Chapter 15
Derek
“What do you think?” I ask Maverick.
He gazes up at the beautiful, contemporary-styled home. It boasts an expansive lawn, a three-car garage, and a swimming pool with a swim-up bar, in the back.
His pale eyebrows draw together, and he chews the corner of his mouth.
“Shit,” I mutter. “You don’t like it.”
“The place is beautiful.” He surprises me.
“Right?” I chuckle, relieved Mav agrees.
“Could be in Architectural Digest.”
“I know.” I nod. “And it’s not too much. It’s not too flashy.”
“Depends on who you ask…”
I look at him. He stares at me, as if waiting for some elusive puzzle piece to click into place.
Frustration coils in my gut. I’ve spent hours poring over home listings and have already had three conversations with my realtor Deb. “What? What’s wrong with it?”
“Reign, nothing is wrong with the place. It’s a gorgeous home,” he repeats.
“Then, what’s the issue?”
“The issue is…why are you house hunting for a home for Allegra, without Allegra?”
“I want to surprise her,” I say defensively.
“I thought she was happy with the way things are?”
“She is. But at some point…” I trail off. I don’t know how to explain to Maverick that I’m worried she’s slipping away. That without a plan, without a future commitment, I’m…scared.
“The grand fucking gesture,” Mav mumbles.
“What?” I look at him.
“It’s about one hundred steps up from bowling,” he carries on.
“So, she’ll like it?”
Now, Mav sighs. “I don’t think you should buy a place without talking to her. See what she wants, what style she likes, what neighborhood she sees herself in. Besides, where does she want to live? Or work?”
“You sound like Dex.”
“Well, he sounds a lot more reasonable than you.”
“Mav, if we’re going to stay in LA, we need a place to live.”
“You both have places to live,” he points out, narrowing his eyes at me.
I heave out a sigh and look away. “I want to know that we’re in this together.”
“In what?” Mav’s tone is quieter than it was a moment ago. “A relationship?”
“Just…life,” I say. “I know Allegra is happy with how things are but for me, it’s all unsettled. I don’t know where we’re going to live or where she’s going to work. What we’re going to do. What comes next, Mav?” I turn to ask my friend.
Maverick’s face shudders, a shadow passing through his irises. “You enjoy the moment for the moment, Derek. You embrace what is and adapt to whatever comes next. You and Allegra, together.”
I nod once, a curt movement. The same worry and anxiety that’s followed me the past few weeks swells up my throat, coats the roof of my mouth, until I feel nauseous.
“Buying this massive house in this gated community, tucked away from her world, isn’t going to change the way she feels about the future,” he says quietly.
“I’m not trying to…” I trail off.
“Make decisions for her? Control the situation before she can?” he asks softly.
“Isolate her,” I finish my sentence. But Mav’s words reverberate in my mind, and I shake my head, hearing the point he’s making. Understanding Dex’s warning. “Fuck.”
Mav tosses an arm around my shoulders. “It’s a sick property. You’ve got good taste.”
“What if she takes a job someplace else?”
“Then, you move.”
“What if she doesn’t want to take the next step with me? She says she does but…what’s holding her back?” I confess my deepest worry about Allegra’s and my relationship.
“You should talk to her,” he calmly replies.
“And say what? I need to know what’s next for you, so I know what’s next for us? I don’t like you working downtown near that park? I hate when I don’t know where you are or who you’re with?” I spit out, admitting the thoughts that fester in my mind. Dangerous, unpredictable, destructive thoughts.
Mav sucks his teeth. “Wouldn’t lead with any of that.”
I sigh.
Mav squeezes my shoulder. “Just sit down and talk to her, Derek. Calmy. Rationally. Like an adult.”
“Fuck off.”
He laughs. I glower.
“You need to be honest with her. Tell her how you’re feeling. She’ll hear you out. But…”
“But what?”
“But you’ve been hot and cold with her from the beginning, Reign.
I know you don’t want to hear it, but the truth is, there are two of you in this relationship and it can’t always be on your terms. Let Allegra take the lead this time.
Give her a chance to figure out what she wants.
She’s waited more than a minute for you to sort your shit out,” he says gently. “This time, you can wait for her.”
I sigh heavily. Mav shrugs.
Fuck. I hate when Maverick’s right.
As the summer stretches before us, I try to settle into a routine with Allegra. I wake up next to her each morning, hang out with her and her girlfriends, and swing by the NGO to pick her up in the evenings.
I take her to her final checkup with Dr. Davis, continue to look at properties for sale in the LA area, and meet Dex for burgers. I kick it with Levi, exchange emails with Sarah, songwrite with Mav, and take Johan up on his fucking offer to play golf.
The days bleed into each other. The nights are filled with wine and laughter. Allegra looks happier. The Clovers are in a good place, gearing up for our first live show since the tour. Things are falling into place and life is good.
A week after Allegra’s graduation, Levi and Mav decide to meet some friends to play poker. I beg off, preferring to wait for Allegra to finish her work at the NGO so we can eat dinner together.
I pick her up and we enjoy a delicious Italian meal with a generous glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. When we return to Allegra’s, the condo is blissfully empty.
My girl gives me a salacious grin and a thrill runs up my spine. “Levi’s out for the night,” she murmurs, walking backwards toward her bedroom.
I smirk. “He’ll be back. He’s just playing poker.”
Allegra cocks her head, studying me. “We’ve got time,” she says huskily, raising her arms in the air.
My mouth grows dry at what she’s offering. It’s been so long. Over six weeks, while we’ve waited for her to be cleared by Dr. Davis. God, I’ve missed her. My eyes drink her in, lingering on her beautiful curves and dark eyes.
