Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
If Cal hadn’t seen the desire in Austin’s eyes just this morning, he might’ve thought Austin was joking.
As it was, Cal was tempted to make a joke just to cut through the tension that had suddenly sprung between them.
But all he could do was stand there like a statue and stare at his best friend as the hope on Austin’s face slowly changed to resignation.
And still Cal remained mute, unsure what to say or do or think or feel.
He wanted to flee out of fear and anxiousness, run away from this conversation as fast as he could. At the same time, temptation nearly shoved him in the back with invisible fingers, urging him closer to Austin.
He did neither of those things, doubt and temptation intermingling and making his head swim, his vision go hazy.
What if dating messed up their relationship?
What if it didn’t?
But what if it did ?
Christ.
Everything he’d ever wanted with Austin was being handed to him as though his every secret fantasy had been unearthed, and?—
Except, it wasn’t everything. It was barely the start of something, but it was a start that hadn’t existed two minutes ago.
Still, Cal hesitated. What if this start of something turned into the start of nothing? What if they crashed and burned faster than one of Ewan and Orson’s arguments?
Austin smiled, flat and insincere, and took a step back, throat bobbing when he swallowed.
Hot panic flared in Cal’s chest, burning its way to the base of his throat. He grasped Austin’s wrist. “Wait. I?—”
“Cal.”
He jumped at the interruption, but he didn’t let Austin go as one of his employees approached.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Gwen said. “Al called the office line for you. Something about the feed order that’s meant to be delivered this week.”
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. Then, louder, “I’ll be there in a minute. Austin, I?—”
“It’s fine,” Austin said with another smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I get it.”
The way he said it— I get it —it curdled something in Cal’s stomach. “No, wait. That’s not?—”
“It’s fine,” Austin said again, gently sliding his wrist free from Cal’s grasp, leaving Cal feeling alone and lost. “You go deal with that phone call. I’ve got to head back to the gallery anyway.”
With that, he turned and headed for his car, the bag of Twizzlers held so tightly that his knuckles were white. His strides were confident, his shoulders thrown back, his chin up.
But Cal knew Austin well enough to know that he was hurting, despite Austin’s attempt at showing the world otherwise.
“Fuck.” Tipping his head back, Cal groaned up at the blue, blue sky. “Fuck.”
“Hey, Cal. Got a second?” Orson called, dashing any thoughts Cal had about going after his best friend.
His day felt atrociously endless. And worst of all, he kept picturing Austin sulking around his gallery, thinking Cal didn’t want to go out with him.
Which of course he didn’t—but he also did.
It was all very confusing.
By the end of the day, he’d convinced himself that no matter how badly he wanted it, dating Austin was a terrible idea—it was much too risky—and he’d pulled out his phone a dozen times to text Austin exactly that.
Only to tuck his phone away again. Austin deserved a face-to-face conversation, not a brush-off text.
When he left the ranch that evening, Cal picked up dinner at the diner in town before going home, and instead of parking in his own driveway, he parked in Austin’s, next to Austin’s SUV.
Outside the car, the sky was blue. The residential street was quiet. A couple of butterflies landed on the flowers in the neighbor’s garden.
It was peaceful.
Inside the car, Cal’s roiling emotions felt like a hovering storm cloud. He was about to disappoint Austin and he hated himself for it.
Even as he hated himself, though, he also couldn’t help feeling... fuck, he didn’t have a word.
Austin wanted to date him. That must mean that Austin had feelings for him.
Being the person Austin had feelings for... Having someone like Austin see him as potential partner material...
It was like getting a raise, a promotion, a ten out of ten on his performance review, and a bonus pay day, all at the same time.
And Cal was about to turn him down? Despite his own feelings?
But that was better, though, wasn’t it? If they didn’t date, they didn’t risk messing up their friendship. Austin was the most important person in Cal’s life. If dating didn’t work out and Cal lost him as a friend, it wouldn’t just leave him bleeding—it would leave him adrift in an ocean of loneliness forever.
“Jesus,” he muttered to himself. He was going around in circles with no clear way forward, and he was half tempted to take his dinner for two to his own house and devour both bowls of spaghetti Bolognese until he passed out.
He really needed to get his shit together.
Stepping out of the car, he gulped down a breath of fresh air, letting it center him. He grabbed the takeout bag from his passenger seat and followed the sound of voices to Austin’s backyard.
A chain-link fence separated Austin’s property from his neighbor’s. Austin stood in his own yard, all tall and sexy in ripped jeans and a white T-shirt that showed off his biceps, while his neighbor stood on the other side of the fence, a dog of indeterminate breed at her feet. Some kind of border collie mix?
