Chapter 13
Allegra
“He’s bad news,” Boston Hawks Hockey captain, Austin Merrick, confirms.
My new friend, Claire, wrinkles her nose. “He’s grown up a lot—”
A chorus of snorts rings out around the table.
“You give him too much credit, babe,” her boyfriend Easton kisses her temple.
Claire shrugs and levels me with a look.
“Real talk…” She leans closer and drops her voice, allowing the conversation around us to continue in her and Easton’s brownstone kitchen.
“Reign and I used to…” She widens her eyes to clue me into her meaning.
Her gaze shifts to her boyfriend before whipping back to me. “East is not a fan.”
I chuckle. East looks like he’d want to put Derek through a wall for hitting on his girl.
“I’ve worked with him for years now, even after our…
summer fling.” She flicks her wrist, as if she doesn’t know what to label their exchange.
“And we’re cool. He has grown up a bit. But he also left me high and dry with a massive check at Carter’s to go screw a woman in an alley and snort coke.
” She shrugs, as if her story doesn’t sound wild and insane and hurtful as hell.
I rear back in surprise, my eyebrows knitting. “He just…left you?”
Rolling her lips together, Claire nods. Her blue eyes narrow as she studies me and she chomps on an end of her blonde waves, like it’s a stalk of dried wheat.
“Be careful, Allegra. I know you’ve known Reign and the guys for years but…
Derek always chooses Derek. Considering he’s one of the most complicated men I’ve ever met, or worked with, he doesn’t really do complicated.
Instead, he cuts ties to protect his peace. ”
I heave out a sigh, recalling Jenn. She and Kate have been at the house for several nights the past week. It’s gutting to know that after he kissed me, flipped my world upside down and gave me this spark of hope I haven’t felt in years, he went and slept with another woman.
Flaunted her in my face the following morning.
Just to make sure I understand the score. To put me in my place, back where he wants me.
“Yeah,” I agree.
“Now, Mav on the other hand…”
I raise my eyebrows expectantly.
“He’s good people,” Claire laughs. “Obviously.” She gestures toward me.
When Mav introduced me to Claire a few weeks ago, I thought he was reaching. Why would the band’s designer, the girlfriend of a Hawks player, with a full social life, want to hang with me?
But Claire easily scooped me into her circle, our connection strengthening when we realized we have Vivi in common. Now, I have my own girl group, reminiscent of Kenny and Ivy and Nova.
All thanks to Maverick Tate.
“Yeah, Mav said we’d hit it off,” I agree, tucking my hair behind my ear.
“Mav’s usually right.” Claire points at me. “Another nugget of wisdom as you navigate The Burnt Clovers minefield.”
I laugh and lift my glass, clinking it against hers. “Thanks for this, Claire.” I gesture around the kitchen.
Some of the team and their girlfriends met for burgers and beers at Taps before hanging here. They included me without question, asking about my life, sharing funny stories, and making me feel like I belong somewhere.
“Don’t mention it.” Claire takes a swig of her wine. Next to her, Easton pops the tab on a sparkling water can and takes a long drink. “We’ve all been where you are.”
“Lost?” I supply, grinning to mask the hurt in my voice. “Untethered and wandering and—”
“Stop!” She places her hand on mine, halting my speech. Tilting her head, she gives me a small smirk. “You’re not lost, Allegra. You’re figuring out your priorities. You’re forging your own path. And that’s scary.” She bites her bottom lip thoughtfully. “But brave as hell.”
I laugh and take another sip of my wine. Next to me, Austin’s wife, Chloe, pulls me into conversation.
I hang out with this amazing group of friends, of found family, and wonder why I can’t find this level of connection with the Clovers? Save for Mav, I haven’t clicked with any of the guys.
If anything, the chasm between Levi and me has widened. Derek confuses me at every turn. Jameson is hardly around.
I could see past that if the guys were at least connecting but from where I’m standing, it feels like the Clovers are reaching a breaking point. One that will either dramatically explode or quietly crumble.
I drain my wineglass.
“A.” Levi stops me the following morning before I leave for work.
“Hey,” I say, surprised my brother is awake at this time.
His eyes are bloodshot, and his hair is mussed, as if he just rolled from bed. His or someone else’s?
Levi clears his throat. “You talk to Mom and Dad?”
I sigh, moving to the French press and pouring a coffee. “I asked Mom to meet me for lunch…”
A flicker of hope crosses my brother’s face. It’s instant and genuine, and reminiscent of the big brother I used to adore. “And?”
My throat tightens painfully since I know my words will squash his hope. His expression will fall, his expectations will plummet. I clear my throat, choosing my words carefully.
But my hesitation speaks volumes and Levi swears quietly. “She said no, didn’t she?”