“Is it too soon?” I ask, even though my fingers are curled under the hem of her shirt and I’m peeling it up her sexy frame. I need this connection with her. This moment, this joining, to center me. I need her to remind me that we’re going to be okay.
No matter what, it’s me and her. Together.
I slow my movements, knowing I need to proceed cautiously. I need her words.
“Are you sure?” I whisper, dropping my mouth to her shoulder. I press a kiss there before sliding my lips up the column of her neck. My mouth lingers over the shell of her ear as I wait for her response.
She shivers, goosebumps breaking out over her skin. I move my hand over them, erasing them with the heat of my palm. “I’m sure.”
“Fuck, Stellina,” I moan, my hands sliding down her back to cup her denim-clad ass.
She tugs my shirt up and I lose it quickly. As my hands find her hips, she tilts her pelvis forward to brush against me. I nearly see stars. It’s been so long and I’ve missed her so goddamn much. Her mouth finds mine as I hold her flush against me.
Our kiss is deep, filled with yearning and tenderness. Each brush of my lips over hers roots me to this moment and I never want to pull away. My fingers thread through her hair, holding her face, as I slant my mouth over hers. Our touches are intentional, memorizing, and languid.
She wraps her arms around my neck, leaning into my frame.
The scent of her perfume, the feel of her hair against my skin, the little mewls that fall from her mouth, wash over me.
Everything outside of Allegra falls away until she’s all I can see, all I need.
My palms track down her back, wanting to touch every inch of her.
Slowly, I redirect us to her bedroom, never breaking our connection.
The door closes behind us and I sigh, pulling back only to drink her in.
I remove her bra, sliding my palm down the valley in between her breasts.
Her nipples pebble, desperate for my touch, for my mouth.
I drop to my knees as I draw her closer, pulling one pert breast into my mouth and flicking my tongue over her sensitive bud.
“Ohh,” she breathes, her hand catching the back of my head and holding me there.
Fuck, she’s sweet.
As I give her other breast the same treatment, I pop the button on her jeans and drag down the zipper.
Slowly, I roll her jeans over her hips, helping her step out of them when they pool around her ankles.
Gripping the back of her thigh, I look up.
Goddamn, she’s sexy. Hooded eyes, swollen lips, and flushed cheeks, my girl nearly undoes me.
My love for her swells like a balloon, filling the dark, empty spaces inside me. She makes me whole. My fingers tremble as I stroke the skin on the back of her leg.
She’s standing before me, wearing only a tiny scrap of black lace, and — “You are everything, Allegra. Fucking perfection.”
Her eyes hold mine and a shiver ripples over her body at my words, at the desire dripping from them.
Her hands dust over the ink that swirls up my arms before her fingers tighten on my shoulders. I drag my nose along her lower abdomen and playfully nip at her belly button.
She shudders again and I grin. I pull her thong to the side as my fingers dip inside.
My eyes hold hers as I swipe two fingers through her folds, already slick with want, with need, with anticipation. “Fuck, beauty,” I groan, feeling her want coat my fingertips.
“I missed you,” she admits.
“Jesus, love,” I groan. “You have no fucking clue.”
She tugs at me, urging me to stand. I kiss her hip before I force myself to my feet.
Swinging Allegra into my arms, I carry her to bed, lay her out, and continue to explore her sexy body —a body that was fucking made for me—by kissing every inch of her skin with a tenderness that brings tears to her eyes.
“Don’t cry, Stellina.” I brush away a tear. Cupping her cheek, I angle her face so I can better read her eyes. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Nothing,” she whispers. “I just, I need you, Derek.”
I capture her mouth again and give her some of my neediness in return. “Always need you, beauty. Need this connection with you.” My fingers caress her, my eyes drinking in each of her expressions.
I lose my pants and boxers before settling over her. Then, I drag the head of my cock through her slick wetness, loving how she shudders and gasps. I rock into her so damn slowly, I’m scared I’m not going to last.
My beauty lifts her hips, meeting me as we come together. When I bottom out, we both sigh.
“I love you, Allegra,” I tell her as I continue to rock against her. Pull out gently, slide back in. Set a pace that is more rhythm, music and fucking poetry, wrapping around us like the song I wrote for her.
I make love to my Stellina. I shield her body with mine and bring her to a peak that shimmers in its intensity, that envelops in its depth. My embrace cocoons both of us from the outside world. Our kisses are healing, our touches make us whole. Join us as one.
Forgiveness. Acceptance. Trust.
Once upon a time, we made a baby and didn’t know it.
Tonight, we come together in a love so powerful, it renders me speechless. And I’m conscious of every second of it. I memorize it, breathe it in, lose myself in it.
Under my watchful gaze, Allegra comes apart like a shooting star.
I revel in it. Revel in her.
For the first time in weeks, I feel centered. Certain.
“Stellina,” I howl, falling apart on top of her. My seed fills her empty womb and I know that one day, we’ll make another baby. Our love will grow a whole family.
But it’s too soon. Too much.
And yet, not nearly enough.
Allegra wraps her legs and arms around me, and I hold her against my chest.
“I love you, Derek,” she pants in my ear.
I grip her hair and pull back to stare into her eyes. “You’re my forever, Allegra.”
Then, I kiss her hard and keep her close. When we drift off to sleep, I exhale into her hair and relax. My anxiety abates, my fear settles, and I trust in my connection with Allegra.
I decide to live in the moment, to take things as they come, to enjoy what is.