50. Chapter 50
CHAPTER 50
Cassiel
T he smooth stone walls of the Norrlen Estate were adorned with flowering vines. Sunlight spilled through the iridescent windowpanes, casting rainbow refractions on the floor. Cassiel’s footsteps echoed in the quiet as he was escorted by Norrlen Guards through the halls. Apparently, King Leif knew of his presence here. Perhaps his interference with the Shades was a government issue as he had no authority here, but Cassiel didn’t really care what the message was. He only cared that he had gotten another chance to speak to Dyna.
But they passed by the grand hall where such meetings would take place. Frowning, Cassiel continued following the silence guards until they brought him to a set of open doors of a library. The walls were full of books and hanging vines. Warm sunlight streamed in from the wide, circular windows above, where more greenery grew. The air was fresh here, carrying the scent of old parchment and the forest.
Gentle wind tousled Cassiel’s hair as he followed the path of light on polished stone floors further inside the maze of shelves to an open area that faced the garden. The glass doors were wide open, letting in the steady stream of cool air. In the center of the library grew a tree, receiving its light from the glass ceiling above. Set before it was a leather chair where Rawn’s wife waited with the old elf magi master standing beside her. Her gown reminded him of soft moss. She wore her pale blond hair down, a delicate silver chain dangling on her forehead with a small gem.
The others were seated on the couches on either side of her, leaving him to stand in the center as if he were on trial. Cassiel flexed his stiff wings, feeling uneasy.
Dyna didn’t look at him. Her tried green eyes were fixed on the floor, purple shadows gathering under them. The male elf sitting beside her was watching him watch her. The son, Cassiel assumed, by how much he took after Rawn. It took effort, but he forced himself not to react to the sight of Klyde, Von and Keena among them. When had they joined?
It seemed much had happened while he was gone. It made him feel out of place, like he didn’t belong. Not anymore.
Lady Aerina gave him a soft smile. Welcome, Cassiel of Hilos. My husband wrote of you in his previous letters and it’s an honor to meet you now.” Her brow pinched with concern, and she wrung her hands. I am very sorry your stay here was not suitable. If I had known, I would never have allowed it.”
Cassiel shook his head. No, Lady Aerina, it is I who should apologize for imposing during your time of need. Please forgive me for bringing my troubles to your door. I will pay whatever the cost to repair damage I inflicted on your land.”
She shook her head. Please don’t concern yourself with that. My gardeners will repair the landscape to its former beauty in no time. Lady Dyna has already explained the matters concerning the Realms. I can sympathize.” Her gazed dropped a moment, a distant sadness touching her features. But it was gone with her next question. I understand you did not intend to stay long?”
Cassiel cleared his throat. Well, with your permission, I would like to stay if I could. Lord Norrlen was— is —a great man, and he became a dear friend of ours in the short time knew him. I will do all in my power to aid you in his release.”
Her blue eyes filled with tears. She blinked them away and a sad, shaky smile touched her lips. Your words do a kindness, King Cassiel. My husband spoke highly of you in his letters. I would be delighted if you would join our excursion across Greenwood to the capitol.”
Zev and Lucenna didn’t agree by the expression that crossed their faces as they sat in stony silence. Klyde, Von, and Princess Keena looked uncomfortable. Dyna had yet to look at him. He was unwelcome, he could feel it in the air. No one wanted him to come along.
My brother had requested for you to join us as well,” Aerina continued, bringing out a scroll. At Cassiel’s confused frown she said, King Leif is my elder brother. He heard of your stay here somehow.”
Before Cassiel could process that, the magi master interrupted.
Pardon, my lady,” he said. I felt the need to share with His Majesty the occurrence with the Shades and King Cassiel’s involvement.”
“This concern should have been brought to me first, Eldred,” her son said a tad tersely. I do not need my uncle to interfere in that which I can see to myself.”
The Magi Master bowed his head. Pardon me, my lord. It was a matter of your safety and that of your mother’s.”
“His heart was in the right place, Raiden,” Aerina said in a pacifying tone. She looked back at Cassiel apologetically. “As I was saying, the King of Greenwood would be pleased to meet you. He wishes to congratulate you on your ascension to the throne.”
Scoffing under his breath, Raiden stood. “Mother, at least tell him the real reason my uncle requests his presence. It’s his power he wishes to make use of, since he has so little confidence in mine.” He went out through the opening in the garden, disappearing past the bushes.
A blush colored her cheeks, and she sighed, watching her son go. She looked at Cassiel again and offered him the scroll that had arrived. Forgive me. I did not wish to offend you.”
Frowning, he took it and unrolled the parchment. Elegant letters in black ink displayed a short letter addressed to him.
To Cassiel Soaraway,
I hear you have unexpectedly found yourself in the quaint corner of Sellav. It would please me greatly to have your presence in Avandia, for I wish to properly welcome you to my kingdom. I have sent an escort to the Norrlen Estate for my sister. The capitol road can be quite perilous, foremost for a princess. I do hope you will honor me by joining Aerina on the journey and see her here safely.
