Chapter 21 #2
My face dropped. Lena was us. She was basically us at twenty-one.
“So for the love of fuck,” Cal shook his head, looking nauseous. “Do not ever use me and her and ‘hooking up’ in the same sentence again. I feel fucking sick now.”
“Does she know about you?” I asked quietly.
Cal looked away, shame coloring his features. “No. That’s not exactly my shining star moment.”
“Cal—”
“Do not fucking start with me, Silas,” Cal said, his eyes filling with tears. “We are not doing this.”
“Please, I—”
“Fucking stop!” he screamed, his voice cracking. “I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re going to say, but I don’t want to hear it! I don’t! You don’t fucking understand how hard this is for me!”
“I—”
“Shut up!” he yelled. “You fucking left! You shut the door in my goddamn face! You did this! You made this our reality! You did this! You fucking did this!”
“I know I did! And I’m—”
“You’re sorry?” Cal laughed, a harsh, jagged sound.
“You’re sorry you decided that a business that hates guys like us was more important?
You’re sorry your head was up your ass so far that you lost everything?
You’re sorry I didn’t come back for you?
You’re sorry I don’t want you now? What, Silas? What?”
I didn’t speak. I just watched the tears track down his face as he spiraled.
“You turned your back on me,” Cal whispered, trembling.
“You made that choice, on your own. You chose that outcome. And you don’t get to come back almost ten years later and act like you didn’t.
You wanted to be a star. You wanted to override your fucking daddy issues so bad, you set us on fire in the path. ”
“I was trying to—”
“Protect us?” Cal cut me off. “That’s what you’re gonna say, right?
You were protecting us? Our careers? Silas, you’re fucking stupid, you know that?
Because back then… had it come down to us or the ring, I would’ve asked for my release the second it happened.
I would have stayed with you. I would have never gotten in a fucking ring again if it meant we got everything we wanted.
But that clearly was never what you felt, and I was so fucking naive for thinking you did back then. ”
I finally stopped him. I stepped into his space.
“I fucked up, Callum,” I said, my voice shaking.
“Bad. I was so scared for us. For you. I didn’t give a damn about me, I cared about you.
I wanted you to get everything you ever wanted.
And me in the picture would have assured it never happened.
If anyone would have found out, we would have been fucked. ”
I took a breath.
“I’m sorry that it happened. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to comprehend what I felt, because honestly, looking back, I know it’s true…
I hated myself. I hated what I felt for you.
I hated that we had to choose. I hated that we couldn't just be. I couldn’t hold your hand in public.
I couldn’t kiss you whenever I wanted. And it killed me, because all I wanted was you. ”
“We never said we were anything,” Cal threw in my face, repeating the lie I told him seven years ago.
“You don’t believe that,” I said flatly.
“You fucking did.”
“I didn’t.”
Cal’s voice broke completely. “You made me think for a fucking year that what we had was real! That you wanted me like I wanted you! I took you to meet my family, a family I barely fucking had! I let you see me in shambles! I—”
“Callum,” I said firmly. “Nothing I could ever say will fix it. I know it won’t.
There is no word, no apology, nothing that could make anything I did back then to you okay.
And I know that. I know I’ll never be able to make it better.
But Cal… I will spend every fucking day of my life trying to make it right. Because I don’t know what else to do.”
Cal stared at me, his jaw tight, silent tears streaming down his face.
“I sat with it for seven years,” I whispered. “Remembering. Realizing. Accepting everything. And I never, ever could get past the need to just make it okay. To just tell you I’m sorry. And I take full responsibility for it. For what happened. For how we felt. For how it fucked us up.”
Cal didn’t respond immediately. He just breathed, ragged and shallow.
“I—I—I think that I…” he started, but couldn’t finish.
“I never stopped loving you,” I said.
The truth poured out of me, unstoppable.
“Never. In seven years, it never changed. Not once. I knew the first time I kissed you, I’d never get you out of my system. I knew in Scotland. I knew that Thanksgiving in Philly. I knew that night in Charlotte. I knew the night you won Man Overboard. I knew the night you won your title. I knew.”
I stepped closer, my own tears flowing freely now.
“I knew when Evan told me you called while I was in the hospital after the botch. I knew when he said you were seeing someone a few years later. I knew when I had a long term fucking girlfriend of my own and still watched the UWF Instagram to see how you were succeeding. I love you, Callum. I’ll love you from here.
