Chapter Eighteen #2
“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” he let out, his movements stuttering, slowing, and stopping until his body collapsed on mine, his face buried in my neck.
A sheen of sweat shone over his back, and I traced my nails up and down his spine. He pulled out slowly, and I winced, a sting accompanying the motion.
“That was fun,” he breathed. “I’ll admit, I had reservations about dating a…freshman,” he said, though another word pr obably would have fit better there, making me bite the inside of my cheek. “But you’re…well, for your first time, you were great.”
For my first time? I wondered, not sure how I was supposed to take that or what it was I needed to learn. He excused himself to get rid of the condom and the towel, and I looked around, trying to decide what happened next. He returned, shooting me a smirk.
“I’m glad this was with you,” I stated, trying to return some sort of compliment after the things he said, but not sure what to say. I pulled the covers around me, beginning to feel how I used to when sleeping over at a new friend’s house for the first time. Everything was foreign.
He climbed up next to me, and I curled into him, letting his hands run over my back until things came into focus. I did feel closer to him, knowing this wasn’t a memory I’d ever forget.
He kissed my forehead lightly. “Do you wanna go back out to the party? Or stay in here?”
“Oh, um, I don’t know. What do you wanna do?”
“Whichever. I’m not really tired, but I can stay in here with you.”
“No, no, that’s okay. We can go and socialize,” I assured him, trying to sound upbeat. I wasn’t sure how I’d envisioned the after of the whole experience. Maybe that we’d stay up and talk all night?
It’s not the movies, Vanessa , I scolded myself.
“Do you think you could go grab my bag from out there, though? I don’t really wanna put my dress back on just to change again.”
“Sure, of course. I’ll be right back,” he answered, pecking my cheek before pulling his dress pants back on. Admiringly, I took in the sight of his bare back and shoulders before he swung the button-down over his arms.
“Hey…” I said, not quite sure what I was going to say.
“Yeah?”
“Can I…can you kiss me?”
Why did you ask that?! You sound like a moron . I couldn’t even meet his eyes, I felt ridiculous.
“You haven’t had enough kissing tonight?” he laughed lightly. He stepped over as he worked on the buttons of his shirt and leaned down. He pressed his lips against mine three times in quick succession. “Better? ”
“Mhm.”
“I’ll go grab your stuff.”
Zack unlocked the door and disappeared into the hallway. Realizing that anyone could walk in, I went into the bathroom to clean myself up and be safe from any meandering party guests.
With difficulty, I tried not to let my mind wander,
This wasn’t that big of a deal, I told myself. Everyone loses their virginity, and you lost yours to Zack Rhodes. This is a good thing .
Anger rose in my chest when I noticed my legs trembling.
How stupid .
I sat on the bathroom rug and grabbed my knees, hugging them against my chest to show my body I was in control.
What the hell is taking him so long?
Finally, I heard footsteps coming down the hallway, mixed with Zack’s voice. I hurried back into the bedroom and under the covers as the door handle turned, and he popped his head in.
“Here ya go, babe. I’m gonna go hop in on a game of GTA. You’ll meet me out there?”
“Uh, sure, thanks.”
He flashed a grin at me and closed the door behind him. Fighting the urge to let hurt creep into my thoughts, I counteracted it.
At least he’s acting normal. Things aren’t weird… just normal .
I pulled on my favorite gray sweats and a hot pink sweatshirt, checking the braids on my head in the bathroom mirror for anything out of place that might give away what I’d been up to that evening.
It was a little frizzy but otherwise intact.
I shook out my hands, took a deep breath, and applied some lip-gloss.
I hated to stuff my gown into the duffel, but there wasn’t much choice.
The bedroom door swung open just as I bent down to grab my bag, and I almost choked on my tongue. A giggling girl I didn’t know almost fell on top of me, followed by some guy I vaguely recognized from Zack’s get together.
“Oops! Sorry, we didn’t know anyone was in here,” the girl offered.
