Chapter 1
Allegra
The taxi comes to a stop in front of the brownstone. Four years ago, it was a disheveled property no one looked at twice. Now, it’s an iconic piece of history.
Anticipation rolls down my spine and I arch my back to shake it off.
I roll my shoulders back and exhale. I’ve got this. Deep down, I know this is where I’m meant to be. It’s one step closer to figuring out my future; it’s the page turn that begins my next chapter.
I spent the bus ride from Los Angeles to Boston mentally mapping out my next steps. I confirmed informational interviews with NGOs and RSVP’d yes to workshops hosted by advocacy groups around the city.
I’m committed to strengthening my relationship with my brother Levi. Since I left for UCLA, our once unshakeable bond has loosened and frayed. Now, one sharp tug could snap it completely.
Everything I desire for my future is right here in Boston, only an hour train ride from the hometown I was once desperate to escape. I roll my lips together to keep from smiling at the irony.
Yes, I’m back in town the way my parents predicted. But I’m not cowering, with slumped shoulders and my tail between my legs. So, it’s not exactly as they hoped.
Instead, I’m rocking skintight leather leggings and a crop top. When I arrived at the terminal this morning, I perfected my makeup, carefully creating that natural, dewy, “glowing-from-the-inside” look and using half a can of dry shampoo to hide the greasiness of my hair.
A bus ride across the country provided ample time to hype me up for my future.
It also allowed uninterrupted hours to obsess over what it will be like to see Derek Reiner, rebellious rockstar and international heartthrob, for the first time in four years.
Since the night he gave me my first kiss.
I bite my bottom lip, recalling the way his mouth felt moving over mine.
Reign, as he’s known to his fans, gave me my first kiss on my seventeenth birthday. Back then, he was just Derek. Who will he be to me now?
A shiver races up my spine. Hope is a dangerous emotion. Volatile and fickle yet carefully concealed as conviction.
“You want me to circle the block?” the cab driver asks, not unkindly. I glance at him. He shrugs. “It’ll cost you. Traffic’s picking up.”
It’s time to find out what the future holds. This is why I took a leave of absence from UCLA; this is why I’m here.
“No, I’m good,” I say, tapping my debit card against the machine to settle the cab fare.
My stomach tightens as I mentally calculate how much money is left in my checking account.
Since my brother Levi, Derek’s bandmate, doesn’t know I’m coming and Mom and Dad have stopped sending me an allowance when they learned I started skipping church, my funds are low.
I hope one of those informational interviews segues into a paid summer internship.
“Take care,” the cabbie remarks, trying to hurry me along.
“Right. You too.” I slip from the back seat. I move to the back of the car as he pops the trunk. Heaving out my suitcase, I offer a little wave but he’s already pulling back onto the road.
I pause in front of the brownstone, look up at the charming facade, and smile.
Even though four millionaires, rock gods, veritable celebrities live inside, they haven’t changed the appearance of their humble beginnings.
Instead, their home away from home, their band headquarters, blends in with the rest of the street.
Squaring my shoulders, I take a deep breath and ascend the steps. Dropping my suitcase, I knock on the door. I wipe my hands down the length of my black leggings. My sandal taps against the ground.
Levi is going to be pissed. That’s okay; I’ve been angry with him for the better part of the past year.
But what will Derek think? Will he remember me? Will he—
“Yeah?” a guy answers, his head turned away when he pulls open the door.
I try to clear my throat but am frozen to the spot. I drink in the back of his head, note the tattoos that crawl over his knuckles, wrap around his wrist, as he grips the doorframe.
He swings around, his eyes collide with mine, and surprise—unfiltered and genuine—washes over Derek Reiner’s face. “Stellina?” His voice is a hushed whisper, his eyes a kaleidoscope of emotions. He blinks and they’re gone, save for uncertainty.
Stellina. It moves through my body like an electric current. My hope soars.
Little star.
It’s what he called me the night of my birthday. He kissed me softly and told me that I was too big for my small town in Massachusetts. That I’d already outgrown it.
You’re the most beautiful, captivating, mesmerizing woman here.
None of those girls hold a fucking candle to a little star like you.
His words from that night, so long ago, roll through my mind like he just said them. Like no time has passed.
His eyes narrow, his jaw tightens.
But it’s been four years.
I smile, feign a hell of a lot more casual than I feel. Breathe. “Hey, Derek. Long time no see.”
“Who’s at the door?” I recognize my brother’s voice in the background. “Please tell me you ordered food. I’m fucking starving and we need to hit the studio.”
