Chapter 40 #2
Laselle gives me a decent opening, tipping back in her chair with a light laugh. “But then, for all their grandeur, a lot of the barons and baronesses have relatively simple tastes at heart. That’s why they come out here to escape the complexities of the city courts.”
I keep my tone casual, as if this is just another question in the long line. “I’ve heard a few murmurings about some rather wild parties out in the countryside. Large bonfires, masks, dancing beneath the stars. Are any of your patrons part of that crowd?”
My mother’s friend taps her ruddy lips. “I don’t think any of the noble families take part in events like that.
But I have caught murmurs of my own. When I was calling on Baroness Reginne several months ago, I paid attention to the staff gossip as usual.
Apparently one of the house messengers stumbled on some odd traces when he took a shortcut through one of the more distant and little-used areas of the county. ”
I raise my eyebrows enough to show curiosity, not my full investment. My pulse skips eagerly. “What sort of traces?”
Laselle waves her hand vaguely. “I only heard bits and pieces secondhand. From what I gathered, there were a few scattered bits of burnt wood and something the messenger took to be bone. That was what unnerved him. It seems whoever was carrying on out there, they needed extra internal stimulation to enjoy themselves. He also brought back a strip of dried crozzemi mushroom he found in the same area, and the kitchen staff had quite a night after boiling that. I’d have tried some myself, but it always gives me a headache after. ”
“Crozzemi?” I repeat. “I didn’t think those grew in Silana.”
“I can’t say I’ve looked into it. I suppose whoever’s indulging, they must have decently deep pockets even if they aren’t noble born.
” Laselle’s gaze turns more pointed as it focuses on me again.
“I hope you haven’t resorted to intoxicants of that sort to enhance your abilities.
A true courtesan should be able to please his or her patrons without skewing their sense of reality. ”
I hold up my hands. “Of course not. I wouldn’t touch the stuff or offer it to anyone myself. I was only surprised.”
Her eyes linger on me as if she isn’t entirely convinced. As if she’s thinking it would be just like me to take the lazy route—and lie about it.
I switch to a different angle. “It can’t have been much of a bonfire if all they left was a few bits of wood.”
Laselle shrugs. “At least they clean up after themselves, whatever they’re after with antics of that sort. The real upper class wouldn’t lower themselves to messing about in the dirt.”
No patrons worthy of us, she means.
It doesn’t appear she knows anything more about strange meetings in the counties around Florian. I work in a few more leading questions between more requests for advice, but none of her answers leave me any wiser about the scourge sorcerers’ activities.
Still, when I get up from the table, I can bow to her with a satisfaction I don’t entirely have to fake, even if it’s not for the reasons she’d imagine.
“Thank you for taking the time to share all this with me. I’ll continue to do my best to live up to my mother’s aspirations for me.”
“You do that,” Laselle says, and hustles me back to my carriage.
I sit in a stew of uncomfortable memories and anxious thoughts the whole journey back to Florian. When the carriage stops outside Sovereign College’s gate, I walk through the steps of the password almost without thinking, my mind already on the conversation ahead.
I don’t want to disturb Ivy with a summons if she’s still resting from her ordeal, though. I head to the bathing room I reserved for her first.
Peeking inside, I find the bed covers rumpled to show that she’s slept there but the room currently unoccupied.
Where else might she have gone if she wanted some peace amid all the pressures laid on her?
I know her well enough to be fairly sure of the answer to that question.
The stables are somewhat busy in the middle of the afternoon as students come and go with their chosen mounts. No one’s bustling about at the end of the aisle where Toast’s stall is, though.
I wouldn’t know Ivy’s there either until the faint rasp of a brush over horsehair reaches my ears when I’m only a couple of steps away. My first entirely genuine smile of the day crosses my face as I stop by the stall door.
Ivy looks up from where she’s tucked herself away toward the back of the stall, rubbing down the stallion’s haunches. Her face brightens with the pleased light that never fails to set my spirits soaring.
The usually irritable horse snorts at me as if expressing annoyance that I might interrupt his grooming session, but he lowers his head with an almost apologetic air when Ivy pats his side.
I shouldn’t be even a little surprised that she’s brought Stavros around when she’s managed to tame this animal who until recently was seen more as a curse than a steed.
