Chapter 10
RILEY WAS AVOIDING JOSH.
It wasn't like he walked out of the room whenever Josh entered, but he bent over backward to avoid being alone with him.
After years of friendship, he knew Riley wasn’t doing it to be mean. He usually acted like this when he was nervous about something.
But what could he have to be nervous about?
It hurt a bit when Riley went out of his way to avoid sitting alone with him on the ski lifts that day, which was why Josh sat next to Elena on their way up the mountain.
He liked Elena, but he was also a little bit afraid of her, so being alone with her while hanging fifty feet above a snow-covered mountain was a bit unsettling.
Josh fidgeted in his seat, and Elena released a sigh that made it look like she was smoking thanks to the freezing air.
“Stop squirming,” she muttered. “You’re shaking the whole gondola.”
Time to do his best imitation of a statue.
“Josh, you can still breathe. Just stop moving around so much.”
“Sorry, I’m nervous.”
“About what’s going to happen with you and Riley?” she asked.
Josh spun in his seat as much as he could to face Elena, making the whole structure shake and forcing Elena to grab onto her handrail. “What do you mean? What’s going to happen with Riley and me?”
“Because you hooked up last night. Are you worried about doing it again?”
“You think he’d want to do it again?” Josh shouted, his voice carrying over the mountain.
“Josh, chill. You said this morning that it was the best orgasm ever. Wouldn’t you want to do that again?”
The gears in Josh’s head came to an abrupt halt. He hadn’t even thought about doing it again, especially now that his best friend was ignoring him.
He replayed that early morning in his head. He'd been dreaming about Riley holding him so close, and it felt so right. He couldn't tame his arousal. When he realized it was real and Riley was over him, his breath had stuttered and he couldn’t help holding him tighter, chasing his climax.
“Well, why would Riley want to do it again? I’m pretty sure he’s straight. I’m pretty sure I’m straight. What if it was just getting off together and it didn’t mean anything? It’s not like I’m in love with Ri.”
Elena narrowed her eyes.
“If you could build your dream partner, what would they be?”
Josh scoffed. “I doubt they exist. No one can handle being around Riley so much. They’d have to be okay with him being my priority.”
“And why is your priority Riley, instead of your dream partner?”
“Because Riley is everything to me. Without him, I’m… I’m not even me without him. I want to do everything with him. See the world. Watch our business take over the world. Raise our kids.”
Elena spoke slowly, maybe worried he’d miss her point if she didn’t. “Did you ever think that maybe you could have all those things with Riley? That he could be your dream partner?”
Josh started shaking his head. “No. No way. I’m not anywhere near good enough for Riley. He deserves someone better than me.”
A soft pressure hit his hand, and he realized Elena had covered his thick-gloved hand with hers. He snapped his gaze to hers, not used to her showing affection.
“I don’t think Riley would agree with you on that. Just like he’s the best part of your life, you’re the best part of his. Think about it. Your dream partner might have been staring you in the face this whole time.”
“Elena, I think you’re better off with Cole. I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’re my dream partner.”
She blinked a few times and sighed. “When I said staring you in the face, I didn’t mean the fact that I’m currently making eye contact with you.
I meant Riley has been in your face your whole life.
You live together, work together, go to the gym together.
How could anyone else ever fit in either of your lives? ”
Fuck. Was she right? Was he keeping Riley from meeting his dream partner?
“You’re right. Maybe he needs more space from me so he can find the person he’s meant to be with.”
Elena grunted, like she was frustrated. What did she have to be frustrated with? She had already found her dream partner in Cole. Although, he frustrated her all the time. Their relationship confused him. Maybe she was frustrated because they were about to reach the top.
“Just talk to Riley, okay? See what he’s feeling,” she said, readying herself to jump off the lift.
Because of the distraction, he jumped a second too late and face planted, sliding down the mini hill and landing at Riley’s feet.
Cole’s laughter rang out as Riley sprang forward to help Josh stand.
“Damn, one night together and he’s falling for yo—Oomph!” Cole’s voice was cut off with an elbow to his ribs, courtesy of Elena. “Baby, you know I love it when you get physical.”
She muttered something in Spanish as they pushed away on their skis.
Once Josh stood again, he finally caught Riley’s gaze.
“You okay, man?” Riley asked, worried. Josh hated worrying him. And Riley could do so much better than him. He would do better than him.
“Yeah, all good. Let’s head down this mountain.”
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The smell of bacon and eggs frying left Josh confused. He wished he could say it was a feeling he didn’t have often.
“Hailey, are you making breakfast? I thought you and Avery were going to grill burgers for dinner,” he asked.
“Avery’s outside manning the grill. I’m making toppings for the burgers.”
