Chapter 25 #2
“ You better.” A tear slipped out and dampened the edge of the mask. My trapped breath was hot and humid, making my cheeks sweat. I couldn’t wipe away the moisture because then I’d have to go back out and wash my hands again. I sucked in snot and tried to focus outward.
Beth saved me from an embarrassing meltdown.
“ I’m glad you found someone. So , buying you twice? What was the other time about?”
I told her all about the cold ride to Maryland , meeting Betty Jo and Fin , slipped a bit of my dress free from the covering to show her the lace, and finished with, “ He ordered a custom athame for me. It’s fucking expensive.”
Her eyes got a little wide. “ Do you think he gets his money…illegally?” Her volume dropped significantly on the last word.
“ He’s a biker. What do you think?”
“ Oh , Jesus .”
I snuck a glance at the door, waiting for a nurse or other person to interrupt us. “ Carl buys from him.”
“ Holy shit, Rose !” This time, Beth’s warning was clear.
“ I know.”
She frowned. “ You can’t stay with him.”
I bit my lip and lowered my voice. “ I’ve been paying attention.
A couple of years ago or more, they somehow inherited half the town they are based in.
It’s legit. The club owns a lot of property, and I don’t think they deal for money because they don’t really need it.
” I lowered my voice to a whisper so soft, I had to lean in so Beth could hear me.
“ I think they’re getting out. Bear demanded that Carl buy out their agreement with them, and I don’t think it would make a difference in their income if Carl did. ”
Beth’s eyes widened. “ Then why do they keep doing it?”
“ Appearances .” I shrugged because that might not be accurate. “ Maybe pride. I don’t know.” I sat back in my chair.
Beth wouldn’t tell a soul this, but maybe I should ask for secrecy?
Nope . She carried enough of my crimes on her conscience, I didn’t need to burden her with one more.
Too soon, the visit was over. I promised Beth I’d come more often.
Her color was high, and her eyes less burdened with worry than when I’d arrived.
She’d seen me. She knew first-hand I was safe, and now could focus on getting better.
I reminded John I owed him and his parents a night off.
“ Maybe Friday . Bear won’t be there then.
” I slid a joking glance at Bear . He shook his head, dismissing my barb.
“ You’ll do it on a night I’m free, woman. ”
John squinted, not understanding.
I quickly translated. “ He gets grumpy if I’m left all alone without protection.”
There was a quick glance toward Bear before John faked a smile. “ That’s understandable. You’re a menace left to your own devices.”
“ Always .”
It felt so good to smile. Beth was going to get better. Soon . I sent the intent into the universe. Then set my will behind it, and vowed to take action when it was clear how to proceed.
Bear was much happier on the ride home. Maybe the promise of exploring this new balance between us, or just being free from the hospital made him smile more.
But that smile fell as soon as we opened the door. He raced upstairs, then to the basement, gun out and intent on killing something, but came up empty.
At first, I couldn’t see anything wrong. But then I did.
My altar wasn’t where it was supposed to be. All the objects were arranged on the dining room floor. The dark charcoal lines of a cross were thickly drawn. A page, ripped from a book lay in the center, under the toes of my goddess statue.
A passage was circled in red. I read it out loud. “ But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death. ”
Bear crossed his arms.
The word, ‘murderers’ was underlined. Twice .
“ Carl ,” I said through gritted teeth.
“ Has he always been fucking suicidal?”
I glanced up at Bear . “ What ?” The last thing Carl wanted was to die. Nope , he wanted to live forever just to rub everyone’s noses in shit.
“ Breaking into my house? That ain’t gonna fly.”
Nothing but my altar was out of place. “ He didn’t touch anything of yours.”
Bear pointed at his floor. “ No ?”
It would wash off. Hopefully .
“ I’ll clean it up.”
“ No .” The ringing of his phone stopped him from saying anything else, and his upheld finger told me it was someone from his club. I sat on the floor silently waiting for the one-sided conversation to cease. But whoever was on the phone had a lot to say. Loudly .
Unfortunately , Bear had walked to the farthest side of the house to deal with the conversation. His low voice spoke in short bursts as the tirade went on.
He paced back to my side of the room. “ Nothing else was touched.” Bear’s low grumble was audible. Then , “ I know. I checked the house. Nothing .”
He rolled his shoulders, as if adjusting a heavy weight. “ Listen , this is about my shit. I’ll take care of it.”
The call ended abruptly after that. Bear’s scowl spoke to how dire this situation was. I quickly moved everything I’d collected back to the table and grabbed the mop from the closet.
Within a minute or two all evidence of Carl’s intrusion was gone. Except for the crumpled bible page in Bear’s fist.
“ I’ll throw that out.”
He snatched his hand away. “ Nope . KC and I gotta take a ride.”
“ You’re not going to go to Carl’s .”
My warning should have been clear, but obviously wasn’t. Bear was on the phone, calling his ‘brother’ and setting the wheels in motion to retaliate.
As soon as he ended that call, I spoke up. “ An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”
Bear glared at me. “ Ain’t going to kill him.” Under his breath, he muttered, “ Yet .”
I’d heard that before. “ You are going to let this slide. It isn’t your fight. He targeted my things.”
“ In my house. And let me just read this part again, as for the murderers …” He put emphasis on the final word. “ That ain’t about you.”
“ Yes . It is.”
He froze. “ I’m sorry, what?” He pretended to shake an ear out.
“ You heard me. But I could argue that it would also extend to Carl , but he’d never admit to what he did so that’s what you call hypocrisy at its finest.”
“ Who’d you kill?”
He fired it off so quickly it took me by surprise. “ It doesn’t matter.”
“ Yes , it does. Who ? You can’t drop a bombshell like that and think I’d ignore it.”
Bear was right. Somehow , I’d let my guard down around him and his friends.
I’d foolishly thought I fit in. I didn’t.
I was ten times worse than any of them. I bit my lips to keep from blurting out my sins.
But now that the deed was admitted, they’d dig.
Eventually , they’d uncover my sealed juvenile records.
And perhaps the court notes from my counselor.
And when that happened, this lie I was living would come to an abrupt halt.
“ I was—” Instead of starting there I shifted the timeline.
“ An elder of the church, a deacon, caught Carl and I climbing on the girders of the new church. It was still under construction. The deacon tried to force me to climb down. As he reached to grab me, I jumped to a rope, and he fell.”
“ That’s an accident, not murder.”
Unless you’d lured the victim up there to make him fall. Not even my counselor got that part. Carl knew. He was the one who’d thought it up.
He also was the one who climbed down and made sure he was dead.
“ Guilt is guilt. It doesn’t listen to reason.” That was something one of the psychologists said during the trial.
Bear’s eyebrow lifted. “ Listen , only the innocent feel guilt. The rest of us can’t afford it.”
The rest of us. He’d called KC . That’s why he was angry with Carl . “ Murderers . Plural .”
“ You don’t know that.”
“ I was commenting on the underlined.”
Whatever connection we’d created was gone.