5. S.O.S
Chapter 5
S.O.S
Esme
I ’m sitting in the lawyer’s office, twiddling my thumbs. I didn’t have an appointment, so I have to wait for the person in charge of Daddy’s will to become available. I keep looking at my camera roll, willing the picture to disappear. Who the fuck took this, and why didn’t I wake up?
Before I continue asking myself any more questions, a door to one of the offices opens.
“Esme?” he asks.
“Yes.” I stand and walk toward him. He holds the door open for me, and I look around. The walls are pretty bare, except for his Juris Doctor diploma hanging on the wall behind his desk. There are two plush red leather chairs that he gestures for me to sit in.
“How can I help you?” he asks as he sits in his chair.
“I need to know what’s in Daddy’s will and how to get anything he left me.”
“He left very specific instructions. It seems it was just updated a few weeks ago.”
“It was? Well, what does it say?”
“It says everything is to be left to you if something were to happen to him, but also that you were to receive it once there was a letter from your grandparents stating you went and worked on their farm for two months? Weird stipulations, but I guess I’ve seen weirder. Do you have the note? If so, I can go ahead and get started on the next steps.”
I lean forward and gawk at the man in front of me, gripping the edges of the seat to keep myself from flying out of it.
“It says that?”
“Uh, yes?” he replies.
I fall back into the chair. “Of course he did,” I murmur under my breath.
“Excuse me?”
“Oh, nothing. Okay, so what am I supposed to do in the meantime? I don’t have the note yet, I wasn’t supposed to go until after graduation.”
“I suggest you use whatever you have available for expenses and then head to wherever your grandparents live. They should be coming for the funeral, no?”
Oh yeah, the funeral. “What does it say about that?”
We go over arrangements, and he gets me in touch with the funeral home that has his body. Apparently he has a chunk set aside for costs so it wouldn’t fall on my shoulders when the time came that I needed to do this, I just didn’t think it would happen so soon. I wasn’t ready to lose him.
Once I leave the lawyer’s office, I get a hold of the funeral home and ask for someone else to just follow Daddy’s wishes, and whatever the cost is, is fine. Just do what he’s asked. I can’t handle taking care of it, it hurts too much.
* * *
I’ve slept at a hotel the last two nights, and today is the funeral. I haven’t left the room and have only opened the door for food delivery and to get more towels. I’m sure the grandparents I’ve never met are here somewhere. I asked the funeral home to make the proper arrangements with them so they know that first, their son is dead, and second, when to be in California for the funeral.
I have to leave today, so I’m packing up everything now and will bring it with me to the service. Before I go, I need to stop somewhere and buy a dress and heels for today. I wasn’t thinking ‘funeral’ when I shoved all my shit into a rolling case of sorrow when I had to leave my house. Although it’s been cleaned, I refuse to go anywhere near it right now. Looking around, I make sure I haven’t left anything behind and take a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm the nerves surging through me. Here goes nothing.
* * *
After I have my dress and heels, I show up to the church I was told was holding the funeral and sit in my designated spot. We had to keep the casket closed because of the damage to the body. Apparently whatever damage was done was pretty bad, so staring at a plain brown box it is. I stare forward as the pastor starts and then the next thing I know people are coming up to me to offer condolences. I must have zoned out for the entire thing, I’m not even sure what all was said. Standing, I just follow the crowd to where the burial is happening. I watch as he is dropped into the hole in the earth and look around at everyone crying. I catch a glimpse of an older couple weeping from the other side of the hole. That must be my grandparents. They’re the only ones who seem old enough to be Daddy’s parents unless they didn’t show up. That wouldn’t be right, though. Who wouldn’t want to be at their own son’s burial? I talk myself into believing it’s them because if it’s not, I’m going to make a fool out of myself when I approach them later.
Once the burial is finished, I seek them out. I walk over to them and wait for them to finish talking to an older guy, probably someone Daddy knew from work.
I haven’t had any real interactions with anyone since I left Hannah’s place, not even talking to her out of fear of her being hurt.
I clear my throat, and they turn around to face me.
“Oh, dear,” the lady cries. She throws herself at me and wraps her arms around me.
“Um,” I say. I don’t embrace her back, instead choosing to throw my hands up in surrender. I’ve never been one for physical touch. She seems to get the memo pretty fast and pulls off of me.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she starts. “You just look so much like him.” She sniffles and brings a tissue up to dab at her eyes.
“I’m Phillis, or you can call me grandma.”
“Hi, Phillis. I’m Esme, but I’m sure you know that.” I say the last part of that quietly in hopes they don’t hear me.
“Of course we know who you are!” Phillis exclaims.
I turn to the old guy and look at him. I see an older version of my dad and tears start to well in my eyes again.
“I’m Peter,” he says with an outstretched hand.
I shake it and snicker. “Wait, so you’re P and P? PP?” They look at me like I am a child of Satan.
“Damn, tough crowd.” I tend to make jokes as a coping mechanism. Totally not appropriate, but I guess whatever gets me through it. I rock back on my heels and fold my hands in front of me, uncomfortable with their lack of humor. “Okay, so when does our flight leave?”
“In three hours—we should head to the airport soon.”
Okay, let’s get this over with.