I nod and touch Levi’s wrist. “I’m sorry, Levi.”
“Don’t be. It is what it is. I didn’t think she’d say yes. I mean, to see you, sure. But not me.”
“I thought she’d come. To see us both,” I admit.
“Really?” Levi cocks his head.
“For a minute there…yeah. I tried calling again but Mom…”
“Won’t cross Dad,” he supplies.
“Exactly.”
Levi heaves out a sigh and takes a swig of his coffee. “I know we haven’t spent much time together this summer.”
My heart hammers in my eardrums. Is Levi going to…apologize? I grip my coffee mug tighter. Would it change anything?
Yes! If Levi offered me an olive branch, a path forward, to restore our relationship, I’d take it. I miss my brother; I miss my family.
“And that’s on me,” he admits, surprising us both. “I’m sorry, A.”
“Your rejection hurts, Levi,” I tell him the truth. “I’ve been away for three years and it’s hard to admit how far apart we’ve grown in that time. Sometimes…”
“What?” he whispers, his eyes intent on mine. His irises are shaded in remorse, his expression lined with regret. “Say it.”
“I don’t even recognize you. The partying, the women, the drugs—”
“I’ve got everything under control, A. It’s harmless.” He tosses me a smirk, reaching for levity that doesn’t exist in this moment.
“It’s not,” I say, softening my tone. “None of this is harmless.” I gesture around the kitchen to imply the brownstone, the band, the fast life they’re all living.
“You’re going to Europe at the end of the summer,” I remind him.
“When we were kids, we used to dream about what it would be like to visit London. To see the Colosseum in real life. To climb the Eiffel Tower. It seemed magical.”
“Yeah.”
“I skipped out on studying abroad to come this summer. To try to reconnect with you. And now, you’re heading to Europe. You’re getting the chance to do all those things we wished for as kids. Instead of appreciating that, you’re focused on women and parties and—”
“Come with us,” he cuts me off.
I rear back in surprise. “What?”
“Come. To Europe. Come for the tour. Sightsee, do all the things we dreamed up as kids. Climb the Eiffel Tower. I’ll be better in Europe, A. More focused. It will give us the chance to reconnect the way we should have this summer.”
Hope swirls in my chest, dangerous and delusional. But I want to believe my brother. I want to step into the painting he just created in the space between us. Broad strokes of color, tiny details filled with moments.
London, Rome, Paris. Paris! Our childhood dreams becoming a reality that we could experience together.
Still… “Do you really mean that, Levi?”
He places a hand on his heart, looking hurt. “Yeah, A. I mean that. I miss you too. This summer, fuck, the past few years, they’ve been crazy. Intense. Fun as hell but…I’m glad you’re here. Please, let me make this up to you. Come to Europe.”
I sigh. I’ve always wanted to visit Europe. And now, Levi is offering me the opportunity of a lifetime and I’m hesitating because of Derek! He pops up in my mind, always eager to make an appearance.
Can I handle seeing him with other women, night after night?
Well, it won’t be much different from summer in Boston.
But I won’t have friends in Europe, bouncing from one city to the next.
Maybe Nova will meet me in Paris? Her dad lives there.
I wonder if Kenny and Ivy would come out too?
“Say yes, A,” Levi pleads. He gives me his best puppy eyes, his sad grimace, a face I recall from a loving childhood spent with a protective brother looking out for me.
I grin and take a massive leap of faith. “Yes.”
Levi laughs and pulls me into a hug. “You won’t regret it, A. This tour, we’ll reconnect. We’ll see Europe. We’ll be like little kids again.”
“Okay,” I agree, hugging him back. I want to believe his words and the intention behind them.
I want to have a relationship with my brother.
So, I block out the giant red flag of Derek Reiner. I dismiss the thought that I’m compromising my future to follow Levi overseas. I shut down all the negativity and focus on the positive.
This is a chance to be close to Levi again; this is an opportunity to rebuild our family.
Levi kisses my cheek. “I’m heading to bed, A. I’m glad you’re in.”
“Me too,” I say, and I mean it.
Once Levi leaves, I rinse out my coffee mug and head to work. On my walk over, I text the group.
Me: Plot twist. Levi invited me to Europe! For the tour!
Me: I said yes! I’m going to Europe for the fall. Anyone want to meet me anywhere…
Kenny: ???
Kenny: Are you serious?
Ivy: I hope Mckenna meets you so we can stop running at the crack of dawn.
Nova: I’m in for Paris! We can stay at my dad’s. Can you get us backstage passes?
Ivy: She can get you on the tour bus, Nova.
Nova: See you there, Allegra. Send me the dates.
Kenny: Are you sure you want to blow off the semester to go to Europe?
Ivy: She already took a leave of absence…