CHAPTER 10 TRAUMA RESPONSES
AIFE
The panic had finally died down when we left the emergency room.
Instead of allowing myself to fall into the abyss that was PTSD, I numbed myself instead.
Sometimes, that was easier. I’m sure my therapist would disagree, and the social worker in me would also disagree that disassociation was easier.
After all the years I’d spent disassociating and numbing from my body, I knew I shouldn’t fall into old, bad habits.
Hospitals did that to me. They brought out the worst in me.
Working in one was different; I could control that.
Injuries and sickness—every bad thought hit like a ton of bricks.
I could still feel the panic slumbering in my body.
It would awake at the wrong time; it always did.
Dealing with my medical trauma was sometimes a full-time job.
I still didn’t know all my triggers even after years and years of therapy.
One thing I did know was that Talon noticed.
How that man got under my skin was still a mystery, but I was weirdly happy to have him there.
Pulling into my parking garage, I quickly shut my car off and helped Talon out. He may have just broken his wrist, but he was cradling it like a baby. He seemed to be in a daze, but that could be the drugs finally kicking in. Talon followed after me, kicking his shoes off and flopping on my couch.
“Talon, we need to get some food for you and then take your next dose of pain killers.”
He groaned and peeked an eye at me. “Why?”
“You need to get ahead of the pain, honey.” Pulling out his meds, I lined them up on my kitchen counter. “It’s important.”
“Why do you know that?” He kicked his foot over the arm rest, his feet dangling quite a bit off the end of the couch. “You take care of other injured athletes?”
He looked cute with his curly hair covering his forehead. Talon was a remarkably attractive man, but there were times he looked so boyish. I loved those moments. Cute Talon was one of my favorites.
“Not exactly.” I got a glass of water ready for him.
“Burgers, okay?”
“Cheeseburger.” His voice was high, almost like a whine. Yet, I found it weirdly endearing.
“Yes, sir.”
Talon groaned. “Don’t call me that. Fuck, Aife.” Was he… was he turned on? By me? That was a weird feeling for me. I was not the type of woman that turned on ridiculously hot men. And that’s who Talon James Walker was: a ridiculously attractive man.
I decided to tease him even if he had asked me not to. “Don’t say what, Talon?”
“Aife.” His voice had deepened even more, his arm thrown over his eyes. “Order the damn food.”
“You’re very demanding, Mr. Walker.” I sent him a smirk as I pulled my phone out to order the food.
“Fuck me, Aife. Don’t call me that either.” He turned over, burying his face into one of my pillows. “You’re killing me.” It came out muffled.
“Is this a kink I should know about?” The teasing continued because it needed to. It kept the fear clawing at my chest at bay.
Before he could answer, his phone rang. Talon didn’t even bother to check caller ID before answering. “Hello?” He pressed the speakerphone button. Weariness lined his body.
“TJ?” The voice on the other end was deep, just like Talon’s. “I’ve got everyone on the phone. Are you okay?”
A sigh left his mouth as his right hand pushed through his curly locks. The phone rested on his chest since his left hand was out of commission. “My wrist is broken. I’ll be out for at least eight weeks.”
“Shit.” This voice was a little lighter, more accented. “Can we fucking Facetime? I hate this not seeing y’all shit.”
“Jesus Christ, CJ.” That was clearly his mother.
“Stop cussing.”
Talon rolled his eyes at me. Despite his annoyance,
it was so obvious how much he loved his family and how much they loved him.
My family wasn’t like that. We loved each other, but I wasn’t sure if we liked each other.
There was concern and care for each other, but we didn’t go out of our way to check in on each other.
The last time my family got together was because of me, and I tore our family apart…
according to them. We saw each other for holidays, but they were always awkward now.
There was a weird, unsettling feeling at Gomez family gatherings.
It was my fault. My family had their struggles, and what I went through only exacerbated those deep-rooted issues.
Every family was dysfunctional, mine was just more open about it.
“Where are you? That’s not your living room.” Yet another voice joined the conversation. I had forgotten that Talon had four brothers, that he was the middle child.
His face flashed red. I’d never seen him get embarrassed before. “A friend’s home. She was nice enough to offer to help tonight.”
“She!” The word seemed to echo endlessly as five voices talked all at once.
“Oh, baby. I want to meet her,” his mom said. She sounded happy, kind.
Talon’s dark blue eyes met mine. “I’m not ready to share yet.” Talon sent me a smile. It lit up his blue eyes, crinkling them at the corners.
