16. Nate
NATE
Mom is gardening when I arrive. Rylan is having a water fight with a couple of friends, and Cassie is on a sun lounger, texting and occasionally yelling at Rylan not to splash her. She waves and gives me a “Hi, Uncle Nate!” prompting Rylan to come careening over to me for a hug.
I return Cassie’s wave and then give Rylan a bear hug, lifting him clean off the ground until he bursts into a fit of giggles. Then he runs off, back to his friends.
Mom stands to greet me.
“Hi, Mom.” I kiss her cheek.
“We missed you last week,” she says, staring at me from under her floppy sun hat.
“Sorry. I was busy. You know how it gets sometimes.”
She brushes her cheek with the back of her gloved hand, getting dirt on her skin. “Too busy for family?”
I spread my arms wide. “I’m sorry. Where’s Dad?”
“Inside. Watching some sport or other.”
“I’ll give him a wave.”
I nip inside and find Dad in the living room, watching Football. He’s leaning forward on his seat, shouting at the screen like he’s a team coach.
“Hi, Nate. Can you believe the orders this coach is giving? He’s an idiot.”
“I’m sure you’d do a better job.”
“I would. Ah, but you know Little League’s my thing.”
I do know. He coached my team growing up. “Do you need anything from the kitchen?”
“Nah. I’m fine.” He waves his hand.
Chuckling, I go to the kitchen and open the fridge. As usual, Mom’s got a pitcher of iced tea in there. I pour myself a glass and take it outside.
Mom is kneeling by her flower beds again, pulling out weeds and straightening the edging rocks, where one or more of the boys have knocked them out of place while playing.
“How are you?” she asks.
“Fine.”
“Just fine?” She attacks a particularly stubborn weed with the garden fork like it’s personally offended her.
“I’m good.” I kneel beside her.
She pauses and gives me the side eye. “Anything I should know about?”
“Nope. Not that I can think of.”
“Business is going well?”
“It’s going great. I signed up a new client this week and hired some promising new agents. I honestly can’t complain.”
She smiles and squeezes my knee, getting my trousers dirty. “I’m proud of you, Nate.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I just wish we saw you more often.”
“Mom…”
“And that you had more time to yourself.”
“What makes you think I don’t?”
She shrugs.
“Mom.”
“I keep expecting you to bring a boyfriend home.”
I chuckle. “Not today.”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
My breathing hitches.
Mom stares at me intently. “You are,” she concludes.
“Sort of. It’s early days.”
Are Zach and I dating? Not that we’ve been able to go on any actual dates. The day at the beach doesn’t count. That was before we kissed. Before he asked me to be his Daddy.
“Why didn’t you bring him to meet us?”
“As I said, it’s early days. Besides, I didn’t want to scare him off,” I tease.
She waves her hand at me and clucks her tongue. “There’s more to it than that.”
I sigh. Mom has always been very shrewd. I swear I get my observational skills from her. She’d have made an amazing agent when she was younger. Nothing gets past her.
“He’s a private person,” I say carefully.
“He’s in the closet.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” She sighs and shakes her head. “It’ll end in tears, Nathanial.”
Uh-oh. She’s using my full name. I’m in trouble.
“Probably yours,” she adds. “He won’t come out for you.”
“I wouldn’t ask him to.”
“And you can’t climb in the closet for anyone.”
“I don’t intend to.”
“Then why are you fooling about with this man?”
“That’s all it is, Mom.” Liar, liar. “We’re having fun.” That’s true. “We’re not about to get married.” Also true.
“No, and you’ll never be able to. You’re more sensible than this.”
“I’m not sure I’m sensible at all.”
She gives me a withering look.
I put my hands up. “Try not to worry, Mom.”
“I always worry. I’m your mom. It’s my job.” She stabs the fork into the dirt and rocks onto her heels. “What kind of a life can you have with a man who’s too afraid to be himself?”
“I told you—”
“You’re not getting married anytime soon. I know. I heard you. But what if it gets more serious, Nathanial? What if you do want to marry him?”
“I’ll figure it out if and when it happens.”
“He’ll break your heart.” She cups my cheek. “I don’t want anyone breaking my baby’s heart.”
“I’m not a baby, Mom.”
“You’ll always be my baby.”
“And you’ll always be a mama bear.” I kiss her forehead.
“Damn right.”
I smile. “I love you, Mom, but really, try not to worry. I know what I’m doing.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
She retrieves the fork and shuffles along to another weed. “Where did you meet him?”
