Chapter Eighteen
T o my surprise, the party slash sleepover was actually pretty tame. That fact made me feel less guilty when I texted my mom that I’d made it to Kim’s dorm. Almost.
Music, poker, drinking, maybe a little bit of smoking going on out on the patio, but people mostly just sat around and chilled or played video games.
I hadn’t changed yet, not certain I wanted to go straight for the pajamas, though Liv seemed to have no problem prancing around in shorts and a My Little Pony t-shirt. Vader apparently thought she was “adorable.” Even Jenna was keeping her distance and maintaining her focus on her own date.
“Come here,” Zack called, motioning me over to a large papasan chair like my grandma used to have in her basement.
I climbed in next to him as best I could, but he stealthily maneuvered me onto his lap and brushed my sides with his fingers.
“I had a good time tonight, you know? I don’t usually. You’re kind of fun to watch dance.”
“Yeah? Well, good. I had fun too.”
He began kissing my neck, and I let myself relax against him. Grabbing a soft gray blanket from the back of the chair, he wrapped it around us and held me tightly.
“You know I want you, right?” He traced my stomach through the sparkly fabric of my dress until I thought I might die. It was like being tickled and unable to laugh.
“I think so,” I answered, unsure of what I was really supposed to say to that comment.
“Well then I guess I need to help you know so,” he murmured, his hands slipping slightly lower.
“Zack,” I paused, “we are in a room full of people.”
“And? You think anyone cares what we’re doing?” he chuckled, pressing further into the crease of my thigh. I sucked in air and glanced around. No one appeared to give a second thought to us sitting in the corner .
“And… just…”
“Baby, will you please relax? I told you last night, if you want me to stop, I’ll stop.
But you’ve been driving me insane in that dress all night, and I want to see how truthful you were about honoring my request,” he teased, his voice deep and alluring.
My stomach flip-flopped, and it became clear that my time for decision making was through.
A reel of “first time” highlights from my favorite films began to play in my mind’s eye. All I could picture was Corey in Empire Records trying to seduce Rex Manning. Or Cher trying to seduce Christian in Clueless . Awkward, awkward, awkward.
No movie montage, I cautioned myself before I got carried away.
“Yeah, can we just find somewhere that’s not…out here?”
“Of course. Hop up,” he directed. He tugged my hand and led me down a darkened hallway, feeling along the wall until he flipped a light switch.
I found myself in a clean but sparse bedroom, I assumed for guests, with a floral print on the wall and a plain white quilt over the bed.
“Better?” he asked, pulling me close again.
He smelled like…a man, I supposed. Like sweat and cologne and a little bit of leftover alcohol. His strong hands rested on my hips, and he walked me backwards to the bed.
“Better,” I breathed. He kissed me gently but with purpose, moving his mouth slowly against mine.
His lips traveled down my neck and my collarbone, and I realized this was actually going to happen. As scared as I was, I also told myself it was almost a relief that the whole “first time” would be over. The zipper on the back of my dress came apart, along with any leftover uncertainty.
“You have…protection?”
“Yeah,” he answered quickly, as though this was not a breaking-news type of development in our relationship. “You didn’t lie. This is easy to get off,” he murmured, re-stating his only request for my homecoming dress. I kissed him back with a renewed energy, ready to follow his lead.
I worked on the buttons of his dress shirt while his fingertips wandered over my skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps wherever they went.
I kept my hands moving quickly to minimize the fact that they were shaking, pushing his shirt off of his shoulders and helping rid him of his undershirt.
His body radiated warmth once I was able to put my hands on him, and that helped calm me down.
I breathed him in, and he went back to trailing kisses down my neck, biting lightly where it met my shoulder.
I started with his belt, but I couldn’t make it cooperate, and he took mercy on me and finished it himself, his pants now joining my dress in the heap of clothing on the floor. I gasped when his hands gripped my hips and forcibly moved me backwards onto the bed so he could climb over me.
“That’s better,” he murmured, his mouth becoming more insistent against mine until I was lying under him. Vaguely, I registered the sounds of the party down the hall—the music had stopped abruptly, but now there was a new song playing, this one with a stronger beat than the previous.
Stop thinking about the damn music and just focus on this, I scolded myself, zeroing in on the feeling of his fingers snaking underneath me to unhook my strapless bra.
