20. Riot
TWENTY
RIOT
Ivy is quiet on the drive to the safe house. I don’t push her to talk, sensing she needs time to process everything.
The silence is killing me, and I’m barely hanging on. There’s a pickaxe in my chest draining the last piece of sanity from me.
Seren whimpers and fusses against Ivy’s chest, picking up on the mood in the van. I drive careful, slower than usual, hating the fact she ain’t strapped in a car seat. Hating the fact my girls ran without proper clothes because they were so scared.
I grip the wheel until my fingers ache. I’m gonna find who is doing this, and I’m gonna carve out their fucking heart.
Even if Ivy’s done with me, with us, I’ll still protect her. I’ll shield her from everything that wants to hurt her, even me.
Especially me.
I park the van in the assigned space and cut the engine. Ivy doesn’t tear her gaze from the side window, doesn’t move or acknowledge we’ve stopped.
“Vee?” I speak her name softly, as if raising my voice will shatter the tenuous calm between us.
She doesn’t move, her blonde hair curtaining her face from me. My fingers twitch to pull it back so I can see her face.
Slowly, she releases a shaky breath, and my stomach pitches.
I wait a beat to see if she’ll say anything, but she holds her silence, so I get out of the van.
My gaze scans the parking area as I move around the front of the vehicle. Nothing moves, but I palm my knife anyway before I open her door.
My heart sinks at how dejected she is as she slips out the seat onto the tarmac.
“Stay close,” I say.
Her eyes lift to mine before she quickly averts them. Fuck. I want to fix this, but I don’t know how.
Maybe it can’t be.
The betrayal lingers behind her fear. She’s only here ‘cause she has to be, and that cuts deepest.
But I keep close to the two most important things in my life, tucking Ivy against my side as we cross to the building.
The apartment is on the sixth floor, just one of many places we have in case shit against Crank and the others goes sideways.
I’m cautious as I use the number code to unlock the door.
I pause, listening, waiting, but nothing moves inside. I can barely breathe as I tell her to wait by the door. She doesn’t respond, and my fear grows.
Have I broken her?
I take my time checking every space, every room for danger, not taking a single chance. When I return to door, she’s still standing there, unmoving.
“Do you want to clean up first or eat?” I ask.
Her eyes scrunch closed. “I don’t know.”
I hate this. I hate that I’m part of the reason she’s standing there, breaking.
Seren fusses in her arms. “She needs to eat.”
“You take care of the princess. There’s baby stuff stored somewhere. I’ll see what I can find.”
Mace had insisted on stocking it in the three apartments we set up, even before he knew May was expecting.
Like a ghost, Ivy sinks onto the sofa and fumbles with her top.
I drag myself away, giving her a moment, and find the baby stuff in one of the walk-ins. There’s a travel cot, clothes from size newborn to two years, nappies, wipes—all the shit we might need.
I set up the cot at the edge of the double bed, my heart in my throat.
I’ve never been as afraid as I am now. Not in gun fights or facing down knife-wielding pricks. Not betraying my President and my chapter.
This feels so final.
She’s never gonna forgive me.
And she shouldn’t.
Forget about that. Just focus on keepin’ her safe.
My stomach churns, and I let out a breath.
I pull out my phone and dial my brother. Then I brace for the fucking hurricane that’s gonna make landfall the moment I drop this bomb on him.
He answers after a couple rings.
“Where are you?” I demand.
“Shoppin’. May’s lookin’ for a pram?—”
“Take her and Toby to one of the safe houses.”
There’s a beat and then, “Crank?”
Shit, he thinks this is club-related, and why wouldn’t he? He wouldn’t suspect this is happening.
“It’s Ivy.”
“Mace?” Maylie’s voice filters down the line. “What’s going on?”
“Nothin’, babe. Just give me a sec, yeah?” There’s a pause, then he says, “Talk.”
“Some fuck is stalkin’ her, sendin’ her flowers and messages. Earlier, there was a picture of Seren’s cot and that fuckin’ bear in it. Ivy came to the clubhouse scared to death.”
“Where is she now?”
“With me.”
“Okay, good. I’ll take May and Toby to the Star City apartment. Can you bring Ivy and Seren there?”
I hesitate. “I got her.”
Mace, astute as ever, doesn’t miss a beat when he asks, “Meanin’ what?”
“Meanin’ she and Seren are stayin’ with me.”
“I ain’t arguin’ with you. Bring her here.”
