Chapter 3 #2
“I have condoms too, but I’m afraid of my parents finding all this stuff. I hid the condoms under the driver’s seat in my car. And the pills I keep in my underwear drawer.”
“That’s all you can do. And you’re almost a full-fledged adult, Al. They should know that having sex is the next logical step when you get serious with someone.”
Like Emma, I relaxed against the pool wall, spreading my arms to grip the side. It wasn’t long before my legs became almost weightless, floating out in front of me in the clear water. “Yeah, but they don’t want that. They don’t want Jason for me.”
“Who do they want for you? I’d say no one. They barely tolerate you having me as your friend.”
“That’s not true,” I said, a knee-jerk response.
When Emma said, “It is so true,” I was echoing her by admitting, “I guess it is .” And that set her to giggling again.
“I know you’re afraid, girl,” she said, “but I say you go for it. Having sex the first time isn’t fun anyway, so get it over with. That might be what it takes to get him to say the L word. ”
“I heard you say sex !” Eddie squealed, having appeared behind us without either of us noticing.
“I dare you to tell mom and dad. I’ll deny it—and I have a witness and you don’t.” But Emma was also swimming toward the steps at the shallow end, ready to physically intimidate her brother.
Meanwhile, I was mulling it all over. Should I stop being afraid and give all of myself to Jason? Maybe Emma was right. Maybe I just needed to get it over with.
I had a lot to ponder.
That Monday at school, Jason caught me before classes started. But instead of hanging out with his band friends near the parking lot before first bell like we always did, he took me by the hand and led me inside.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“You’ll see.” There was a flash in his eyes that hid some secret—and made me eager to find out.
Soon, we were heading toward his locker, and I was more curious than ever.
When we got there, he unlocked it—but he didn’t open it.
Instead, he looked at me and took my hands in his again.
“Do you remember what you said last month?”
Smiling, I shrugged. “I said a lot of things.”
“Yeah…but one thing you said was that you didn’t have any good pictures of us.”
Oh, yeah. I had said that.
While I nodded slowly, he opened his locker and pulled out a manila envelope.
“I had the guys take pictures of us when you weren’t looking—and I also had the two selfies you sent to me that you took.
” When I opened the envelope, I saw half a dozen printed photos.
The one on top was one of Jason and I in an embrace, staring into each other’s eyes.
“So maybe when you’re in your dorm room next year, you’ll have a few memories of us that you can hang on your wall. ”
“Oh, my God.” Such a seemingly small gesture, and yet it meant so much.
It told me he really did care. Maybe even loved me.
Although I liked the pictures he’d asked his friends to take, my favorites were the two selfies Jason had enlarged and printed.
One was the night of prom before we’d hit the dance floor.
The second was in July. We’d been out at the lake—with Emma and Cameron instead of his friends as usual—and we’d had a day in the sun: a picnic and playing in the water, and I’d taken a few pictures that day of all of us.
But the intimate selfie of Jason and me smiling at my phone was my favorite.
We both looked so happy, as if we didn’t have a care in the world.
And that night, we’d done a little more than kissing.
Still, I was a virgin…and appreciating this sweet gesture from Jason made me want to change that.
Made me want to believe in the future we had together.
And I could feel my heart expanding in my chest, the love I’d held for him growing larger. No, that wasn’t it. It was that I was allowing myself to admit for the first time just how much I loved him .
“Thank you so much,” I said, kissing him in appreciation. Then I said, “I have something I want to give you too.”
“Yeah?”
Nodding, I bit my lip, feeling a little self-conscious and unsure how to say it.
I shifted my gaze to his chin as I willed the courage and then forced myself to look in his sapphire eyes once more.
“I think I’m ready to…” It was a few seconds before he raised his eyebrows and I nodded, whispering, “Make love.”
His eyes grew wide in the cutest way. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.”
“When do?—”
“Friday night sound okay?”
“I can hardly wait.”
The thought of joining with Jason in the most intimate of ways distracted me all week…but I was again floating on cloud nine.
Friday night finally arrived, bringing with it the sensation of being wound like a watch, tighter and tighter. I was so glad my mom and dad weren’t there when I got home from school, because I took a shower in preparation for my evening with Jason.
And I wore my favorite pink bra and matching panties underneath the miniskirt. It was still warm out, so I was able to get away with wearing a white tank top.
I packed a small overnight bag as well .
I’d told my parents earlier in the week that I’d be spending the night at Emma’s—and my bestie had my back.
She’d spent the night with Cameron at prom and her parents thought she’d crashed at my place.
I’d considered doing my hair and makeup to make myself look a little sexier but knew better.
My parents would have known immediately that something was up if I didn’t act and look like I usually did when I went to Emma’s.
It was hard enough keeping myself focused instead of acting giddy.
Jason had wanted to pick me up but we both knew that would blow my cover. So, after giving both my parents a hug, I walked out of the house and got into my car. As soon as I approached the stop sign at the end of the block, I started laughing—almost hysterically.
I’d done it!
I turned right, driving to Emma’s house and found myself continuing that way—but then, two blocks before I got there, I turned and started driving in the opposite direction toward Jason’s. It was as if I had done such a good job at lying that I’d fooled myself in the process.
Or maybe it was because I was anxious…and overly eager at the same time.
But we were keeping it from Jason’s parents too, so I parked my car in front of the neighbor’s house.
And then I waited.
Just a few minutes later, Jason pulled up next to me in his car. I jumped out of mine and locked it before getting in the passenger side of Jason’s. After giving him a quick kiss, I said, “ What if my mom and dad drive over here tonight and see my car?”
As Jason started driving down the block, he said, “You said they’re never in my neighborhood.”
“Yeah.”
“It’ll be okay.” With his left hand still on the wheel, he squeezed mine with his right. And he was right. We’d talked about this over and over, wanting to make sure we hadn’t missed any details. And my parents were likely having a romantic evening of their own without me there.
But we weren’t going to do anything until his parents were in bed—so, as planned, we went to see a movie.
I was paranoid and nervous, worried I might run into my mom and dad or even someone they knew, but everything was fine.
Still, I couldn’t really focus on the movie and I hardly ate any of the popcorn in the bucket we shared.
By then, though, my nerves were just about what was going to happen later that night.
Emma had told me it hurt but it wasn’t horrible.
My mother, on the other hand, when she’d actually bothered to talk to me about it, had told me it was the worst pain she’d ever felt up to that point—only to be outdone by the pain of childbirth.
If anyone had influenced me to stay a virgin, it hadn’t just been my focus on the future.
My mother had added plenty of fear on top of it.
But now that I had admitted to myself just how much Jason meant to me, I wanted my first time to be with him. The back of my mind also wanted him to be the one and only forever, but I wasn’t yet sure how to accomplish that.