Chapter Five
In It to Win It
Rock Chick Rewind
Still some time ago, but now even less…
I pulled into the church on a screech of
tires, driving like a lunatic because Toni had forgotten her shoes at home, she
only trusted me to go get them, and she was due to walk down the aisle to Tony
in T-minus five minutes and counting.
I swung into a parking spot that was way too far away from
the sanctuary, lamenting the fact I hadn’t changed out of my strappy heels
before I went on this mission. I had to run if I was going to get there on
time, and I had maid of honor duties to attend to, I didn’t fancy doing them
with a sprained ankle and skinned knees.
However, I froze in place after I caught movement in my
rearview.
Movement that was Toni, sprinting toward me in her wedding
gown, the ruffle at her hip flapping, her veil flying out behind her.
She was even carrying her bouquet.
Quickly, I hit the locks to open the doors as she hit the
passenger side.
She threw it open then tossed the bouquet at me.
I caught it.
She folded in, slammed the door, turned to me and screeched,
“Drive, bitch, drive!”
“Okay, slow down, take a breath and tell me what’s going
on.”
She sucked in air through her nose, let it out like a bull,
and said, “Okay, like, this is forever, like…yeah?”
“Yes,” I said calmly. “Ideally, marriage is forever.”
“What if he’s a secret perv?” she asked.
I smiled encouragingly. “You’ve been living with him for
four years, Tone. He’s not a secret perv.”
“What if he’s, like, you know, that Arnold Schwarzenegger
character in that movie.” She snapped her fingers repeatedly. “What’s that
movie?”
“Terminator?”
“No.”
“Predator?”
“No.”
“Conan?”
“No!” she shouted. “The one Jamie Lee Curtis was in, wearing
that hot LBD.”
“True Lies?”
She snapped again, but only once, ending it pointing at me.
“That one. What if he’s that?”
“A secret agent?”
She nodded. “One that gets me dangling from a helicopter.
Girl, you know I’m scared of heights.”
“No, you’re scared of how happy you are right now and that
it’s going to end. Sorry to say, honey, it’s going to end.”
She blinked at me.
“Then it’s going to come back. Then it’s going to end.
Things are going to get hard. Then they’re going to smooth out. And before you
know it, you and Tony are going to be watching your grandchildren open their
Christmas presents, knowing you don’t have to cook that big dinner anymore, but
you are going to be critical of your daughter-in-law’s ability to do it right,
and then you’re off on one of your many retirement cruises for New Years’.”
She turned to face forward, folded double and dropped her
head in her hands.
I reached out and rubbed her back.
“What if I fuck it up?” she asked her lap.
I caught sight of Toni’s mom, Vanessa, leaning to peer into
the passenger window, backed by Lena, who was wearing the same strapless aubergine number as me, skintight, with a filmy bunch of
material in the same color at the left side of our waists that drifted down the
center of the skirt in a flirty ruffle.
Toni wasn’t playing with the bridesmaid dresses. They were
very pretty and demurely sexy.
Her gown, an ivory, off-the-shoulder column, with more
structured ruching to the more nuanced ruffle at her
hip, was understated and sophisticated.
And her most important quality when she’d been searching for
the perfect dress, she could dance in it.
I shook my head at Miss Vanessa so she wouldn’t spook Toni
by opening the door.
She nodded hers, but still looked freaked and didn’t move
from the window.
“You’re not going to fuck it up,” I said to Toni,
considering the circumstances, dropping the F-bomb when I did my very best not
to curse, since my son had superpowered hearing, and he picked up everything
anybody laid down, and I didn’t need my kid F-bombing his way through
elementary school.
“He loves me so much,” she whispered.
I smiled because he did.
So much.
“Yeah, he does.”
She lifted her head and looked at me.
Her hair was smoothed severely back into a big, intricate
bun in the back, the veil now attached to it.
The perfect move, letting her beautiful face do all the
work.
“You look gorgeous,” I said quietly. “He’s going to lose it
when he sees you.”
“Yeah? He likes my hair full. Should I—?”
I set the bouquet on the parking brake and reached for her
hands, holding tight.
“You’re perfect. Every inch, perfect.”
She stared into my eyes.
I bounced our hands, “Let’s do this, okay?”
“You’re a good friend, Malia Clark,” she declared.
“I’m not your friend, honey. I’m your sister.”
Tears filled her eyes.
“No!” I shouted, she jumped, so I calmed myself down. “It’s
waterproof, but let’s not take any chances with your makeup.”
“Right, right,” she mumbled.
I nodded to Miss Vanessa.
