8. Ivy
EIGHT
IVY
My heart is being crushed in a vice as I hold my daughter against my chest. Her whimpers send agony spearing through me, and the rock in my stomach is so heavy, I feel sick.
As we step into A&E, Riot’s hand grounds me where it rests against the base of my spine.
There are people everywhere. The chairs in the waiting area are filled with rows of sick and injured, but I barely see them. My vision rolls, dizziness and panic making the air thin, but Riot steadies me.
He always does.
“We need help.”
I’m grateful Riot takes control because my mouth won’t work, neither will my brain. There is so much panic swirling through me that I can’t think about anything other than the little girl cradled in my arms.
The receptionist comes to her feet and beckons us through the door behind her workstation, and then we’re surrounded.
Medical staff fire questions at me I can’t make sense of. Then one of the nurses tries to take Seren from me.
Sticky fear floods my veins, and I bare my claws.
No. No. No .
No one is taking my daughter from me. I shield my child from this stranger, my heart racing so fast, my head swims.
“Just give us a second,” Riot says to her.
Then his large frame fills my vision, and he cups the side of my face with a rough hand. There is no sign of humour in his eyes, no sign of that dimple that entrances me as he dips his head closer to mine.
“I know you’re scared, Vee, but you gotta let them take care of her.”
Tears prick my eyes, every fibre of my being repelling the idea of letting her go.
“I can’t.”
“You trust me, yeah?”
“With my life.” With Seren’s too. Riot won’t let anything happen to us.
“Then please, baby, let the nurse take her.”
I tear my gaze from him to the red face of my daughter. Silvery tear tracks stain her cheeks, and her eyes are brimming with more. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I would take her pain in a second.
“Come on, Vee,” he cajoles. “Let them do their job.”
A sob breaks out of me as I hand her over to the nearest nurse.
She offers a kind, reassuring smile, but it doesn’t ease the swirling terror in my belly. “I promise we’ll take good care of her. Follow me and I’ll show you where you can wait while the doctor examines her.”
My throat is so clogged, my hand wraps around it as if I can ease the pressure with touch alone.
She moves briskly to the treatment area, and I follow at a jog, unwilling to let my daughter out of my sight.
Riot’s hand is glued to my back as we pass cubicles and medical equipment. Someone is wailing behind a curtain. It shreds my nerves.
The nurse holding Seren rushes into a room while another blocks our path.
“I know you’re worried, but the doctors need to focus on getting your daughter treatment. The best thing you can do is take a seat and let them work.”
She gestures to the chairs behind us, and my body rebels at the idea of not being with my child.
Riot slips his hand into mine, and I cling to him like an anchor. “Come on, Vee.”
My chin wobbles. “Please take care of her,” I beg the nurse.
I’ll get on my knees if it’ll help.
“We will. If you and Dad can take a seat, someone will be out to you soon.”
I don’t correct her assumption that Riot is Seren’s father, and neither does he. All I can focus on is how empty I feel without my daughter.
“She’s gonna be okay,” Riot assures me, but I don’t know how he can say that when he looks so freaked himself.
I press a hand to my stomach as tears burn tracks down my cheeks. I’ve experienced bone-crushing fear in the past, but this… this is a whole new level of hell.
A sob rips from my mouth before I can stop it. And then another.
Then I’m crushed against Riot’s chest, his arms wrapped around me so tight, I couldn’t escape if I tried.
I cling to his shirt, soaking in his warmth and the soft leather of his kutte.
She has to be all right. She has to be.
Acid torches my throat, and my lungs ache as I struggle to get in air.
What if…
Shit, don’t think like that.
Riot leads me over to the chairs and eases me into the nearest one. He squeezes my knee, and I lean into the heat of his touch, my body frozen to the core. I don’t think I’ll ever be warm again.
“You need anything?”
I shake my head, because the one thing I need, I can’t have. “What if there’s something really wrong?”
I don’t want to voice that fear, but it’s rolling around in my mind on a loop.
“There won’t be.” It’s a bold promise, considering I can still hear her screaming.
“But what if there is?” I press.
“Then we’ll deal with it.”
We.
He didn’t tell me I’d deal with it alone.
Riot reaches out, capturing one of my tears and wiping it away. My heart seizes in my chest, but this time for a different reason.
This is a different side of him to the one I usually see, different to the man who faced down Jackson too.
“I’m sorry I dragged you away from whatever you were doing.”
“Ivy, I’d drop my entire life if you needed me,” he says, unfurling from his crouch to sit next to me.
It’s a declaration of intention, and if I wasn’t unravelling, I might stop to consider what it means.
“You don’t need to stay if you have somewhere to be. I’m sure Maylie will pick up my messages soon.”
His brows knit together above that dip in the bridge of his nose. “You’re crazy if you think I’m leavin’ you here alone. It ain’t happenin’. Unless… unless you want me to go.”
