Chapter 21
JANUARY - TAMPA, FLORIDA
Now playing: Porch Light - Noah Kahan
Tampa was humid, sticky, and suffocating.
But it wasn’t the city that was choking me. It was the name on the marquee we passed as we drove away from the airport.
Man Overboard.
We hadn’t worked a Man Overboard pay per view together in seven years. Since Miami. Since the night in the hotel pool at three in the morning, splashing in the water, and I kissed Cal for the first time.
That night changed the molecular structure of my life. It was the night the line blurred, the night friends became terrified lovers.
And now, here we were. Same event. Different city. Same two men. But instead of the terrifying thrill of the beginning, we were drowning in the silence of the end.
The rental car was a timebomb. We had been snapping at each other since baggage claim, petty, biting comments about the GPS, the traffic, the air conditioning. It wasn’t about the logistics. It was about the fact that we were back in Florida, and the ghosts were screaming.
“You’re going to miss the exit,” I snapped as Cal swerved around a taxi.
“I see the exit, Silas,” Cal bit back, his knuckles white on the wheel. “Maybe if you stopped breathing down my neck, I could focus.”
“I’m just saying, the arena is the other way.”
“I know where the arena is!” Cal yelled, slamming his hand on the console. “Just shut the fuck up! God, I hate this.”
The words hung in the air, sharp and jagged.
“You hate that we’re here?” I asked, my voice tight.
“I hate that you’re here,” Cal hissed, staring straight ahead, his eyes burning with a mixture of rage and grief. “I hate it. It hurts. Whatever pipe dream I had about being fine… it’s gone. I can’t do this with you, Silas. I can’t.”
He didn’t look at me. He refused to. He just drove, the resentment radiating off him in waves.
We pulled into the venue for a mandatory rehearsal. We didn’t speak as we grabbed our bags.
Inside, the ring was already set up. We ran drills, but it was mechanical. Cold. Every lock up was aggressive, every shove a little too hard.
Evan watched us from the apron, his arms crossed, his brow furrowed. When Cal stormed off to grab water, Evan leaned over the ropes.
“You okay? You guys look like you’re about to kill each other.”
“We got into it in the car,” I muttered, wiping sweat from my forehead, wincing as I rolled my shoulder. “I’m fine. He’s just… he’s pissed off.”
“He’s stressed,” Evan tried to reason.
“It’s more than stress,” I said, watching Cal across the arena. He was staring at the ground, looking like he wanted to punch a hole in the wall.
After drills, we went to the catering area where the weekend itinerary and hotel roster were posted.
I was grabbing water when I saw Cal talking to Lena. She had ridden in a separate car with a few friends, but she gravitated right to him. She looked tired, anxious.
“Here,” Cal said, handing her a spare key card. “I’m in room two ten. You know the drill. If you need anything, just let yourself in.”
I froze.
“Thanks, Cal,” Lena said, taking the key. “You’re the best.”
“Get some sleep,” he told her, his voice soft.
The blood drained from my face.
He was giving her a key. He was telling her to let herself in.
It felt like a confirmation of every dark, jealous thought I’d had since November. He wasn’t just mentoring her. He was sleeping with her. And he was doing it right in front of me, in the same state where we started.
I turned on my heel and stormed toward the exit, blinded by a jealousy so potent it tasted like acid.
I was waiting by the car when Cal came out. I didn’t wait for him to unlock it; I yanked the handle the second the lights flashed.
We slammed our doors shut in unison.
“You really had to give her a key?” I spat, unable to hold it in as he started the engine. “In front of everyone?”
Cal looked at me, his eyes dead. “Shut the fuck up, Silas.”
“No, you be a fucking adult and talk to me!” I yelled, turning in my seat to face him. “You act like I’m invisible until you want to scream at me, but you have plenty of time for everyone else!”
“You have no room to talk to me about being an adult!” Cal snapped, merging onto the highway with a dangerous amount of speed. “When it came down to it, when we actually needed to communicate, you ran like a little bitch! So don’t lecture me on how to handle my business.”
“Fine,” I snarled, my hands shaking. “I hope you have fun fucking a twenty-year-old this weekend. Classy, Cal. Really classy.”
Cal’s face twisted in confusion, then pure rage.
“Go fuck yourself, Silas!” he roared.
He didn’t deny it. He didn’t say, “It’s not like that.” He just told me to go to hell.
The rest of the ride was suffocating. When we got to the hotel, a massive beachfront resort, I didn’t wait for him. I grabbed my bag and stormed off.
I needed to hit something. Instead, I went looking for Evan.
I found him chilling by the pool, scrolling on his phone, sunglasses on. He took one look at my face, the fury, the hurt, the sheer exhaustion, and sat up immediately.
