Chapter 28
HAZEL
I was so excited for my breakfast with Penn this morning, especially after missing him during his two travel days.
But everything felt off. It started out perfect.
I still can’t believe I kissed him like that when there was no ruse.
I simply wanted to kiss him and couldn’t stop myself.
I thought he liked it. He kissed me back like he was into it.
Then Chadwick had to go and ruin everything.
Penn was quiet and withdrawn the rest of breakfast—a side of him I’ve never seen.
Penn is usually a great conversationalist and so easy-going, it was weird to see him shut off like that.
I still can’t make sense of Penn’s shift in demeanor.
Was he bothered by Chadwick, or something else?
Chadwick is always a jerk, so that’s nothing new.
I wonder if Chadwick announcing his quick recovery made Penn realize his duty as fake boyfriend is finally up and he can go back to his playboy ways soon.
Maybe he was distancing himself so I didn’t get the wrong idea about what would happen next.
Or maybe I’m a burden to him now and he’s bored with me.
Just like Chadwick got bored with me. My own parents don’t even seem to think I’m that interesting.
I mean, my mother calls my ex-boyfriend more than she calls me, apparently.
Why am I so unlovable?
Maybe if I weren’t so uptight, or if I was more smiley, or funnier. Everyone adores a person who can make them laugh. But that’s not me…I’m the one who plans my day meticulously, the one who’s always on time, the girl everyone finds reliable.
The metro screeches to a halt and I realize I’m at my stop for Safe Harbor. I was so deep in thought I’m not sure how I even made it here.
I walk through the station, down the street, and into Safe Harbor in a daze. Bertie is on the phone but waves to me as I walk by the front desk. Forcing a smile, I wave back.
When I arrive in the back, I find several large boxes of donations to sort through and get right to work.
I need something to keep my hands and brain busy.
Opening the first box, I find an assortment of baby items, so I drag the heavy box over to the infant section.
Several soft blankets are at the top, so I shake them out and make sure they’re clean before refolding them and organizing each one on the shelf neatly.
Halfway through the items, my phone buzzes in the front pocket of my jumper dress. I pull it out quickly, hoping it’s Penn calling to say he’s sorry for being weird and explain himself.
I deflate when the name on the screen reads Mom and not Penn.
For a second, I stare at the phone and consider if I want to answer.
She doesn’t call me often, so I slide the bar on the screen to accept the call.
It might be something important, she’s not one to call just to chat—unless you’re Chadwick Weatherby, apparently.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hazel,” she says. “I’m glad you picked up.”
She sounds genuinely happy, and that perks me up. I smile, feeling dumb for being dramatic earlier. “Yeah, it’s good to hear from you.”
“Are you home?”
“No, I’m volunteering at Safe Harbor today.”
“Oh.” Her voice is heavy with disappointment. “I thought you might be home with Chadwick.”
My eyebrows scrunch together. “Nope, we don’t hang out much now that we’re broken up.”
Mom sighs. “I had the loveliest conversation with him yesterday, and I hoped that meant things were on the mend between you two.”
This again? I roll my eyes, deciding to change the subject with her other favorite topic—my brother. “How’s Cory enjoying his new position?”
She gasps in delight. “He’s loving it and doing so well! Did I tell you your father had forty applicants for the job, and Cory beat them all out for the position.”
“Wow, that’s great,” I say, even though her words sting.
My parents have never acted this excited about anything I’ve achieved.
Meanwhile Cory got a promotion at our family’s company that sounds like blatant nepotism, and my mom acts like he just won a Nobel Peace Prize or something.
I love Cory, and I don’t want to be resentful, but it’s difficult.
“He has his own office now and everything,” Mom adds.
“I would love to see you doing something with that brilliant mind of yours too, sweetheart. I hate the thought of you laboring with no pay. You could be working alongside Cory here at Palmer Solutions making good money and climbing the corporate ladder.”
I roll my lips together to keep a snarky reply at bay. “It’s called volunteering. Safe Harbor helps a lot of foster families, and I love being part of it.”
“Right, right.” She laughs. “I just want what’s best for you.”
An awkward silence passes between us before she speaks again. “So, you really think there’s no hope of mending things with Chadwick?”
I groan. “I have a new boyfriend, remember? Penn Matthews.”
“You’re still seeing him?” She sighs. “What could this Penn have to offer you that Chadwick couldn’t? Chadwick says he’s bad news, you know.”
Ugh, of course he said that to her.
“Well, for one, Penn hasn’t cheated on me.”
“We’ve known the Weatherbys for thirty years—before you or Chadwick were even born—and Chadwick was always a good boy. Spirited but ambitious. I know he feels terrible for his mistake and is doing everything he can to make it up to you.”
“Well, some mistakes are unforgiveable.”
Mom blows out a breath. “Do you always have to be so difficult, Hazel? I’m just trying to help here. Cory loves it when I offer him my advice, but he’s so responsible.”
I blink. Once my brother jumped in front of his friend’s car to scare him, the car skidded to a stop but not before hitting my brother and shattering his femur.
But sure, I’m the difficult one.
“Okay, well, I’m really busy, so I’m gonna let you go.”
