Chapter 6
Derek
I cross the quad as soon as she exits the building. I’m out of my element here, surrounded by the educated and elite. I barely graduated high school and wonder sometimes if my teachers didn’t pass me my senior year to push me through the system.
Music saved my life, every step of the way.
Glancing at my watch, I note the professor dismissed Allegra’s class early. Good thing I was here, waiting and watching, or I would have missed her. Good thing Mav filled me in on the pieces of her life he learned when they had brunch yesterday, or I wouldn’t have known to show up this morning.
She rolls her eyes when she spots me. “What are you doing here?”
“How was your class? Social Justice and Equity sounds interesting.” I hold out my peace offering, a cup of coffee. It’s not much but I need to ease into this new normal with Allegra.
It’s clear she doesn’t want to see me. It’s obvious that I hurt her, deeply, and she wants nothing to do with me. But fuck if I’m going to turn my back on her when she’s so damn…lost. Hardened. Nothing like my girl.
Except, she’s not mine.
My molars grind together, and I force my attention back to her pretty face. Even now, when she’s scowling at me, she’s so gorgeous, it’s hard to look right at her. Like staring at the sun, she’s likely to burn my damn retinas.
“Stalker much?” she replies, swiping the coffee cup and taking a swig.
“Look.” I stuff my hands in my pockets and rock back on my heels.
I am so far out of my comfort zone, my stomach clenches, and the back of my neck prickles.
I don’t know how to do this shit. I’m not Maverick Tate.
Hell, even Levi is better at navigating emotions, having grown up with Allegra as his sister.
Allegra raises a sardonic eyebrow, unimpressed and waiting.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter. The words leave a sour film in my mouth.
“For which part, Derek?” Allegra pops her hip, tilting her head at me.
I sigh, glancing around the quad. Students mill about, their backpacks slung over their shoulders, their fingers tapping out text messages, or hanging with their friends, laughing.
I can see Allegra here. Studying on a big blanket with her friends under the shade of an oak tree. Grabbing an iced coffee and reading in an oversized armchair in the library.
Hell, I can even see her dating a guy like the one she left with the other night. Ethan.
Is that what she wants now? Is that who this new version of my Stellina is attracted to?
I swear. “All of it, okay? I shouldn’t have left the way I did.”
“No, that was fucking cowardly,” she spits. “But it’s my bad for expecting more of you.”
Ouch. As if her words contained a physical barb, I rub against the center of my chest.
Allegra’s mask slips for an instant and in her eyes, I read a flicker of remorse. Relief fills my veins, allowing my shoulders to drop. She’s still in there. The woman I care for still exists. The pain I caused buried her alive, and now, I need to dig her out.
Remind her who she is.
Make amends for the mess I caused.
“I hate seeing you like this,” I admit.
“Like what? Having my own life and not hanging onto yours?” She tilts her head, but again, I note the pinch at the corners of her mouth. She’s saucy as hell, but I wonder how much she likes the taste of her own spice.
“Hardened,” I reply. “My Stellina is all light, too damn bright and burning too hot, but still, all light.” I reach for her wrist, and she lets me take it. Pressing my thumb against her pulse, I love the way it flutters. For me. “Talk to me, Allegra. Tell me what you need. I’m right here and—”
“I don’t need anything. Or anyone,” she cuts me off, but her tone is softer than it was a second ago. Her vowels are rounded out now, less sure of herself. She shakes her head and pulls her arm back. “I gotta get to work.”
“Where are you working?” I ask, even though I already know the answer. Thank you Mav and social media.
“An NGO that helps find housing for homeless people,” she replies, squinting at me as if to gage my reaction.
I smile. It’s so her, the desire to help, the constant compassion. “Goes hand in hand with Social Justice and Equity, huh?” I remark.
She looks away and fidgets with the strap of her bag. “Don’t stick around on my account, Derek. I wasn’t kidding; I don’t need you. Or Levi. I don’t need anyone but myself.”
With that, she strides away, moving toward the parking lot with measured, confident steps.
It’s hard not to feel a flare of pride for her. As much as I hate her new devil-may-care attitude, she’s always impressed me. I know she’s tough; she’s got grit. I just never had her anger—her pain—directed at me like this.
Pulling out my phone, I call Maverick.
“How’s your stalking going?” He answers on the first ring.
I ignore that. “Get in touch with Allegra’s friends, will you? I think they’ll be more receptive to you than me.”
He snorts. “Everyone is more receptive to me than you.”
“Will you do it or not?”
“Yeah, man. I’m way ahead of you. It seems they’re worried about Allegra too. She isn’t living with them this semester and she’s been blowing off their brunches and hangouts. Missed a run yesterday.”
“Keep an eye on her, Mav. Something’s not right,” I say quietly, the truth eating at my stomach.
“No shit,” he scoffs.
“I’m going to meet with Johan. I want to take on some of his day-to-day shit since I’m staying in town.”
“You’re staying for her, aren’t you?” Curiosity burns behind his words, and I know he wants the truth. He wants to know I’m doing right by Allegra for all the times I did her dirty.
“Yeah,” I clip out. My mouth is too dry. Fuck, why is this so damn awkward? I clear my throat. “I’m staying for her.”
“Good. I’ll help you.”
“I know.”
“In another few weeks, Levi can see visitors,” Mav changes the subject. “He’s going to reach out once he’s cleared.”
Damn, these Rousell siblings are going to be the death of me.
“So soon?” I thought he needed to dry out longer before he could see anyone from the outside world.
“Yep. You up for a visit?”
I peer down the quad. Allegra is gone.
Levi is gone.
The hollowness that spread throughout my body during the tour widens, threatening to swallow me up.
“Yeah, man. I’m up for a visit.”
“Cool. I’ll make the arrangements once he’s ready. See if I can get Jameson to fly out.”
“Alright. I’ll see you later, Mav.”
“Later.” He disconnects the call.
I slip my phone into my back pocket and move toward the parking lot. On my way, a familiar face pulls me up short.
Ethan.
He’s leaning against a building, chatting with another guy. He dips his head down, biting his bottom lip, before glancing up and laughing at something the guy says. The guy reaches out and touches his hip before moving past him.
Huh? I narrow my eyes. Relief starts to lace through my limbs.
That was definitely flirting. Maybe Ethan is gay? Maybe Allegra was playing me, pretending to be into him just to piss me off?
Ethan looks up and sees me staring at him. His expression changes, the playful smirk slipping as animosity moves over his face. He glares at me and lifts his chin, silently asking what the fuck I want.
I flip him off and walk away.
Nope, he’s got a thing for my girl. He doesn’t care if she’s starting to spiral. He doesn’t know her well enough to know that this woman—with the blonde bob and the skintight dress—isn’t her.
I’ve known Allegra since she was seventeen years old. And yeah, I existed on the periphery for most of that time. But I know her heart. I’ve seen her soul.
I fucking fell in love with her.
I tried to save her from me, from the band. From life on tour, with the parties and the women and the drugs. The wildness of it and the man I become when I’m swept up in its current.
In doing so, I ruined her. I broke her. I gave her a tough exterior with a marshmallow center.
But now I’m back. I’m not going anywhere. Ethan won’t win.
And I won’t stop fighting for my Stellina.