The weight of the words hangs between us. This is a crossroads, and I know I should pick the safe path, but I can’t.
I don’t.
“I don’t want you to go.”
He breathes a little easier. “Then I’m stayin’ right here.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat.
“I’m so scared.”
He pulls me against his side, and that safety blanket that seems to fall over me when he’s near settles around me.
“I’m scared too,” he admits, “but she’s gonna be okay. Seren has her mother’s spirit.”
Broken? Shattered?
Some spirit.
The minutes stretch into hours and the hours into eons. I don’t know how long we sit there for, but I can’t breathe as we wait.
Please be okay. Please be okay.
Riot keeps his hand on my thigh, and I cling to his touch like it’s a rope dragging me out of the water.
“Ivy!”
My eyes snap up as Maylie rushes to me, her face crumpled in sheer terror. The second she’s close enough, I’m dragged up out of my seat and into her arms.
Her warmth and love for me oozes from every part of her as she holds me tight, and I cling to her, letting all my fear and anxiety seep out of me.
“Are you okay?” She pulls back so she can scan my face. “I’m so sorry I didn’t answer your call.”
I don’t ask her where she was or why she didn’t. It doesn’t matter. I am not my sister’s responsibility.
“You don’t have to apologise, May. We’re okay. Riot took care of us.”
Maylie pulls back so she can look over my shoulder to where Riot is standing. “Thank you so much, Riot.”
“Always,” he tells her, “you know that.”
Maylie’s eyes come back to me, but it’s Mace who speaks. “Have they said what’s wrong?”
My tongue suddenly feels thick, words too hard to form. Riot moves close to me, giving me that silent support.
“She’s still in with the doc. They’ll let us know when they have an update.”
That hand wrapped around my throat locks its grip. What if they can’t help her? What if I left it too late to call for help? What if…
As if sensing the dark turn my thoughts have taken, Riot’s hand flexes against my spine, and I relax into his touch.
I hate that I need to lean on him, but I can’t stop myself.
“She’ll be okay.” Is she saying this to me or to herself? Her anguish hangs in the air as Mace kneads her shoulders, his touch light and gentle. “The doctors know what they’re doing, and she’ll be home with us before we know it.”
I cling by my fingertips to every promise in her words. Maylie always fixes everything and this is no different.
“You need to sit before you pass out,” Mace says to Maylie.
I look at my sister, really look at her, and my insides twist. I know she’s pregnant, but how did I not notice how pale her skin is or how big the bags under her eyes are?
I follow as Mace guides her into a chair, my stomach now churning for a completely different reason.
“Are you okay?” My voice cracks with concern.
Maylie rubs a hand over her stomach, her eyes closing for a brief second. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”
I glance at Mace. His jaw is so tight, but eyes are… worried?
“You should go home and rest.”
Maylie shakes her head. “I wouldn’t be able to relax knowing you and Seren are here. And I’m fine.”
Mace doesn’t contradict her, so I let it go. He’d say if something was wrong, right?
I lean my head back against the wall and stare at the ceiling as if it holds all the answers. Life was so much easier when Seren was inside me and I could protect her.
Everything feels dangerous now, and not just this, but the threat of her father.
Ruthlessly, I shove that thought away. My trauma has to take a back seat today. Seren needs me.
Maylie’s hand slips into mine, squeezing gently, and Riot sits so close, he might as well have me in his lap. Mace sits on the other side of my sister, but his body vibrates with concern.
This right here… this is family. My family.
Link made me believe that no one gave a shit about me, but he was wrong.
I’m not alone.
I do have people who care about me and would fight for me.
I let my thoughts drift until the doctor steps out of the room. Somehow, I stand as he walks towards us, tucking his stethoscope into the top pocket of his scrubs.
“Is she okay?” I ask before he can say a word.
The doctor guides us to reclaim our seats. I’d prefer to stand, but I sink into the chair again.
“Your daughter has quite a severe ear infection,” he says gently. “I’ve started IV antibiotics and a medication that will bring down her fever, but I’d like to keep her in the hospital for at least the next twenty-four hours to monitor her. Then we can assess the next steps.”
“She was screamin’ like her insides were bein’ torched.” Riot sounds sceptical, and I can’t blame him for that.
“I know it was incredibly scary, but I can assure you she was just letting you know there was something uncomfortable going on with her.”
I ask the only question I need an answer to. “So, she’s going to be okay?”
He nods. “She’ll be fine once the treatment has run its course. We’ll keep her comfortable, and I’ll be back down in a couple of hours to check on her progress.”
Oh, fuck. I lock my knees to stop them from buckling. “Thank you, doctor. For everything. Can I see her?”
“Of course. There’re some tubes coming from Seren that are delivering the medications she needs, and some wires that are monitoring her heart and other things, but they’re nothing to worry about.”