Josh eyed the rest of the counter and saw Hailey had already sliced tomatoes and ripped apart some lettuce for everyone.
Buns were open on a tray with what looked like mayo on one side and cheese on the other, and Josh’s mouth started to water.
A breakfast burger sounded amazing after a day on the slopes.
They planned to make s’mores later that night around the backyard’s fire pit while they waited for midnight and a sky full of fireworks.
It was their last night in the Poconos and their last night of shenanigans before they returned to Cherrywood the next day.
Emilio and Abby would be leaving for their travels in less than a week. A part of Josh was devastated they wouldn’t be around for a while, although he was excited to live vicariously through them.
It wasn’t like there was much stopping Josh from traveling. He and Riley had done well when it came to building their business. And they’d saved a ton by living together for so many years. Maybe they could meet Abby and Emilio at some point and explore a new city together.
Part of him ached to visit China to see if he had any distant family left.
His father was an only child, but his mother had a brother.
There was apparently some kind of falling out with their families when they emigrated to America, which was why his parents left him in the Browns’ care instead of returning him to his family in Asia.
He missed his Māmā and Bàba and wished he had more time with them, but he was thankful for his mom and dad, Leigh Anne and Eddie. And, of course, for Riley and the rest of the Hansons.
He'd long considered all of them his adopted family. Which was one more reason he couldn’t be with Riley. They were practically brothers, growing up next door to each other. They’d had tons of sleepovers, which was how Riley was so familiar with his nightmares.
Would it be weird to ask him to fall asleep on top of him again?
He was an idiot for leaving his weighted blanket at home, the one solution he’d found for the dreams that had plagued him since the accident.
Dreams that reminded him over and over again that it was all his fault.
If he hadn’t begged his parents to drive the long way home for ice cream, they’d still be alive.
It was the one secret he’d never shared with Riley.
And it was the main reason he’d never be good enough for him.
Riley didn’t deserve someone so selfish and guilty.
Riley deserved someone perfect, someone without such a stain on their life.
Josh hoped he’d find it one day, even if it meant giving him up. Even though it would kill him.
Their bellies full of mouth-watering burgers, they huddled around the fire pit as they watched Avery build a blaze.
He’d earned that task after a minute of bickering over who could handle it and everyone voting that Avery was the adultiest adult and thus the most trustworthy with fire.
Cole sulked about it, which proved he was way less adult-y.
The fire pit was surrounded with sectional chairs that could be moved around on the patio, making it easy for them all to get a good spot close to the warm embrace of the flames.
“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you,” Cole said, disturbing the comforting crackling of the fire. “Tobias said we can use the open space in the gym for Abilio’s going away party.”
“Really? He doesn’t mind?” Abby asked, completely ignoring his use of Abilio. Apparently, that was a thing now. “How’d you get him to go for that?”
“Exchange of goods,” Cole said with a wink, causing Elena to roll her eyes. “I helped him out with something, so this is his repayment.”
“Thank you for that, although I worry what this something could be,” Emilio said.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing illegal or scandalous. It’s something to help him with a certain someone. Plus, we have to clean the place afterward. Easy trade-off.”
“That’s awesome. Colin will want to play on all of the gym equipment, though,” Abby said, talking about her young nephew.
“Actually, he’s thinking of adding a kids’ class where kids can join their parents for a workout, so he hoped to chat with your sister about being a tester.”
“Oh my goodness, that’s such a cute idea,” Hailey said. “Kind of like those ‘Mommy and Me’ classes?”
“Exactly, except it will be for all types of parents,” Cole said.
“That sounds like something Alyssa and Bri would be interested in,” Abby said, talking about her sister and sister-in-law.
“I’m just glad we get to see you at least one more time before you leave,” Riley said, and Josh leaned into his side for support. “It won’t be the same without you two around here.”
Everyone around their circle nodded in agreement, offering their own musings on one of the core members of their group leaving. They’d all gotten used to having Emilio around too. He quickly fit right in with their group, and no one wanted to say goodbye.
“No tears tonight, you guys,” Abby blurted. “Tonight is for celebration and looking forward to the new year.”
The group raised their glasses around the fire, toasting to their little family.
Later that night, as the clock struck twelve and the sky lit up with fireworks, Josh threw his arm around Riley, who settled his head against Josh’s shoulder.
Josh brushed a kiss on the top of his head and whispered, “Happy New Year, Ri.”
It was a tradition they started when they were kids and their parents were celebrating the new year together.
Riley turned and planted a kiss on his cheek, leaving behind a comfortable warmth. “Happy New Year, Josh.”
No matter what the new year had in store, Josh was going to put Riley first. Like always.