Chapter Twenty-Two
L iar liar liar liar liar.
The word just kept running through my head like an unending freight train as I sat against my bed, staring at the ceiling. He had lied through his fucking teeth.
I’d seen him lie before…when he played poker. He ran his tongue along the backs of his teeth and looked at his nails. It was what made him a terrible bluffer and why I had to take over his cards. It didn’t register until he did it again while answering my question.
The feeling of his hands and his lips on me, the feeling of him inside of me, the things he said to me—I couldn’t shake them. My skin crawled, and my stomach tried to expel contents that didn’t exist…because I never ate dinner.
Because that stupid, selfish asshole didn’t take you to dinner. He picked you up for a booty call.
Oh, god. How could I have been so weak as to believe everything that came out of his mouth?
The insides of my chest felt as if they were on fire, and I could not take a breath deep enough to calm my brain.
I had become a cautionary after-school special.
Don’t sleep with the smooth-talking pretty boy.
It’s like the first lesson girls learn from watching Lifetime movies, you incredible idiot.
The longer I sat, the number of nausea-inducing thoughts entering my brain increased. I had to assume that everything Kim “heard” was true. That he was still hooking up with Jenna.
Was I just there to make her jealous? To even the score with her for cheating on him?
The image of him slipping through the sliding glass door the night of homecoming played on repeat.
He’d been outside doing god knows what after we had just…
An d I let him snuggle right in next to me afterward.
The possibility of actually vomiting was becoming more real by the moment.
Shaking, I pulled my phone out of my purse.
My thumb hovered over Courtney’s name for a while, until I decided against making that call.
While it was true that my best friend would talk me down, I also knew she’d be distraught in hearing me like this.
Our whole friendship was sort of built on me being the outgoing, fearless one, and Courtney being the more level-headed and introverted one.
Not that she wouldn’t support me, but I couldn’t envision how ashamed I’d feel in telling the whole sordid tale.
Liv was out. The sympathetic type she was not.
Kim would try to get it, but of course we weren’t speaking.
I was completely and utterly alone.
Tears came quietly off and on for the rest of the night and into the early morning. I looked like hell, but there was no way I was missing class.
At some point during my nervous breakdown, I decided I would show up and laugh and flip my hair and flirt with whomever I wanted and make that asshole look like an idiot if it was the last thing I did. The tears would stay hidden until I was safely in my room that evening.
It may have taken a rather thick layer of green concealer to cover up the redness around my eyes, but I looked worthy of a cover of Teen Vogue when I was through.
My hair was artfully done in waves, and my outfit could not have been more cheerful if I tried—a red tank top with red chiffon ribbon threaded throughout the neckline, my favorite blue jeans, and the highest wedges I owned.
I chose some oversized sunglasses to keep my eyes hidden whenever possible and a fitted black jacket to keep me from freezing that morning.
My mom even commented on my put-togetherness as she dropped me off in front of the science building. I still didn’t feel well, but I had a mocha in my hand, which was certain to remedy that, plus two extras for my friends. Well, I hoped they were still my friends.
“I come bearing gifts and an apology,” I started off, sliding into the space next to Kim on a silver bench in the courtyard. Her warm eyes already showed their forgiveness, but she took the coffee and listened intently. I had plenty of time to practice these words during my newly acquired insomnia.
“You were saying some things that I didn’t want to hear because they hurt, and I tried to hurt you back. And that’s not what friends do. I’m sorry, and I hope you can—”
“I’m sorry too!” she blurted out. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.
It was a stupid thing to bring up; I don’t know what I was thinking,” she confessed, her eyes now welling with tears.
It really wasn’t in Kim’s nature to hold a grudge, and I imagined it had been eating her up for us not to speak for this long.
“You were thinking I’d wanna know. Which I should have.
But that’s a conversation for another day,” I explained, throwing my arm around her shoulders and hugging her.
I knew I wouldn’t make it if I started talking about Zack.
Not yet. I had to get through the whole day in character first, and it was time for step two.