She pulled open the door.
I grabbed the bouquet, got out, stopped to open the back
door, nabbed Toni’s shoes, and after Lena gave me a that bitch is crazy
bug-eyed look, which I returned with a just wait until you get married smug-eyed
look (yes, we were sisters, we could communicate like this), we all headed
into the church.
My heart was awash with love.
Because it was an amazing day where my best friend was
marrying a good, decent, hard-working, loving man.
And because my boy was her ring bearer.
He looked adorable in his little tux with his back straight
and his shoulders squared, taking his duty of holding that frilly pillow as
serious as if he was delivering a promise of forever bliss from a merciful God
to the altar.
He was such a cutie.
I was standing in my maid of honor spot, preening (I was a
proud momma, I had no regrets) and smiling at him, when I felt something funny
tickle the hairs on the back of my neck.
I tore my gaze from Liam, who was staring with hyper
alertness at the spot he was supposed to walk to, ignoring the flower girl
beside him making a show with her ivory petals (I’d noticed during rehearsals
she was very extra), and looked to the last pew at the back of the church.
It was then, my heart stopped beating.
Darius stood there, looking a thousand ways of fine in a
dark suit, his gaze riveted to his son.
Oh God.
Oh shizzle.
Oh shizzlesticks times a hundred.
I’d been right, he hadn’t been able to stay away from me. He
showed at my house, always when Liam was spending the night with his
grandparents or Auntie Lena, so he could spend the night with me.
And I’d been right again, he couldn’t hack it.
He had to see his boy.
I’d told him Toni was getting married and she’d asked Liam
to play his part. He’d agreed, because he loved his Aunt Toni, he loved his
Uncle Tony, and “I’m gonna look awesome in a tux” (his words).
And Darius hadn’t been able to stay away.
Helpless, I stood at the front, watching the emotions wash
over my man’s face. Pride. Love. Desolation. Pain.
My hand tightened on my bouquet as my throat constricted.
His gaze shifted to me, and I forced a swallow.
Because all that was left was the pain.
I ripped my gaze from his to watch our son walk to where he
was supposed to stand, in front of Tony’s best man.
I held a hand out to the flower girl, and she took it and
stood in front of me.
Then my eyes went back to Darius, to see he was gone. I
moved them to the doors of the sanctuary just in time to see him disappear.
But I had no chance to do anything.
Because Toni was next.
And I’d told no lies.
Her very soon-to-be husband lost it when he clapped eyes on
the beauty that was his bride.
It was everything.
When I got home that night, I knew he was there, and
not just because Mom and Dad had left the reception early, taking Liam with
them to spend the night at theirs, so I could party with my friend on her big
day.
So, after I locked the door behind me, I dropped my clutch
on the table in the front hall and headed up the stairs without taking off my
shoes, even if my feet were killing me.
The light in my room was on.
And when I hit the door, I saw Darius, still in his suit
trousers, but his jacket and tie were gone. He was sitting at the side of the
bed.
I went right to him.
He opened his legs, and I stopped between them.
He put his hands to my hips and stared at my stomach.
Then he face planted there.
I put my hands on his head.
“Baby,” I whispered.
“Fucked up.” His voice was muffled by material. “Again.”
“I wouldn’t have been able to stay away either,” I said.
He tipped his head back, and my breath stopped at the
expression on his face.
“You did so good,” he said softly. “I’m so proud of you. You
did so good, baby. He’s perfect. Perfect.”
I gave him a soft smile. “You had a hand in that.”
He shook his head.
I caught it in my hands. “Stop it. You did.”
“I need to get out of your life.”
No.
Nonononono.
I tried to push him back so I could climb on.
He resisted, and this time he meant it, I knew, because he
didn’t budge.
“This was a mistake. You’re better off without me,” he
declared.
“Let me be the judge of that.”
“You don’t get it.”
“Then tell me.”
“I’m not a good guy.”
“I think I should be the judge of that too.”
“I’m no father.”
“How do you know? You haven’t tried. But just to say, we
want for nothing. You don’t forget birthdays. You don’t—”
“That’s all bullshit,” he clipped. “He took that seriously
today.”
I was confused.
“What?”
“Liam. It was important, what he did today. You know why?”
“Because he’s a smart kid, and he soaks things up, and
because of that, he understood how important today was to his Aunt Toni.”
“No. Because the only man in his life is his Uncle Tony and
he wanted to stand up for him.”
Oh boy.
“Darius—”
“You can’t deny it. It’s true.”
“He’s not the only man in his life. Dad is in his life.” I
tried to take the heavy out of our conversation and quipped, “Lena’s revolving
door of boyfriends are in his life.”
