Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Luc
T wo days after the gala, Jenna left. Most of the celebrities who’d flown in were gone and the Saint workload eased.
I’d hardly seen Elise. She’d been at her book club last night and I’d stayed up chatting with Aurelie and Michele, but by the time she got home, I’d passed out in the bed.
Our bed.
I also woke up in that bed. Yesterday, she’d slipped out before I’d roused—I’d gotten to report into my shift a bit later in the morning, so I’d taken advantage of that freedom after the last night at the gala. This morning?
The minty-sweet scent of her hair was the first thing I sensed. Then the warmth of her body pressed to mine—warmer than I was used to, and yet I didn’t want her to move. She could sleep with her leg rucked up over my hips any old time.
Might be a touch problematic in some ways, but for the moment, I let myself enjoy breathing her in, the faint sounds of her own breath, and the pleasure of her contact and pressure against me.
Once my mind got creative, I forced myself out of bed and prepared for the day. Grand-père, Aurelie, and Michele would leave tomorrow, and I’d need to at least attempt to initiate contact, but I didn’t particularly want to.
What I wanted most was to talk with Elise. After tomorrow, there would be no reason for her to stay here, would there?
Of course not. And that was why I couldn’t let us get through the whole day without talking about what happened when we didn’t need to pretend anymore.
Right as I’d gotten dressed, my doorbell rang. Could be another ambush from Kenny, but since I had plans to meet him and Stone—and for once Beast now that Jess was back on her own two feet—for afternoon tea, I doubted it.
Opening the door proved me right—on the welcome mat stood my grandfather.
His silver-gray eyes and unreadable face peered at me.
“Please. Come in.” I stepped back to give him space and he took it, still not speaking.
“Coffee?” I asked, knowing he’d likely been up for several hours.
“Non, merci.”
His gaze traveled around the kitchen, then the living room, the weight of his judgment heavy whenever he paused or jutted out his chin when he noticed something particularly American, no doubt.
“Why are you here, Grand-père?”
If he heard the exhaustion in my voice, he didn’t point it out. “I’ve extended my trip. I don’t fly back until Thursday, and neither do Aurelie and Michele.”
Why was I surprised? He did what he wanted without consulting me. Perhaps more surprising was that I didn’t mind. In fact, it gave me more time with Elise, more time I absolutely wanted, and perhaps more time for me to help him see my perspective.
“Alright. Anything I should know?” Who knew what he had planned.
“I’d like for you to meet with Odette once more. Her family arrived for the gala, but I don’t believe you were introduced.” He turned his head away from a stack of thrillers sitting on a built-in shelf and waited for my reaction.
My gut response was to say it wasn’t happening. I had no need to meet Odette’s family because I wasn’t getting engaged to her. She had no interest and it made no sense to plow ahead as though either of us wanted this.
At the same time, he was bound and determined to see this through. Maybe I needed to jump through a few more of his hoops so he could see I wasn’t simply being stubborn. Of course, I was being stubborn, but for a justified reason. Add to this the reality that I had no plans to return to France or move to New York, I wasn’t certain how anyone thought this would work.
Maybe seeing me in this town would help. Meeting some friends and seeing me with Elise a bit more… maybe all of it would help him understand how far from his version of life the one I was living was.
“I’d be happy to meet them. As long as there’s no confusion about who I’m engaged to.”
He craned his neck away as though barely interested. “There is no confusion about your current engagement, trust me. They simply need to see for themselves there’s nothing more I could’ve done. It should help the girl’s case.”
This piqued my concern. “The girl? Odette?”
“Yes. Her parents aren’t convinced she did her part. So perhaps you can convince them she couldn’t have done anything to persuade you to walk away from your… Elise.” He strolled to the front door, unhurried and completely at ease with the fact that he’d pointedly put down my fiancée without actually voicing an insult.
“Alright, Grand-père. Just let me know when.”
Before I shut the door behind him, he turned.
“I don’t want to lose you to her.” He held my gaze another second before leaving.
My cheeks burning with frustration and no small amount of shame, a part of me that I hated to examine collapsed in on itself. Why did these interactions make me feel like such a child? Perhaps because I was still lying to him when I should’ve been honest from the start, and worse, now I had actual feelings for Elise that’d confused every aspect of this.
Was it the simple act of engagement to someone he hadn’t chosen that made him want to make sure I wasn’t lost? Or was it—I swallowed against the thought.
No. No. I might love Elise, but we weren’t like my parents. Were we? He didn’t see that in me, didn’t see my father’s volatility or a future where, when I lost her, I’d disintegrate.
I didn’t feel that much already. Maybe some of this had turned real—the feelings had come, unbidden—but that didn’t mean I would drown in them. We Devereaux men loved with all we had, but I was also made of sterner stuff. I’d done fourteen years in the military, for starters.
I breathed deep, shoving away all those concerns and centering myself. Then I checked on Elise before I went out for a run, and the tenderness that filled my chest while I watched her sleep for those fleeting seconds was like a serving of wine in a too small cup. It ran over the edges and spilled out underneath me, unwieldy and messy and unfamiliar.
So visceral and powerful, like liquid emotion pumped through my veins, it terrified me.
I pushed myself on the run. Then I pushed harder. At some point, I saw the workout for what it was—my effort to figuratively outrun the mess with my family and the messy feelings I’d developed for Elise. But there was no evading them.
