50. Scotlind
FIFTY
SCOTLIND
“I need to do something,” I said to Tezya.
We’d been holed up in his tent for a couple of hours. He was silently holding me, letting me sob until my tears ran dry. My eyes were swollen and puffy, my head throbbed, and exhaustion was slowly taking over me, but I didn’t want to rest. I wiped my eyes, smearing the remnants of tears down my cheeks.
“I don’t want to think.” I kept hearing Vallie’s words, kept seeing Miles’ face right before it burst into flames. I had cried enough, and now I just needed a distraction.
Tezya was silent for a minute, thinking it over. “Do you want to visit Brock?”
Yes, I said into his mind. I hadn’t seen him since I made the trade with Arcane. Tezya grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers before leading the way back to the healer’s tent.
Everyone glared at me as we walked past. Did they all watch the broadcast? Did everyone here hate me now? I’d been so busy since we got back to the camp that I hadn’t thought about it. But now, I couldn’t ignore the sneers people made toward me. I got the feeling I wasn’t welcome anymore.
Wells created a code to hack into Lux’s system a long time ago. Anytime they mandate a broadcast, a lot of people gather in the dining tent to watch. I don’t know how many saw it because we were watching from Dovelyn’s tent, but I think word of what happened spread to everyone, Tezya answered my thoughts, and I wish he hadn’t. But don’t worry about it. No one will give you a hard time. They know you’re… important to me.
The King’s theory before the broadcast came back to me. When I was gone, did you feel me? I asked.
Not always. But every now and then I could. Only through your emotions though, never your thoughts.
I couldn’t be compelled when I was there, I said and my arm pulled back as Tezya stopped in his tracks. He knew that. He saw what happened through my eyes, but we never talked about it. We never had the chance to. Do you think… I wondered… maybe if Arcane did something to me or if… I let my voice trail off, letting him fill in the gaps.
We’ll talk to Arcane once everything settles, and we’ll find out, he said, but his voice was clipped. We didn’t talk the rest of the way to the tent.
Brock had a permanent cot in the healer’s quarters. I was told he’d been here ever since they got him back. I tried not to think about what that meant, about how badly he was hurt to have been here the whole time I was gone. I hadn’t noticed the section when Tezya first brought me in here to see Vallie. It was tucked away toward the back and was more quiet and secluded than the rest of the tent.
Brock sat up as soon as he saw Tezya, then his golden eyes widened as they flicked to me. “You’re back,” he breathed. It felt like forever since I last heard his voice. Even when I saw him in Lux, he’d been half unconscious. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me again. “You’re in pain. What part of you is injured?”
“I’m fine,” I said, surprised by his words. The only pain I was in was a mental war .
“I can take it away if you want,” Brock said, eyeing me. I could feel his gaze taking in my scarred flesh. I still hadn’t looked in a mirror. If I looked anything like Kole or Arcane, I knew it was terrible, but I didn’t want to know.
I shook my head. “I’m fine.” I deserved to feel like this, and I deserved to look however I did now.
“Are you… Can you see?” I held my breath waiting for his answer, not realizing until now how badly I needed to know. I knew he had to have some sort of sight back if he was able to see my scars, but I had to make sure there wasn’t any permanent damage. I had to hear it for myself. From him.
Brock nodded. “Yes. My farsightedness is still a bit hazy, but I should be fully back to health in a week’s time—”
“I’m sorry,” I blurted before he could finish. I still had this immense amount of guilt that my ability caused him his blindness and whatever torture the King had put him through afterward. He was just another person to add to my long list of people I hurt.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Scotlind.”
I was going to protest when Dovelyn rose, standing from the edge of Brock’s cot. I hadn’t realized she was there, and I wondered if she had been using her invisibility to stay concealed before. She looked so tiny compared to him. I forgot how large Brock was, how he was a brute even compared to Tezya—who was by no means small.
My eyes widened as Dovelyn walked toward me, pulling me into a hug. “Thank you,” she whispered into my ear. “For saving him, for running the other way so we had a chance to escape.”
“You’re… welcome,” I replied tentatively. She took a step back from me, and I could tell she was uncomfortable. “Thank you for going with Peter to get her,” I added, surprising myself too, but I was too tired right now to have hate left toward her, and I was grateful to everyone who helped get Vallie back.
She nodded, not meeting my gaze .
Tezya and I stayed in the healer’s tent for a long time. I went around checking on the Advenians who were saved and helped Savannah pass out food and clothes to those who still needed it. It wasn’t until the moon was high in the sky that I realized I never checked on Sie’s family.
His mother and brother were brought into the camp along with Vallie, and I didn’t even think about them until now. I was about to tell Tezya I was going to visit them, but he beat me to it, already knowing what I wanted. Sie’s mother didn’t make it, he said into my mind. He asked for space.
What? How?
She died during the rescue. Only Greyland came back from Lux. Tezya’s voice was hard, even in my head.
I nodded, sucking in my breath, not wanting to ask any more right now. Greyland was his half brother, and I didn’t think Tezya or Sie were ready to acknowledge that or what it meant.
How do you know he needs space? I asked instead. Sie didn’t have many friends here, and I knew Peter was with Vallie right now.
Because I visited him earlier. Tezya swallowed. I needed to apologize.
How did he take it? I asked slowly. I knew it wasn’t Tezya’s fault, but I also knew Tezya wouldn’t see it that way. He left Sie and I behind.
As good as he could.
Even though we got everything we wanted, even though Tezya freed all those Advenians, taking away the King’s access to powers, and we saved Vallie, it still felt like we lost, like too much was taken from us in the process.
I held back my tears, terrified for what it meant in the future. Who else would we lose if this war barely began? Tezya grabbed my hand and started leading me toward his tent.
And as soon as he closed the tent flaps—as soon as we were alone—I fell onto the ground and shattered.