23. Suzie
Suzie
T he sound of high heels clicking behind me at a fast clip should have warned me to increase my pace, to walk a little faster. I’d been in the hospital since six o’clock this morning and it was already past seven, which meant I was too tired to walk, never mind run. So, I kept my head facing forward, avoiding looking left or right just in case anyone thought to stop my progress toward the exit.
“Suzie.” Persy’s voice was breathless as she caught up with me and put a hand on my shoulder. “I’ve been searching for you for the past hour.”
I nodded. “I was in a meeting with the budget committee.” The scheduled sixty-minute meeting had ended up lasting close to three hours, draining the last bit of my physical and mental energy. “What’s up?”
“I have news.” Her words were vague, a little glum, and a lot worried.
I stopped and turned to face my friend. “What’s wrong, Persy? Are you sick? Having problems with Ryan? Is it Titus?”
She smiled and pulled me into a hug. “You’re the best, Suzie. But no, I’m fine. The boys are fine. Everything is fine.”
“Then what’s with the tragic expression?” I sighed heavily, staring deep into her violet eyes to make sure she was being honest with me.
“I just got a text from Ryan. Gavin is back.”
Gavin is back.
It was the last thing I wanted to hear. Granddaddy hadn’t said a word about expecting a visit from Gavin, but of course he wouldn’t. The older man was excited about the baby, but his loyalty was to his grandson, not me. I nodded slowly and begged the churning in my stomach to stop, at least until I got home.
“I figured he would make his way back to town eventually. He has family here now.”
Persy’s shoulders fell in relief. “Ryan let it slip about the baby. So,” she sighed, “Gavin knows you’re pregnant.”
“Thank you for letting me know.” There was nothing I could do about that. “He was bound to find out, Persy.”
She blinked. “You’re not mad?”
“No, I’m too tired to be mad. I’m going home to sleep, but thanks for racing around the hospital to let me know. Next time, a text might suffice.”
Persy let out a huff of laughter. “This way was more dramatic, and my hair looks amazing blowing in the wind.”
I rolled my eyes. “You always look amazing,” I assured her with a smile. “Good night.”
Gavin was back in town, because clearly my life wasn’t crazy enough or busy enough these days. I sighed and started my car, thinking of nothing but how I would react when we inevitably ran into each other around town. I hadn’t heard from him since the night before he left, so I wasn’t worried about him reaching out to me. I was old news.
But Gavin Ross didn’t become a world-famous rock star by doing what was expected of him, and I found him waiting on my doorstep when I pulled into my driveway. For a brief moment, our gazes collided and I froze. I’d almost forgotten how handsome he was. After I screwed my head on straight, I pushed right past him without a word. He didn’t get to dictate terms, not today. Not ever again.
“Suzie.”
My shoulders sagged at the anguish in his voice.
“Not now, Gavin. I’m too tired to deal with you.” My whole body felt heavy and exhausted. Between the changes to my physical appearance and the flood of hormones, it took all of my focus and concentration to do my job each day.
“Too damn bad,” he growled and jumped to his feet. “Heard through the grapevine that you were pregnant.”
I nodded at his angry words, but I didn’t turn to face him. “Yeah, and? What business is it of yours?”
Gavin scoffed and choked before a laugh exploded out of him. “What is that supposed to mean?”
His words, his tone, gave me a burst of energy and I shoved the key in my lock with more force than it required. I took a step inside my house and turned to face him.
“It means I haven’t heard from you in months, Gavin. It means you left without a word and you didn’t call, not once, in months. So, who in the hell do you think you are, showing up after months of absence to demand anything of me, as if I owe you something?” My chest heaved in anger and frustration, the same emotions mirrored in Gavin’s demeanor.
He took a step closer and got right in my face. “You owe me the truth.”
I laughed at that. I couldn’t help it. “As if you’d recognize the truth if it smacked you in the face.” I gripped the door handle in one hand to steady myself on swaying legs. “The truth is Gavin, yes, I’m pregnant. It was a brief affair, and you fled town. So, you see,” I patted his shoulder with a bland smile, “there’s nothing for you to worry about.”
He leaned back as if I’d actually punched his handsome face. “I don’t believe you.”
I shrugged and took a step back, ready to get off my feet. “Not my problem. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m exhausted, and I need to go rest.” It was my first mistake, not pushing the door shut all the way.
Gavin stopped the door’s forward momentum and stepped inside, without an invitation. “You weren’t going to tell me?”
The outrage on his face was palpable, and I might have believed him if he’d bothered to call even once since taking off for Hollywood.
“Tell you what?” I was too tired and my feet were too swollen to deal with the issue of his intrusion. I kicked off my shoes in the hall that led to the living room, tossing my attaché case on an end table before collapsing on the sofa.
“That you’re carrying my baby!” His voice echoed off the walls.
“You don’t know that, Gavin. You assume that, but if you really thought that, where have you been? Why didn’t you call to check on me? To see if our time together had produced a child?”
Because he didn’t care, plain and simple.
His gaze slid over my body, slow and lazy, before it landed on my rounded belly. “I do know. That’s my child you’re carrying, dammit.”
“If that soothes your ego, go ahead and believe it.” I sighed and looked at him with a blank stare. “Or maybe it’s all a scam to get my hands on some of your money.”
It was a low blow after some of our talks, but I didn’t care. He didn’t get to come in here and yell at me for his bad decisions.
“Bullshit, Suzie.”
My response was a shrug.
“Just tell me the truth. I’m here now, right in front of you, asking you if that baby growing in your belly is mine.”
“No,” I growled. “This baby is mine .”
“Suzie.” He let out a tired sigh and his shoulders slumped forward. “Please.”
I shook my head. “Don’t use that tone on me, as if you give a damn. As if you’re some heartbroken ex-lover. We both know the truth, even if one of us is too weak to admit it.”
“I’m sorry, Suzie.”
“You’re not, and it’s fine. I don’t expect you to be sorry or anything else. It was an affair, Gavin. Nothing more. And to me, it doesn’t matter if you are the biological father because I’m not asking you for anything. Not money, for you to change your lifestyle. Nothing.”
I let my eyes linger on him for a long moment, to drink him in one final time.
“Your life is on the road, touring and bringing people joy with your voice and your words, your music. You love that life, and I would never do anything to take that away from you. But a baby needs stability, and that’s exactly what I plan to give my baby.”
He looked around the living room as if he expected to see something out of the ordinary before raking a hand through his hair. “So, you get to just decide for both of us?”
“Yes, I do. It’s my body carrying this baby, and ultimately it will be me taking care of him or her. I get to decide this, the same way you decided to end our friendship by leaving and never calling.” My mouth opened again but instead of words, a jaw-cracking yawn escaped.
“I don’t really care how you found out, but I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to have to choose. We both know what you’d choose. I’m having this baby, Gavin, and I plan to raise it on my own, so there’s no need for your life to change.” Another yawn escaped.
“So, let’s not do this.” I motioned between us. “There’s no need for drama. I’m not the first woman to get pregnant from a one-night stand.”
It had taken me a long time to come to grips with the fact that that was what we were. That was all we were.
Gavin’s expression darkened and his jaw clenched. “It was never a one-night stand.” He shook his head. “Not ever, Suzie.”
“Sure, it was,” I insisted. “It just lasted a little longer than one night, but that’s what it was Gavin. I understand that now, and I don’t blame you.”
Another yawn came, and I laid my head on the arm of the sofa, closed my eyes, and finally let sleep claim me.