Chapter 31
HAILEE
After the longest day of meetings and attempting to clear out my emails, I finally close my laptop, and with bleary eyes, I put myself in the shower before climbing into bed.
Thoughts of waking up here alone haven’t been far from my mind all day, but I’ve forced them aside.
It’s pointless trying to piece together a chain of events I slept through.
All I know is that at some point after falling asleep in Hayden’s arms on the couch, he had to have carried me in here.
But as I roll over and press my face to the pillow I don’t use, I’m reminded that he didn’t get in with me.
My heart sinks a little at the thought of him cleaning up and leaving.
Deep down, I know it was for the best—if I’d woken up in his arms with his hot and hard body against mine, well, I know exactly what I’d have wanted.
Last time, I freaked out and ran away, but I get the feeling that if I’d woken and discovered the same thing this morning, something very, very different would have happened.
Heat rolls through me at the thought of having his hands on me. His lips against mine.
What he gave me on the couch last night was incredible, but if I’m being honest, it barely scratched the surface.
I haven’t had sex in…a long time. Every orgasm I’ve had in the past few years has been delivered by my fingers or a toy, and finally having a man involved…well, let’s just say, I fear that no toy in my drawer is going to cut it.
Trying not to get carried away with everything that man would probably do to me given the chance, I open Instagram and begin scrolling through, scanning through stories about rival teams and players that are trending.
Thankfully, things are quiet with our guys right now.
As much as I might hope it continues, it’s only a matter of time before I’m putting out fires left and right.
I should enjoy the peace while I’ve got it.
Happy that nothing needs my immediate attention, I put my cell down and grab my book. I’m not going to read much, my eyes are already heavy as hell, but I’m hopeful I can get at least one chapter in.
I’ve barely read two pages before my cell dings with a message.
I’m tempted to ignore it, but my curiosity finally wins out, and I reach for it.
The second my eyes land on the notification, my heart jumps and I’m suddenly awake and alert.
I was surprised not to find anything waiting for me from Hayden when I woke this morning, and even more surprised that I’ve had nothing but radio silence all day.
I know he’s busy, but still. I was expecting something.
Swiping the screen, I wait for the picture to load, and the second it does, all the air comes rushing from my lungs.
“Holy hell,” I gasp, my eyes taking in every single detail before dropping the accompanying message.
Hayden: Really enjoying this series. Not sure how you coped with the cliffhangers, though. Brutal.
I look up again, needing more of him.
Just like me, he’s lying in bed with his book in hand, only he isn’t covered by the sheets or pajamas.
Oh, no. He’s only wearing a tight pair of boxer briefs and a pair of thick-rimmed glasses; everything else is on show, aside from the bottom half of his face, which is covered by the book.
His eyes…they’re peering over the top and staring right at me.
That look hits me right between the thighs where my heartbeat seems to take up residence.
Jesus.
I debate what to do for a few seconds, but in the end, I go with typing out a simple message. The thought of taking a similar photo and sending it back makes my heart race with desire and excitement.
Hailee: You flew through those first two books. Where are you at?
Hayden: When I want something, I set my mind to it and get it done. Just gone past the scene in the woods
Hailee: Oh yeah, I remember it well.
Hayden: I bet you do
Hailee: Getting chased through the woods in real life is my literal idea of hell, but in a book, I’m down.
I know I shouldn’t be engaging in a conversation like this, but I can’t help myself.
Hayden: I’ll let you chase me anywhere you want, baby
Hailee: I’m not really a runner. Crawling, I can get on board with.
Hayden: Oh yeah? You want me on my hands and knees for you, huh?
The pulsating between my legs only gets stronger as I picture him before me, gazing up with those heated eyes as he begs for more orders.
Fucking hell, he’d do it without question as well. If anything, that thought makes the whole thing even hotter.
Hayden: What would you make me do while I’m down there?
Hailee: Well…my floors could do with a good clean.
As I hit send, I hear his bark of laughter as clearly as if he’s sitting next to me.
Hayden: Are you as dirty as your floors, goddess?
Hailee: That’s for me to know…
Hayden: And for me to find out?
Hayden: What are you doing?
Hailee: Exactly the same as you.
Hayden: Lying in your underwear, wishing you had more company than fictional characters?
Hailee: When you put it like that, maybe we’re not doing the same things…
Hayden: Go on…
Hailee: I’m wearing pjs.
Hayden: I can work with that. What about the company?
Hailee: I’ve put the fictional characters aside.
Hayden: I’m honored. How was your day?
Hailee: Long. Yours?
Hayden: It was good. Breakfast with my parents was good.
They’re planning on coming to more games this year, and despite the obvious, they looked happier than I was expecting.