“We need to talk,” I said. “Not here.”
Evan nodded. We walked down to the beach, away from the guests, walking along the water where the ocean roared loud enough to cover our voices.
“He’s sleeping with her,” I said, kicking at the sand. “He gave Lena a key to his room, Evan. In front of me. And then in the car… I called him out on it, and he told me to go fuck myself.”
Evan sighed, rubbing his temples. “Silas… stop. You are doing exactly what you said you wouldn’t do.”
“What? Existing?”
“Trying to break him,” Evan said sternly, stopping to face me. “You are trying to smash through the guard he put up to save his heart. You didn’t see him when you left, Si. You were safe rotting in the damn woods. You didn’t see the rumors.”
I stopped. “What rumors?”
“The locker room talked,” Evan said, his voice low and serious.
“After you left, people speculated. Guys called him names. He was hit with homophobic shit left and right, people asking why his ‘boyfriend’ quit. He had to stand there and take it. He had to become ‘Deadlock’ to survive it. He had to freeze himself over to make it go away. You didn’t have to face that. ”
Guilt washed over me, cold and heavy.
“I know,” I whispered. “I know I hurt him. I know I left him to the wolves.” I looked out at the dark water. “But it’s Florida, It’s Man Overboard. The first time we did this show… that was the night I kissed him. That was the night I knew.”
“Knew what?”
“That I was in love with him,” I admitted, my voice cracking. “I knew it then. Even if I would never have admitted it. And I hate myself for never telling him.”
Evan’s expression softened into sympathy. He put a hand on my shoulder. “I can’t imagine how weird it feels for you guys to be stuck here.”
“I just want to avoid him,” I said. “I’ll do the match and just travel with you. Fuck Presley.”
Evan winced. “Yeah… about that. Check your email. We have media tomorrow. Suits, mics, title belts. The whole dog and pony show. You, me, and Cal. The Three Musketeers. All day.”
I groaned, burying my face in my hands. “It’s going to be hell.”
“Welcome to the main event,” Evan patted my back.
I couldn’t sleep.
Evan and I hung out in my room for hours, but he eventually tapped out. I was alone with my thoughts, and they were loud.
I paced the floor. I thought about the argument. About the car. About Lena having a key. About the fact that nearly a decade ago, in this state, I had been brave enough to kiss him.
I wasn’t that scared kid anymore. I wasn’t my father. I wasn’t my uncle. I didn’t run from things.
I needed him to know. Even if he never forgave me, even if we never spoke again after this weekend, I needed him to know I loved him. I still fucking loved him.
The thought of Lena in his bed built a fire in my chest I couldn’t extinguish.
I acted on pure adrenaline. I grabbed my key card and marched out of the room. I walked down the hall to room two ten.
I knocked.
The door swung open.
Cal stood there. He was shirtless, wearing low slung sweatpants. His hair was messy, his eyes red rimmed and exhausted. He clearly wasn’t expecting me.
The moment he saw my face, he tried to slam the door.
I caught it with my hand. “Please.”
“Go away, Silas,” he rasped, pushing against the wood.
“If you don’t talk to me, I will sleep on the fucking floor outside of this goddamn door, Callum.”
Cal stared at me for a second, then let go. He walked back into the room, defeated.
I stepped inside, my eyes scanning the room wildly. The bed was unmade on one side.
“There’s nobody here?” I asked, confused.
Cal turned around, looking at me like I was insane. “No, you fucking psycho. It’s just me. Who the fuck did you think would be here?”
“I figured Lena would be,” I said. “Since she has a key.”
Cal’s brows furrowed. “So that’s how you got my room number? You listened in on my conversation with her?”
“You weren’t being fucking quiet giving your hookup your room number,” I scoffed.
Cal’s face turned white. His expression shifted to pure, unadulterated disgust.
“Hold on. Back the fuck up. You thought… you thought I was fucking Lena?”
I nodded.
“Lena is the same age as my little sister!” Cal shouted, throwing his hands up. “She’s a fucking kid, Silas!”
Relief hit me so hard my knees almost buckled, but I wouldn’t admit it. “Well, that isn’t how it reads.”
“Oh my fucking god,” Cal groaned, rubbing his face. “Si, Lena is like my kid. Seriously. She was an aged out foster kid, she doesn’t have family.”
I instantly felt sick. The guilt crashed into me. He wasn’t protective because he was dating her; he was protective because she was family.
God, I am an asshole.
“And you can’t repeat this shit,” Cal warned, pointing a shaking finger at me. “If you do, I will actually beat your fucking ass. Lena is gay. And closeted. She is terrified of what happens if the UWF’s top female bombshell, the one every man wants to fuck, doesn’t like men.”