“That’s much better,” he added, bringing his hand up to graze over my nipple. “You have such great tits.”
I cringed inwardly at the word tits . I just hated it.
I didn’t know that there was another word I’d prefer…
just not that . I was trying to decide if I was supposed to offer a sexy response when he lowered his head and tugged my nipple into his mouth, and all my other thoughts retreated, my back arching into him, a soft moan leaving my mouth.
“Ah, there’s my little slut. I was wondering when she was going to come and play.
” He dragged his tongue along my skin to the other side, and before I could protest the word slut …
again , his mouth descended on my other nipple while his hand slid between us, tugging my underwear to the side, and he started circling my clit roughly.
“I…god,” I managed, threading my hands into his hair to have something to hang on to.
“Sorry, sorry, I’ll try not to use that word. You’re just so fucking hot. And part of me thinks you like it. Just a little,” he added, grinning against my shoulder as his fingers dipped lower, barely pressing at my center. “ This part of you likes it, anyway. You’re so wet, V.”
As if to prove his point, he slowly slid two fingers inside and back out again, agonizingly slowly.
“Zack…” I nearly whimpered.
“Hmmm, I’m right here, baby. Tell me you want me to fuck you.”
My eyes snapped up, finding his deep blue ones on me as he continued with his unhurried pace, driving me insane.
“I…I want you.”
“No, no. You have to say the whole thing, Vanessa.” He grinned again before kissing me playfully on the lips, cheeks, even my eyelids.
“I want you to fuck me,” I finally got out, forcing myself to sound more confident than I was. His fingers felt so good, and I did want more.
“There’s my girl,” he replied, praising me. I felt his words send sparks over my skin, and I hesitantly trails my nails down his arms. “I’m gonna grab a towel. I’ll be right back.”
His body heat was gone in that moment, and I had to shake myself back to my surroundings, not fully understanding what he just said. He came back from the en suite bathroom with a small green towel, and my face must have shown my confusion.
“Just…Vader will lose his shit if we get blood all over the bed,” Zack explained, shrugging.
Blood. Because I’m a virgin. And this is going to hurt.
I felt my face go somewhat pale. We hadn’t actually discussed the status of my virginity, and now I wondered how obvious it was.
“V, it’s not a big deal. Towel,” he said, showing it to me before tugging it underneath my body. “It solves all the problems. Relax.”
I nodded quickly, determined to ignore the towel. It was practical. I hadn’t even though about needing to clean afterwards.
Jesus.
His mouth crashed back to mine, and I willed myself to get back to the floaty, near-liquid state I’d been in moments ago. Zack gripped one of my ankles and wrapped my leg around his back.
“I like that there,” he said, giving me a reassuring smirk. He picked something up from next to him on the bed and ripped the wrapper open with his teeth. I didn’t remember him getting a condom, but maybe it arrived with the towel?
They should sell kits…towels, condoms, lube, all in one to avoid forgetting something and —
“You still with me?” he nearly whispered against my ear, the sound grounding me into the moment.
“Yeah. Yes,” I assured him.
“Good.”
He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and pressed his fingers back inside of me, a little harder and a little faster now, and I started to fall back into the space of here and now and sensation. Then I felt him press the head of his dick to my entrance, and I tensed automatically.
“Baby, you’re gonna have to relax. Just kiss me. I’ll go slow.”
At this point, nodding was my only form of communication, and I focused on loosening the muscles in my legs, my stomach, my arms, and just kissed him. He rubbed my clit and pushed further inside of me, the stretch burning a little.
“Oh,” I let out, somewhere between a sigh and a groan.
“There you go,” he assured me, continuing to move until he was seated inside me. “Do you need a second?”
“I don’t…I don’t know. I’m…I think just move?”
I didn’t know what words were going to spill out of my mouth until they were out. It was just a foreign sensation. There was pain, but it started to subside when he moved. I squeezed my legs around him tightly, not sure if I should move with him or…I looked up at him for any type of clue.
“You’re so fucking tight. Good god you feel good,” he swore, his pace picking up.
Something pleasant bloomed in my chest at his words, and I felt my body relax under him, the pain now more of just a discomfort mixed with something deeper, better.
“Kiss me,” I murmured, needing more.
His lips crashed to mine, and he devoured me, sucking my tongue into his mouth, biting my lip, groaning against me.