Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
“I’m a catch ?” Groaning under his breath, Austin plopped into the folding chair behind his makeshift desk at the Saturday market. “I’m a catch ? Christ.”
What was wrong with him? Cal agreed to go out with him and Austin resorted to making jokes? He didn’t know what had come over him last night except that he’d been anxious and thrilled and surprised, and all he’d wanted to do was squish Cal’s face between his hands and kiss him.
But that was jumping about ten steps ahead, so to distract himself from the hope that had taken hold of his chest with sticky fingers, he’d made a dumbass joke instead.
Ugh. Whatever. It was fine. Well, it wasn’t. It was asinine. But it was done and he couldn’t take it back now. Cal hadn’t seemed to mind the joke much, anyway. In fact, he’d taken off soon after they’d cleaned up, citing fatigue. From anyone else, Austin would’ve seen it as an excuse to flee. From Cal, Austin took it at face value, knowing what time Cal usually started his day.
Austin drummed his fingers on the desk to the tune of the nerves singing through his veins. He’d wanted this for so long, and now that the day was here, he couldn’t quite believe it.
He was going on a date. With Cal. Tonight.
It was unreal.
“What do you think, Linds?” he asked his late wife while his stall was empty of customers. “Am I crazy for doing this?”
In his mind, she gave him two thumbs-up and uttered a teasing, Go for it, you dummy.
Yeah. Okay.
“Thanks, Linds,” he whispered into the morning, something settling in his chest that he hadn’t known he’d been struggling with.
She’d be okay with this. Hell, she was probably somewhere in the afterlife—whatever that looked like—cheering him on. Lindsay hadn’t been afraid to broach the hard topics—she’d talked at length about how Austin should find someone else after she was gone. In fact, her willingness to discuss the tough shit was what had given him the determination to tell Cal how he felt.
Because feelings were some of the toughest shit to talk about.
Austin had things all planned out for tonight. A dinner reservation for two at Windsor’s fanciest restaurant, then a romantic stroll through Windsor Town Square, which would be devoid of vendors at that time of the day but would look like a fairytale with the lights in the trees and the old-fashioned lamps lining the paved paths. Then back to Austin’s for a nightcap that would lead to...
Well, who knew? Austin wouldn’t push for what Cal wasn’t ready for, but he wouldn’t turn down a first-date goodnight kiss.
He could already imagine what Cal’s lips would feel like. Soft and pillowy and?—
“Hey.”
He jumped, his thoughts scattering like dropped coins.
“I brought you a strawberry lemonade,” Marco said, striding into the stall with a lemonade in each hand and a paper bag tucked under one arm. “And I grabbed sausage, egg, and cheese burritos from that food vendor you like.”
“Thanks.” Austin moved his laptop aside to make space for their breakfast. “And thanks for your help setting up this morning.”
“No problem. It’s technically part of my job, right?” Marco set everything down, then tied his hair into a knot at the top of his head. “Speaking of, it’s also part of my job to remind you to answer your emails.”
“But it’s your job to answer my emails.”
“Not the one from Hedda.”
“Hedda Haarstad?” Austin said, followed by a half-groaned “Ah, fuck. I forgot to get back to her.”
“She sent a follow-up email yesterday.”
“Damn.” Sitting, he pulled his laptop closer. “Let me do that now while it’s quiet.”
The sky was overcast and threatening rain, so the market wasn’t busy. The weather was supposed to clear up around lunchtime, and Austin expected things to pick up as the sun came out and called people outside to enjoy the sunshine.
Setting his burrito aside, he opened his email, navigated to Hedda’s message, gave it a read...
And sucked in a breath.
“What?” Marco asked, mouth full. He’d unfolded the second chair and sat across from Austin. “Swallow through the wrong hole or something?”
“No, I... Hedda’s email.” Austin read it a second time, a third, excitement and disbelief swirling into a medley of emotions inside his chest. “She wants me to... teach? In Norway?”
Marco stared at him. “Uh, yeah . Did you not read her email last week?”
Rather than answer, Austin read it for a fourth time.
His mentor had recently been made headmistress at the Norwegian School of Photography. According to her email, there was an opening for a two-term, ten-month contract position, beginning in mid-August, to cover a leave of absence. The instructor would teach basic photo techniques and, during the winter term, mentor a handful of final term students in the two-year Art Photography program.
Teaching the basics was what he was currently teaching at the community center. It was what he was trying to teach at Central Wyoming College’s outreach center in Jackson—if they’d ever get back to him. And mentoring students... It’d be like mentoring Marco times five because he’d have more students to help and shape and guide.
But... Norway. Austin could live in Norway.
