Chapter 39 Now
Now
“You feel good,” Beau said. It was well past sunset. We’d been lying on the roof talking in between kisses, holding each other close. I was starting to get cold, but I didn’t want to leave this moment.
I pulled back a little so I could look at him. “How long have you loved me?”
“Since the second I met you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Now the real answer.”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I think it was gradual. Harper accused me of loving you.”
“She accused me of that too, you loving me, when I got your books. Oh, also, I have a message from her to you.” I cleared my throat. “Screw you.” I said it nice and sweet, like she had.
He cringed. “She told you to tell me that?”
“She did.”
“I feel bad.”
“I think she’ll be okay.”
“I’m easy to get over?” he asked.
“Something like that,” I said back.
“What did you say to her?” he asked. “When she accused me of loving you?”
“I said that I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t know either. Obviously, if I knew I loved you, I wouldn’t have asked her out, stayed with her. But when she told me that, I realized she was right.”
“So I have her to thank for this?”
“No,” he said, kissing me again. “You have you to thank.”
I let out a short laugh and propped myself up on my elbows, looking out over the yard. I could see over the neighbor’s fence in the distance; they had one of those wooden play structures. “You’re not easy to get over, by the way.”
“Neither are you.”
“Will you help me think of a way to get Ava and Caroline to talk to me?”
“Yes,” he said. “We should probably talk to them together anyway, tell them about this.”
“About what?” I teased.
“That we kiss now,” he said back.
“Can we kiss all the time?”
“Yes. Please.”
I snuggled my cheek into his chest. “I’m very happy.”
“Me too.”
“Everything isn’t solved with my dad. Is that going to change anything? If he gets more news coverage?”
“No, Indy. It changes nothing. Well, I mean, obviously that will be hard for you, so I hope I can be a good boyfriend through it.”
I gripped the side of his T-shirt and tugged him back and forth with it. “Are you asking to be my boyfriend?”
“I thought that was just assumed.”
“It’s not,” I said. “You have to ask.” Something Cody had never done. And I had assumed too much.
Beau pulled back, then jumped to his feet, spreading his arms wide.
“Be careful,” I said, holding my hand up as if I was going to catch him if he slipped.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you. But I needed to stand for this.”
“Okay, you have the stage.”
“Indy! Will you be my girlfriend?”
I rolled onto my back and stared up at him. I squinted one eye. “I’ll need to think about it.”
He let out a loud laugh, dropped to his knees beside me, and kissed me again. “Take as long as you need.”
I pulled him down the rest of the way by the front of his shirt. “Yes,” I said softly. “Always.”
“I don’t have a lot of money right now,” I said, picking up a lip gloss and checking the price.
“I’ll buy it for you.”
“How is an apology gift from me, bought by you, an actual apology from me?”
“We’re a couple now.” Beau snaked his arms around my waist from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.
“So you have to buy all my things?” I asked. “I don’t think so.”
He was quiet for a while, and I turned in his arms. “Did I say something wrong?” I asked.
“No, I just feel bad because I’m the one who made you quit your job. I’m the reason you don’t have any money.”
“No, it’s not your fault. I chose to quit. And I could’ve gotten another job at any time. I was too busy licking my wounds.”
“I get it. I would’ve been too. I was so surprised that day when I walked into Lana’s office and she told me you quit.”
“Why were you surprised? Weren’t you going in there to get me fired?”
He took a surprised breath, then pushed me out by my shoulders to look at me. “No. I wasn’t. I was going to ask if we could do alternating days.”
“That’s what I asked for at first.”
“I know, she told me. Then she told me you quit. I told her that I would quit, but she told me you were determined.”
“I was.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
“I will when I stop feeling bad.”
I smiled. “Well, maybe you can stop when I get another job. My parents are making me. Part of my punishment for getting expelled. I filled out a bunch of applications while I was grounded.”
“Why don’t you come back to the tutoring center? Lana would let you.”
“Not sure I have the GPA requirement to work there right now. Plus, I’m trying not to make my whole personality the fact that I’m smart.
I want to try something different.” Part of the reason I cheated off of Beau in the first place was because I had never failed a test before and the thought of it led me to desperation.
I needed to expand my view of myself. Realize I was more than just one thing.
But I still needed to figure out what those other things were.
“How are your parents?” he asked. “I know things with your dad are a little better, but you said your mom has been intense the past couple of months.”
“I think we’re good. She was stressed. She was taking it out on the household. She actually apologized yesterday for her part in everything.” She’d come into my room and let me know that how she was acting wasn’t acceptable, no matter how anxious and worried she was.
“That’s good.”
“Yeah.” I checked the price on the concealer that Ava loved and sighed, putting it back. I needed to scrap the makeup idea and go to the dollar store.
Beau retrieved both the lip gloss I had picked up earlier and the concealer. “You can pay me back.”
I wanted to tell him no, but another thing I needed to learn, in order to grow, was to accept help. “Okay.”
He wrapped me up from behind again. “Thank you.” He kissed my cheek. “You’re not getting Caroline’s stuff here, right?”
“No, the running store.”