“Around.” My family don’t know about Halo House, for obvious reasons.
“Is he a client?”
“No! I’m a professional.”
“Hmm.”
“What’s that meant to mean?”
“Nothing.”
“I have never fooled around with a client.” Unless you count an incredibly dull round of golf.
I hope that one day Zach is successful enough to afford protection from a company like mine.
I really hope he doesn’t quit acting. His film might not have been my thing, but his performance was earnest and nuanced.
If he were given better material, he’d be simply stunning.
I could even see him winning an Oscar one day, when he’s had time to mature as an actor.
“Then why won’t you tell me where you met?” Mom asks.
“Because he’s a—”
“Private person.” She does air quotes and rolls her eyes. “You’re playing with fire.”
“Maybe, but that’s my choice.”
She sighs heavily. “Yes, I suppose it is.”
I put my arm around her shoulders and give her a quick squeeze-hug. “Tell me what’s new with you and Dad.”
“Nothing, really. We’ve got the kids for a week, but they’re no bother.”
“They’re good kids.”
She stares at me.
“Oh, no. Don’t give me that stare, Mom.”
“What stare?”
“The ‘when are you going to have kids’ stare.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” she huffs, successfully uprooting a weed.
“Uh-huh.”
“I was wondering if he wants kids someday. But probably not.”
“He’s not ready for kids right now. Nor am I. We might never be. Why would you even think about that? You haven’t asked me about kids in years. Besides, you’ve got two gorgeous grandkids. Isn’t that enough?”
“They’re more than enough. And I haven’t asked because you’ve not been serious enough about anyone.”
“And what exactly have I said that makes you think I’m serious enough about this guy? The one you think I have no future with.”
She squares her shoulders and stabs at the dirt. “It’s nothing you’ve said.”
“Then I’m confused.”
“It’s the look in your eyes whenever you mention him.”
“The—?”
“You’re falling for him. Assuming you haven’t already fallen.”
“Mom, I haven’t. I’m not.”
Mom is the only person who can shut me up with a look. She turns that look on me now, forcing me to snap my mouth shut.
“It’ll end in tears,” she says, driving the fork into the dirt on every syllable.
I run my hand over my hair. “I’m done talking about this, Mom.”
She nods sharply.
I blow out a breath and then try the tea. The ice has already melted, but it’s nice. Hate lemon tea hot, but it’s lovely cold.
“Mr. Meyer died last week.” She glances at me. “I take it you remember him?”
“I—” I nod and shift so I’m sitting properly, putting the glass of tea on the grass in the same motion. “He died?” My voice squeaks out of me.
“A heart attack. I thought you’d want to know.” She brushes her fingertip over the scar beside my eye. “I’m sure there’s a special place in hell reserved for him.”
“I hope so,” I whisper. “I really hope so.” I wipe my hand over my face.
Mom puts her hand on my arm. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I just… It feels wrong to be relieved, but I am. Fuck. That must make me a terrible person.”
“It doesn’t. And don’t swear around the kids.”
“They’re not close enough to hear.”
“That man was a coward and a bully. He acted all macho, but real men don’t drive their kids to…
” She pauses to take a shaky breath. “Well, they don’t beat up their kids or throw them out of the house for being queer.
” Her eyes shimmer with tears. “You were a good friend to Kurt. I’m sorry it wasn’t enough. ”
I clear my throat, which is sticky with emotion. “Me too, Mom. Me too.”
“I still put flowers on his grave, you know.”
“I know.”
“This new man of yours… Are his family like the Meyers? Is that why he’s in the closet?”
“No. Nothing like that.”
“Good.” She points the garden fork at me. “You tell him to hold his head high and be proud of who he is. There will always be haters, but you should never, never let them stop you from being true to yourself. Never.” She puts her hand over her mouth and sobs.
“Mom…” I hug her.
“That boy deserved better.”
“He really did.”
She wipes her eyes and sniffs. “Hopefully he can rest in peace now.”
I nod in agreement.
“Look at me, getting all emotional.” She blinks fiercely. “Are you staying for dinner?”
“Not tonight.”
“Well, next time you come, convince your new man to come with you.”
I crack a smile. “I’ll try.”
“Is he older than you? Younger?”
“Stop fishing for information, Mom.”
“It’s my job.”
“Is there anything that doesn’t come under the job description of parent?”
“No, not much.”
I chuckle. “I love you, Mom.”
She pats my leg. “I love you, too.”