CHAPTER 31 A Vigil
Elizabeth sat in the back parlour alone, keeping vigil over her father. Jane had been there for a while but Elizabeth begged her to go to bed, telling her that she would become ill if she did not.
“You can come and relieve me in the morning, Jane,” she said with a sad smile. “Truly…you do not have to stay. In fact, I would like to be alone with Papa for a time, if I may.”
“Very well, Lizzy. But call if you should need anything.”
The house was quiet now and Elizabeth had already cried for hours.
She cried for Darcy because she missed him.
She cried for her father, because of all his weaknesses as a parent, and how it must have galled him to confess them in his dying hour.
She cried for her family because they were now in disgrace, for poor Mary and Kitty who were here alone when the tragic event took place, and would now have to suffer for a sister’s weakness for the rest of their lives.
“Lizzy?” called a soft voice behind her.
She turned around and saw her mother standing in the doorway, clad in her dressing gown and slippers.
Elizabeth stood up. “Mamma? I thought you had gone to sleep.”
“No, Lizzy, I could not sleep,” said Mrs. Bennet, coming forward and taking a seat beside her.
“Is there anything you need, Mamma?”
“No, nothing at all. I only wish to sit here…a while.”
Elizabeth nodded and they kept a silent vigil. Her mother sat beside her, at times weeping softly and at other times just staring towards the coffin.
Eventually she broke the silence by saying, “Your father and I talked at length before he died. But mostly he talked.” Elizabeth put her hand over her mother’s and encouraged her to continue.
“You may not be aware of this, Lizzy, but we were very much in love when we first married. He thought that I was gay and beautiful and was proud of me. And I was happy to make him so.” She sighed.
“Years went by and…one girl after another was born and…I suppose I just became frantic at the thought that - if he were to die - we would have nowhere to live. And I began to show these fears to him in the most aggravating of ways - by always referring to his eventual demise. Naturally, he stopped respecting me. While I, in turn, became more preoccupied with finding husbands for you girls. Perhaps if I had not been so…obssessed with such things, we might have maintained our mutual respect. As it was, we grew apart. But he apologised about it before he died, and I apologised as well and…we understood one another better. I only wish that it had not taken his apoplexy to make our understanding come about.”
“Oh, Mamma. I am so sorry.”
“No, my dear. Pray, do not pity me. For I am not completely inconsolable. True, your father was my husband - my companion in life - for the last four and twenty years. And of course I miss him. But at least we raised you girls and were in agreement that we loved you all. And you know what, Lizzy?”
“What, Mamma?”
“I have come to realise how important it is to behave honorably and with decorum. Because, in the end, all you have is your dignity…and how you lived your life. And I shall not waste another day of mine, even if our family is shunned. We shall be well, Lizzy. And I shall be there to support you and all your sisters, as a mother ought.” She paused and gave Elizabeth a small smile.
“And I am certain that Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley shall not allow us to be thrown into the hedgerows.”
Elizabeth smiled and squeezed her mother’s hand. “But you should not be so hard on yourself, Mamma. For you have taught us many things. Things such as loyalty to one’s family. And, when I do have children of my own someday, I hope that I may be as caring a mother as you have been towards us.”
“Thank you for that, Lizzy.”
They stayed together another hour and Elizabeth felt less dejected, now able to take solace in the presence of her mother. It felt strange, yet good. And she suddenly realised that she now had what she had been missing for so many years.
Presently, there was a knock on the door. Mrs. Hill opened it and soon came into the parlour. “An express, Miss Elizabeth. From London. It is from Mr. Darcy.”
“Oh! Thank you, Hill. Please see that the express rider gets some refreshments, and make sure that both man and horse are allowed ample time to rest.”
“Yes, miss.”
Now left alone in the parlour with her mother, Elizabeth opened the letter. She scanned the letter and looked up at her mother.
“He has found them, Mamma,” she hastened to inform her. “And, though they are not yet married, they shall be…once the banns have been read.”
Mrs. Bennet stared at her for some time. “So they shall be married…”
“So it seems.”
After some silence Mrs. Bennet said, “But was Wickham going to marry Lydia in the first place?”
She looked at her mother, again surprised by her immediate understanding of the circumstance. “No, Mamma. He had no intention of marrying her. He shall only do so because Mr. Darcy is going to pay off his debts and obtain a commission for him.”
Fanny Bennet nodded absently. “Poor Lydia…to be tied to such a man. I almost wish she were not but…I suppose it is inevitable.” She looked deliberately at Elizabeth. “Your future husband is a very good man. And I commend you for choosing him.”
“Yes…I am aware of his goodness,” said Elizabeth.
Her mother smiled pensively. Another few minutes went by and she said, “Perhaps you should retire now, Lizzy, and allow your old mamma to keep vigil over your father this night.”
“Are you certain, Mamma? I am sure it would not be difficult - ”
“No, Lizzy, leave me now. Perhaps you might pen a reply to your betrothed. Please thank him for me…for all his thoughtfulness and consideration.”
“Yes, I will, Mamma.”
Elizabeth went to her room and, not having had a chance to fully peruse the letter, read it again.
Darcy House, London
My love,
We have found Lydia and Wickham and they are not married.
However, after he was worked on by Richard and your uncle, Wickham agreed to marry her for a commission in the regulars and my promise to pay off his existing debts.
Thus, they shall be married from Gracechurch Street once the banns have been read.
I shall ride to Longbourn tomorrow and expect to be there sometime in the afternoon.
I would greatly appreciate it if you would ask Bingley and your uncle in Meryton to start a list of what merchants he owes and what amount, not including debts of honour.
It will then be relatively simple for me to send an agent to Meryton and begin the business of paying them off.
I only hope you are not angry with me for tying Miss Lydia to that man.
Unfortunately, I had not much choice as Miss Lydia would not leave him. Thus, it was Wickham, or no one.
It is late evening now as I sit in my study, contemplating my good fortune.
That I was able to secure your love, means more to me than anything.
Thank you for understanding, and for forgiving my faults.
Indeed, you had every right to despise me after such an insulting proposal.
I admit now that I had no doubts of my acceptance, and assumed that the material benefits I conferred would be more than enough to gain your acceptance, (arrogant fool that I was!) But if I had to be humbled by someone, I am glad that someone was you.
You may think to yourself that this business with Wickham and Lydia will somehow make me think less of you…or of your family. But I assure you it does not. Indeed, it seems like a small price to pay when I think of all the happy years I shall have with you.
I long to bring you home to Pemberley. To have you sit with me in the evenings and walk with you in the rose gardens. To be able to discuss my day to day concerns with you and have the benefit of your keen intellect at my disposal. To lie beside you at night and kiss you in the morning.
I miss you, and wish I could be with you now. But I tell myself that, tomorrow, I shall once more be in your company.
With all my love,
FD
Elizabeth clutched the letter to her chest and smiled. And then she read it again…and again. How thoughtful he was for sending it by express, knowing how worried she would be. She missed him terribly but was gladdened by the fact that he would arrive the following day.
She began to pen a letter to him that she would send back with the express rider.