“I don’t know what I was thinking,” the neighbor said darkly, glaring down at the dog, who paced back and forth along the fence. “Who gets a puppy at sixty-three years old? I don’t have the energy for this.”
“He just needs some training and he’ll settle down,” Austin said. He crouched and poked a finger through the fence. “Hey, little guy.”
The dog sniffed his finger, then tried to bite him.
“Sullivan!” His neighbor pulled the dog away by the collar. “Sorry, Austin.”
Sullivan noticed Cal and started barking his fool head off.
“Hey, Judy,” Cal said, loud enough to be heard over the puppy’s yips.
The smile on Austin’s face froze in a way Cal refused to read into.
“Hi, Cal. Don’t suppose you’re in the market for a puppy?”
“No, ma’am.”
Judy sighed so hard her cheeks ballooned. “I’m tempted to send him back to the breeder.”
“It’s only been two days.” Austin squeezed her shoulder. “Give it time. Besides, I’m happy to puppy-sit when you need some time to yourself.”
“I may take you up on that sooner than you think.” She whistled at the dog. “Come on, Sully. Let’s go inside.”
The puppy didn’t listen—or, more likely, had no idea what inside was—and he shot off to the other side of the yard. Judy followed more slowly, her shoulders slumped.
Hands shoved in his pockets, Austin turned and faced Cal, his expression guarded. It pinched Cal’s chest tight to see Austin so closed off when he was normally so expressive.
“Hey.” Austin gave him another of those flat-lipped smiles Cal was quickly coming to loathe.
“Hey.” Cal lifted the takeout bag. “I brought dinner.”
Surprise and pleasure flitted across Austin’s face, and the smile kicked up a notch, becoming more genuine. “Thanks. I was going to make a frozen pizza, but spaghetti from The Mountain Peak Diner is way better. Did you remember the ciabatta this time?”
“Yeah, yeah, I got your precious bread,” Cal muttered, following Austin into the house. “As well as that garlic butter you like.”
“You can’t have spaghetti sauce without bread.”
“Or wine,” Cal said, placing the bag on the kitchen table and pulling a bottle of wine out of it.
Austin gave a fake-dreamy sigh. “You know me so well.”
That birthed a silence in the room that was strange for how loaded it felt. Cal cleared his throat and gestured at the food. “Let’s eat.”
They worked in tandem for a few minutes, Cal unpacking the food and Austin gathering plates and cutlery. Cal couldn’t help his gaze straying to Austin whenever Austin wasn’t looking and noticing how the light filtering in through the window highlighted his cheekbones. Or how his T-shirt shifted against him when he moved. Or how he kept looking over at Cal as though waiting for something.
So of course Cal didn’t bring it up until after they’d eaten. Not because he wanted to prolong this weird limbo between them—but because he didn’t know how to tell Austin that dating probably wasn’t a good idea. Did Austin really want to risk years of friendship?
But instead of the gentle letdown he had planned, what came out of his mouth as he was gathering their dirty dishes was, “Were you serious? When you said what you said earlier?”
Takeout containers in one hand, Austin paused on his way out to the garage, where he kept his recycle bin. Slowly, he walked back to the table and met Cal’s gaze.
His eyes were sad, as though he knew what was coming, and his expression was stoic. Braced for the worst while hoping for the best.
“I meant it,” Austin said quietly. “But if it makes you uncomfortable, then we can pretend I was making a bad joke.”
“I don’t want to pretend,” Cal found himself saying...
And couldn’t bring himself to regret it.
His head and his heart obviously wanted two different things.
Would it be so bad if he followed his heart for once?
His head buzzed with all the unknowns.
“O... kay?” Austin’s brow creased. “What does that mean?”
“It means...” Cal paused to clear the gravel from his throat. Licked his lips. Austin followed the motion, sending Cal’s internal temperature skyrocketing. “It means, yes, I would consider dating you,” he said, finally answering Austin’s question from earlier.
Austin stared at him for a moment, perhaps waiting for Cal to call Psych! or take back what he’d said. Cal’s heart felt like it was going to float out of his chest, a sensation he was wholly unfamiliar with, and he waited for what Austin would do next.
Nod?
Grin?
Kiss him?
He did none of those things. Because he was Austin, he shot Cal a teasing smile. “Of course, you would. Because I’m a fucking catch, Calvin.” He rotated on his heel, aiming for the garage. “Tomorrow night,” he tossed over his shoulder. “Wear something nice.” He disappeared around the corner, takeout containers in hand. A moment later, the sound of the door to the garage being opened squealed through the house.
Shaking his head, Cal brought the dishes to the sink and hoped he hadn’t just made a huge mistake.