“No problem, just leaving,” I replied. They promptly ignored me as I squeezed behind them and out the door. My stomach turned slightly as I heard them shut the door and lock it.
“V!” Liv squealed once I reappeared in the common area. “ Come, help me play poker. I think I’m losing. I also don’t have any money.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the annoyed faces of the guys sitting around the table, save for Vader’s, which was bathed in an “I’m-with-Liv” glow. It happened to the best of them.
“I’m coming,” I answered, throwing my bag in the corner. I looked around for Zack briefly, and he was across the room amped up about something going on in his game.
Poker it is, I decided. It’s not like you have to be with him every second.
I bumped Liv with my butt to make her scoot over and share her chair. She wasn’t losing, actually. She was doing well and almost had a straight this hand. Glancing around to check out everyone else’s pile of chips, my eyes stopped on Luke, looking not quite as jolly as normal.
“Hey,” I stated awkwardly, knowing I had held his gaze for too long.
“Hey,” he replied, his tone clipped.
“Hey, yeah, great, we’re all acquainted. Can you just flip the next card?” an exasperated Rich complained.
I essentially took over for Liv at that point, ready to orchestrate a take-down.
An hour later I had amassed most of the chips on the table and incited grumbling all around.
Zack had come to check on me a few times on his way to and from grabbing snacks and drinks, but I wished he’d sit and stay.
I didn’t want to follow after him like a puppy, but I really wanted him to be closer.
We all elected to call it a night, and I held out my hand for my fifty bucks.
More throw pillows, I thought, envisioning exactly the ones I wanted from my HGTV magazine at home.
Liv had gotten distracted at some point and wandered off, so I was left with Luke giving me an off-putting stare as the rest of the guys vacated the table.
I was about to get up and play video games just to escape the heaviness of the energy coming off him, but it seemed to lift just as I made the decision. His facial expression changed, and his jaw seemed to relax.
“You wanna go play basketball?” he asked randomly. His tone was almost too upbeat.
“Basketball? ”
“Yeah. We can play HORSE or something. There’s a hoop outside.”
“You’re asking me to play HORSE.”
“Yeah. Did I not enunciate my words?”
“No,” I shot back, “it’s just a weird request. It’s twelve thirty in the morning, and we are at a party.”
“Yeah, it’s quite the rager. I think I see Liv snorting pixie sticks off the coffee table. People are gettin’ all wild and crazy up in here.”
“Shut up.”
“I will. As soon as I beat you at HORSE.”
“You’re like a foot taller than me.”
“Doesn’t matter in HORSE.”
“Stop saying HORSE.”
“HORSE.”
“Are you going to let this go?”
“How long have you known me?”
Since sixth grade, I thought. He really hadn’t changed at all; he just grew into his arrogance.
“Let’s do this, then.” I tried to mime to Zack that I was going to play basketball, and though I didn’t think he got the message, he sent me a ‘thumbs-up’ sign anyway.
Awesome, I thought, stifling a sigh.
I followed Luke through the now dew-covered grass to a fairly decent court. I shivered despite having on a sweatshirt.
“It’s not even cold.”
“The thermometer would suggest otherwise.”
“What thermometer?” he pressed.
“The one in my brain that tells me I’m cold.”
“Ah, the princess thermometer. Gotcha.”
I turned on my heel to go back inside. I could be annoyed just as easily in there and be warm.
“Okay okay okay okay, I’m sorry. You’re not a princess. You’re a very down to earth, responsible young lady. Okay? Come back.”
I stopped but held onto my glare. “You know how to play?”
“Yes,” I sighed.
“You can start because you’re not as good as me.
” His grin made me grin even though he was being an idiot.
How he was out there in a t-shirt and sweats was beyond me.
There was a distinct possibility he was really freezing but intent on showing his biceps.
I bounced the ball without skill, using two hands, and he snorted.
Standing just in front of the free-throw line, I heaved the ball towards the hoop. And missed. Embarrassingly.