“I can’t.” I tear a hand through my hair. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?” He explodes, his voice laced with fury and the bitter sting of betrayal.
“I love her.”
He scoffs. “You fuckin’ bastard. I invited you into my family, Nathan. I gave you a place in my home, and the first chance you get, you destroy everything I’ve built?”
These words ain’t coming from a place of logic. I know he’s reacting this way because he’s terrified what this might mean for him and May.
I won’t be able to make him understand this was not an attempt to sabotage what he’s created, but I have to try.
He’s not the only one with something to lose here. My family is also fracturing in front of my eyes.
“Ain’t like that and you know it.”
Mace scoffs. “You’ve spent your entire life fuckin’ and usin’ women like they were nothin’ to you. You have your pick of anyone, and yet you chose her , the one person you knew will break my family apart when you inevitably get fuckin’ bored. And we both know you will.”
I have changed, though. Ivy has rebuilt all those parts of me that were damaged. The mindless sex, the fighting, the drinking… it’s hollow now. Ivy fixed the pieces of me that I didn’t know were broken.
I want to sleep next to her every night for the rest of my life. I want to watch Seren grow and be a father to her. I want to be the kind of man they’re proud of.
That’s the family I’ll bleed for.
“Do you even care what you’ve done?”
“And what have I done, Mace?” I exhale loudly through my nose. “I love her.”
The quiet admission is like an explosion in the pregnant silence.
“What the hell? She’s just a kid, and she’s been through hell, you fuckin’ prick. She ain’t a quick lay for you to pass the time.”
“Fuck you, Mace.” Anger blazes hot inside me. “Get May and Toby somewhere safe. I’ll take care of my girls.”
“Your girls? Are you fuckin’ deluded? She’s not a doll for you to play house with until you get bored, shithead.”
“No, she’s my fuckin’ life.”
He huffs like a raging bull. “Where are you? I’m comin’ to get her.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Nathan, I swear to fuck?—”
“You try to take them from me, you won’t like what happens.”
He laughs, but there’s no humour in it. “It’s fine. We both know you’ll bring her back the second you get bored of whatever this is.”
I end the call before I spit the rage I want to. I should have expected that response, but for a moment, I allowed myself to hope my brother might see me as something more, see the real me.
I curl my fingers into fists, the urge to spill blood crawling through my veins. But Ivy needs me here, not losing my shit in the ring.
Still vibrating with anger, I call Dash.
I don’t want to bring anyone else into my shit, but I need him for this. He knows people who can help.
He answers on the third ring, and I speak before he can.
“I need a favour.”
“I heard about what happened at the clubhouse. You okay?”
I ignore his probing. “Do you still have the number of that nerdy computer kid?”
“Neo?”
What the fuck kind of name is that? “Whatever. I don’t know. Do you have it?”
“Uh, yeah, why?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose as I lower my head, trying to find my centre. “I need him to trace some messages sent to Ivy’s phone. The only problem is I don’t have the phone, and even if I did, it’s trashed.”
“He won’t need it. He’ll go through the servers.”
I don’t know what that means, but I don’t care as long as he gets answers. “Also, can you find out who paid to have flowers delivered to her address from a shop called… Posies, I think.”
“Sure.” He pauses. “You all right?”
Not even close. “Yeah.”
“Send me Ivy’s number and I’ll see what he can do.”
The line goes dead, and I message him the number before I tuck my phone away.
For a second, just a second, I stop. I recalibrate. I breathe.
Then, I unlace my boots and kick them off. I hang my kutte on the back of the door, staring at the words arced over the leather for a second.
Fuck.
Ivy is where I left her, and she glances up as she becomes aware of my presence.
“I want to put her down for a bit.”
“There’s a cot in the bedroom.”
As she passes me, I open my mouth to say something, but I don’t have the words.
What the fuck can I say anyway?
Sorry I lied about choppin’ up your fuckin’ ex?
Fuck .
I make coffee. She’d probably prefer something stronger, but I don’t think alcohol is going to help here.
Drinks made, I head back into the living room and find it empty, so I head to the bedroom.
Ivy sits on the opposite side of the bed, her back to me, holding her daughter. The balcony door looks out over the city, the twinkling lights like stars in an urban canvas.
I set the mugs on the dresser and cross the room, my pulse racing.
