Chapter 8
MY FAVORITE SONG PLAYED on the radio and I danced in my carseat to the beat. It wouldn’t distract me for long though, because we were on a mission.
“Bàba, I want sprinkles on my ice cream,” I shouted over the music.
“Rainbow or chocolate?” he asked from the driver’s seat.
“Rainbow, please!”
“Now in Chinese, bǎo bǎo,” Māmā instructed.
“Uh… qǐng!” I shouted when I remembered the word for please. My Māmā and Bàba wanted me to know both English and Chinese, even though I spoke only English with all of my friends, like Riley across the street. I wondered if he would want rainbow or chocolate sprinkles.
“Good job, Josh,” Bàba said as he turned onto another street.
We were almost there. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on some ice cream.
Well, maybe not my hands. That would be too cold and messy.
I would use a spoon. That would keep Māmā and Bàba in a good mood so they didn't have to clean my up mess.
“Bǎo bǎo, what do you want to be when you grow up?” Māmā asked.
I thought hard for a moment and decided there was really only one thing I liked doing more than anything else in the world.
“I want to make people happy!”
Māmā and Bàba giggled.
“That’s a great idea. You’re so good at that already, guāi guāi,” Bàba said.
I smiled wide, thinking about all the people I’d make happy one day.
Māmā and Bàba started talking in Chinese super fast, and I didn’t understand some of the words they were saying.
Something about medicine and testing. Hopefully, no one was sick.
Māmā and Bàba were scientists and spent all day making the world healthier for people. They made lots of people happy, too.
We were crossing another street when I heard a loud squealing noise and Bàba shouting. Then I heard nothing at all…
Josh shouted as he shot upright in bed, his whole body shaking, somehow sweating and freezing at the same time.
A strong hand landed on his shoulder, startling him, until he realized it was Riley.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he said quietly. “It was just a nightmare. I’m here.”
Josh turned and wrapped his arms around Riley, sobbing into his shoulder as they lay down together, Riley rubbing his back in soothing strokes.
“I’m here, I’m here,” he said. “We’re safe. You’re safe. I’ve got you, baby.”
Josh took a shaky deep breath and tried to let it out, but couldn’t.
How could he be so stupid and forget his weighted blanket for this trip? It was one of the few things that made him feel safe. The memory of the day he lost his parents lived in his head rent-free, and he was pissed he couldn’t overcharge it so it would finally move the fuck out.
On that fateful day, the other car ignored them, speeding through the intersection while they were waiting to make a left turn and running into them in a head-on collision.
It was like they ran right into a wall. Josh’s carseat did its job, but the straps knocked the wind out of him, and everything went dark.
When he came to, he remembered seeing a man running away to get help. He called for Māmā and Bàba, but they were motionless. He remembered seeing Bàba's blood all over the steering wheel, Māmā’s hand hanging lifelessly across the center console, the sound of sirens getting closer.
Why did I beg for ice cream that day? If we had gone straight home, Māmā and Bàba would still be here. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault…
“I got you, just breathe,” Riley said as he rolled them so he lay on top of Josh.
This wasn’t the first time he’d woken from a nightmare next to Riley, and his best friend immediately began to calm him.
Riley started murmuring the lyrics to All the Small Things by Blink-182. It was the same song they had been listening to in the car when his world imploded, and for some reason it was the one song that settled his heart when he woke from one of his nightmares.
When Ri got to the “na-na-na” part of the song, his body began to relax. That, combined with the weight on top of him, finally let him release his shuddered breath.
His arms were wrapped around Riley, clutching his back.
“Don’t leave me, Ri,” he begged. “Don’t ever leave me.”
“Never. I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered. “No matter what, I’ll always be right here for you.”
Josh hooked his head over Riley’s shoulder. He could feel Riley’s breath on his ear. Riley tucked his arms under Josh’s shoulders. In Riley’s arms was where he felt safest, one of the only things that could calm him when the horrors of that day came roaring into his mind.
Riley continued to hum the song over and over, until slumber took them both under again.