Chapter 25
FELIX
“Well, I already accepted the job, so this is a moot point,” I said, tucking my phone between my ear and my shoulder as I sat at the tiny table in the studio kitchenette. “I’ll be gone tomorrow morning.”
I bent down to pull my dance shoes off and change into my sneakers so I could walk back to the apartment and finish packing.
Normally I would’ve done this in the studio, but Benji’s class had just finished. His grandma had dropped him off, but…
I wasn’t hiding from Cooper. I was just doing us both the favor of avoiding an awkward encounter.
The studio have been full of balloons and streamers when I’d arrived this afternoon.
The over-65s class had heard about the under-8s win and gotten together to make sure it was properly celebrated.
Mrs. Rashid had even baked an impressive cake, frosted to look like a tutu.
I was beginning to get the impression that baking was a compulsory hobby in Otter Bay.
It was sweet. These people were sweet, and kind, and…
I’d miss them.
It was small, and quiet, and everyone was in each other’s pockets, but it wasn’t like when I was a kid. It was nice. I liked it here.
“Right, because it’s absolutely impossible to quit a job you haven’t started yet,” Avery said.
“Which you only accepted in the first place because you’re mad Cooper didn’t fall to his knees and beg you to stay, despite the fact you’ve given that poor, wonderful, sweet, huge-dicked man no reason to believe you might want him to do that because for some reason you’re determined to let your asshole ex ruin your entire life in perpetuity, instead of just a portion of it. ”
Ouch.
“Don’t pull any punches, Ave,” I said, stifling a grunt as I sat up to tuck my ballet shoes in my bag. These ones were fraying at the seams, but I’d had them since before the accident.
I couldn’t let them go.
“I won’t,” Avery said. “Because I love you and I want you to be happy and goddamnit, you were. You were asking me for outfit advice. You were so fucking excited, Felix.”
“And… he,” I said, Cooper’s name sticking in my throat. “Couldn’t have been clearer. There’s nothing for me here.”
“Did they not teach you about good faith interpretation at your fancy performing arts school?” Avery asked.
“Could you not be on my side about this?”
I’d thought Avery would understand when I told them I was taking the job in LA. I’d thought they’d be excited for me. Instead, the first thing they’d asked about was Cooper.
Specifically, why I was walking away from him.
“I am on your side,” Avery said. “I’m on the side of what will make you happiest, because I love you. And because I love you, I’m telling you you’re being a pathetic fucking coward about this.”
I toyed with a loose thread on my shoe, twirling it between my fingers.
I didn’t have an answer to that.
“He deserves someone… whole.”
“Felix Alexander Bennet,” Avery began. They only ever used my full name when I was really in trouble.
“You listen to me. You are the most dedicated, driven person I’ve ever met, and despite that you manage to avoid being an asshole.
You’re sweet, you’re kind, you’re insanely hot, and you’re even funny on purpose sometimes.
There’s no one in the whole world good enough for you, let alone too good.
I will, however, accept that you’re in love with a very nice man I can’t think of a good objection to.
What I will not accept is the idea that he could possibly, in a million years, do better than my best friend.
I know my taste. You wouldn’t be my best friend if you weren’t the best.”
My lips twitched wryly as I wrapped the loose thread around the end of my finger.
“You’re right,” I said.
“I always am.”
“I am a coward,” I continued. “Always have been. Wouldn’t leave Piotr no matter how many times you told me I should. Look where that got me.”
“So you’re planning to take my advice?”
I drew a breath to answer, but tiny footsteps stopped me. Probably just as well, because I had no idea what I’d been about to say.
I looked up to see Benji hovering a few feet away, big brown eyes peering at me.
My stomach twisted. I didn’t want to hurt him, too. Whatever else had happened, I wanted him to know that he had me. That if he wanted to pursue ballet, I’d be there to help him however I could.
“Gotta go,” I said, hanging up on Avery and setting my phone face-down on the table.
“Coo—uh, no one’s come to pick you up, yet?”
Benji bit his lip and shook his head.
I glanced at the clock over the sink. Whoever was meant to be picking Benji up was already five minutes late.
So much for avoiding an awkward encounter.
“You wanna sit with me?” I asked, pushing the other chair out with my foot in invitation.
Benji hesitated a heartbeat, then shuffled over and perched himself on the edge of the chair. He was so small.
I was going to miss him. I’d never even considered the possibility of kids before—I’d never thought there’d be room in my life for them—but knowing Benji and the rest of his class had made me wish I thought there would be.
“Do you really have to leave?” he asked, his tiny voice slipping between my ribs and piercing me right through the heart.
What was I meant to say to that?
“I…” I began, grasping for an explanation that wouldn’t upset him. I wasn’t sure there was one.
However Cooper felt, Benji loved me. I couldn’t tell myself otherwise.
“The thing is…” I tried again, slamming straight into a wall marked breaking Benji’s little heart. “Sometimes…”
For a second, the sound of approaching footsteps made me want to thank whatever powers were watching over me.
Then I saw who they belonged to.
There were dark circles under Cooper’s eyes. I’d noticed them when we first met, and then I’d stopped noticing them. Now, they were unmissable again.
“Hey,” he said to Benji, gaze flicking to my face before turning away again.
“Felix is leaving!” Benji said, gripping the edge of the table as though he wasn’t about to go without a fight.
Cooper looked at me again, lingering this time. I swallowed, throat tight and dry.
“I know,” he said, eyes still on me.
Right. Of course he did. Small town.
“But he can’t! You love him.”
“Benji—”
“I saw you kissing,” Benji insisted, and my already knotted stomach twisted another half turn. It’d been him at the window. Dammit. “And you said that didn’t necess… nessery…,” he stumbled, “it didn’t have to mean you loved him but then you said you did.”
My gaze shot back to Cooper’s face at the same time as my heart leapt into my throat. His eyes were wide, brows halfway to his hairline.
He’d said that? To Benji?
“Benji,” Cooper repeated, firmer this time, holding out his hand. “Let’s leave Felix alone. I’m sure he has packing to do.”
The tips of Cooper’s ears were flushed darker than I’d ever seen them, streaks of color rising on his cheeks.
He’d said that. He’d told Benji he loved me.
To simplify things for him? But…
“But—”
“Benji!” Cooper said in a tone that even I knew meant no more arguing.
I watched was Benji slid off the chair, going to Cooper and taking his outstretched hand, shoulders slumped and head hanging.
Some part of me wanted to say something, but I couldn’t.
Cooper told Benji he loved me. Cooper didn’t lie to Benji.
Cooper…
“Hey!” a voice came from the table.
Avery.
Dammit. Not again.
I picked my phone up and saw instantly that the call had never disconnected. Of course not. Why would I manage to operate the stupid thing properly the one time it might’ve mattered?
“Avery—”
“Why the fuck are you talking to me?” Avery asked. “You heard that adorable little kid. The man of your dreams is in love with you. Go get him!”
This time, I made sure I’d hung up.