“Alrighty! Don’t work too hard; you’re not even getting paid.”
“Goodbye, Mom.”
“Bye, sweetie.”
I hang up and allow my head to fall back as I stare up at the ceiling, wondering how I have the same genes as Bethany Palmer.
Footsteps alert me that Bertie is in the room with me and I snap my head back up to look at her. “Sorry, dear. Had to confirm all of our volunteers for March.”
“That’s okay,” I say. “I got started on the donations.”
Bertie smiles softly. Her steady presence and comforting smile has the tension from my body easing away. I feel safe with her, like I don’t have to be on guard. I usually feel that way with Penn, too. But not today.
Bertie takes a onesie from the box and holds it up to look at it.
Her spindly, wrinkled hands hold the fabric with such gentleness.
She stares at the tiny piece of clothing like it’s precious, maybe she’s remembering back to when her children were babies.
Did my mother ever look at me with tenderness like this?
Smiling, she turns to look at me and her smile falls. “What’s going through that head of yours?” The softness of her voice and the care in her tone has tears rushing to my eyes.
I try to blink the moisture away…I’m not typically a crier, but here I am, crying for the second time in one morning. I’m a mess.
I sniff as two tears break free and run down my face. “Sorry.” I wipe the tears on the back of my hand, but more come.
It’s like everything from the last two months is catching up to me all at once.
The cheating boyfriend, my parents being unsupportive, the thousands of words I’ve added to my dissertation, the long volunteer hours, and my fake-or-not-so-fake boyfriend.
Perhaps, especially my fake-or-not-so-fake boyfriend.
I’m overcome with the weight of it all. Everything suddenly feels so heavy.
“Oh, Hazel.” Bertie’s soothing voice cajoles, and she pulls me into a hug. “Why don’t you tell me about it? Sometimes that helps.”
I nod, giving her a squeeze and then letting go. Bertie takes hold of my hand and leads me over to two folding chairs and we sit down.
It’s such a relief to finally talk to someone that everything pours out of me, the whole story about Chadwick, and then how Penn offered to help. How my parents, namely my mother, are pressuring me to get back with my ex. Berties listens, nodding as I talk and humming thoughtfully.
When I’m done, she takes a deep breath. “That’s a lot for one person to carry alone. I’m glad you got it all out.” She reaches over and pats me on the knee. “First of all, this Chadwick boy sounds like a butthead…and to be frank, your mother also sounds like a butthead.”
I release a watery laugh and Bertie smiles at me before continuing. “But I’m wondering if the biggest reason your heart feels heavy is because you’re developing real feelings for Penn, and now you’re worried you’ll lose what you’ve built together.”
I inhale a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “Yeah, perhaps you’re right.”
“But,” she says, raising her eyebrows, “and this is just the opinion of an old lady…I don’t think you’re the only one with real feelings.
I watched you two the day Penn and his teammates volunteered.
The way that boy looked at you? That can’t be faked.
” She shakes her head from side to side with a smirk.
“I think you and Penn need to be honest with each other and stop pretending.”
My chin trembles. Just the thought of being vulnerable with Penn and asking about his feelings has emotion bubbling up again. “Bertie,” I whisper. “Do you think—and be honest—do you think I’m unlikable…or maybe just boring?”
Bertie scoffs. “Darlin’, have you and I ever struggled to have a good time while we work?
” She nudges me with her elbow. “Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favorite volunteer.
I love our conversations, and I like hearing the thoughts of a smart young woman like yourself.
” She furrows her eyebrows. “If the people in your life make you feel unlikable, then you need new people.”
I chuckle at that. If only it were so easy. I can ditch Chadwick, but my mother is a different story.
Penn, on the other hand…he’s never made me feel that way. The opposite, in fact.
“Thanks, Bertie. I needed your wisdom.”
“What you need is to have a talk with that man of yours—he’s a real piece of eye-candy, I must say,” Bertie quips.
I snicker at that, and we get back to work.
As we sort through the items, I have more time to think, considering Bertie’s comment about the way Penn looks at me.
Then my mind goes back to what Chadwick said, about Penn only wanting physical intimacy.
There’s a reason my nickname for him from the beginning was Playboy.
In fact, Penn told me straight up he hasn’t been in a relationship for a long time, only hookups.
So, maybe Chadwick isn’t completely wrong.
But Penn is also kind. Thoughtful. Loved by the people around him.
Like Ally said to me weeks ago, he’s a really good guy.
I also can’t help but remember all the moments we shared where he was vulnerable with me…
like introducing me to his sister, and sharing about his time in foster care, or how protective he acted when he overheard my conversation with my mother.
Penn makes me feel like there’s someone in my corner. Like I can always be myself and that’s enough. I love being around him, and our chemistry is undeniable, but even before we kissed I enjoyed his company.
Our connection isn’t just physical for me, and the more I think about it, the more I think it might be the same way for him.
Our time together is running out fast. So, maybe it’s worth sucking up my pride and asking him if this is real for him, or if this is all in my head. My stomach swirls with nerves at the thought of telling him this doesn’t feel fake to me.
The reality that I could get hurt again threatens to overwhelm my head entirely—and my heart.