Cal couldn’t though.
Sure, he could get a job at a ranch in Norway—assuming there were ranches there—but Cal’s home was here. He loved this town and he loved working on the Windsor Ranch.
But fuck , this sounded like a cool opportunity. And maybe Central Wyoming College would take him more seriously if he had collegiate teaching experience under his belt.
But... Norway .
He couldn’t go.
Could he?
“I have a date tonight,” he blurted without thinking twice about it.
“Yeah?” Marco unwrapped the bottom half of his burrito. “Good for you. Who with?”
“Cal.”
Jaw dropping, Marco let the burrito fall onto his lap. He scooted his chair closer and leaned in. “Tell me everything.”
“There’s not much to tell.”
“Who asked who?”
“I asked him.”
He expected Marco to tease him, but both his smile and tone were gentle when he said, “Good for you. I know you’ve been crushing on him for a while.”
Austin wasn’t sure what to comment on first: the fact that Marco was more observant than he’d thought or that what Austin felt was much more than a measly crush .
He didn’t get to say either. Marco continued with, “Guess this opportunity in Norway came at a bad time, huh?”
“Can’t deny I’m tempted, though.”
“I’d wonder what was wrong with you if you weren’t.” Marco picked up his burrito and took a bite. Once he’d swallowed, he said, “You don’t have to decide right this second, you know. Or even today or next week.”
Austin ran a hand down his face and read between the lines. “Wait to see if this thing with Cal crashes and burns, you mean? And if it does, take the job in Norway so I can lick my wounds far away from here?”
“Wow. Doom and gloom much? That’s not what I said. I wasn’t even thinking it.”
Okay then. Maybe Austin hadn’t read between the lines so much as read the fear in his heart.
Marco nodded at his uneaten burrito. “You going to have that?”
“Don’t touch a man’s breakfast, Marco.”
Marco laughed, then got up to greet a customer who entered beneath a dripping umbrella.
Austin closed his laptop, setting Hedda’s email aside for now, and put on his customer service smile.
* * *
As Austin got ready for his date, he couldn’t help the feeling of impending disaster that squeezed his chest. A heaviness hung in the air, unrelated to this morning’s rain showers.
Nerves, maybe?
On the one hand, he had nothing to be nervous about. This was Cal.
On the other hand, he had everything to be nervous about.
This was Cal .
Cal, who’d held Austin’s hand the entire time he’d gotten stitches on his elbow after he’d fallen out of a tree during recess in second grade.
Cal, who’d share his math homework with Austin when Austin would get distracted with his photography.
Cal, who provided the voice of reason when Austin had grand ideas, like putting a worm on their teacher’s chair or skipping first period to play soccer at the park.
Cal, who’d been a steady presence in Austin’s life for so long that Austin didn’t remember a time when he hadn’t been there.
Cal, who Austin knew inside and out.
Except... he didn’t know this Cal. He knew his best friend. He knew the rancher. He knew the son who went out of his way to support a mother who didn’t appreciate him.
He didn’t know what Cal-as-potential-partner material was like.
But he was looking forward to finding out.
Facing himself in the mirror, Austin tucked an errant strand of hair back into place. He’d opted for an indigo shirt tucked into white slacks and a sports jacket in dark teal that he’d bought purely because the sales associate had said that it brought out his eyes.
Austin wasn’t above using every advantage to get Cal to fall for him as hard as Austin had fallen for him.
Although... was it possible Cal already had? He’d agreed to the date.
It wasn’t a pity date, was it?
Fuck. What if it was a pity date?
As quickly as the thought hijacked his mind, he shook it off. Cal wouldn’t go on a pity date, even with him. If he wasn’t interested, he would’ve declined.
Austin had expected him to decline. When he hadn’t answered right away, back at Windsor Ranch, Austin’s heart had sunk as quickly as a shooting star fled from view. And when Cal had shown up with dinner last night, Austin had known just by the downturn of Cal’s gray eyes that he was about to be gently let down.
He’d braced himself for it. Told himself it would be okay. That now that he knew Cal wasn’t interested, he could move on.
He hadn’t realized that a small part of him had held on to hope until Cal had told him that he didn’t want to pretend Austin had been making a bad joke.
That whole knock-me-over-with-a-feather thing? Austin hadn’t known it was a real sensation until then.
Nerves rolling around in his stomach like wayward tumbleweeds, Austin grabbed his keys and wallet and headed out. It took about ten seconds to drive from his house to Cal’s, and when he pulled into Cal’s driveway, Cal was already waiting on the porch.
“What’s that look for?” Cal asked once he’d buckled himself in.