I so look forward to meeting the new High King of Hilos. We have much to discuss, including the reaffirmation of the Accords.
Kindest regards,
Leif Silva, King of Greenwood
While a polite letter, Cassiel read the tacit expectation for compliance.
“In truth, we are concerned for Lady Aerina’s safety,” Eldred said once he finished reading. “Not to mention traveling through the ranges are especially precarious during the rainy season. Your presence would be an added precaution.”
Cassiel could see why she thought he would be offended. King Leif meant to use him. Yet he had been hoping for an excuse to stay and they gave it to him.
“I see,” he said nonchalantly, rolling up the scroll. “I would be glad to escort you to Avandia, my lady. And to reaffirm the Accords with King Leif should he so wish. However, I must discuss this with my wife first.”
Tense silence filled the library as all glanced at Dyna. Because Cassiel had already been looking at her, he noticed when she flinched. It was then she finally looked up. Not at him, but past his shoulder as if she could not care to meet his gaze. Her green eyes were tired and dull, but otherwise unreadable. Yet he did not need to read Dyna’s thoughts to know how she felt about his use of that word.
A tightness came over Cassiel’s chest, making it feel heavy. He lowered his gaze to the ground.
“Right, of course.” Lady Aerina stood. Thank you. If you do decide to join us, we leave tomorrow come morning.”
Then she strode out of the library with Eldred as they discussed plans for the excursion. Dyna nodded to Zev and the others, and they silently stood.
“I will wait for you in the hall,” Zev quietly told her, then they filed out of the room. The guards shut the doors behind them.
Cassiel stood there for a moment, not sure how to speak to her. His wings twitched as he opened his mouth, but his voice vanished. It had always been like this. Whenever he was in the wrong and wished to speak, the words never came when he needed them.
He was desperate to stay. To make amends. To try to fix what he had broken. But he had decided he would never force her will again. It had to be her choice. No matter what he wanted, even if his entire being was internally screaming, he would submit to whatever she chose.
He no right to anything else.
He studied the way the sunlight streaming through the windows gilded Dyna’s red hair that was braided back in loose waves. He took in the dark leather of her clothing and weapons at her hip. How different she was. The bright warmth that used to shine off her was gone, and in its place was something he couldn’t describe. Strength filled her form, yet it sharp and cold like an iron sculpted to a fatal point.
Dyna’s boots shifted as she rose to her feet with a sigh.
Fearing she would leave helped Cassiel work up the nerve to speak. “ Lev sheli …”
Her jaw clenched.
“Dyna,” he amended. “I know you are angry with me and perhaps you hate me, but I would like your consent to stay to see this through. I care about Rawn as much as you do. For once, I have the power to help you and him. Please allow me to.”
Silence filled the library. He held his breath, waiting for her answer.
“Stay, then,” Dyna finally replied. When her gaze met his, she looked at him like a stranger. “I don’t care what you do anymore.”
Cassiel inwardly shook as she walked past him for the gardens, pretending that her response didn’t carve out another piece of his soul. “Ani ohev otach...” His faint proclamation was so faint, he didn’t think she had heard him.
Dyna halted in place with her back to him. “ Don’t.”
The anger and harshness behind the single word dug into his chest like a needle. But he could no more stop loving her than he could stop breathing.
“You have no place to say those words to me.”
And the rotten husk of his heart shriveled up further. It stirred a memory that echoed his past back at him.
“Let me make things perfectly clear.” Her icy voice sliced away at him like a blade. “I am not your lev sheli . I am not your heart. I am not your sun. I am nothing of yours anymore. We ceased to be husband and wife the moment you stepped out that door. So don’t hope for anything to change between us.”
Dyna’s footsteps carried in the library as she walked away from him. He didn’t move. He couldn’t, even if he had wanted to.
He had become the one thing he had been from the beginning.
A nothing.
Cassiel waited until she fell out of sight. He waited until her footsteps faded. Waited until he was sure no one could see him break as her words cleaved into his skull. He had heard each one clearly, and the ones she didn’t say aloud.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
Cassiel looked up at the sunlight pouring in from the windows, letting it blind him until his vision burned.
He would give anything to go back.
To the life he once lived when he had been ignorant of what true suffering was. To the moment before everything went wrong. Before he understood what being there for someone truly meant. If he knew then what he knew now, would things have been different?
But it didn’t matter how sorry he was.
He had realized too late the damage fear could do.
It still lurked around him like a poisonous cloud, suffocating him with the thoughts of what could still happen.
Because leaving had changed nothing, and Dyna was in danger now more than ever.
Cassiel pressed on his aching temples. He refused to let history repeat itself because he wasn’t strong enough or fast enough to stop it. If she could just give one more chance, just one more chance, he wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.
Taking a deep breath, Cassiel walked outside and followed the faint link of their bond through the garden paths until he reached the stable.
He found her there, speaking to the young lord on a white horse. He looked so much like Rawn it startled Cassiel for a second.
