10. Ivy
TEN
IVY
I wake with a scream clawing its way out of my throat. Fumbling for the light, my heart jackhammers against my ribs until the warm glow chases the shadows from the room.
But not the ones in my head. There’s nothing I can do about those.
Fuck . I try to swallow, but my throat is like sandpaper, and sweat clings to my skin, hot and sticky.
It was just a nightmare.
It was just… a nightmare.
Gripping the mattress, my eyes dart to the cot. My daughter’s head is turned to the side, her fist pressed to her mouth, sleeping safely. It’s been two days since we got home from the hospital.
Two long days.
And my dreams are worse than ever. It’s not just Link hurting me. Now, it’s Seren. Those high-pitched cries play nonstop from the moment I close my eyes.
I didn’t mean to doze off, but I’m running on fumes, and I guess the engine finally seized.
Pushing my damp hair off my forehead, I suck in ragged breaths.
Seren’s fine, but I’m drowning, suffocating under the weight pressing on my chest.
Seeing my daughter hurting like that is seared into every corner of my memory, but it’s not the only reason I’m struggling.
It wasn’t Link in that hospital corridor, but it forced me to face a truth I wasn’t ready for.
We’re on borrowed time.
He’ll come for us, and when he does…
I’m scared of the lines I’ll cross to keep my daughter safe.
We should run. Hide far away from here.
But how can I leave my sister and brother behind? Maylie needs me. Toby too.
And Riot…
The hollow pressure in my chest makes it hard to breathe. How can I walk away knowing I might never see him again?
My phone pings, but I ignore it. I’m not ready to face the world yet, but then it beeps again.
The urge to pull the covers over my head is sharp, but I groan and snatch my phone off the bedside table.
There are several messages in our group chat. I scan over them, my lips curving into a smile as I read Katie and Dayna’s responses.
They’re crazy, but they’re also my best friends. I don’t know how I’d get through all this without them. They didn’t hate me for leaving them behind or treating them badly when I was with Link. And I love them for that.
Katie
Want to grab lunch? Been ages since we were all together.
My fingers pause over the screen as dull fear spreads through my bones. I desperately want to see my friends. I want to be normal, even if it’s an illusion, but the thought of stepping out of the apartment without Riot at my side has panic stabbing between my ribs.
He’s not your emotional crutch.
Katie
Don’t even think about saying no. We miss you.
Dayna
Yup. If we don’t see you soon, I’m sending the police around to do a wellness check. Blink twice if you’re being held hostage by that gorgeous biker of yours.
I chew on my lip and stare at the screen. I can’t even crack a smile at their teasing.
What if he’s there?
The thought comes uninvited, and I shove it back where I keep all those pieces of me that I don’t want to look at.
Why would Link be there? And how would he know I was going to be there?
Because he’s smart and resourceful. Because he’s biding his time to strike at the perfect moment. A cafe or restaurant without protection would be a perfect spot.
It’s just lunch, not an ambush.
He’s not my biker.
I deflect the lunch question. Maybe they’ll forget they asked.
My thoughts drift to Riot, and this time, when I smile, I feel it in my soul. He’s been so amazing these last few days, and it makes me wish he was mine.
Katie
But you want him to be. I mean… we all want our own tattooed, sinfully attractive biker.
Dayna
Not me. I want a boring suit who goes on business trips every six weeks so I can pretend I’m single but married.
Dayna’s response is so… her. She and Riot could start their own support group for people afraid of commitment. She’s always hooking up with guys and breaking their hearts when she doesn’t accept their undying declarations of love.
But Riot, like Dayna, will never settle down. He’s not interested.
Guys who aren’t interested don’t sleep on the couch for days to make sure you and your daughter are okay.
Dayna
So, are you being held hostage by him? Because if you are, then say no more. We’ll leave you to it.
You two are dramatic and I’m not looking to date.
Katie
Pity. That man is fiiiiine.
He is, but there’s so much more to Riot than his appearance. When we’re alone, in the quiet of the apartment, he shows me exactly who he is beneath the grins and the charming smiles.
Sometimes, the way he looks at me is so intense, I don’t know how to breathe. And sometimes, I wish he’d stop playing it safe and just kiss me.
But there’s also a lethal edge to him. A darkness that I see in Mace too. It’s a living, breathing thing, and it should scare me but it doesn’t.
I know he’d never hurt me, just as my sister knows Mace would never hurt her.
Dayna
If you’ve finished drooling, I’ve booked a table. You’re coming, Ivy. No excuses.
Katie
Don’t say no, Ivy. Please.
Fuck. I don’t know if I can do this. I stare at the phone, not wanting to let them down, but I don’t want to commit either.