“You were supposed to let me knock on your door,” Austin grumbled.
“I don’t think you’ve ever knocked on my door,” Cal said with a smile. “You’ve always let yourself in.”
“That’s not the point. You were supposed to let me knock and pick you up properly. Like a proper first date.”
A complicated series of emotions passed over Cal’s face. “Do you... want me to go back inside?”
“No, I... No.” Huffing out a breath that was an odd mix of amusement at himself and disappointment, Austin backed out of the driveway. “Just... wait inside next time.”
There was a short pause before Cal said, “Sure.”
The drive to Ce Soir downtown was a short one, but then it didn’t take long to get anywhere in Windsor. The inside of the French restaurant was quite lush: gold accents on the walls, sturdy wooden tables with cutlery wrapped in cloth napkins and wine glasses at the ready, and wooden chairs with plush red seats.
They were seated at a table for two by the front window with a view of Windsor Town Square across the street. Now that the market had shut down for the week and the vendors’ tents had been removed, people were picnicking in the park and walking their dogs along the paths as the sun began to set.
It was a pretty view.
But not as good as the one in front of him.
Cal had dressed in fitted slacks so blue they were almost black, and paired them with a black shirt and chocolate brown blazer that matched his hair and stubble. Austin had salivated over a filthy and work-roughened Cal just yesterday. A well-dressed Cal, though?
Austin clenched the menu between his fingers to prevent himself from pouncing on him. Cal’s shoulders were extra broad in his jacket, and Austin couldn’t help wondering how it would feel to be surrounded by all that strength.
Except there was also an unnatural stiffness to Cal’s shoulders that Austin didn’t like one bit.
He cleared his throat...
And couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
To his best friend.
Who he’d known forever.
Finally, he settled on the standard question everyone asked when eating out with friends and family. “What are you going to have?”
“I think the pork. Maybe the sea bass. You?”
“The trout. Want to share the goat cheese crepe to start?”
“Sure.”
They fell into silence, broken only by the conversations of other diners and the clink of cutlery on plates.
He couldn’t help the measure of relief that swept through him when their server arrived.
“Hey, Austin. Cal.”
Cal nodded at their old high school classmate.
“Hey, Nadia.” Austin moved his water glass closer so she could fill it. “I noticed Amira’s registered for my photography camp this summer.”
Nadia gave him a sheepish grin. “She loves playing around with my cell phone camera, and I need to keep her occupied this summer so she doesn’t sit around watching TV all day. I’ve got her in a few different camps, but she’s most looking forward to yours.” She looked between the two of them, her eyebrows rising. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen the two of you here together before. Are you...?”
“Uh...”
Across from him, Cal looked like he wanted to be anywhere else, having any other conversation.
Nadia seemed to pick up on that. Smiling brightly, she said, “What can I get you to drink?”
She was gone a moment later, and that sense of pending disaster hit Austin again square in the chest.
Cal sat back in his chair, the restaurant’s low lighting making him seem larger than life while the flicker of the tiny candle in the middle of the table cast shadows on his jaw. “How was your day?”
“Good,” Austin said. “The market was quiet today, even after it cleared up, so I didn’t sell a two-thousand-dollar photograph this time.”
He didn’t even get a commiserating chuckle for the bad joke. Just a strained smile.
Clutching his water glass in one hand, Austin said, “How was your day?”
“Good.”
Silence.
Again.
What was happening right now?
Cal’s gaze strayed out the window, and Austin got the sick sense that he wanted to be anywhere but here. He took a sip of his water, though he had difficulty swallowing past the lump in his throat.
When he’d envisioned dating Cal, he’d imagined smooth sailing and easy conversations. Because why should that change just because their relationship was shifting gears? He’d envisioned them slotting into each other’s lives as seamlessly as always. A steady road, slick and newly paved, leading from him to Cal without a single crack in the asphalt between them.
But this road wasn’t steady. Not only were there cracks but there were potholes and black ice every few feet.
Austin hadn’t expected this... this... this awkwardness . He hadn’t expected Cal’s fingers to twitch in impatience against the table. Or for Cal to turn to one-word answers. Or for his smiles not to reach his eyes.
On Austin’s first day as a freshman in Laramie, he’d walked into his first class ever as a college student and felt a little lost. He hadn’t known a single soul in the two-hundred-person capacity lecture hall, and for a moment, he’d doubted himself and his ability to fit into his new surroundings, and he’d questioned every decision that had brought him there.
That was how he felt now, faced with Cal sitting across from him in the something nice Austin had jokingly ordered him to wear. Lost and second guessing everything.
Was this... all a mistake?