She doesn’t look at me as her breath hitches, like she’s suffocating on her pain. Then, her shoulders shake as a sob catches in her throat. The first one is silent, an aborted cry that grows until it’s a tsunami of emotion, an unstoppable force.
She claws at the mattress, gasping like she’s drowning. It’s unbearable to watch her fall apart like this, and when she covers her mouth, as if she can silence the outburst, I shatter with her.
I move before I consider whether she wants me to witness this and drop to my knees in front of her. Tears stream down her cheeks, her eyes squeezed shut, pain carved into every line on her face.
The sobs come faster, each one scraped open like a jagged wound, raw and agonising. I want to touch her, to hold her together, but I’m terrified it’ll push her over whatever edge she’s teetering on.
“Vee…” My voice is hoarse, unsteady.
Seren whimpers, picking up on her mother’s emotions, and I trail my fingers over her soft head, soothing.
“I can’t… I can’t do this.” Her voice is wrecked, the words slipping out between ragged sobs. “It’s too much, Nate.”
Fuck. She’s never called me that before.
Always Riot.
She’s killing me. Forget caution. Forget patience. And fuck waiting. I wrap my arms around her and our girl—our daughter, because Seren is mine even if Ivy never wants to see me again—and I hold her as she shatters against me.
Her body shakes violently, her foundations crumbling as she finally loses the strength to keep up the pretence.
“It’s okay, baby,” I murmur against her ear. “I’m here.”
She chokes on each sob. She doesn’t hold back or try to stop it and just lets go of everything. This is the cruellest fucking torture. I don’t know how to fix this, so I do the only thing I can—I hold her while she opens the floodgates.
Her past and present collide in a sea of trauma. Grief, exhaustion, and fear, it all pours out of her until she’s empty. I rub slow circles on her back as she drowns in it.
“I’ve got you,” I say, kissing her temple, giving her an anchor to come back to us.
I’m not going anywhere, baby.
I don’t know how long we stay like this, but eventually, her exhaustion wins and her sobs fade until she’s empty and drained.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers brokenly.
“You have nothin’ to be sorry for.”
Her watery gaze lifts to mine. “I’m a mess.”
I press a kiss to her mouth, tasting the salt of her tears. “You’re human, Ivy, and the strongest fuckin’ person I know.”
She sniffles, shaking her head. “I’m not strong. I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are.”
“I’m tired.” She speaks so soft, I can barely hear her. “So tired.”
I pull her closer, tighter, fracturing around the edges myself. “I know, baby.”
I give her a moment, then I stand, taking Seren from her. The fact she doesn’t stop me tells me that although I broke her trust, it’s still there between us.
Carefully, I lay Seren in the travel cot, settling her before I go back to Ivy.
Without asking, I scoop her into my arms and carry her into the bathroom. She clings to my neck like I’m a rope tossed into choppy waters, and when I set her on the tile, she grips my biceps.
Every part of me is shattering seeing her like this. I would take all her pain if I could.
“What are you doing?” she asks, peering up at me through red-rimmed eyes.
“I’m takin’ care of you, darlin’.”
I strip her out of her clothes, slowly, carefully, until she’s standing in just her underwear. If I was any kind of gentleman, I’d give her privacy, but this ain’t about nudity or sex. This is about so much more.
Even so, I pause. My gaze flicks to hers before I reach for her bra. She doesn’t stop me, so I unhook it. She lowers her arms, letting it slide down her body, exposing her soft curves and skin.
The cold air pebbles her nipples, but she doesn’t cover herself.
I kneel in front of her, peeling her underwear down her legs. “Step out, Vee.” My voice is low, steady, and like a robot, she does as instructed.
I switch on the shower, testing the temperature before stripping off my shirt and guiding her under the spray.
“You’re getting your clothes wet,” she murmurs.
“It’s okay.” I don’t want her to feel pressured or to think this is anything other than what is.
She stares at me like she can’t figure me out, but she lets me do what I need.
The hot water cascades over her, turning her blonde hair dark as it drips down her shoulders.
Then, she closes her eyes as the heat soaks into her skin.
I’ve never showered with a woman before, but I reach for the shampoo, squirting a generous amount into my palm. “Turn around.”
She does, leaning one hand on the tile in front of her. I massage the soap into her scalp.
“Riot…”
“Yeah, baby?”
“How can you stand to touch me?”
Fuck. She’s landing blow after blow, but this one almost brings me to my knees.
“‘Cause I love you.”
“But I’m disgusting.” Her voice is fragile. “Everything I touch turns to shit.”