Let me see how Seren is.
Dayna
Shit. I thought she was better. She is better, right? We can come to you if she’s still ill, or we can leave it until she’s better.
Guilt stirs in my gut. I didn’t mean to worry them, and Seren is fine. It’s me who’s the problem. I had no idea something as routine as an ear infection could hurt her so much or send me spiralling.
No. She’s fine. The antibiotics are doing their job. It’s me. I’m a ball of nerves since it happened.
Katie
Understandable. You had a hell of a shock.
I had no idea babies cried so dramatically when they’re in pain.
Dayna
I mean… I’m not a baby and I cry when I have a headache.
Katie
Anyways. No pressure. If you can come, that would be amazing, but if you don’t feel up to it, it’s fine.
The pressure in my chest is tight, my lungs locked, like I’ve forgotten how to breathe.
Should I take Seren?
Would it be safe without Riot?
Maybe he can come too.
No, Riot isn’t your bodyguard.
But what if something happens?
What if it doesn’t and you just have fun?
Can I message and let you know?
Dayna
Absolutely.
I close the app and slide my phone onto the bedside table.
Way to be pathetic, Ivy. You can’t even meet your friends in a public place for a few hours without freaking out.
It wasn’t even Link I saw.
Flopping onto the bed, I stare at the ceiling, my gut churning.
I miss my old life, the old me.
Weekends were all I’d lived for. Friends, boys, fun.
I had plans, dreams . Now, I’m too scared to leave the apartment alone.
I roll onto my side, my cheek pressed to my palm, and frown. My daughter’s hospital bag is slouched at the foot of the cot.
Those twenty-four hours we were in the hospital are like a fever dream, so I’m not surprised I don’t remember bringing it home, but I do know there were only a few things in it. So, why in the fuck is it bulging?
A jolt of electricity slams through me. I sit up and peel the blankets off my legs, a flicker of dread crawling up my spine.
It’s just a bag. Don’t make this weird.
But that dread in my gut is swelling as I pad across the floor and drag the zip open.
There, among the nappies and baby grows, is a pink teddy bear wedged in tight, like it belongs there.
I stare at it.
Where the hell did this come from?
Maybe Mace or Maylie bought it while we were in the hospital. Or Toby. The little dork can be sweet sometimes, but this is not his style.
Cold licks along my arms and wraps around my throat in a slow, crushing grip. They would’ve told me if they’d bought it.
My gut knows, but my head refuses to listen.
I won’t give life to that thought. I can’t.
I’m still holding the teddy when I step into the living room. Toby lifts his eyes for a second before glancing back at his phone.
But it’s my sister who cuts through my panic. She looks like shit. Her smile is brittle, and all the warmth and colour has been sucked out of her cheeks, leaving her hollowed out.
“You okay?” I ask, the bear clutched in my fingers forgotten.
“I’m good.” I scoff at the blatant lie. She rolls her eyes and sighs. “Okay, maybe I’m not doing cartwheels, but I actually do feel better. I’ve only puked twice this morning, so I’m calling that a win.”
The deflection lands like a gut-punch, and taut bands clamp around my ribs.
“Shouldn’t that have stopped by now?”
My morning sickness vanished as soon as I hit the second trimester. May’s pushing fifteen weeks and still throwing up like she’s under demonic possession. It’s not hard to see the strain it’s putting on her body.
“Apparently, morning sickness can last the entire pregnancy.” Her smile is fragile, like she’s holding on to her stomach by a thread. “Isn’t that fun?”
I scan her face. Is she lying to me? Is there more to this than she’s saying?
I love my sister, but she has this annoying habit of dealing with everything alone. I think she forgets sometimes that I’m not a kid anymore and I don’t need to be shielded from the realities of the real world.
I’ve seen more than she has.
“Have the doctors said anything?”
“Of course not, because there’s nothing to worry about.” Her voice is too bright, and I wish I could do something to fix her problems the way she always fixes mine.
May was so happy to be pregnant, and it pisses me off that she’s having such a difficult time. She deserves to enjoy it.
“Let’s hope it settles down soon,” I say.
“Yeah, all this puking makes me wanna puke,” Toby mutters. “I can’t deal with the sound of retching.”
Maylie stifles a yawn. “Poor you. I’m sorry my relentless vomiting offends your delicate stomach.”
Toby barks a laugh.
“Where’s Mace?” He’s usually glued to Maylie like a tattooed guard dog.
“He’s picking up some snacks.” She smiles. “I’m craving salty crisps.”
I notice the folded pile of blankets in the corner and the pillow I know will smell of him.
“And Riot?” I keep my voice casual, easy. Like I care, but not too much.