Elise had sent a text while I was out saying she would be checking on a few things at the bakery and then dropping by her house for a while. She had plants to water and mail to pick up. I would’ve liked to see her, but maybe this was better—some space for both of us.
When Bear greeted me at Stone’s door, I sank down to pet him and give him his due.
“Bonjour, Monseigneur Bear. Comment allez-vous?” I pet his head, and he leaned in, all those protective instincts utterly disarmed thanks to the contact.
“Stop whispering sweet nothings to His Highness and get in here. We need to talk about your love life.”
Kenny’s voice came from the living room and punched me right where it already hurt.
Love life . I could pretend and say I didn’t have one or I didn’t even want one, but in my heart of hearts, I always had. I’d wanted what my parents had. I’d wanted to be so in love with someone I never wanted to be parted from them.
What I’d never been able to stomach was the thought of such loss and grief that I ended up losing myself like my father had.
“Sit. Drink tea. Have a snack. Then talk.”
Stone’s face brooked no arguments behind his bushy beard. It’d gotten wilder lately, and I wondered if we should gently suggest a trim. Last time he’d looked this untamed, he’d been in a far different place. He hadn’t been taking care of himself. The signs had been everywhere—no housekeeping efforts, hardly any clean clothes, no regular showers, and absolutely no self-care.
My stomach clenched at the memory, but as I looked at his tidy living room and the small plates of delicate, inevitably delicious creations, it eased. He was not in that place. He’d set his single-minded focus on baking and didn’t seem to care about his appearance at all.
I sat without a word and did as told, taking the tea cup Kenny gave me and eyeing the snack selection. Beast grumbled at me like he was seconding both Kenny’s demand and Stone’s order.
“Glad to have you back,” I said, relieved I’d stolen a moment to update him on everything so I didn’t have to lay it out now… not that whatever was coming would be fun.
Happily, every little bite I took was delicious, as always, and I realized I probably should’ve had lunch instead of coming here after a run and no recovery food and gorging myself on all of Stone’s hard work.
“Have as much as you like. There’s plenty.”
Bear settled at Stone’s feet and tucked his head over his paws.
I nodded in thanks as I chewed a bite and Kenny grinned.
“You know, you’re such a gruff, quiet guy on the outside, but I feel like your hospitality skills are top notch. The world out there’s missing out on you.”
Beast hummed, his mouth full, apparently echoing Kenny.
Stone shifted and frowned, not looking at any of us. Kenny recovered it immediately by gently setting a hand on his shoulder. “No pressure, big guy. Just saying you’re doing great.”
This was why I’d come. These were my brothers, and whenever I feared the hollow dread of being disowned, which might indeed happen, I needed to remember I wouldn’t lose these men. I wouldn’t lose Aurelie and Michele either, though I didn’t know how complicated my grandfather might make their lives if he did want to disavow me completely.
“Okay, it’s time, man. Let me cut to it.” Kenny waited for me to signal and when I raised my teacup to him, he bowed. “You asked Elise to be your fake fiancée thinking she would be unattainable as someone who’s pretty public about not wanting to date. But, since you are a sensitive soul who doesn’t actually want to be single until he dies at a hundred and two, you ended up opening up, and now?”
The teacup bobbled in the saucer as I set it down, hand shaking ever so slightly. “And now?”
Stone and Kenny had nearly identical expressions.
“And now you’ve fallen.” Beast’s words cut to the quick.
Scrubbing my hands through my hair, I flopped back against the sofa and stared at the ceiling while they waited, two of them far more patiently than the other.
Finally, I admitted, “Yeah. I’ve fallen.”
Kenny let out a whoop and a low, quick laugh came from Stone. Beast’s low, satisfied chuckle topped it all off.
“This is great news,” Kenny said, holding a hand up for me, which I slapped.
“It feels good for the most part, though she has no interest in anything beyond this. She made it clear she doesn’t date and doesn’t want to before we ever started this.” I reached for one of the snacks, a little sandwich I didn’t look too closely at because whatever it was, it’d be delicious.
“After seeing you guys at the gala, I am not concerned.”
Beast’s matter of fact delivery sent a bolt of longing through me while Kenny winked as though he had insider information.
I wished they were right. And yet I dreaded the same, because then we would both end up hurt, wouldn’t we?
“I hope you’re right. And I also…” I hated admitting this, but I had to be honest with them. “I also don’t.”
“Because you’re scared.” Stone’s words were not a question.
“Yes. This feels big and I’ve never even approached this level of feeling for someone. Some of it was already there if I’m honest but I thought I could contain it. But the more I get to know her, the more I see her be herself, the more I think I was always doomed.”
Kenny clasped his hand over his heart and sighed dramatically. “Doomed to love!”
I rolled my eyes, and the jerks next to me chuckled. Well, Beast rolled his, too.
Kenny sobered and held my gaze.
“Your dad lost it and that was scary for you to watch—traumatic in some ways, even. So this fear makes sense. But you’re not your dad, nor is Elise your mom. If I could implore you for one thing, it’d be to let yourself take a chance. Elise is a good woman who deserves a good man and that’s you.”
I swallowed hard, hope and fear warring in my chest. But I wanted what he challenged me to. I wanted to take the chance. I could at least… confirm she felt the same as she did in the beginning.
I just didn’t know if I could.