3. Wow
Chapter 3
Wow
Esme
I have two weeks until graduation, and I’ve been dedicating some time every day to working out at the local gym. I do mostly cardio and light weight lifting because I don’t want to look bulky, but want to remain toned.
Today I chose to wear one of my matching workout sets. My playlist for the day has a ton of Post Malone, but particularly I have “ Wow. ” on repeat. It’s upbeat and also feels pretty representative of how I’m feeling, “Just wow.”
I came to the gym with Hannah, and need to break the news that I won’t be here over the summer for our annual lake parties. We drove to the gym together, but I sat quietly for the entire duration. I’m not ready for the conversation just yet so I move far away from her and hit the stair steppers. I’m doing my best to avoid her, and I think she’s catching on. She side-eyes me, but I try not to pay it any attention. Turning my earphones up until I can’t hear myself think, the machine starts up under me. I watch my feet going up one stair at a time, and zone out. Sweat drips from my forehead, but I don’t stop until I feel a tap on my hip. Turning, Hannah is standing there with her hands out to the side in a “what the fuck” motion.
I stop the machine and look up to see I’ve done thirty flights. I really was lost in my own head.
“What the fuck?” she asks as I take off my headphones and try to step off the stairs. I stumble backward, and like always, she’s there to catch me. I’m a fucking idiot. My legs feel like limp noodles.
“Oh shit,” I say, grabbing on to her to balance myself. I look at her face, and I can tell I’ve definitely worried her. I bend over and put my hands on my knees to try to catch my breath. I didn’t realize how much oxygen I was lacking until just now.
“Okay, spill,” she says.
“Huh?”
“There’s no reason why you would be working this hard if you weren’t trying to hide something. Now tell me. Did you finally lose your V-card?”
“Shhhh,” I whisper-yell at her. I look around to make sure no one is around and grab my towel off the handrail to wipe my face.
“Let’s get drinks tonight, and I’ll tell you all about it. I can’t have this conversation right now.”
“Okay, but I swear to God if you don’t tell me tonight, Esme, I’m kicking your ass.”
“Yeah, okay, sure.”
I take a seat on a bench and think about what I need to tell her and how exactly I plan to do it. I’ve never had to have a hard conversation with her like this. I just don’t know how to tell my best friend that every summer plan we had is now gone.
* * *
A couple of hours later, we’re sitting at a bar in downtown LA. My driver brought me so I can get deliriously drunk and not have to remember the way my best friend looks at me when I break the news. I’m on my fourth pineapple tequila, and I’ve been chasing every drink with a shot, so the room is spinning.
“What is your issue today?” Hannah asks. She has some fruity drink in front of her, and has been taking it much slower than me.
“My dad.” I hiccup. My tongue is feeling too big for my mouth, but I push on to tell her everything. “My dad is the issue. He’s making me go to Oklahoma to…” I stop and stare at her face. Her eyes are tracking me, and her eyebrows are furrowed.
“To what?”
I push my thumb in between her brows to work out the creases.
“Stop looking at me like that,” I say with my thumb still on her face, “You’re gonna have to have Botox girl.”
She shoos my hand away before shooting a glare at me.
“Why is he making you go to Oklahoma?”
“To work on some stupid farm. It’s my grandparents’, but I leave the day after graduation.” Tears are running down my face as I continue, “I won’t be back all summer.”
I look up to see Hannah slack-jawed and staring at me.
“I know,” I cry. “No parties, no shopping, no friends.”
“No, no…it’s okay. We’ll, um, we’ll come up with a plan. We can’t let you go, no we’re not going to let you go.”
“But Dad?—”
“Fuck what your dad says. We’re going to come up with a plan. I won’t let you leave.”
I collapse against her and let her embrace me. I hope we can come up with something quick. There’s not too much longer before I’m forced to go.
“Maybe we can make some slide show to convince him? Like what we used to do to convince my parents to let you stay over in fifth grade.”
I contemplate the thought, but I shake my head. With me leaving so soon, we don’t have much time for much else though.
“He says he’s going to cut me off if I don’t go,” I sniffle.
She pushes me back up and runs her fingers under my eyes.
“Come on, babe. If you’re going to leave, we need to embrace every moment. Server!” she calls. “We need another two shots and some water.”
He nods and runs off to fetch our order.
“You’re right.” I sniffle. “We need to have fun while I still can. It’ll probably take me a year to recover from Oklahoma, I wonder how many showers I’ll have to take to get the dirt off.”
She chuckles, and the server returns with our shots.
“Cheers to making the best of the next two weeks and being drunk enough that we won’t want to drink over summer. Oh! And to coming up with some bomb ass plan to make sure you stay with me forever.”
“Cheers,” I say, and we clink.
The DJ starts playing one of my favorite songs, and we run out to the dance floor. Bodies are grinding on one another, and I feel euphoric. The drinks keep coming, the bass keeps vibrating my soul…I throw my head back and embrace the way my body rumbles. I feel like I’m floating on a cloud. This is exactly what I needed. A night where I don’t have to think about anything.