“So close!” Luke yelled.
I only crossed my arms. He ran to get the ball and tossed a shot granny-style into the hoop.
“You can’t shoot it like that.”
“Says who?”
“I don’t know, the basketball rule-makers?”
“They don’t preside over HORSE. It’s out of their jurisdiction.”
“You don’t even know what that word means.”
“Yes, I do. I watch a lot of Law and Order re-runs. Just take the shot. Jesus, V.”
I did, and I actually made it in by shooting underhand.
I made the next one too, standing directly next to the basket.
Luke even missed some of his shots on purpose, though I wasn’t entirely sure why.
He never cared about sparing my feelings before.
In fact, he usually sought to it to call me out as often as possible on anything I did that was mildly stupid.
My loss was not surprising.
“So does this mean you have to be silent for the rest of the night?”
“Huh?”
“You said you’d shut up once you beat me.”
“Yeah, I lied. It happens sometimes, don’t take it personally.”
He was just shooting the ball for fun now. He didn’t even have to try.
Looking down, he asked, “So, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Cold, but fine.”
“I mean…like really okay?”
“I just said I was. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“V…”
“Luke…”
“I saw you come out of that room. I know it’s not my business, I just—”
“Are you honestly trying to talk to me about my sex life right now? God you’ve got balls, Luke.”
My face flamed at his inquisition, wondering why he would drag me out there, and why he was so hell bent on inserting himself into my relationship with Zack.
We’d been friends for years, but we were never this kind of close.
Saying the words “sex life” out loud made me feel like a fraud anyway, being that I didn’t have one or know what I was talking about.
“No,” he replied quickly, seeming to realize he’d pushed too many buttons. “I’m sorry, we’ll drop it. If you say you’re okay, you’re okay.”
“Wow, thanks for that validation.”
This time I kept walking when I turned around, tears springing to my eyes for no fucking reason, which just made me want to stuff Luke into the basketball hoop. And shout “HORSE” at him. And stomp off victoriously.
Instead, I sucked it up and plastered a smile on my face as I crossed the threshold back into the house.
Some people had started to leave; others were staking their claim on couch and floor space for the night.
I fell into the sofa next to Zack, and I pressed my face against his shoulder, breathing him in.
This was where I should have stayed all night.
“You tired, babe?”
I just nodded into his arm.
“I threw some pillows and blankets over on that chair,” he mentioned, tilting his head back towards the spot we were in earlier. “You can go lay down. I’ll be done here in a minute.”
“‘Kay. Thank you.” I kissed his temple lightly and made my way to the enticing pile of blankets.
My body was starting to feel sore in all kinds of foreign places, and sleep was a welcomed thought.
Liv was snoring slightly on a couch nearby, and I wondered how it was possible for her to still look cute sprawled out like that.
I sighed and sank into the rounded chair.
* * *
The glow of the TV in the darkened room hurt my eyes when I opened them.
It was unclear what time it was, but definitely not morning.
It took a moment to orient myself with my surroundings, but concern took over when I realized Zack was not next to me.
I assumed he fell asleep somewhere else, but waking up alone in a strange place still caused my heart to beat irregularly .
With the blanket tightly wrapped around my shoulders, I scooted myself out of the chair in search of the bathroom. The sliding door from the outside opened as I was midway across the room, and Zack walked in.
“V?” he whispered.
“Yeah…what were you doing outside? What time is it anyway?”
“I’m not sure, like three, I think. Some girls were leaving and didn’t wanna go to their car alone, so I walked them up there. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, no, that’s okay. Go lay down, I’ll be right back.”
He nodded tiredly and traipsed over to our spot.
I climbed in with him when I returned and played with the hairs on his arms until the warmth from his body calmed my nerves.
His mouth found mine in the dark, and he pulled me in even closer.
It was the first real breath I’d taken since we left the bedroom, and I clung to it with all that I had.
Things are okay , I repeated, letting myself relax into him.