He gestures to the door, and I don’t wait to push into the room.
I barely notice the machines on either side of the cot as I lock eyes on the small figure lying on the starched sheets.
They’ve stripped her down to her nappy, and I have the urge to cover her, even though her skin is clammy.
My feet falter before I force them to move again, going to her side.
The overwhelming need to wake her so I can see her beautiful eyes almost has me reaching towards her, but I don’t know where I’m allowed to touch her.
“It’s okay,” a voice says. “You won’t disturb her.”
I turn to see a nurse standing at a tall table, writing notes. I didn’t realise she was here.
“Is she in any pain?” I swallow the lump in my throat. I can’t bear knowing she’s suffering.
“The doctor gave her some pretty strong medication. She should sleep for a while now.”
I lick my dry lips, my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth as I gently brush my fingers over her head.
The beeping of machinery around us is an irritating symphony I wish I could block out so I can listen to her soft breaths. I place my hand on her chest and count every rise and fall her little body makes.
She’s okay.
My fingers trail up to her face, running over her hair. Seren looks so small in the hospital cot, so breakable.
“Don’t ever scare me like that again,” I whisper to her.
Maylie leans against my back, wrapping her arms around me, her small but noticeable bump pressing against my spine. I allow myself to relax just a fraction.
“How did you do this?”
“Do what?” my sister asks.
“Be a parent to me and Toby. Every minute of the day, it feels like my heart is in my throat, and that was before this happened. I don’t think I’m ever going to sleep again.”
She sighs, resting her chin on my shoulder. “That feeling never goes away, but you learn to block it out. Mostly.”
I struggle to keep control of my tumbling emotions. “I don’t know if all those times I told you I was sorry, I truly understood what I was sorry for. I put you through so much, made you worry endlessly about me. I get it now and, Maylie, I am so sorry for everything.”
Her arms tighten around my waist. “I never blamed you for a second, not even when I wanted to throttle you.” I hear the smile in her words, the light teasing. “I mean, there were plenty of times I wanted to wrap my fingers around your neck. Even now, there are times I want to do that, but that’s just sister stuff. You and Toby are my life, Ivy.”
“I know,” I assure her.
“I love you, and no matter what happens, I need you to know that, okay?” There’s something in her tone that has me trying to twist to her, but she tightens her grip on me. “Tell me you know.”
There is a vague tremor in her voice now, and I place my hands over hers, squeezing them gently. “I know. Believe me, I know. I couldn’t have asked for a better sister, and I’m so sorry that you had to step up the way you did. It’s not fair. It should never have been your job to raise us after Mum died.”
Her breath tickles the side of my neck as she exhales. “I don’t regret a single thing. It kept us together, and that’s all I care about.”
I glance towards the window. Mace and Riot stand in the corridor, deep in conversation.
Riot lifts his gaze, and our eyes meet. His expression softens as he smiles at me, not breaking their conversation. My heart, which has space to feel now, pulses. He went above and beyond today. I would not have got through this without him.
Farther up the corridor, just on the edge of what I can see, something catches my attention.
A man is standing with his back to me.
My stomach drops to the floor. Every inch of me screams internally, and my heart is pounding so loud, I can’t hear anything but my own breath.
The same build, the same colouring…
I’m transported back to that room where so many nightmares played out in real time.
It’s Link.
My breath quickens so fast, I feel dizzy.
I lulled myself into a false sense of security, believing we were safe. We will never be safe while he’s out there. Never . He will use Seren to control me, to bring me back under his thumb. I can’t go back to that. I can’t?—
The man turns fully in my direction, and my adrenaline flees.
He’s so similar, he could be Link’s clone, but it’s not him.
It’s not him.
His eyes wander as if scanning his surroundings, and then they lock onto me. My heart seizes for a moment before he looks away.
It’s not him .
“You okay?” Maylie asks.
He walks away, and I breathe easier.
It’s not him. He’s not here. He’s not following me.
Riot and Mace are feet from where he was standing. If it was Link, Mace would have confronted him.
It’s not him.
“I’m fine,” I say, my voice wavering despite my words.
It’s just some random guy, and I’m seeing things because I’m stressed.
I let every muscle in my body unclench while I take in the most precious thing in my life. Seren’s still warm under my touch, but her flushed cheeks are no longer tear-stained as she sleeps.
If Link is biding his time, he has no idea about the monster he will unleash if he comes for Seren. I’m not the cowering little girl he once knew.
Becoming a mother freed something dark inside.
I never fought for myself, but I would die for her. I would kill for her too.
At some point, Link will come for his daughter. It’s inevitable. She’s the one weapon he can use to control me, and we both know it. The surprise is that he hasn’t already.
But when he does, I won’t be quiet. This time, I have something to fight for, and I’ll fight to the bloody bitter end for her.