“Your father is a good man. I looked into him, and Tony’s a
good guy.”
Interesting.
I tipped my head to the side. “You looked into him?”
“He’s in your life, Liam’s, so yeah. I looked into him.”
“So he’s not a secret agent?”
Darius’s brows drew together. “What?”
I flipped out a hand. “Toni. She freaked out before the
ceremony, worried she was getting into a True Lies situation.”
“Was heading into the church, saw her Julia Roberts
impression,” he murmured. “Wondered what that was about.”
“That’s what it was about.”
“She’s a sneaky one, baby. She’s crazier than you. Crazier
than even Lena. She just knows how to hide it.”
I started laughing, because I already knew this. He hadn’t
seen her version of incognito at his aunt’s bar.
His fingers still at my hips dug in. “This is fucked up,
what we’re doing.”
“But it works,” I asserted.
He stared up at me.
“It might not be normal, but it’s what you need,” I stated.
That did it.
He couldn’t have me doing that for him.
I should have known.
He made a move to stand.
I shifted my hands to his shoulders and put all my weight
into keeping him where he was.
He gave up pushing, I knew, because he knew I didn’t want
him to.
“I’m not asking for that from you,” he growled.
“You don’t have to ask.”
“You’re wasting your life on me.”
“We disagree on that, so much, I’m not discussing it. I know
what I’m doing.”
“Malia—”
“Darius, you were right.”
His expression turned guarded. “About what?”
“I didn’t try hard enough to tell you I was pregnant.”
He shook his head. Firmly.
“Don’t buy my shit, babe. I was full of it, lashing out.”
“You were correct in everything you said. I was young and
flipped out and feeling a lot of feelings, about me, for you, what happened
with your dad.”
He flinched.
Oh yes.
As suspected, he hadn’t worked through the pain of losing
his dad.
That was not for now.
I kept at him about what was for now.
“I made the wrong decision. If I couldn’t get to you, I
should have told Miss Dorothea. She would have gotten to you.”
“What I made of myself isn’t about what you didn’t tell me.”
“I’m not taking on what you made of yourself, even though I
don’t know what that is. I just know you. And I messed up. It’s a
mistake I’m not going to make again.”
“We’re never going to be a happy family.”
We’ll see, I did not say.
He saw it anyway, which was why he said, “I’m wrong. Toni
isn’t crazier than you. You are definitely the craziest of that crew.”
“Whatever,” I muttered.
Suddenly, he jerked my skirt up and I quelled a smile
because I thought I was getting somewhere, especially when he yanked me to
straddling his lap.
But we weren’t going where I thought we were going.
I knew that when he said, “This is a dangerous game you’re playin’.”
“I’m not playing a game,” I lied.
I so was.
The long game.
And I was in it to win it.
“I’m warnin’ you, there’s gonna be
a time when I’m gonna have to set you aside. For your own good. For Liam’s. And
when I do, there won’t be any going back.”
“We’ll see,” I murmured.
“Yeah, we will,” he murmured back, but his fingers belied
his words because they went to my zipper. “Trust Toni to put you in sexy
bridesmaids’ dresses to make sure you all get laid.”
“Am I getting laid?” I asked.
My zipper came down.
I smiled at him.
His eyes fixed on my mouth as his lips whispered, “Minx.”
“You bet your bottom.”
Those beautiful browns came up to mine. “Bottom?”
“I can’t curse. Liam told his teacher he wasn’t picking up
the damned crayons other kids didn’t put away, and I had to go to the school
for a chat.”
I worried, since his mood was mercurial anytime I brought up
our son, how he’d react to that.
But he chuckled.
So I relaxed.
He also bunched the fabric of my dress at the hips, then up,
and boom, it was gone.
He slid his hands up my ribs, watching their progress as
they made their way to my lacy, black strapless bra.
I bit my lip, feeling it.
“I don’t wanna fuck you up,” he told my midriff.
“I know what I’m doing.”
I cried out as he jerked me forward while falling back then
rolled us so he was on top.
“No you don’t,” he said fiercely. “But I’m goddamned weak,
and you’re beautiful, and the only good thing in my life, and I can’t seem to
let you go.”
Score one for me.
I made a noise that sounded like a purr.
His pupils immediately dilated.
Okay, now we were getting somewhere.
I slid a hand over his hip and in, cupping his hardness.
He growled.
Definitely getting somewhere.
“Am I getting laid, or what?”
Darius let it go and his grin was so wolfish, I felt in my
vajayjay.
Then I got laid.