I turn her gently. I need her to see me, to hear me, to understand what I’m about to say to her, but she keeps her lashes lowered.
That won’t fuckin’ work for me.
I hook a finger under her chin, lifting it until her gaze finally finds mine.
“There’s nothin’ about you that’s disgusting, Vee. Not a single fuckin’ thing. You are so perfect, so beautiful and strong, and kind. I don’t fuckin’ deserve to breathe the same air as you, but I’m a selfish bastard ‘cause I can’t be anywhere else but at your side.”
Her eyes search mine, as if looking for the lie. Then, her shoulders sag. “I don’t know who I am anymore. Link… he broke me down to nothing, but I was healing. I was… I was coping, and then this tonight… it just reminded me that I’ve never had any control over anything.” She swallows, blinking hard as the tears flow. “People want to hurt me, and I don’t know why. What have I done that’s so bad I deserve to be—” The sob that erupts from her cuts off her words.
I wrap my arms around her, pulling her to my chest as the water pounds over us. My jeans cling to my thighs, heavy and soaked through, but I continue to hold her like she’s the air in my lungs.
“None of this is on you. You ain’t done a damn thing wrong, and it guts me that you think you have.” I press my forehead to hers, giving her my strength. “I fuckin’ love you, and it kills me that you don’t believe me when I say that.”
Her gaze slides away.
I seize her chin. Her eyes lock to mine, and I don’t falter as I speak. “I know you don’t get the gravity of me admittin’ that, but Ivy, I’ve never loved a woman in my entire fuckin’ life.”
She blinks. “Not ever?”
I repeat it, my voice steady and unshakeable. “Not ever. I love you and I want you. I know I have a lot of work to do to make you feel like you can trust me in this relationship, but I promise I’ll do that every minute of every fuckin’ day.”
She falls silent, and I let her process what I’ve said without interruption. “I’m cold.”
The water is still warm but getting tepid, and she still has soap in her hair. “I’ll rinse the shampoo quick,” I say.
When her hair is clean, I turn off the shower and grab a towel, wrapping it around her body as she trembles. Her hair hangs in limp, loose waves, her eyes distant as I drape another over her shoulders.
“Sit on the bed.” It’s an order, but I deliver it softly.
“Are you coming too?”
I nod. “I’m just gonna get out of these wet clothes.”
I wait until she’s closed the door before I get naked. My jeans are tossed in the shower tray to deal with tomorrow, and I cover my hips with a towel.
I steady my breath, pushing down my own internal war to fight her battles.
When I step into the bedroom, she’s sitting where I told her to, clutching the towel around her body. I check Seren is okay in her cot before giving Ivy my back. Ain’t gonna force her to see me naked. Not when she’s so vulnerable already.
I grab a pair of joggers from the drawer and step into them quickly. Once I’m covered, I refocus my attention on her. Always on her.
In another drawer, I find some tees and I offer one to her, but she makes no move to take it.
“You want me to help you?”
She blinks, as if coming back to the moment. “Uh… yeah, sure.”
“Stand up for me.”
There’s not a flicker of anything in her eyes as I take care of her. Every movement feels choreographed, mechanical.
“You don’t need to baby me,” she murmurs.
“I’m not,” I say. I’m just not letting you fall apart alone.
Her head turns towards the cot. Seren sleeps, oblivious, safe. “She’ll need changing soon.” Ivy sinks into the pillows.
“I’ll take care of it,” I assure her. “Just try to sleep.”
Seeing her in bed sends a possessive wave through me. I want her in mine. Every fucking night.
“What about you?”
“I’ll take the sofa, baby.”
Her brows knit together. “Please don’t leave me alone.” Her voice is fearful, hesitant. “What if someone…”
Fuck. Of course, she’s fucking scared. Someone was in her bedroom. There’s nowhere that feels safe for her right now.
I close the gap, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. “No one can touch you here, Ivy. You’re safe.”
Her fingers trail over my chest, tracing the lines of my tattoos. My muscles quiver, but I don’t stop her.
“I don’t know how I feel about any of this, but I do know, despite everything, I still love you.”
I close my eyes. Thank fuck. “You don’t have to know. For now, just be.”
Silence swallows us, her fingers still moving over my tattoos.
“Do they have meaning?” she asks.
“Some of them,” I say. “Some I got just because. Others… ‘cause I was markin’ something.” I hesitate for a beat. “I’ll tell you about them one day.” It’s a promise, a statement of the future I’m hoping to build with her.