I think they’re going to be okay. Training was brutal, as was the ice bath Corey forced me into after my session with him.
And then I got interrogated by Rett and Bea.
My heart jumps into my throat at the reminder that Rett walked in on us last night.
That he’ll have told Bea almost immediately what he saw.
But will they tell anyone else? I like to think I can trust him.
We have a weird kind of mutual respect thing going on.
He pretends to hate me, and I give him even more shit to try and make him hate me for real.
It’s entertaining as hell, and secretly, I think he’s a great guy—all the drama he causes aside, obviously.
Hailee: What did they say?
Hayden: That they’re proud of me
Hailee: Typical Rett.
Hayden: Seriously, though, they’re happy for me and rooting for us.
Us.
Is there an us?
Can there be an us?
My hand with my cell falls to my side as I sink lower in my bed.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to keep exploring whatever this is with Hayden. He makes me feel…lighter, I guess. I’ve never felt it before. And now I have, I don’t want to lose it.
Hayden: You still there?
I blink at the screen, seeing that more than a few minutes have passed without me responding. But what do I reply to that?
Hailee: What are we doing?
I hesitate to press send. I don’t want to be that person who needs labels and a plan, but…I need some clue of something.
Is this just a bit of fun for Hayden, a distraction while he works through the worst of his grief? Or is he seeing it as more?
He’s certainly said the right words to make me think he might want more than a forbidden fling with someone he wants but can’t have.
But then, men say all sorts of shit to get what they want.
And hockey players, well…they hold the crown for it.
I have to deal with their egos and competitive nature on a daily basis.
But Hayden isn’t like that.
He’s…
“Fuck.”
I hit send and drop my cell to my chest, my heart racing as I wait for a reply.
Hayden: We’re…I don’t know. I don’t know what we’re doing but I do know what I want to do.
Hailee: What do you want?
Hayden: You.
“Holy fuck,” I gasp.
I swear that simple three-letter word shifts the axis of my entire world.
I squeeze my eyes closed as they burn with emotion.
How can he be so sure?
It could be the biggest mistake of his life, and yet, he’s not backing away or running scared. No, he’s sending me smutty pictures of himself with a book and glasses.
Fucking hell, he doesn’t play fair.
Hayden: What do you want?
I wish my answer was as simple as his. Hell, I wish I knew my answer.
Hayden: It’s okay if you’re not ready to answer that.
“Fucking hell.” How does he know? Every time, he just knows where my head is at.
Hailee: What if I’m never ready?
Hayden: I’m a patient man. You take all the time you need. I’d just really like it if we still got to hangout while you figure everything out.
Hailee: I feel like I’ve been trying to figure stuff out all my life. The only thing that’s ever felt right is LA.
Hayden: That’s a good start.
Hailee: But I’ve played it safe ever since.
Hayden: Taking a risk is scary. But sometimes, they pay off.
Hailee: And if it doesn’t? This isn’t just about us hanging out; our entire lives are entangled in this. My job. Your place on the team.
Hayden: I get that. But also…they’re just jobs. Don’t you think that life is too short to hold back because of what other people think?
My hands tremble. I agree with him, I do. We’ve both experienced losing people too young. People who should have had their whole lives ahead of them.
What would my brother have done in this situation? What would his advice have been?
A single tear falls free, racing down my cheek as I think of him. Lifting my hand, I swipe it away, hearing his voice loud and clear.
Hailee: It doesn’t make jumping to life-changing decisions any easier.
I wish I could do it. I wish I could throw caution to the wind and dive in with both feet. But my job, the life I’ve created here…it’s the only thing that’s ever truly been mine. The thought of doing something that will fuck all that up is terrifying.
Hayden: No, I guess it doesn’t.
Hayden: How much trouble would you be in if someone found out about us?
Us. There’s that word again.
Hailee: I don’t know.
It’s not entirely a lie. But I know without a doubt that the team owner and GM won’t be impressed if I’ve been sneaking around with a player.
The organization has shown that it won’t get involved with staff members' personal lives and relationships as long as they don’t affect the working environment.
But we’re talking player and personal trainer here; we’re not talking upper-level management.
This is very, very different from Kodie and Casey’s, or even Linc and Parker’s relationship.
There is a very high chance that my employment would be terminated immediately due to a conflict of interest. I’m in a position of power and—
A sob erupts at the thought of losing everything I’ve built here because of a relationship that was born out of mutual grief and understanding.
Hayden: I meant what I said before. I won’t let anyone hurt you.
Hailee: That might well be too late.
His response doesn’t come for the longest time. In fact, I start to believe it’s never going to come.
But eventually, my cell dings and I immediately reach for it.
Hayden: I feel the same way about my ability to stop this now. What can we do to protect you?