He stays still when I slip in after her so no one passing the aisle will see us talking.
“Had enough sleep?” I ask, keeping my voice low.
Ivy’s smile tenses. She goes back to her grooming, to Toast’s approving sigh. “As much as I could. I got restless, so I thought I’d pay this beast a little attention.” She swats him teasingly.
“Well, the room is yours until midnight. So if you feel you need to escape back there later, don’t hesitate.”
“Thank you.” She studies me with those brightly knowing eyes of hers, so alert to any sign of trouble. “How did the visit you were going to make go? Did you find out anything?”
I can tell from her tone that she isn’t even bothering to hope that I can get her out of the horrible task the king has set her on.
Guilt forms a lump in my gut before I manage to answer. “A little. I think I know where the scourge sorcerers have been holding at least some of their bonfires. And I’m almost certain of what they’ve been using to drug you.”
Even though my offering barely feels like anything to me, some of the tension releases from Ivy’s stance. “That could be a big help. I’d love to be able to keep my head clear.”
I wish I could promise her that much. “We’ll have to see if Alek can track down a viable antidote. I’ll pass on word to him as soon as I’ve finished speaking with you—probably I’ll need to call a meeting, but I won’t be saying anything I haven’t told you now. You should keep relaxing.”
I doubt she’s been exactly relaxed at any point today, but it speaks to how much stress she’s under that she tips her head in agreement rather than insisting on coming along.
Every particle in my body clamors to wrap my arms around her and comfort her the best way I know how.
To stir enough bliss inside her that she can forget her worries for a time. To demonstrate my devotion in the most concrete possible way.
But I hold myself back from doing more than setting my hand on her shoulder. I’ve let myself forget that it’s not just Ivy but Julita I’m engaging with.
And Ivy, for all she balks at my nickname for her, is kind enough that she’d forego her own pleasures to ensure the woman whose soul she’s carrying doesn’t have to experience more unhappiness before her ultimate departure.
How long will she bury her own happiness to support everyone else’s? She’s already taken on too many burdens.
I know there’s no arguing with her about it, though. She’d think less of me if I did.
Ivy leans just slightly into my touch, deepening my urge to pull her close. It’s not as if it’d only be for her pleasure. The feel of her against me stirs something in me that’s so much more than desire.
Then she peeks up at me through her eyelashes, a hint of slyness mingling with her concern. “You didn’t like having to go see whoever you were making the trip to. I hope they weren’t too obnoxious.”
I haven’t hidden my discomfort quite well enough.
I manage a sheepish laugh and allow myself the luxury of a kiss to the side of her head, breathing in the sweet scent of her hair with the smoky tang of the bonfire still lingering in it.
“It’d simply been a long time. I wasn’t sure what to expect.
She was a friend of my mother’s. They both had high expectations for me. ”
Ivy raises her eyebrows. “I find it hard to imagine anyone criticizing your abilities as a courtesan. You said it’s a family tradition, didn’t you, so they obviously didn’t expect you to take up some other career path.”
“Oh, definitely not. They wanted me to do as well as possible, that’s all.”
“Your mother isn’t around anymore?”
Gods above, I shudder at the thought of having needed to arrange a meeting between the two women who’ve meant the most to me. “No. She passed away when I was ten. But the courtesan families look out for each other. I always had people to stay with.”
Ivy touches my cheek. “I don’t know how she could be anything but proud of who you’ve become.”
My throat chokes up abruptly. I force a guffaw to cover the swell of emotion, but it keeps burning inside me.
My mother would yell at me for coming out here at all, for spending any time on a woman she’d see as a nobody. And maybe I have been lax in my responsibilities, in the debts I’m not sure I’ll ever fully repay.
But she’d be wrong about Ivy. Because I know as I gaze back at her, with a certainty that stretches right down the center of me, that all the desire and devotion, the aching and the burn, add up to one word.
Love.
I love her, like I’ve never loved anyone. Like I had no concept was even possible.
Maybe I shouldn’t indulge in the emotion. Maybe it’s the selfishness Laselle talked about.
But love is Ardone’s highest purpose. This feeling is her blessing.
Nothing could be more honorable to the divine powers I serve.
And if I have to get down in the dirt or spill blood to defend that love, I know with every fiber of my being that I won’t hesitate.