Chapter 5
Chapter Five
No one except me realizes how much things change after Derek Reiner gives me my first kiss.
They’re small changes at first. My town begins to feel restrictive, the way Derek insinuated. Grant’s grin doesn’t make my knees weak, the way it used to. Cynthia’s comments land differently, rolling off my shoulders instead of punching through my chest.
The allure of Levi’s life in Boston expands, making me wonder if I can build a future outside of my town.
Should I apply to college in California?
Or the South? Should I spread my wings and imagine a future filled with all the possibilities Derek hinted at?
With the exciting, rebellious nights my brother craves and my parents worry about?
On the outside, to anyone watching, I’m the same sweet, hardworking, conscientious Allegra Rousell. I sit in church on Sunday mornings with my hair plaited and my ankles crossed. I maintain my 4.0 GPA. I volunteer at the community food bank and help organize a prom dress donation drive.
To anyone looking, I’m still me.
But inside, I’m a brewing storm.
In the middle of my senior year of high school, my parents and Levi have a massive falling out.
Their harsh words and hurtful ultimatums keep my brother away until graduation.
With my extracurriculars and commitment to school, there is hardly time to catch a train to Boston, although I manage it twice, to have an early dinner with Levi before hightailing it home.
I don’t see Derek again. In fact, other than the snippets of conversation from Levi, my Derek-centered knowledge comes from the gossip magazines I keep hidden in a box on my closet floor.
The Burnt Clovers Go on Tour
Derek Reiner and Band Open for The Failed Poets
Derek Reiner Seen Cozying Up to Blonde Bombshell at Carter’s Steakhouse
Reiner Reigns Boston Nightlife
“Allegra!” Mom’s voice interrupts my obsessive reading about the rock god who now polishes two fingernails on his left hand in a dark navy.
I snap the magazine shut and stuff it under my pillow just as my bedroom door swings open.
“What are you doing?” Mom asks, her gaze curious.
I drag my index finger along the front cover of John Steinbeck’s East of Eden. “Just reading.”
Mom nods, approving. “Well, dinner will be ready in thirty minutes.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Is Cynthia coming by?”
I narrow my eyes. “No, why?”
Mom sighs. “You haven’t seen her lately.”
“She’s been busy.”
“With boys?” Mom presses.
I shrug, not wanting to out Cynthia or give away how hurt I am that Cynthia and Grant are dating. That he’s taking her to prom.
“You’re a senior now,” Mom says gently, sitting on the edge of my bed.
I shift to make room for her. “I know.”
Mom tucks my hair behind my ear, smooths it down my back. “Sometimes, friendships change.”
“Yeah,” I agree.
“It will be different next year. Some of your friends will go off to college.”
I nod.
“Others will stay here. Marry and begin their families.”
My stomach tightens at the thought. Does Mom think I’m going to stay here? Who would even want to marry me?
Derek flashes through my mind—dark, brooding eyes, a sarcastic smirk. Navy nail polish.
I snap my gaze to Mom’s to push out the image of the reckless rock star. The bad boy who will never settle down. It’s a silly idea and yet, I can’t help but put him on a pedestal.
You’re too big for this.
Am I?
“Have you given it any more thought?” Mom prods.
Confusion zips through me.
“I applied to college,” I remind her.
Mom’s smile is gentle. “Of course. With your grades, you should continue your education.”
I release a tiny exhale of relief.
“I meant, are you planning to stay local? Or are you really considering the University of Massachusetts?” Mom’s eyes are watchful, studying me.
It’s not a secret that I received scholarships to both universities.
What is a secret is that I’ve used my babysitting earnings to apply to other universities. I’ve applied, been accepted, and received funding to universities across the country. In California and Texas. In Rhode Island and South Carolina.
“I don’t know yet.”
Mom nods, standing from my bed. “Well, don’t wait too long, Allegra. Decisions need to be made so we can start planning.”
I raise an eyebrow. “For?”
Mom laughs. “The future. The man you’ll marry, the house he’ll build you. Dad found a wonderful lot not too far from here. I do hope he’s active in the Church, your future husband.”
I nod, unable to voice a reply since it suddenly feels like I can’t breathe.
Mom closes my bedroom door and I face-plant on my soft quilt.
One year ago, I had my first kiss. That’s all I’ve ever had.
Do I want to stay here, study locally, and walk down the aisle to meet a man of my parents’, of my church’s, choosing?
Or do I want to move to California, study things I’ve never heard of before, and dye my hair blonde?
Can I do that? Can I leave this world behind, like Levi? Fissures radiate from my heart at the thought. I love my family; I love my home.
You’re too big for this.
God, I hope so.
After dinner, I pull out my acceptance to UCLA and fill out the login information online. Then, I enroll for September classes.
California is more than I dreamed it would be.
It’s freedom and adventure. It’s friendships and fitting in. It’s early morning bursts of creativity and late-night ruminations on philosophy. In one year, my world stretches, my social network expands, and my confidence grows.
I learn to swim in the Pacific Ocean. I try sushi for the first time. I give my virginity to a cellist whose playing of Brahms’s Double Concerto brings tears to my eyes. I study theology and make a jewelry box in pottery.
Although my parents are devastated by my choices, they haven’t cut ties with me the way they did with Levi. They’re still hoping my move is temporary, a need to get things out of my system so to speak. We still talk on Sundays, after Church. I may have strayed, but I’m hardly lost.
At least, that’s what they believe. Because deep down, I still feel like I’m searching for something. Grappling to understand what I want out of life. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? What is my purpose? Or calling?
It’s with these questions in mind that I withdraw from UCLA after my junior year.
With no concrete plan in place, I take a leave of absence and shock everyone.
My parents worry I’m ruining my future. The dean of my program is concerned I’ll never complete my degree.
My roommates are disappointed that I’m flaking on senior year.
It’s that old lick of rebellion, not knowing what comes next. And it tastes too delicious to swallow back.
So, I buy a bus ticket to Boston, watch the desert landscape turn to lush greenery outside my window, and drop my suitcase on the front porch of a brownstone.
I haven’t seen him in over four years. I’ve stopped searching him out in gossip magazines although the success of his career—international and unstoppable—is a well-known fact.
The Burnt Clovers are now a sensation, riding an endless wave of fame.
Still, I can recall with perfect clarity the way Derek’s lips tasted on mine.
Although Levi and his bandmates have new homes—massive mansions—in LA, they held on to their original stomping ground, a veritable piece of history, an old brownstone, in Boston. I knock three times, with my heart in my throat and my sandal tapping against the doormat.
“Yeah?” a guy asks, his head turned away from me when he pulls open the door.
My breath sticks in my throat, making speaking, swallowing, even breathing difficult.
The guy swings around, his eyes collide with mine, and surprise—unfiltered and genuine—washes over Derek Reiner’s face. “Stellina?” His voice is a hushed whisper, his eyes a kaleidoscope of emotions. He blinks and they’re gone, save for uncertainty.
I smile, feign casual. “Hey, Derek. Long time no see.”
Thank you so much for reading Righteous Rockstar! Allegra and Derek’s story continues in an angsty, brother’s best friend, rockstar romance trilogy.
Read Rebellious Rockstar now.