“Bullshit. What? You think if she sees your family,
she’ll find out you have hotter brothers?” I really wished I could see who was talking.
I snorted at his words though. TJ was clearly the best looking of the bunch, even if I hadn’t met the others.
He had to be. The man was literally the most attractive man I’ve ever seen.
Plus, he was covered in muscles and tattoos.
He literally made my mouth water. I wanted to bite him.
The fear loosened something in my chest as something else seemed to warm me.
“Was that her?” Again, that was clearly his mother. Talon sighed. “Yes. Y’all know I broke my wrist,
right? Can we maybe focus on that?”
“Dude, it’s not your first break or injury. However,
you haven’t been near a woman since Melody pulled her shit.”
His face turned red. “Jesus.” Talon rubbed a hand down his face. “New topic, please.”
“Ah, does she not know about your ex?” The voices were hard to distinguish from. His brothers all sounded eerily similar.
“Okay bye!” He clicked off Facetime. Talon’s eyes met mine. “Sorry about that, Aife.”
“They’re cute, Talon. You seem really fond of them. Y’all truly love each other.”
Standing up, he pulled me into a hug. “You sound surprised. Is your family not like that?” He pressed his face into my hair.
Before I could answer, a knock sounded at my door.
It was probably the food. Untangling myself from the giant man, I brought the burgers in.
We fell into silence as I plated the food and prepared his medications.
It was a little crazy to me that this professional athlete was in my home, and I was taking care of him.
How was this my life? We still had a lot to learn about each other.
Talon took the meds from my hand and quickly devoured them before diving into his food.
He was like a starved child, eating like he hadn’t had food in years.
Mustard and ketchup dribbled down his chin.
I was pretty sure he didn’t notice or care.
Talon was just so focused on his cheeseburger, he couldn’t focus on anything else.
Every now and then, he would let out a little moan.
That noise was doing weird things to me.
“You gonna eat, darling?”
Smiling, I nodded and started in on my own burger.
It was good but not as entertaining as watching the handsome man across from me eat. Everything about him made me want to analyze him. He was truly intriguing. Men usually lost my interest by now, never as entertaining as social work. Not him.
Talon’s head was resting in my lap as his painkiller finally kicked in. His legs were curled up and his arms were wrapped around my legs and waist. I’d been gently stroking his curly hair, hoping he would fall asleep. He seemed sleepy yet weirdly determined to stay awake.
“Aife,” he said quietly, “Why were you weirded out about my family?” His right thumb rubbed back and forth on my legs.
“I wasn’t.”
It wasn’t a lie… not exactly. My family just wasn’t like that.
We used to be, but I had ruined that. I was so thankful to not be around them anymore.
The last few years had been torture, and it was my own fault.
I really only had myself to blame. That fear tightened my throat, roaring in with authority.
“Darling, your face gives you away.” He leaned his head against my hand, silently demanding more head scratches. The man clearly had some Labrador in him. He was more like a German Shepard to me: fierce, loyal, and protective.
“My family just isn’t like that. We don’t show our love that easily.” My voice squeezed out of my throat, almost pained at the effort.
“Every family is different. I’m sure they let you know how much they love you.”
Sniffles suddenly hit me. I wasn’t supposed to cry.
Rubbing a hand under my eyes, I thought about what to say. “They used to.”
“Used to?” His head popped up, head scratches ignored. “What does that mean, darling?”
“It’s not really important. I have found family, and they mean more to me than anyone else.” The words eased the tension in my chest, even though all I wanted to do was escape.
Talon stroked my cheek softly before I was suddenly in his lap. I had no idea how he managed to do that. His huge arms wrapped around me, his purple cast resting gently on my thigh. His scruffy chin rested on my head. Disorientation raced through me before I settled against him.
“Aife, you can tell me.” His voice was soft, kind.
There was no push, even his face had softened.
I sighed. How did you open yourself up to people?
How did you let yourself be vulnerable? Despite being a social worker, I didn’t have the answers.
Life required vulnerability, but it could be so hard to give.
How did you know who to trust? Placing your trust in the wrong person could be detrimental.
The wrong person could betray your vulnerability, your openness.
That’s why it was so hard to 156 open up and trust.
Talon was a new person, and I had been through a lot.
“Aife.” His voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“Let me tell you about Melody. You might have heard CJ mention her.”
His face deepened into a frown. Talon sighed a little.
“She’s a piece of my history I’d desperately like to forget.
Unfortunately, we can’t erase our pasts, only learn and grow from them.
For some context, I slept around a lot in college.