had every intention of getting in my car and driving away, but when I looked up at her window, I knew I had to go in for my own sake.
I used the tree branches I’d climbed plenty of times to scale her roof, and of course, her window was unlocked. Maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I had a thought she’d left it that way because she knew I’d come. I sat down on her bed and looked around at the walls that had been stripped of all the posters, the desk empty of CDs, and her bookshelf nearly empty, because there was no way she’d leave the state without her favorite books.
I sat on her bed, realizing I’d never sneak in just to see her face again or scare her while she was reading. Four years apart was going to feel like hell, but for her, I was willing to wait a lifetime.
As I crawled back out of her window, my eyes caught the framed picture of us lying flat on her desk. I’d seen it hundreds of times, but that time, there was a note with Mila’s cursive handwriting tucked in one of the corners.
I held it together until I traced my finger over the three words.
forever and always - Mila