Noticing him, Dyna glowered, then said to Raiden. “Would you be so kind as to take me away from here?”
Raiden glanced at Cassiel, then said, “Of course.”
Taking her hand, he helped her mount the horse and sit in front of him. Cassiel jerked to a stop. She was that desperate to escape him? Raiden placed his arm around her waist, holding her securely. The sight made Cassiel’s jaw clench.
Tugging on the reins, Raiden maneuvered the horse to trot around him. “King of Hilos,” he greeted in a reserved tone.
“I am sorry to hear about your father,” Cassiel said, eyeing him warily. “I don’t know another far nobler than him.”
“So everyone tells me. However, I am yet to be told the same about you.”
Well.
Cassiel frowned at Dyna. “Where are you going?”
“That no longer concerns you,” she said without looking at him. “Don’t follow me.”
Raiden snapped the reins, and the horse broke into a gallop. Dust rose on the path as Cassiel watched another ride off with his mate.
He sat on a barrel and leaned forward with his head in his hands. These damn headaches.
“That one is encroaching on your territory. Shall I kill him? I could make it look like an accident.”
Smirking, Cassiel looked up at Netanel. His spy leaned up against the stable with his arms crossed, the shadows of his dark cloak obscuring his face.
“No, don’t do that.”
“Are you sure? The world has enough spoiled lordlings. No one would miss him.”
Cassiel laughed dryly and rubbed his face. I sometimes wonder if you’re half mad. Why else follow a tyrant king who burned down a Realm, who curses everything he touches … who lost …” his queen. He couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud because then he really did lose everything.
“I keep seeing her face when she begged me not to leave her. I truly believed it was the only way. How wrong I was. I wish to go back. I wish to erase everything…” The back of Cassiel’s eyes burned, and he pressed on his eyelids. I had been unraveling these past months, tumbling through the sky with no end. When she appeared again, I finally stopped falling, as if I had reached the foundation of my world. But the ground has swallowed me whole.” She told him not to hope, yet hope was all he had left. I cling to it like a disease because I want to believe somehow I can undo what I have done. But I am now on the other side of her shield on our dying bond, left in an empty void with no end. Fix this?” He sardonically laughed at his idiocy. I am so far past delusional. Perhaps I am the mad one…”
Cassiel leaned forward on his knees and dropped his head in trembling hands. There was a reason why he chose to do this, yet nothing made sense to him anymore. He swallowed back a thick knot of regret. The one that formed in his throat every time he pictured her face doused in tears.
“I broke her.” His voice cracked. “I broke my wife when I broke her spirit. Her innocence. The part of her that believed the best of people and seen the beauty in the unlikeliest of places. I had a love that completed me, and I destroyed it. I destroyed her.”
Cassiel pressed on his chest, feeling as if his lungs had collapsed. He had ruined something precious, something that could never be repaired. He had shattered the delicate trust and love that had been the foundation of their marriage in the most devastating way.
Every waking moment was filled with the pain of their broken bond. It made him feel as though his life had been a waste. He had dreaded that his world would snuff out her light, but it was him who did.
Maybe Malakel was right about him. He destroyed everything he touched. He never should have been allowed to live.
A gentle pat fell on his back. “Life is a road of lessons, and you stand before another,” Netanel said. “Relationships are seldom easy, and love can reduce even the wisest to lunacy. However, I have the upmost faith in you.”
Cassiel wasn’t sure how to accept this rare comfort. “Why?”
“Because I know who you are and who you are meant to be.”
Smiling wryly, he sat up. “You’re only saying that to make me feel better.”
The spy chuckled. “Of course.”
Cassiel looked out to the town where the other half of his soul was and spotted a pair of red wings flying in the distance. “Have you spoken with Sowmya?”
“She ignores me.” Netanel shrugged. “I don’t think she approves of my presence here.”
Because he had chosen a pureblood instead of her as his spy, but Cassiel needed Sowmya to protect Dyna when he couldn’t.
“Well, I will return to my patrols. I overheard your decision to join the convoy. I will fly ahead to scout the roads.”
Netanel backed up a step, but Cassiel grabbed the end of his cloak. “Thank you … for being here.”
Even if it was only out of duty. At least there was someone here who didn’t despise him.
The spy lifted his head enough to expose the warm smile crossing his face. “Then I am with you. Every step of the way.”
“Do I have your word?” He had lost so much in his life. There wasn’t much else he could lose now without losing more of himself.
Netanel patted his arm. “For as long as you need me.”
The assurance in that statement eased his anxiety, only for embarrassment to replace it. He wasn’t a child anymore.
Cassiel waved him off. “Go on. Be careful.”
“I always am.” Netanel spread his white wings as he turned to go. “Oh, and perhaps you should ask yourself why Dynalya keeps her shield up on the bond. For if she truly holds no affections for you, there would be no reason to hide.”
Then his spy winked and soared into the sky.
Cassiel was left to stare blankly at the clouds, too stunned to do anything else.