A head of blond curly hair passed in front of where we were sitting, and I plastered a flirtatious smile on my cherry-glossed lips.
“Brandon! Come here,” I commanded. He looked thoroughly confused, as did Kim, but I continued on as if it were perfectly natural for me to be chatting up my old acquaintance before class.
“Hey? What’s up?”
“Just come sit with us.”
“Did I do something to piss you off?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. He was sort of pissing me off currently. I had been counting on his man-whore reputation to make this easy.
“No, silly. I just haven’t talked to you since the whole debacle with Ethan.” I cringed inwardly at even bringing that up. “Are you still with…” I tried to remember the last girl he dated senior year of high school.
“Valerie?”
“Sure, Valerie.”
“Not at the moment, we’re sort of on-again, off-again? But why?” His features still had worry written across them, and I started to wonder just how scary I used to be.
“Hmmm, that’s too bad. You’re too cute to be single.” I flashed him the best grin I could muster.
“Are you high, V?” he asked, no trace of a joke present in his tone.
“Yeah, are you?” Kim echoed.
“Ugh, no. You two are no fun.”
“Yeah, I’ll never complain about you having your hand on my thigh, but I also sort of don’t want to be run over with your boyfriend’s car. Or his fist. Really, any part of him.”
“Not my boyfriend, so not a worry,” I explained, still smiling, still full of cheer.
“Well, if you’re looking for a rebound, you’ve got my number,” Brandon grinned. “Lovely chatting with you ladies,” he stated before he left.”
“What the hell was that about?” Kim questioned.
“Just…nothing.” My facade threatened to crumble even saying that much. So instead, I insisted we find Liv before the coffee got too cold.
Zack hadn’t been in the commons that day which helped immensely. I hadn’t quite devised a plan for that event, and I had been taking roundabout ways to all of my classes in order to avoid my usual routes. All in all, it was a successful day of evasion.
I made it home, did my homework, and ate dinner—all without cracking.
Once I was alone in my room, however, I began to feel trapped again by the sheer magnitude of his game and how good he was at playing it.
My phone lit up next to me, and I was afraid to even look.
Curiosity got the better of me, though, and I viewed my messages .
ZACK : Hey, I’m on my way over.
V : I’m at dinner with my parents.
ZACK : Ah, bummer. Rain check?
V : Sure.
I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t cussing him out or slashing his tires. Something. Really, though, I needed to be able to do whatever it was without crying. He would not see me come unglued and know he had that power. After I got ahold of myself, I could deal with it.
The next couple of days passed in much the same manner.
I showed up looking fierce and chatted with anyone and everyone to solidify the impression that I was doing just dandy.
I convinced Kim and Liv to eat in the library to study for midterms on the days I glimpsed Zack in the commons.
They both looked at me like I’d grown an arm out of my head, but they obliged.
He’d texted both nights, and I’d legitimately been at Liv’s on the first and feigned illness on the second. I almost felt ready to confront him, and by the frustration coming through in his messages, I could assume that would be sooner rather than later.
Things got real fairly quickly the next afternoon when Zack showed up outside my first class.
“Why does it feel like you’re avoiding me? I thought we were good the other night.” He started in without so much as a ‘hello,’ and his arrogant grin was now making me ill instead of making me swoon.
“I have no idea,” I answered calmly, rummaging in my bag for my notebook. His jaw ticked at that response, and I felt a deep sense of satisfaction in knowing I was getting to him.
“Don’t be a bitch, V.”
“Again, I say, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I finally looked him in the eye, wondering how it would feel to lie straight to his face like he’d done to me. I was taken aback by the gleam of anger emanating from him. He grabbed my wrist roughly and pulled me closer to him.
“Be very sure you know what you’re doing before you fuck with me,” he warned, sending a shiver down my spine that I prayed he didn’t notice.
“There will be no fucking with you. That’s a promise.” My knees were practically knocking together, but I knew my meaning was crystal clear when he dropped my hand and laughed coldly.