Chapter 36
thirty-six
CAMILLA
I opened my eyes to a bouquet of roses on the pillow next to me, with a note in Greyson’s handwriting.
Got called into a last minute meeting. I’ll pick us up some dinner. I love you - your fiancé
I stared at the two-carat diamond on my left hand with longing. It happened so fast, yet so slowly, all at once. One day, he was just my best friend who would walk me to my dorm room every night, and then my stuff was being moved into his penthouse. Once Greyson wanted something, he went to the ends of the earth to have it, and it was nice being wanted.
I followed the same morning routine: make breakfast, let the housekeepers in to straighten up while I headed to the corner cafe to pick up a matcha latte, then check emails before getting some writing done. It came as second nature to follow the same pattern, but that day was different.
I had just finished replying to my agent’s email when a knock on my door startled me. I didn’t bother to look through the peephole, since I figured it was Elena, but I stood frozen in my doorway when Julian stood there with lost eyes and a bag in his hand.
I couldn’t figure out if he was real or if I was imagining him. “Mila.” His deep voice settled in my chest after a month without hearing it.
“Julian. What are you doing in New York? At my house?” I started with the most obvious questions.
“Can I come inside, please?” My eyes darted to the dark bags under his, which told me he’d probably been restless since I left. I let him brush past and shut the door behind me.
“How did you know where to find me? And how did you get on this floor without the code?” I asked as he roamed the penthouse with a stoic expression. “Your assistant is a tough one to crack, but I got an address out of her eventually. As for the code, I said I was food delivery.” I was definitely going to have a conversation with Elena, and the front desk.
I had to sit down to stop my head from spinning in circles while he stood by the window overlooking lower Manhattan perfectly. “It’s one hell of a view from up here. I never pegged you for a penthouse kind of girl,” he murmured with a hint of mockery. I picked at my nail beds. “It was Greyson’s before we started dating. I’m sure you didn’t come over two thousand miles to see the view, Julian.”
“No.” He sat across from me in the chair Greyson always did and met my gaze. “I came here to tell you what has been on my conscious for too long, and all I ask is you let me finish. If you still want nothing to do with me after, you’ll never hear from me again, I promise.” He’d come all the way from California to New York, so whatever it was had to be important. I brought my knees up to my chest and listened intently.“Okay.”
He swallowed hard and spoke with a wary tone. “I knew about Greyson long before you told me about him.” My face twisted. How could he have possibly known? “The military was the fastest way I could make the years fly by, but as soon as I was discharged, I came straight to New York. I remembered the first apartment we picked out together, and I must’ve searched that whole goddamn building, hoping you were still there. Right as I was about to give up, it was like a sign from the universe or something—I saw you coming out of your publisher’s office. I was only inches away from you when Greyson came up and kissed you, and you kissed him back. That was a little over a year ago, and the last time I saw you until you showed up in Willow’s Cove.”
I couldn’t move. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and the room suddenly seemed to cave in. I spent four long years looking over my shoulder, wondering if he was there, and one day, he was. “You came back.” I shuddered when I realized I hadn’t said it in my head. “Why did you wait so long?”
His brown eyes glossed over. “I promised your mom I would. Technically, I only had to wait four to go after you, but I had to wait for Sofia to graduate until I left for the military, so it turned into five.”
Every time he spoke, I was left with more confusion, and my life started to make less sense. “My mom?” I whimpered.
“I went back to your house after you left. I wanted to see you one last time, but instead, your mom invited me in to talk. We both agreed the best thing for you was to stay where you were, so I promised her I wouldn’t try to get you back until after you finished college.”
In all of the conversations I’d had with my mom, the one she had with Julian never came up. How could she keep that from me? Would things be different if she had? My entire life felt like it was planned out by everyone else around me. All the tears I shed, the restless nights I’d stood up replaying my last moments with Julian were for nothing.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.
“Probably for the same reason you didn’t tell me your book was about us.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I masked the inner turmoil that grew inside me. “What are you talking about? My book is fictional, Julian.”
He chuckled under his breath before reaching into the bag he’d brought with him and pulling out a copy of my book. “Page 134. As I watched him sleep next to me, I knew it was the moment forever began. I whispered forever and always while brushing my fingers through his wavy locks.”
His brown eyes looked past mine and into my soul.“Forever and always, Mila. This was us . I tabbed every page that resembled a moment we shared.” He flipped through the book to show almost every page was tabbed. “I went inside every bookstore I passed for a year and bought every copy they had in stock because I know you wrote our love story for a reason. It wasn’t over for you either. I went back to Willow’s Cove so you’d know where to find me when you realized it.”
There was so much to process, I became overwhelmed with emotions I couldn’t afford to acknowledge. “What do you want me to say, Julian?” We looked at each other with the same stars in our eyes as before.
“Say this changes things. Now you know everything I was a coward for not saying before. I’m telling you now, hoping it’s enough.”
Tears slid down my cheeks as I thought of the life we could’ve had. We’d live in the house by the cove, where we’d make breakfast every morning before going for a walk down at the beach. Farmer’s market trips every weekend, where we’d get so much fruit, we wouldn’t know what to do with it. Get married, show our kids our secret spots—a simple, yet meaningful life.
Then, there was the life I already had with Greyson. All around me were the memories of our laughter when we moved my stuff into his penthouse and couldn’t fit through the doorway. We took walks in Central Park every Sunday, and I’d lost count of how many times we’d burnt food in our kitchen when we failed at cooking. I recalled all the nights I laid on his chest and counted his heartbeats.
I spoke through tears. “Julian, I said yes when Greyson asked me to marry him, I can’t just?—”
“I don’t have as much to give as him, I know that, Mila. I can’t give you a life with a penthouse and a private jet, but you’ll have my heart. I’m not saying we’ll be perfect. We’ll bicker like we did as teenagers, and there will be days when it’s really hard, but there isn’t anyone else I want to go through all of that with. It’s me and you, Mila.” He grabbed my hand and held it over his heart that was beating rapidly against his chest. “Whatever you choose, my heart is yours whether you want it or not.”
I couldn’t hold back my sobs any longer as my eyes darted from him to the ring on my finger. I thought of being greeted by Greyson when he’d come home from work, then being greeted by Julian when he came from the beach with sand still in his hair.
When I cupped his cheek with my hand, he leaned into it, his eyes shut as if he was memorizing my touch. “I’m always going to love you, Julian.” I knew no matter what happened, when he walked out my front door, there would always be a part of my heart reserved for him.
“Isn’t that enough?” he sobbed.
“It used to be, but we’re not kids anymore. Greyson needs me, and?—”
“Please stop.” He slipped away from my hand, taking his warmth with him. I stood painfully still as he bent down and left a kiss on my forehead. “I really wish we could’ve done it right in this lifetime, Mila.”
Me too.
I couldn’t watch him leave. It wasn’t until he closed the door behind him that I saw the copy of my book left where he’d been sitting, and I let myself collapse into a puddle of tears.