Chapter 35
thirty-five
JULIAN
I was a man possessed by unwavering thoughts. It’d been almost a month since I’d seen Mila, and every day, the house echoed in her absence. Every room, corner, and crevice held the memory of her smile or voice.
The sun had barely greeted the day when my sister graced me with an unwanted visit. I knew whatever news she had was urgent because not only was she not an early riser, but we hadn’t spoken much since I told her I was considering re-enlisting.
“I didn’t even know you woke up this early,” I said from under the hood of Bill’s truck he’d dropped off earlier that week. Fixing cars had been a nice distraction, since I couldn’t fix the mess in my head.
Instead of throwing back a smart remark, she stood quiet, which was the first red flag something was wrong. Rather than her usual perkiness, her face was void of color. “Who died?” I asked sarcastically.
She spoke so soft, I could barely hear her. “I saw this when I woke up this morning.” She flipped over her phone and showed me a photo of Mila with a diamond ring on her left hand, the guy who was standing in my living room a month prior next to her, a smile on her face. If I hadn’t been grasping the truck’s hood, my legs would have buckled and sent me straight to the floor. She was getting married—to someone else. The last month had been hell, and seeing her completely fine and moved on shattered what was left of me.
Everything started to spin, but I kept myself upright in front of Sofia. “Why are you showing me this?” Whether it was to rub salt in the wound or to remind me it could’ve been me next to her in the picture if I hadn’t fucked up, it was working.
“What really happened with Cami before she left, J? It’s just me.” I’d had enough of people trying to force my hand. They all told me to pour my heart out, and when I did, it was for nothing. They all wanted an explanation, but what good would it do? She was gone.
The tool in my hand slipped out as I threw it against the side of the house in an explosion of frustration. “That’s just it. She left!” I collapsed into my hands when I saw the flash of fear in her eyes that resembled when my dad would shout at us. Who the hell was I?
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Sof. I’m just…”
I was brought back down when she squeezed my hand. “I know.”
“I thought I could fix everything when she came back. I even told her about Dad,” I said.
Her mouth dropped open, and her voice rose in surprise. “Holy shit. I haven’t even told Levi.” When we said we didn’t want anyone to know, we meant it. Everyone had skeletons in their closet, and ours happened to be our childhood.
“She doesn’t know about the promise you made to her mom, does she?” I shook my head. She hardly knew anything of the lengths I went through in our time apart.
“Do you want my advice?” I knew she was going to give it whether I wanted it or not. “Go to New York and tell her. Maybe she’ll see you’re who she’s supposed to be with.”
I had to make sure I heard her right. “What did you say?”
“You heard me.” The fact she’d just gotten married but was completely okay with me potentially ruining someone else’s engagement was very on brand for how she saw opportunities and took them, no matter the stakes.
“She’s engaged, Sofia. I can’t just show up at her door and pour my heart out again. I can’t afford a plane ticket to New York, even if I wanted to go.” Not only was it absolutely crazy, but after being shut down twice, I wasn’t sure I’d survive a third rejection. “Besides, you don’t say yes when someone asks you to marry them unless you’re sure. It’s over.” My voice broke.
“Deep down, does it feel over?” I went silent.
She looked down at her purse and pulled something out. “If it were me, I’d want to know everything, and I think she deserves to. You gave up your future with her for me, so the least I can do is buy your flight to get her back.” She put a credit card in my hand and gathered her things to walk away. “You have the same two options, J. Go to New York and leave everything out on the table, or live without her knowing that maybe, things would have turned out differently if you had.”
I hated how she left me alone with my own thoughts, as if she didn’t throw a bomb on me. The last thing I wanted to do was drop in on her new life and mess it up again, but what if Sofia was right? Would her knowing the entire truth change everything? It felt like I was grasping at straws, but I knew I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t try.