Derek’s eyes are still glued to mine. Intense and…angry. “What are you doing here?”
I force myself to stand straighter. The space between my shoulder blades pinches and I lift my chin. Derek’s eyes narrow. They drop to my chest for a heartbeat and narrow even more before snapping back up.
I fight the urge to laugh.
There’s nothing I’d like more than for Reign to check me out. Hard.
But that’s not exactly what I’m here for. At least, not yet.
“Is Levi home?” I ask, even though I know he is.
“He doesn’t know you’re coming,” Derek deduces.
“I messaged him but—” Levi appears behind Derek, and I halt my explanation.
Concern washes over my brother’s face. “A.” He smacks Derek’s hand off the doorframe and steps out onto the stoop.
“What’re you doing here?” He pulls me into a hug.
“Are you okay? Mom and Dad?” At the hint of fear in his tone, I know he still worries for our parents, still loves them in his own way.
I also realize he hasn’t spoken with them in far too long if he’s asking me—the student who should be in California—that question.
“They’re fine,” I reply, pulling back. I try to smile but it wobbles as an old wound, a dull ache, blooms at the base of my throat. Levi doesn’t know I withdrew from college. Did he read any of my messages? Listen to my voice notes? Does he care? “I tried getting in touch with you.”
A sheepish expression slips over his face, and he grips the back of his neck. “Yeah, sorry, A. Been busy.”
In the doorframe, Derek crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the doorjamb. He glares at my brother’s profile.
“You need something? Money?” Levi asks, shuffling from one foot to the other. He’s antsy, on edge. Instead of welcoming me into his home, he’s trying to rush me off his front porch.
Hurt slams into me, full-on, like a sucker punch. Levi’s actions, his disregard, pull the air from my lungs, and I fight the urge to fold in on myself. To disappear. My hand lifts to my chest, pressing there, as I stare at my brother, unable to speak.
At Levi’s question, Derek’s eyes jump to mine. A muscle in his jaw tics.
Embarrassment burns through me, causing my cheeks to blaze. I wish Derek would give me a moment alone with my brother. Trying to explain why I’m here, what I’m doing, under his watchful gaze is unsettling.
For a heartbeat, I feel like a bumbling seventeen-year-old again, insecure, and never been kissed. I grip the handle of my suitcase and shuffle back half a step. Fight or flight. Right now, I want to bolt as fast as my feet will take me.
It’s as if Derek knows my thoughts. At least, he understands more than my brother. Because he hitches forward, leaning toward my frame, as if pulled by an invisible thread. His eyes lock on mine. Pierce and hold. Entrance and captivate.
And in his gaze, I find the strength to shake off my nerves. To hold fast to my resolve.
I know why I’m here. I know what I want. And part of that is a relationship with my brother, even if it takes time to cultivate. Even if I need to put in more effort.
Hell, I’ve got the entire summer.
I take a deep breath and mentally flip through options.
If Levi won’t welcome me with open arms, I’ll try a different tactic. I’ll regroup entirely and form a new strategy. I won’t stand on his porch and embarrass myself in front of him. In front of Derek.
I narrow my eyes and flip my chin at Levi. “Forget it. I’m out.” I tug my suitcase closer and turn but the handle is yanked from my grasp.
When I spin around, Derek is glowering. “Get inside,” he demands, turning away from the stoop and taking my suitcase with him.
I hesitate, but Levi wraps an arm around my shoulder and directs me into the brownstone. Is he inviting me inside because it’s his brotherly duty? Because he cares? Or because Reign told him to?
I hate that Option C seems to be the correct answer.
“What’s going on, A?” My brother tries again but I hear the frustration in his tone.
Is he annoyed that he doesn’t know what’s going on? Or is he annoyed that I’m here, interrupting his life, and invading his space?
My embarrassment flirts with anger and marries hurt.
“I took a leave of absence. From UCLA,” I announce once we’re in the living room.
No one moves to sit, and we stand around in an awkward huddle, with Derek still gripping my suitcase like a hostage and me staying closest to the front door.
“What?” My brother’s eyes widen. “Why the hell did you do that?”
“Did something happen?” Derek asks, his expression morphing from anger to concern in a heartbeat. “Someone hurt you?”
His thought process is another echo from the past. When he found me crying on the roof of a barn and thought my crush hurt me, pressured me, when in reality, Grant rejected me for my friend Cynthia. To make me feel better, Derek kissed me, gifting me the best birthday gift.