24. Gavin
Gavin
I don’t know how long I sat on Suzie’s sofa, watching her sleep. She looked peaceful, despite the dark purple crescents under her eyes. She slept soundly, as if she’d spent the day climbing mountains or building houses, curled up on her side the way I had slept after my last nine-month world tour ended. Peaceful. Asleep, she wasn’t angry or bitter, or hurt.
I went in search of a blanket to toss over her, to keep her warm while she slept. The pregnancy must be taking a lot out of her if she could fall asleep mid-argument and before nine in the evening. Climbing the stairs toward her bedroom, I sighed and thought of the last time I was here. Naked and drunk off the sound of her laughter, we’d made love all over the place. The stairs. The shower. The sofa. The kitchen. The shower again.
Now, the nightstand was piled high with books on pregnancy and single parenthood. A sleeve of salty crackers sat beside a pile of books, twisted into a knot at one end with a half-empty bottle of ginger ale beside it. On the other nightstand sat a list written in Suzie’s bold, slightly slanted handwriting.
Turn office into nursery
Turn exercise space into a guestroom
Estimate from Teddy
Check maternity leave in OR
Daycare expenses
The list went on and on, a page and a half of things she needed to get done before the baby arrived. Not one damn item on the list mentioned contacting me and letting me know I was going to be a father. Or child support. Or “tell Gavin the due date.” Nothing.
It was as if I didn’t exist.
I was angry, but I understood, and I hated myself for making Suzie feel this way. She didn’t deserve it, but dammit, I didn’t deserve this, either. Sure, I had messed up—badly—but did that mean I didn’t have the right to know I had a child in this world?
I wanted to be there for Suzie, in any way she needed me to be, but that couldn’t happen until I could get her to forgive me. It hadn’t occurred to me that she would take my leaving quite so personally, that my absence would have affected her so deeply. I would make it up to her, this week while I was in town, and all the coming weeks. No matter where I was in the world, I would take care of her and our baby.
I would do what was necessary to prove to Suzie I was the man she had seen when she’d first looked at me.
I carefully laid the quilted blanket on top of her and had to resist the urge to press a kiss to her forehead. I made my way to the kitchen to call the wisest man I knew.
“Granddaddy, it’s Gavin.”
“I know your voice, boy. I can read, too.” He let out a loud, billowing laugh. “How’s life in Hollywood treatin’ you?”
“I’m in Jackson’s Ridge.”
There was a long silence on Granddaddy’s end of the line, the loud music in the background fading with every passing second.
“You seen Suzie yet?”
I nodded and sighed. “You mean, because she’s carrying my baby and nobody bothered to tell me? Not even my own grandfather!”
“You watch your tone, boy.” Granddaddy had on his fed-up voice and I braced one hand on Suzie’s kitchen counter. “You’re the one who pulled up stakes and ran off without a word. She asked me to keep her confidence, which I was happy to do. You’ve been gone for months, Gavin. Months without a word, forcing her to do what she figured was best for her and that baby. I may not agree with what she did, but I don’t agree with what you did, either.”
I vibrated with anger and frustration. “So, what, I don’t get to know my kid?”
“Now, I don’t know about all that, but what I do know is that I’d like a spot in that baby’s life.”
I sucked in a breath at his words. “Meaning I don’t want a spot in my own damn kid’s life?”
Granddaddy sighed. “I don’t know what you want, Gavin, and neither does Suzie. You haven’t been around for anybody to ask you.”
His granddaddy had a point, but that was the past. “Yeah, well, I’m here now.”
“For how long?” he fired back, a challenge in his tone.
A week. Just one week, because that was what I promised Alex. “For as long as I need to be,” I returned, lying because my ego was dinged.
Silence settled on the other end of the call, followed by a loud boom of laughter. “Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, son. You’re here on some kind of break, or maybe to do one of those forgiveness tours you famous people always have to do after you screw up big.”
He wasn’t wrong.
“You just thought you could breeze into town with that glittering smile of yours and everyone would welcome you with open arms, Suzie most of all.”
“I didn’t,” I insisted.
“You did,” he insisted in return. “And that’s to be expected, you’ve been treated like you were special damn near your whole life at this point, but not this time. I’ll be home in an hour. We can talk then.”
I stared at the phone screen as it faded to black. Grandaddy had hung up on me. I wanted to scream at the blatant unfairness of it all, but one look at Suzie’s sleeping form and I knew I couldn’t. I knew exactly what I had to do.
Be there for her. Step up.
Whether she wanted me to or not.