“He had to go to the clubhouse.” Maylie’s hand presses over her stomach hidden beneath one of Mace’s sweaters. It swallows her, making her seem smaller than she already does.
Toby perks up. “Are we ever gonna go back there?”
The eyeful of boobs he got last time is probably branded into his teen boy brain.
“Not until you’re at least eighteen and no longer a hormonal gremlin,” I say.
Toby scowls. “You’re a real bore since you had a baby.”
“You’ve always been a boring dork,” I retort with a smirk.
Maylie’s brow furrows, but she ignores our bickering, like she always does. It feels good to do something normal, routine. It lifts a weight off my chest.
“It’s not really the place for boys to hang out,” Maylie says.
Toby groans dramatically. “You’re boring too.” Then, like he only just noticed it, he adds, “That’s cute.”
I glance down at the bear still clutched in my fist. Shit, I forgot the whole reason I left the sanctuary of my bedroom.
“Oh… yeah. Do you know where it came from? It was in Seren’s hospital bag.”
Their blank expressions confirm my worst fear—they didn’t buy it for Seren.
“Should I know?” Maylie asks.
I glance at Toby, who shakes his head. “Don’t look at me. I’d never buy her something so girly.”
“But she is a girl,” Maylie counters.
I ignore them both. There’s barbwire around my throat, choking the life out of me. “Did someone put it in there? I don’t remember seeing it before.”
I hear how paranoid I sound, and Maylie’s smile falters slightly.
“One of the nurses probably gave it to her.”
Right, because hospitals are known for giving away free toys.
“Why would they do that?”
I hold it out, and she takes it, turning it over.
“She was really upset. Maybe they thought it would help.”
“I don’t think so.”
“It was probably Riot then.”
“He would have said.” There’s no way in hell he would have snuck a teddy into her bag. He would have given it to her himself.
“Maybe he just forgot to mention it.” Maylie frowns. “Things were pretty hectic.” She doesn’t sound convinced.
And neither am I.
Someone was in her room. It’s the only explanation.
Someone put that fucking bear in her bag.
Someone wants me to know they’re watching, waiting.
And there’s only one person psychotic enough to torment me like this.
Her fucking father.
I let my fear bleed through, raw and sharp. The nightmares I have every night are nothing compared to the swelling terror in my chest.
“What if it was… Link ?” I whisper his name, as if speaking it will invoke him like a demon.
“Ivy… no. No .” She grabs my hands in hers, squeezing them. “Whatever you’re thinking, please stop.”
Does she think I’ve lost my mind? Maybe I have. Maybe this is a slow decline to rock bottom.
“But it could be him.”
“It’s not,” she says.
“He wouldn’t dare to come here,” Toby mutters. “Mace would batter him.”
He would. So would Riot. But that bear still got into her stuff.
I tune out Toby and focus on my sister. She knows how evil Link is, the things he’s capable of. My brother will never hear the horror of what I endured.
“He’s still out there, May. And this? It’s not a coincidence that it’s in her stuff.”
Her throat bobs, and she lowers her gaze back to the bear, as if she can’t look at me any longer. “He couldn’t have left it, Ivy.”
I want to believe her because the alternative is terrifying. “This is what he does, May. He plays games.”
Tears brim in her eyes. “I know you’re scared, but I promise he’s not someone you need to worry about. You believe me when I say that, right?”
I love my sister, but she’s wrong. Link is the exact person to worry about. He’s the devil with a credit card and mortgage.
I don’t know how she does it. Even after everything she’s been through, Maylie still looks for the good. She doesn’t see the monsters in the shadows or the darkness built into the genes of men like my ex.
I lived there, breathed that horror like it was oxygen. I know exactly how bad things can get.
But she’s pregnant, and I don’t want to scare her, so I do the only thing I can.
I lie.
“Of course.” It tastes bitter on my tongue, but it’s worth it when her shoulders relax.
It only lasts a second before the tension seeps back into her. “Is that why you don’t leave the apartment? You’re scared of running into him?”
I freeze. It’s bad enough I have to fight my demons, I’m not handing them to her too.
My smile is forced. “I don’t leave the apartment because I have a two-month-old baby and look like a reanimated corpse most of the time.”
“I concur.” Toby smirks. “You’d scare the neighbours right now.”
“Thanks,” I drawl.
Maylie doesn’t buy it.
Give her something, a breadcrumb, anything to stop her digging.
“And for your information,” I say flatly, “I am leaving the apartment. I’m having lunch with Dayna and Katie.”
My sister’s frown softens into a smile. “You are?”
“Yep. On Saturday.”
“That’s good. You’ll have so much fun.”
Why did I say that? Now, I have to go and pretend I’m okay.