I will love you from a distance. I will love you in every fucking lifetime because there’s no way we were only meant to find each other in this one.
You were right. You were a righteous desire.
And I never let you go. Not once. Not ever. ”
Cal didn’t speak. He just stared, looking at me like he was seeing a ghost come back to life.
“Fuck…” Cal said breathlessly.
And without a second thought, he lunged.
Our lips collided. It was desperate. This wasn’t lust; this was a tomb being unsealed. This was years of starvation. This was forgiveness. This was a release. This was everything.
We stumbled back into the wall, a lamp toppling to the floor with a crash, but neither of us cared. Cal’s hands were on the back of my neck, pulling me closer, small choked sobs still escaping us both.
I didn’t think of anything. I was acting on pure instinct, on everything I had needed and wanted for fucking years.
With one swift motion, I lifted Callum into my arms. His legs instinctively wrapped around my waist, his hands tangling into my hair to anchor himself.
I carried him to the bed and laid him down on it, following him as he crashed onto the mattress, kissing him deeper, moving down his neck to his collarbones. He tugged my shirt off, frantic, and I instantly started going for the drawstring on his sweats.
“Si—” he choked out.
I looked at him, and I saw it in his eyes. I knew Cal. I knew him better than myself at one point, and in this moment, I knew exactly what he was feeling.
“I need you,” he gasped. “I need you to be the one in control—I need—”
I kissed him again, sealing his words, knowing this is what he needed. Not my submission to him, but my absolute devotion.
“I’ve got you,” I said through broken kisses. “I’ve always got you.”
“Lube—blue bottle—nightstand,” he panted as I bit at his neck. I knew there would be a bruise there in the morning, and I didn’t fucking care.
I groaned as I pulled away and fumbled to the nightstand, grabbing the bottle of lube and coming back to him.
Before I leaned back down to devour his mouth again, I admired him for a moment. Taking in the beauty of him. How much I missed him. How I couldn’t believe this was happening.
“Are you clean?” I asked, my voice rough.
He nodded, eyes hazy. “I got tested last month when they did the routine ones for work… I haven’t been with anyone in over a year. Didn’t have time.”
“Same, just got tested.” I assured him. “Haven’t been with anyone in a year.”
No other words were needed. We needed this. No barriers. Nothing between us. Just us, entirely.
Cal watched me, his chest heaving, his legs falling open in surrender.
I moved slow. I didn’t rush this. Even though every instinct in my body was screaming to bury myself inside him, I knew he needed time. I didn’t know how long it had been for him, but I knew it was only the second time ever with me.
I slicked my fingers with the lube, sliding one inside him, stretching him, watching his face contort between pleasure and discomfort.
“Relax,” I murmured, kissing his inner thigh. “I’ve got you. Just breathe.”
“Silas,” he whimpered, his hips bucking impatiently against my hand. “Please.”
When he was ready, I lined up. I pressed the head of my cock against him, and Cal let out a shaky exhale, his head falling back into the pillows.
I pushed in slowly, inch by inch, filling him completely.
“Oh god,” Cal groaned, throwing his arm over his eyes. “Si…”
“Breathe,” I murmured, leaning down to kiss his chest, feeling his heart hammering against my lips. “I’m right here.”
When I finally seated myself fully to the hilt, Cal let out a raw, shattered sound of pure relief.
“Fuck, Silas!” he cried out, his hands flying to grip the sheets, clutching them like a lifeline.
I lifted his leg and rested his ankle on my shoulder, kissing the side of his calf as I rolled my hips gently, giving him time to adjust to the intrusion.
He let out a gasp as his back arched in pleasure when I picked up the pace, my nails digging into his hips.
Cal’s cock was rock hard, twitching with excitement against his stomach the harder I went, the faster I went, a bead of precum forming at the tip.
“Fuck, I’ve needed you,” I gritted out, snapping my hips into him with fluid, powerful thrusts. “I never—stopped—needing you.”
“Oh fuck, baby,” he cried, his voice high and wrecked.
I dropped his leg from my shoulder. He wrapped his legs around my waist, locking his ankles together at the small of my back, pulling me down until there was zero space between us. He trapped me there, inside him, safe.
I held his weight, keeping myself propped up on my forearms so I could look at him. I set a rhythm that started slow, rolling my hips, hitting that spot that made his toes curl.
Cal was crying. I was crying. This felt like a fucking exorcism.