Her hand moves lower over my abdomen, and then she palms my cock. I suck in a sharp breath, caught off guard. Before my brain can catch up, her fingers are at my waistband.
I grasp her wrist, and she raises her eyes to mine. Uncertainty mixes with hurt, and fuck, I hate it, but this ain’t how tonight is going to play out.
“Not tonight,” I say softly, and she instantly withdraws behind her walls.
Her brow furrows. “Right. Of course, you don’t want me to touch you. Why would you?” The loathing in her words gores me. “You say you don’t care about my past, but how could you not?”
She jerks back, but I catch her wrist. “That’s not what?—”
“You don’t want me.” The words crack out like a gunshot.
Her laboured breaths are loud in the silence. Mine too. “I didn’t say that.”
“You don’t have to.” Her words are designed to cut me down before I can hurt her first. “Who would want a dirty, filthy, disgusting whore like me?”
The words pour out in a rush, vicious, desperate, and intending to wound. They hit my chest like a round of bullets, leaving me bleeding just as much as her.
“Don’t ever say that shit.”
She tears at my grip, but I don’t let go. I won’t let her run from this. From me.
“Get off!”
I stand, towering over her, and lift her wrist to my mouth. I press a kiss to her skin, a claim, a reminder that she’s mine.
“I want you more than I want my next fuckin’ breath, Ivy, but not like this.” Not when you’re bleeding.
The fight drains out of her. “Not like what?”
I dip my head, bringing my mouth to her ear so she hears every word. “Like you need to prove something to yourself.”
She laughs, but it’s hollow, bitter even. “You’ve fucked half this city, but you suddenly grow a conscience with me?” Her body presses against mine, rubbing herself against me, testing me. I don’t move a muscle. “If you think I’m not tainted, then fuck me. You’ve never had a problem sleeping around before.”
I flinch. I can see how she thinks that, even if she’s wrong.
“I fucked all those women because they meant nothing to me, Ivy. It was sex. Nothin’ more, nothin’ less. Meaningless fuckin’ sex.” I grip her nape, holding her in place as I press my forehead to hers. “I don’t even see their faces. I don’t remember their names. But you? You’re everything to me.”
She freezes, and I continue to land truth bombs, hoping she’ll understand.
“I know why you want this, and fuck, I’m desperate to move our relationship to the next level, but not like this.”
Confusion ripples across her face. “But it’s just sex.”
“With you, it’ll never be just sex . When I take you to bed, it’ll be when you’re ready, not because you’re hurting.” I move from her nape to cup her face, my thumb sweeping gently over her cheeks. “I’ve never been with a woman I wanted more from than just a quick fuck, Vee. Not until you. I want to show you how much you mean to me.”
She swallows hard, emotion battling in her eyes. “I need to feel something. Everything is too sharp. Too painful. Everything that’s happened tonight has…”
Left her feeling violated again.
I pull her into my chest, tucking her under my chin. “And that’s why we ain’t doin’ this tonight, baby.”
She exhales, shuddering. “Then what are we doing?”
“We’re gonna sleep.” I kiss her, pouring everything into it. She responds tentatively at first before she gives herself to it, and when we break apart, she’s breathless. I capture her tears, wiping then away. “Come on.”
I pull the duvet back for her, and she climbs in, shifting to the other side of the bed—a clear invitation.
I hesitate just a fraction long enough for her to say, “We’re just sleeping.”
I slide in beside her and pull her against my chest. Her breath is hot on my skin, her body warm against my side.
Perfection.
The silence between us isn’t easy, but it isn’t strained either.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I don’t know why I’m behaving like this.”
“You’ve been through so much, babe. It’s no wonder this threw you back into a place you didn’t want to revisit.”
She takes a ragged breath. “He wants to hurt me, doesn’t he?”
“You think it’s a man?”
“The anger in the messages, the fear, yeah, I think it’s a man.”
My jaw twitches. “We don’t know what this fucker wants, but this ain’t like last time, Ivy. You ain’t alone in this.”
Her tears drip onto my chest as she clings to me. “You can’t promise that.”
I press a kiss to her temple, my arms like steel bands around her. “Darlin’, it ain’t a promise. It’s what’s gonna happen. I have people lookin’ for this guy.”
And when they find him? He’s gonna beg for mercy, and I ain’t gonna deliver it.